Smevin's Regular, Every Day, Normal Ass Gamer Attempts at Trophy Hunting

[rjkclarke]

On 26/06/2022 at 0:33 AM, YaManSmevz said:

Platinum #58: Guacamelee!

 

Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama

 

 

Ha Screw you Smevz! This one was already on my backlog...... wait, wait that sounded bad ?

 

I loved reading this though.... Pretty pumped to get to it myself now too. Especially after you told me it was on PS4, which for some reason I didn't realise that it was. 

 

I'm really glad that you enjoyed the game.. I'm not going to lie, I did have a little worry in the back of my mind that the whole cultural appropriation thing might piss you off. So I'm glad that it didn't and that you had a great time regardless.

 

There is so much about this game that just screams "cool" you know? Like it almost just oozes out of even the cover image you've used. To see that the gameplay is one of the main event features is really awesome too!

 

On 26/06/2022 at 0:33 AM, YaManSmevz said:

But there are still some ehh moments... like I'm glad we have the option of a female protagonist, that shit is always good to see. But... she gotta be named Tostada?

 

I don't even know what a Tostada is, I didn't know it was a Taco Bell item... I'm an uncultured Englishman I guess? ?... To be honest, first thing I thought of when I read that was the bit in Bad Santa when he puts Baloney on some bread, puts some Salsa on it, and then is all "There you go kid, just like a Tostada" and Thurman Murman just looks completely nonplussed by it.

 

On 26/06/2022 at 0:33 AM, YaManSmevz said:

- I forgot to mention the dimension swapping - you go back and forth between the lands of the living and the dead, and they do a great job with this mechanic. One thing I really thought was dope was that the music dims a bit when you're in the dead world, sounding like you're underwater or something. Then you switch back to the live world and it's clear, crisp, and loud. That was a nice touch!

 

Oh man, that's cool! So a bit like in Soul Reaver then.... MUST RESIST URGE TO SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE LEGACY OF KAIN/ SOUL REAVER..... Can I interest you in my Electric Hammer? There we go I'm back to normal, no more Homer speaking about Thomas Edison for me today!

 

I love that little attention to detail where the pitch of the music alters when you change between dimensions, before I'd read all of that paragraph I was really hoping they'd go the extra mile to do something like that. That's awesome!

[AJ_Radio]

6 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

Oh man, that's cool! So a bit like in Soul Reaver then.... MUST RESIST URGE TO SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE LEGACY OF KAIN/ SOUL REAVER..... Can I interest you in my Electric Hammer? There we go I'm back to normal, no more Homer speaking about Thomas Edison for me today!

Please make this game a re-release with trophy support. That’s a golden opportunity.

[YaManSmevz]

6 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

 

 

Ha Screw you Smevz! This one was already on my backlog...... wait, wait that sounded bad

 

I loved reading this though.... Pretty pumped to get to it myself now too. Especially after you told me it was on PS4, which for some reason I didn't realise that it was. 

 

The joke's on me???

 

Yeahmann, I totally think you should. You'd steamroll over it in no time and have a blast while doing it, I daresay! Also thanks, I'm glad you liked the read?

 

6 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I'm really glad that you enjoyed the game.. I'm not going to lie, I did have a little worry in the back of my mind that the whole cultural appropriation thing might piss you off. So I'm glad that it didn't and that you had a great time regardless.

 

Damn, I hope I don't give the impression of bein a super angry dude or anything! I didn't think I talked about stuff like that particularly often? There are certainly enough negative people in the world going on about what pisses them off, I don't wanna contribute to that!

 

6 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I don't even know what a Tostada is, I didn't know it was a Taco Bell item... I'm an uncultured Englishman I guess? ... To be honest, first thing I thought of when I read that was the bit in Bad Santa when he puts Baloney on some bread, puts some Salsa on it, and then is all "There you go kid, just like a Tostada" and Thurman Murman just looks completely nonplussed by it.

 

Oh trust.. nobody would ever call you uncultured for unfamiliarity with a Taco Bell menu! I actually lost a few culture points simply by making that reference???

 

And while they are delicious, I absolutely would never trust one made by Billy Bob Thornton. Even if he was playing the president or something, I still wouldn't risk it!

 

6 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

Oh man, that's cool! So a bit like in Soul Reaver then.... MUST RESIST URGE TO SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE LEGACY OF KAIN/ SOUL REAVER..... Can I interest you in my Electric Hammer? There we go I'm back to normal, no more Homer speaking about Thomas Edison for me today!

 

Yknow what? I say let Kaimas Soulreaverson have his PS1 classic with trophy support!!

 

6 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I love that little attention to detail where the pitch of the music alters when you change between dimensions, before I'd read all of that paragraph I was really hoping they'd go the extra mile to do something like that. That's awesome!

 

I actually texted that to myself at one point while playing so I wouldn't forget to reference it. It's one of those things I know you would happily talk about if you were the one doing the writing!

[AJ_Radio]

I just realized you were working on MLB the Show 20. How is that game in regards to trophies? I only played for a few hours.

[YaManSmevz]

@AJ_Radio It's very grindy. I really enjoy the game, don't get me wrong, but it's more about grinding for XP and for cards than anything else.

 

I've only got two of them under my belt so far, but I'm yet to see a trophy list better than 18's. It had a lil bit of everything and wasn't too easy but still required a bit of luck and patience. I heard 21 and 22 are a bit too easy, have you played either of those?

Edited June 30, 2022 by YaManSmevz

[AJ_Radio]

9 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

I heard 21 and 22 are a bit too easy, have you played either of those?

 

No I haven't. You basically get a bunch of trophies for just doing home runs. Nothing interesting whatsoever.

[rjkclarke]

22 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Damn, I hope I don't give the impression of bein a super angry dude or anything! I didn't think I talked about stuff like that particularly often There are certainly enough negative people in the world going on about what pisses them off, I don't wanna contribute to that!

 

Nope, never that man! Then I could say the same about myself, and I got offended by Black Mirror doing it (to a culture and subsection of the UK I don't belong to no less). Mind you that game deeply offended me on so many levels, why not add another reason to the list.

 

I just had a little worry it might hamper your experience a little bit, but as you can most likely tell by now... I worry ALL THE TIME ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING

 

22 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

The joke's on me

 

Yeahmann, I totally think you should. You'd steamroll over it in no time and have a blast while doing it, I daresay! Also thanks, I'm glad you liked the read

 

I really liked the read! I'll have to get on Guacamelee, once I've y'know played a few other things that have been plaguing me for a while longer than they should have been. ?

 

22 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

And while they are delicious, I absolutely would never trust one made by Billy Bob Thornton. Even if he was playing the president or something, I still wouldn't risk it!

 

I'm incredibly fond of Billy Bob Thornton as an actor.... BUT... I don't think I'd eat anything at all that he'd made me. I mean the guy literally put himself in hospital for malnutrition from just eating potatoes, so I don't expect he probably throws the most exciting dinner parties variety wise.... even if there was a Tostada to try ?.

 

 

22 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

I actually texted that to myself at one point while playing so I wouldn't forget to reference it. It's one of those things I know you would happily talk about if you were the one doing the writing!

 

I definitely would have yeah! I absolutely love little things like that, such smart, yet small attentions to detail really can go a long way (for me at least) so I'm really glad you pointed something like that out. It really shows how much effort they put into nailing practically all of the elements of Guacamelee!

Edited July 1, 2022 by rjkclarke

[YaManSmevz]

 

14 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I just had a little worry it might hamper your experience a little bit, but as you can most likely tell by now... I worry ALL THE TIME ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING

 

Haha same, as evidenced by my previous question?

 

Bro when games make you mad I wanna fight them? you're always so patient and understanding when you reviewed even the most unpleasant of games, so when I read something like the Stranger Things reviews I'm like WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM??!

 

14 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I really liked the read! I'll have to get on Guacamelee, once I've y'know played a few other things that have been plaguing me for a while longer than they should have been.

 

I think I'm slowly accepting that the backlog simply won't let up, that that is simply not in its nature.

 

Each game that we play

Sees the line behind it grow

It will never end

 

14 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I definitely would have yeah! I absolutely love little things like that, such smart, yet small attentions to detail really can go a long way (for me at least) so I'm really glad you pointed something like that out. It really shows how much effort they put into nailing practically all of the elements of Guacamelee!

 

As much as I want you to play it for your own personal gain, the prospect of a Clarkian review is always an ulterior motive?

[DrunkenEngineer]

13 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

I think I'm slowly accepting that the backlog simply won't let up, that that is simply not in its nature.

 

Each game that we play

Sees the line behind it grow

It will never end

 

I try to think of it this way - once you were to run through your back log, what would be next?  Death?  No more playing videogames?

 

I used to get real bad FOMO about having an outrageously large backlog, but it really is what it is.  These little checklists help navigate through them and play!

[YaManSmevz]

Monthly Update with Ya Man Smevz

June 2022

 

 

Welp, it finally happened... ya man has done lost track of the day. For whatever reason I thought tomorrow was the first. I know! Maybe it's the work release and the subsequent melding of days... or maybe I'm just dumb. That's always been a good excuse at least!

 

So first order of business, something unprecedented has occurred - I've played four games in one month that were all recommended by one person! All I can say is@DrBloodmoney, you are the MVP of the month! ....not that I got any prizes or anything?

 

So from one of my worst months to one of my best... time to get down to it!

 

89.15% Overall Completion (+1.54)

422 Unearned Trophies (-26)

3.38 Trophies Per Day (+0.06)

59 Platinums (+5)

Level 344 (+7)

 

Now that's more fuckin like it!!

 

Game of the Month

 

Talk about a murderer's row, man.

 

Beginning of the month, Unmetal charmed the hell out of me. Then with Stick It to The Man and Flipping Death, it suddenly looked like Zoink had it in the bag.

 

But then I played Guacamelee! And then SOMA. So while it was a pretty tight race, Guac still stood head and shoulders above the rest, til something happened.

 

Transistor finally clicked.

 

I couldn't get the hang of that combat system, man. I knew it was genius. I knew it was an overall masterpiece. But I just couldn't make the same sense of it that everybody else seemed to. I'll save it for the review, but man. Do NOT sleep on this one.

 

By a nose hair, Transistor clinches it!

 

Rating the Month

 

One thing alone gives this month a huge boost - at long last, I am retired from GTA V online. Doomsday is DONE. Elitist? Masterminds? ALL DEAD. All I've got left is gold medals for the story missions, and I'll be in a position a mere few months ago I thought impossible - with an S next to that game's name, and another write-up to get to. Life is good.

 

Plus, with the exception of Resident Evil 4, I made massive progress on every Hitlist game, completed almost all of them! Hit 89%, finally putting those 88 jokes to rest. Didn't get under 400, but I don't care. I came back hard from a pretty listless place. And beyond those absurd trophies gained, what of the high quality of games played? I have no choice. I'm giving June my very first five out of five Cloudbanks!

 

July Goals

 

Let's do the same as last month, and keep it simple.

 

1. Hit 90%.

 

2. Get at least three platinums.

 

3. Pick a random short game from the backlog... and just beat the shit out of it.

 

Gaming Hitlist

 

1. GTA V

 

I'm so fucking happy that this guy's residency is this close to its end. Only two issues arise from this... the sure to be ungodly length of that write-up, and the sobering realization that only one GTA is left standing. IV?? Are we doin it???

 

2. TMNT: Shredder's Revenge

 

It just has to be on here. I impulsively bought this thing days after it came out after watching some game play videos. It was over almost immediately, I had to have it. I grew up worshiping the Turtles, and hell nah I ain't gotta explain myself for shit. TURTLE POWER!!

 

3. Salt and Sanctuary

 

Definitely a left field one for me! Sticking to games on the indie side for the Summer challenge and this has been chillin in the backlog for some time, and I've heard nothin but good things. Is this gonna convert me into a Soulsborne lunatic? Ehhh, probably not. But I'm expecting a good time nonetheless!

 

4. Resident Evil 4

 

I gotta record myself screaming in as high pitched a voice as possible "SMEEEEVVVZZ!!!!" to get me off my ass and back into Spain. I disrespected Leon and friends last month, man! I get a pass, cuz I got a lot done, but come on. Let's get this did.

 

5. Cuphead

 

That's right, I've got a hard fought S to regain! Just like the base game, this was a rare first day purchase and I started playing around in Isle 4 immediately. It looks PHENOMENAL. It's gonna be hard as shit, I can already tell, but I just can't wait to get elbow deep back into this one!

 

And the homegirl @Heather342 already got quite the headstart, so I got some work to do!

 

The Halfway Point!

 

Yes, we are already halfway through the year! I'm already looking at how tough it's gonna be to pick winners at the end of the year, six month in and I could already do a ceremony now! So much good shit out there, and there's still a lot more to go!

 

Thanks for reading, my friends! Until next month!

 

...or comment, or review or whatever?

[Platinum_Vice]

I'm soooo happy and proud of you for smashing out those GTA V nightmares. Good for you mate ?

[Heather342]

Man, the new Cuphead DLC is amazing! I'm still trying to dust off the old skills, and some of these new bosses are pretty hard. I absolutely love The Howling Aces, even though it's kicking my ass at the moment ?

[DrunkenEngineer]

14 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

One thing alone gives this month a huge boost - at long last, I am retired from GTA V online. Doomsday is DONE. Elitist? Masterminds? ALL DEAD. All I've got left is gold medals for the story missions, and I'll be in a position a mere few months ago I thought impossible - with an S next to that game's name, and another write-up to get to. Life is good.

 

Congratu-fucking-lations on the GTA V online completion!  What a ride, eh?  That's such a monster completion, I'm very happy you got it done!

[AJ_Radio]

On 6/30/2022 at 6:57 AM, rjkclarke said:

I'm incredibly fond of Billy Bob Thornton as an actor.... BUT... I don't think I'd eat anything at all that he'd made me. I mean the guy literally put himself in hospital for malnutrition from just eating potatoes, so I don't expect he probably throws the most exciting dinner parties variety wise.... even if there was a Tostada to try .

My first real exposure to Billy Bob Thornton was Bad Santa. You could rely on him to give you raunchy, crude humor. Doesn’t always work, but when done right I laugh out loud.

 

That was the norm of comedy movie making in the 2000s. Not sure what it’s like now. I stopped watching Hollywood movies several years ago so I’m way behind the times in regards to film making. 
 

On 7/1/2022 at 10:24 AM, DrunkenEngineer said:

 

I try to think of it this way - once you were to run through your back log, what would be next?  Death?  No more playing videogames?

 

I used to get real bad FOMO about having an outrageously large backlog, but it really is what it is.  These little checklists help navigate through them and play!

 

It’s a life long thing really. Gone are the days where you went to Blockbuster or some rental store because online videos largely didn’t exist, you just simply wanted to try a game. 
 

I have 50 games on my backlog, and I’ve already concluded that I’ll probably never get them all 100% done. I don’t have the time like I used to. 

 

17 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

 

 

Rating the Month

 

One thing alone gives this month a huge boost - at long last, I am retired from GTA V online. Doomsday is DONE. Elitist? Masterminds? ALL DEAD. All I've got left is gold medals for the story missions, and I'll be in a position a mere few months ago I thought impossible - with an S next to that game's name, and another write-up to get to. Life is good.

 
Very impressive. How was the stress and dedication?

[YaManSmevz]

On 7/1/2022 at 10:16 PM, Platinum_Vice said:

I'm soooo happy and proud of you for smashing out those GTA V nightmares. Good for you mate 

 

18 hours ago, DrunkenEngineer said:

 

Congratu-fucking-lations on the GTA V online completion!  What a ride, eh?  That's such a monster completion, I'm very happy you got it done!

 

Aayyyy thanks y'all??

 

Yo it is most definitely a ride! Frankly I still can't believe I took care of those. Remember when you got it and I was like 'crap, now I gotta start thinkin about that?' Well here we are! Retirement is pretty sweet, man?

 

On 7/1/2022 at 11:19 PM, Heather342 said:

Man, the new Cuphead DLC is amazing! I'm still trying to dust off the old skills, and some of these new bosses are pretty hard. I absolutely love The Howling Aces, even though it's kicking my ass at the moment

 

Haha I'm a bit rusty myself. Also thanks to playing so much Guacamelee I found myself thinking 'wait, Cuphead ain't got a double jump? I coulda sworn....' hate gettin my games mixed up like that?

 

You're already doin a great job tearing through that, I hope to catch up to you soon!

 

15 hours ago, AJ_Radio said:

My first real exposure to Billy Bob Thornton was Bad Santa. You could rely on him to give you raunchy, crude humor. Doesn’t always work, but when done right I laugh out loud.

 

That was the norm of comedy movie making in the 2000s. Not sure what it’s like now. I stopped watching Hollywood movies several years ago so I’m way behind the times in regards to film making. 

 

100%. I feel a lot of the time it's just your typical dick and fart jokes (that gag in Waiting unintentionally lampoons it perfectly, like "HEY, LOOK AT MY DICK!!") but when done smartly it can be hysterical. I'm pretty behind on that stuff as well, honestly.

 

15 hours ago, AJ_Radio said:

It’s a life long thing really. Gone are the days where you went to Blockbuster or some rental store because online videos largely didn’t exist, you just simply wanted to try a game. 

 

 

15 hours ago, AJ_Radio said:

 Very impressive. How was the stress and dedication?

 

Thank you, sir! I was very fortunate and found a few fellas who really wanted it, and we just kinda got gud, as it were. By the end we knew all the tricks, where every enemy spawned, etc. Absolutely stressful, so many frantic "I DIED CLOSE OUT" moments, but so very worth it in the end!

[AJ_Radio]

14 minutes ago, YaManSmevz said:

Thank you, sir! I was very fortunate and found a few fellas who really wanted it, and we just kinda got gud, as it were. By the end we knew all the tricks, where every enemy spawned, etc. Absolutely stressful, so many frantic "I DIED CLOSE OUT" moments, but so very worth it in the end!

I don’t want to think about the time investment this must be.

[Heather342]

53 minutes ago, YaManSmevz said:

 

Haha I'm a bit rusty myself. Also thanks to playing so much Guacamelee I found myself thinking 'wait, Cuphead ain't got a double jump? I coulda sworn....' hate gettin my games mixed up like that

 

You're already doin a great job tearing through that, I hope to catch up to you soon!

 

As a surprise twist, Ms. Chalice does have a double jump now! But I am still getting mixed up between the double jump vs normal parry between Cuphead and Ms. Chalice, the whole dash parry thing confuses me when I'm so used to having smoke bomb and I am rubbish at that invincible roll ? I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually 

[AJ_Radio]

Honestly I just find this card collecting in MLB the Show 20 to be incredibly tedious. Furthermore, I don’t understand what is going on. 
 

Been playing on my alt, so it’s not on my main. I cannot blame you for leaving this game on the back burner for now.

[The_Kopite]

On 7/2/2022 at 4:54 AM, YaManSmevz said:

It just has to be on here. I impulsively bought this thing days after it came out after watching some game play videos. It was over almost immediately, I had to have it. I grew up worshiping the Turtles, and hell nah I ain't gotta explain myself for shit. TURTLE POWER!!

Hell yeah, cowabunga! Looking forward to your thoughts on this one but heard it's a banger!

 

On 7/2/2022 at 4:54 AM, YaManSmevz said:

I gotta record myself screaming in as high pitched a voice as possible "SMEEEEVVVZZ!!!!" to get me off my ass and back into Spain. I disrespected Leon and friends last month, man! I get a pass, cuz I got a lot done, but come on. Let's get this did.

Hell yeah x 2! Come on man - "Let's get this did"! Could become your new catchphrase lol jokes RE4 is a great game, go for it!

 

On 7/2/2022 at 4:54 AM, YaManSmevz said:

Yes, we are already halfway through the year!

Argggh thanks for reminding me lol getting towards 66.6% completion for myself is taking a while haha

[YaManSmevz]

Hundo #15: SOMA

 

Overcome anxiety, I have no mouth and I must scream

 

It's about time I played something a lil scary!

 

I love horror, and with as mediocre as most pieces of media tackling this genre are, when something solid surfaces it truly is a treat. In SOMA you're Simon Jarrett, a car accident survivor with brain damage who's agreed to an experimental brain scan. And as I'm sure you can guess, the scan goes great, everybody's happy, and the game is over in about ten minutes. Yay!

 

The story starts out with this great Half Life-ish "everything is totally norma- AW SHIT NOPE THIS IS NOT NORMAL AT ALL WHAT IS HAPPENING" vibe that I really liked. The fear and dread sink in immediately, and as tired as the whole "however did you get here, hmmm?" trope is, I thought SOMA did it pretty well. As soon as things go sideways, we're greeted with this terrifying Dead Space-invoking atmosphere and left with no choice other than to figure out what's going on and what to do next. It's quite convincing too - I straight up felt brave every time I moved forward!

 

"Smevz, all you did was play a ga-"

 

No, please. No accolades are necessary, this is simply the type of thing that courageous people like me do on a regular basis.

 

"No, I mean that doesn't make yo-"

 

No, really! Thank you for the compliment but it's high time we moved on.

 

I know this isn't a game about transhumanism, but I thought it was cool to see that touched on in the game as well. The basic idea of having your consciousness uploaded to a computer is treated as something at reality's doorstep, and given the quick realization that you are officially a time traveler in this game, it makes sense and feels plausible. But while acknowledging what an incredible concept this is, it also confronts us with the fallacies of this idea, and I thought that was a dope thing to throw a dash of into this game.

 

Lastly, learning that you're on the floor of the Atlantic Ocean a hundred years into the future is a bit of a mindfuck, and makes traversing between stations all the more chilling. Outer space has long been the thing that freaks me out the most, what with its sheer enormity and endlessness, but to be at the bottom of the ocean?? I ain't thought about that one... thanks a lot, Frictional Games!

 

As far as gameplay is concerned, we're going by pretty basic walking simulator rules. You walk, crouch, run, jump, lean, and interact with your environment. You have a lot of interacting to do so I don't wanna just dismissively be like WALKSIM!! but that is largely what you'll be doing here.

 

Now... I take no pride in having not played this with Safe Mode, but I highly recommend playing the same way at least for a while, as the fear aspect is really strong in this game. While I certainly don't want to discourage (or worse, actively tell peeps how they should be playing their games), it gives a huge bump to the experience, and I feel this game really earns it. A lot of the monsters are genuinely frightening, and the first time you die is a truly unsettling experience. If the monsters catch you, that is. What happens when you get caught, you ask?

 

 

The ending, while hardly unpredictable, is still pretty affecting and I liked it a lot. A combat system would've been nice, but it add so much more to the fear factor so I can't be mad at it. Really, any fault this game has can be swept under the rug, as what SOMA does well makes up for it with ease. Not to mention that this thing is short as hell! If you're looking for something short and easy that can give you a good scare (I haven't been this unsettled since playing Manhunt), SOMA comes highly recommended.

 

Stray Observations

 

- The physics in the very beginning where you have to rummage through your apartment reminded me that I am absolutely not ready for Surgeon Simulator.

 

- "Take care of your gear, and don't be an asshole." Now that's a tutorial.

 

- I don't care what good may come of it, you don't walk up to some facehugger lookin thing and try to stick your finger in it, that's not cool! Though I would have loved to be a fly on the wall while somebody pitched this as the game's healing mechanism. "So when you need to restore HP, what I thi-" "Whatever Frank, I already got it. You see an alien AND YOU JUST FINGER FUCK IT, MAN!! HP RESTORED! That's it, I'll be home waiting for my check."

 

- The first round of robot monsters are interesting cuz as frightening as they are, they sound like a computer trying to clear its throat. It's kinda like Mike Tyson - sure we'll all have a laugh at the lisp, but you wouldn't dare say anything about it to his face!

 

- I liked that moment where necessary transport could only be accomplished by uh, less than ideal means. Kinda plays with your conscience a bit!

 

- Cool, a stun gun! Wow, this will be a huge help with keeping all these horrific monsters at bay. ...Oh, so we're just leaving it here? After the encounters we've had? Sure, that makes sense. Makes a lot of sense.

 

- I get that life as he knew it is long gone, and he's not even sure if he can survive in this one... but damn Simon, emo much??

 

- The monsters really are well done. Reminded me of Jurassic Park a few times, cuz a few of them you'll learn abide by T-Rex rules, which is how you get past them. And remember how scary it was when you realized that the velociraptors could open doors? Frictional Games remembers.

 

THAT Trophy: Stranded

 

Even without Safe Mode, this is still a pretty easy game. It's not without its annoying parts, though - in particular, there's a segment early in the game where you've got to frantically make it back through this sunken ship to its escape pod. No big deal on its own, but you've got a monster that will insta-kill you giving chase, and if you don't remember the exact path you took, then there's gonna be a lot of trial and error. Not the worst thing a game could do to you of course, but as far as this one goes I found it the only real spot of difficulty.

Edited August 4, 2022 by YaManSmevz

[YaManSmevz]

Platinum #60: Grand Theft Auto V

 

I'm going going, back back, to Cali Cali

 

I don't even know where to start... it's gonna be a long one though, so grab some snacks and make yourself comfortable.

 

We left off on the smash success that was San Andreas, and while I've very much enjoyed going in chronological order with my GTA write-ups, we're gonna have to jump ahead this time.

 

Three years after GTA IV, the rumors for the new game started surfacing. Most of these turned out to be false (play as a cop? HAH! Okay, True Crime), but a jarring one that felt plausible was there bein not one, but three protagonists. I remember finding this concept somewhat intimidating, but the idea of controlling multiple characters was undeniably tantalizing. And this was before artwork of clearly mid-heist men in pest control uniforms was released! Breaking into a place with one person, then switching to someone in a different building providing sniper support, and then finally switching to a getaway driver scoopin up the others, all in one mission?? TELL ME THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU.

 

Now... this is where I fucked up.

 

In 2013, I was in between Xbox 360 toting roommates, and my interest in gaming was at an all time low. So for the first time since Vice City, a new GTA game dropped, with all the excitement you would expect, and I was nowhere to be found. For shame.

 

The first thing that impressed me was Los Santos itself - it's staggering in both size and intricacy. I've put at least a hundred hours into this game, and I still find new billboards, buildings, paths, etcetera. Even more than that though, Rockstar nailed its portrayal of Los Angeles and its outskirt areas, it absolutely blew me away. There's just so much that I recognize in Los Santos from its real life inspiration that makes it all the more of a joy to idly drive through and look around. And this high powered engine pulses life into the city, with NPCs all over the place going about their day and doing their own thing. It's no Hitman 3, but for 2013 this was pretty impressive. Like its older Los Santos based sibling, the game came out at the end of its gaming generation and pushed its console to the absolute limit.

 

The story for me was initially underwhelming, possibly because my last experience was with Niko's emotionally draining story from IV, but it's definitely grown on me. It's easy to dismiss Franklin as a standard protagonist, Michael as the vet who's bored and old, and Trevor as being there for the players who just wanna be their best sociopathic selves. That's not terribly far off mind you, but it's grossly oversimplified. While the dialogue is often a little too on the nose, it's interesting to watch their complicated relationship evolve, the revelations of how we got to where we are, and at the end when Franklin has to make a decision that mirrors the one that a younger Michael had to make before the prologue. It's basic, predictable, and riddled with plot holes, but it holds up a lot better than I'd initially given it credit for.

 

There is an issue with the tone, though.

 

Rockstar's bid for a more serious and realistic GTA (mostly) did wonders for IV. It does for V as well to an extent, but they also try to bring back a lot of the wackiness from the PS2 trilogy, and it simply doesn't mesh. Characters are so over the top, so many missions are wildly fantastical and goofy, and unfortunately it results in a distracting unevenness. The realistic side ends up feeling disingenuous and hard to take seriously, whereas the cartoonish side loses its bite and ends up looking the unamusing kind of silly. It's a shame too, because I've always enjoyed Rockstar's cynical satire of American society, but with the complexity these characters are getting and the stunning realism the game receives overall, the juvenile and edgelord humor both tries harder and lands less than any other GTA game I've played.

 

Then there's the infamous By the Book. All I can say is that I used to be ironically problematic too, but that ain't it, my guy.

 

Mechanically speaking, this game addresses pretty much every complaint that IV got*, and as far as GTA controls go, this is as good as they've ever been. San Andreas' customization is back tenfold, with clothing, haircuts, and tattoos for days. The weapon wheel doesn't take much getting used to and is extremely convenient, not to mention that it permits you to keep every variation of each weapon type, a very welcome first in the series.

 

*Personally I prefer the driving from IV, but I know I'm in the minority there so I'll just leave that one be!

 

The only complaint I have in this department is that stealth is more of a thing, yet the controls are woefully inadequate for this style of playing. Have the developers played the modern Hitman games?? Seriously, if we could incorporate some of that gameplay, we'd have GTA controls perfected at long last!

 

And finally, the music!

 

For the first time, there's a full on score for the game with a lot of big names at the helm, and not just Oh No's spectacular Welcome to Los Santos track that greets us. There are tracks for moments in missions that range from low key 70s funk to new wave to metal, and nothing ever feels out of place. It's surprisingly well done, especially considering this is a game more known for the licensed music on its radio stations.

 

While there's a distinct charm missing that Vice City and San Andreas had (in V's defense, they had the benefit of nostalgia), it's of such a crushing size, with more than 241 licensed songs. The usual suspects are here: pop, classic rock, reggae, hip-hop, and electronica, with punk, funk, country, world, and indie rock thrown in for good measure. The selection is gigantic enough to really give that feeling of listening to the radio, you're gonna hear a lot of stuff before a repeat song pops up.

 

And then we got even more music with the online updates! Frank Ocean's Blonded station, man... if you want some soul, that's where it's at.

 

Aw fuck, the online portion!

 

Part Two: GTA Online

 

 

Much like the internet itself, GTA Online astounds me with its ability to give people an astonishing technological achievement just so they can be absolutely awful to one another.

 

On one hand, and perhaps it is because online gaming is relatively new to me, it's utterly breathtaking to imagine all these people around the globe playing together in this painstakingly intricate world, with countless things to do in cooperation, competition, or completely apart. On the other hand, it's quite unlikely that anybody has ever found themselves thinking "boy, it sure has been a while since I've heard an abundance of screeching children or angry N-bombs, those sound pretty great right about now," and sadly this is a solid example of the unpleasantness that awaits you in these sessions.

 

Last I had seen of this feature was its introduction on GTA IV, and I just knew it as people running around and blowing each other up. And that's still very much a thing, but the variety of activities available is crazy. Setting up heists, doing story missions, competitive races and death matches, golf, tennis, darts, and plenty more.

 

Speaking of which, there actually is a story, but it makes even less sense than that of the base game. You show up in Los Santos before the events of the game and start getting jobs from known characters like Lamar and Simeon. Then Lester comes into contact with you and soon after that heists become available. Lester even references you in the main game as an "unpredictable" associate, which is kinda cool.

 

All in all I enjoyed my time with GTA Online quite a bit, a lot more than I thought I would!

 

Stray Observations

 

- Something I forgot to mention is that not only is there an absurd amount of things you can do, but it's done with consistently high quality. Golf is a huge favorite of mine, and the fact that mechanics like hacking never repeat their mini games. That's a serious feat!

 

- Lamar is absolutely hysterical, and I'm so glad that a.) Franklin eventually realizes what a good friend he's been to him, and b.) He's the first person to greet you when you start playing GTA Online.

 

- The voice acting is killer across the board, but Steven Ogg steals the show as Trevor. And that's no hot take, that is a fact of life.

 

- Possibly my favorite new mechanic added is the ability to will your car back to its wheels if it's overturned. It's silly, but so convenient that literally nobody is mad at this.

 

- The added importance to heists was such a great step in the right direction. It's like Rockstar saw how much we all loved Three Leaf Clover and was like hmmmm...

 

- The character switching will randomly drop you off into the selected guy's day. Sometimes Franklin will be drunk, sometimes Michael will be strolling past some hookers, sometimes Trevor will be breaking a bottle while in a dress, ...wait, what?

 

- It still baffles me how many players are trying to raise their K/D ratios, like this is Call of Duty or something. Like good job bro, you can use auto-aim, congratufuckinlations.

 

- Griefers do suck, but i liked how that element adds another layer of danger. You feel like youre drivin around in the hood or something, like your car can get shot up at any moment. I don't know why I find that charming but I do?

 

- Loved David Cross as a DJ talking about visiting San Fierro: "Don't get me start on that annoying little shit I got it from in San Fierro. Loser, a total zero." Jesus, I'm a nerd?

 

THAT Trophy: Masterminds

 

There's definitely a lot of competition here, but this one just has too many requirements for any other trophy to be able to topple it.

 

First, you have to find other players that are not only as crazy as you are, but also are at similar skill levels, with workable schedules, and that you can get along with reasonably well. I was extremely fortunate and found a great group of guys who I all now consider gaming homies, so that was huge.

 

Next, you all tackle the Doomsday Heist - a three act behemoth that divides up 29 different missions of varying length and difficulty - all in order on hard mode with the same group and without dying once. Plus several missions are notoriously glitchy, so even if nobody dies there's still a chance that you'll have to start over.

 

Oh, and you have to pair up in groups of two, three, and four - that's right, you have do this three times, in one of which you and a single partner will be doing a job fit for four people. It's a lil rough!

 

We had a great camaraderie throughout though, which is why I say that anybody going for this should be able to get along with their partners. All the joke crackin, goofy outfits, dialogue mocking (PROTECTED CLASS), and so on really made the grind that much more tolerable. Huge shout out to those fellas, as miserable as it could be we always managed to keep it fun!

 

So three resets (not with the homies, I feel the need to point that out), a few random crashes, and a disconnect from the GTA server at LITERALLY the worst possible time later, everybody in the crew has got their own beautiful Masterminds trophy. I never thought I'd get to see this game wrapped up, but here we are. It feels pretty great man, I ain't gonna lie! Having finished off this monster though, it is through gritted teeth I acknowledge that with only one GTA left incomplete, it may only be a matter of time before I torture myself trying to get that hundo for IV?

 

So should you play GTA V? Unless you're a completionist, absolutely! Going for that hundo has been rewarding as hell, but.. that's something you'd have to decide for yourself if you're down for. Anyway, sorry for blabbing on for this long, I'm pretty sure I set a new record with this one. As usual, mad props for anybody who had the patience to read all that!

Edited July 13, 2022 by YaManSmevz

[YaManSmevz]

On 7/1/2022 at 8:54 PM, YaManSmevz said:

Salt and Sanctuary

 

Definitely a left field one for me! Sticking to games on the indie side for the Summer challenge and this has been chillin in the backlog for some time, and I've heard nothin but good things. Is this gonna convert me into a Soulsborne lunatic? Ehhh, probably not. But I'm expecting a good time nonetheless!

 

Cuphead

 

That's right, I've got a hard fought S to regain! Just like the base game, this was a rare first day purchase and I started playing around in Isle 4 immediately. It looks PHENOMENAL. It's gonna be hard as shit, I can already tell, but I just can't wait to get elbow deep back into this one!

 

Narrator: He died.

[DrunkenEngineer]

Smevz conquers all!  Great write up of GTA5 my dude, and MASSIVE respect for getting through that Doomsday Dogshit legit.  Whenever they make GTA6 I'll be wary about what kind of abominations Rockstar includes in the inevitable Online portion.

[AJ_Radio]

Very impressive man. Anybody who has GTA V 100% on either the PS4 or PS4 gets respect from me. 
 

It’s deserving of a big round of applause.

[YaManSmevz]

On 7/14/2022 at 0:25 PM, DrunkenEngineer said:

Smevz conquers all!  Great write up of GTA5 my dude, and MASSIVE respect for getting through that Doomsday Dogshit legit.  Whenever they make GTA6 I'll be wary about what kind of abominations Rockstar includes in the inevitable Online portion.

 

Thanks homie! Again, if you hadn't muscled your way through this one, I may never have found the determination to go for completion myself. You deserve a whole other thanks just for that!

 

4 hours ago, AJ_Radio said:

Very impressive man. Anybody who has GTA V 100% on either the PS4 or PS4 gets respect from me. 
 

It’s deserving of a big round of applause.

 

Hey thanks a lot man, I really appreciate that! You more than know your way around difficult trophy lists, so that means a lot?