Smevin's Regular, Every Day, Normal Ass Gamer Attempts at Trophy Hunting

YaManSmevz · August 23, 2022

1 hour ago, Platinum_Vice said:

I loved this review, Smevz. Is this where the term 'zerg rush' comes from?

Thanks so much mah dude!

Yes it is. Zerglings are the first assault unit available for Zerg players, and they're how Robin Williams described his manhood in Death to Smoochy: small, but fierce! You can whip up a group of twelve or so at the beginning of a game pretty quickly, so if that's what your opponent is doing and you're busy just making buildings, you'll be fucked in a hurry?

1 hour ago, Platinum_Vice said:

StarCraft escaped me back in the day but I lost many many hours to Age of Empires I & II (the discs were FREE in some cereal boxes for some reason!) and Age of Mythology (my god, I adore that game).

Age of Empires was another good one! I wasn't able to get too much into that game, but it seemed solid af and peeps swear by it. Age if Mythology?? Probably more PC goodness that I don't really have access to, but...

1 hour ago, Platinum_Vice said:

Halo Wars was huge let-down, right?!.

Duuuude I was so excited to try that one out, and it just... I'unno, it just felt so blah. I've thought about giving it another shot a few times, but... I mean I'm just so busy, y'know?

1 hour ago, Platinum_Vice said:

Age of Wonders: Planetfall is burning a hole in my backlog and I can't wait to get into Iron Harvest on the PS5. It is a video game extension of a great 4X board game called Scythe which is pretty slick. A few late sessions with the boys have been lost to Scythe...

I thought I was playing Age of Spirits once, but it turns out I was just getting drunk. If I look up Iron Harvest, am I gonna end up trying to score a PS5 in a back alley as a result? Bee hoonest...

29 minutes ago, DrunkenEngineer said:

XCOM generated all sorts of memes. Like having a 90%+ shot completion chance with a shotgun, your soldier one square away from the Sectoid and it MISSES! THAT'S XCOM!

Yo that's real? or when snipers would miss and you'd be like BRO THIS IS YOUR JOB!!

Man, I miss that shit... thanks for bringing that up dude, it might be time to bust that out.

29 minutes ago, DrunkenEngineer said:

I 'member(berries) a bunch of those quips. Man, I think it was 6 months ago or something my little brother - who plays a shitload of World of Warcraft and Blizzard games, in general - came over and he was helping out with moving some wood in the back yard. Without missing a beat he's got this stack of wood, looks me in the eye and says "zug zug". Never can I recall such an abrupt wave of nostalgia hitting out of nowhere. Hadn't heard that phrase in 20 years, and knew EXACTLY what it was (the orcs from Warcraft).

Dude that's great! I love moments like that.

Wasn't there an orc who would belch really obnoxiously or something??

Platinum_Vice · August 24, 2022

On 23/08/2022 at 10:34 AM, YaManSmevz said:

Age of Empires was another good one! I wasn't able to get too much into that game, but it seemed solid af and peeps swear by it. Age if Mythology?? Probably more PC goodness that I don't really have access to

You missed out! AoM was a lot of fun. Days melted away with that one. You chose between the Greeks, Egyptians and Norse, but then also between three major gods per faction for more diversity. You had four major upgrade ages and every time that you upgraded you would choose an additional god to worship. You'd get specific upgrades for doing so and be granted one-off god powers. Worshipping the gods grants you the ability to train mythical beasts in addition to human soldiers, archers and cavalry. Think of Greek minotaurs, cyclops, manticores, Egyptian scarabs, mummies and sphinx, Norse fire and frost giants and sea kraken.

Let's say you wanted to play as a Greek. You choose between Zeus, Poseidon and Hades as your primary. You choose Poseidon - god of the sea and horses. Cavalry upgrades are cheaper and you get a free water scout unit when you build a dock. You get a corresponding god power that attracts wild animals to your base.

When you upgrade to the next age, you choose between an additional god to worship (Ares or Hermes). Ares benefits military units' attack and has a pestilence god power (you pick a spot on the map and units in it get debuffed). Hermes is the herald of the Greek gods, so his power is to enact a two minute ceasefire. He grants the ability to create centaur units.

This game slaps. Very addicting. It owes a lot to the developer talent (and consumer interest) that came out of StarCraft.

On 23/08/2022 at 10:34 AM, YaManSmevz said:

Duuuude I was so excited to try that one out, and it just... I'unno, it just felt so blah. I've thought about giving it another shot a few times, but... I mean I'm just so busy, y'know?

I booted up Halo Wars for about two hours about... a year ago. It's still shithouse. ?

On 23/08/2022 at 10:34 AM, YaManSmevz said:

If I look up Iron Harvest, am I gonna end up trying to score a PS5 in a back alley as a result? Bee hoonest...

No it doesn't actually look that way. It looks pretty niche for a start and some issues are apparently easier to overlook if you're already a fan of the board game.

Maybe Northgard might be worth a look instead?

Edited August 24, 2022 by Platinum_Vice

DrunkenEngineer · August 25, 2022

On 8/22/2022 at 6:34 PM, YaManSmevz said:

Wasn't there an orc who would belch really obnoxiously or something?

?

YaManSmevz · August 28, 2022

On 8/24/2022 at 2:36 PM, Platinum_Vice said:

You missed out! AoM was a lot of fun. Days melted away with that one. You chose between the Greeks, Egyptians and Norse, but then also between three major gods per faction for more diversity. You had four major upgrade ages and every time that you upgraded you would choose an additional god to worship. You'd get specific upgrades for doing so and be granted one-off god powers. Worshipping the gods grants you the ability to train mythical beasts in addition to human soldiers, archers and cavalry. Think of Greek minotaurs, cyclops, manticores, Egyptian scarabs, mummies and sphinx, Norse fire and frost giants and sea kraken.

Let's say you wanted to play as a Greek. You choose between Zeus, Poseidon and Hades as your primary. You choose Poseidon - god of the sea and horses. Cavalry upgrades are cheaper and you get a free water scout unit when you build a dock. You get a corresponding god power that attracts wild animals to your base.

When you upgrade to the next age, you choose between an additional god to worship (Ares or Hermes). Ares benefits military units' attack and has a pestilence god power (you pick a spot on the map and units in it get debuffed). Hermes is the herald of the Greek gods, so his power is to enact a two minute ceasefire. He grants the ability to create centaur units.

This game slaps. Very addicting. It owes a lot to the developer talent (and consumer interest) that came out of StarCraft.

Yo all that sounds dope as hell! I've always been a Mythology nerd so the idea of something like this with that much imagination to it is extremely appealing. Ah, the loves we never get to meet?

On 8/24/2022 at 2:36 PM, Platinum_Vice said:

I booted up Halo Wars for about two hours about... a year ago. It's still shithouse.

Damn! That makes me feel better though, cuz I remember being like "why don't I like this, it's pretty much exactly what I wanted!" Now I guess the sequel's title makes sense though, Halo Wars 2: Beloved Genre, Revered Franchise, and We STILL Couldn't Make This Worth Your Time.

On 8/24/2022 at 2:36 PM, Platinum_Vice said:

Maybe Northgard might be worth a look instead?

Good call! I watched a review real quick, color me intrigued? I'ma dive in a bit more, methinks!

On 8/24/2022 at 8:52 PM, DrunkenEngineer said:

That's the one! Dude I totally forgot about that 'scuse meee' too, I'm fuckin dead?

YaManSmevz · September 1, 2022

Monthly Update with Ya Man Smevz

August 2022

Another month bites the dust!

August saw a pecular milestone passed - I finally have enough games on my profile that if you're scrolling down on a mobile browser it will stop to load a bit as you get to the end. Finally startin to get a lil long in the tooth, I guess.

Hey speaking of which, let's talk about its stats at a completely unnecessary length!

89.37% Overall Completion (+0.62)

451 Unearned Trophies (+10)

3.44 Trophies Per Day (+0.02)

68 Platinums (+4)

Level 358 (+6)

Game of the Month

Not quite as difficult as the last few months, but still a lot of good stuff. Old Man's Journey and Telling Lies kicked things off nicely, and we ended strong with Lair of the Clockwork God and finally revisiting the Splinter Cell series, but the dominant game of the month was easily Guacamelee 2. Quite appreciative for all the nudges I got towards that game - more about it on another day, but I had a really great time with this one.

Plus as I recall, Guacamelee narrowly lost out to Transistor when its chance came along, so it only seems fitting???

Rating the Month

August definitely had a soft open (the dreaded EZPZs!), not much accomplished goal-wise or on the gaming hitlist, and the lull in the middle of the month was looooong, but I liked where we ended up. Four platinums, and more importantly, the PS3 backlog assault has at long last begun?

I'ma be a lil harsh and give August three out of five Pollo Shots. We can do better!

September Goals

This month is going to be a bit different. It may be silly, but I noticed that both the 3500th trophy and 75th platinum marks are comin up and neck and neck. With seven plats and 145 trophies to go, I've decided I wanna try to get to 75 first.

This means low trophy count games and *shudder* games near completion that I've been avoiding, all of which need an outstanding platinum. I've done the math and this is quite doable, so I'm just hoping to get that lined up this month.

As for Platinum #75? Yes, I'm a basic bitch and I am thinking about what game I'd specifically like for that spot, and no I am not proud. Candidates thus far include Bloodborne, Yakuza 0, Bastion, XCOM: Enemy Within, and Splinter Cell: Blacklist. Plats #69-75 are going to be strictly in house though, I'm not trying to buy anything new.

Also, I noticed that last September I only completed two games, so this is a great chance to catch up with last year.

Gaming Hitlist

1. Subnautica

All I know about this one is that it was free, it takes place in the water, and it only has 18 trophies, including a platinum. It will do nicely.

2. Hong Kong Massacre

Bought this one on a whim - apparently it's John Woo meets Hotline Miami, and while my research has shown that it may not end up being a complete hidden gem, it still looks cool. Plus it has 20 trophies including a platinum, so there's that.

3. Katamari Damacy Reroll

22 trophies with a platinum, and the dual purpose of a chill game and nostalgia for its PS2 counterpart. I'm actually surprised at how long it's taken me to crack this one open!

4. MLB The Show 20

I backed off of this one because the leveling up grind is a bit much, but it's so close to being finished at this point - three trophies left - that there'd be no better time for me to wrap this up than now. Plus it'd be nice to get to The Show 21.

5. ???????

Arkham Asylum and Dynasty Warriors 8 Empires each have seven trophies left, Fire Pro Wrestling has three, EA UFC 3 has two. I just have to pick something to be miserable over and brace for a long torrent of failure.

Fingers crossed for a strong September??

Edited September 1, 2022 by YaManSmevz

DrBloodmoney · September 1, 2022

2 minutes ago, YaManSmevz said:

Monthly Update with Ya Man Smevz

August 2022

Another month bites the dust!

Woot Woot!

2 minutes ago, YaManSmevz said:

Game of the Month

Not quite as difficult as the last few months, but still a lot of good stuff. Old Man's Journey and Telling Lies kicked things off nicely, and we ended strong with Lair of the Clockwork God and finally revisiting the Splinter Cell series, but the dominant game of the month was easily Guacamelee 2. Quite appreciative for all the nudges I got towards that game - more about it on another day, but I had a really great time with this one.

Man, I have Lair of the Clockwork God still stitting patiently on my system - looking forward to your thoughts on that one!

2 minutes ago, YaManSmevz said:

2. Hong Kong Massacre

Bought this one on a whim - apparently it's John Woo meets Hotline Miami, and while my research has shown that it may not end up being a complete hidden gem, it still looks cool. Plus it has 20 trophies including a platinum, so there's that.

That sounds kinda cool....

...I need to check this out - Hotline Miami with John Woo... I expect plenty of double-gun-slow-mo-leaping and copious amounts of white doves flying through carnage! ?

Heather342 · September 1, 2022

4 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

September Goals

This month is going to be a bit different. It may be silly, but I noticed that both the 3500th trophy and 75th platinum marks are comin up and neck and neck. With seven plats and 145 trophies to go, I've decided I wanna try to get to 75 first.

This means low trophy count games and *shudder* games near completion that I've been avoiding, all of which need an outstanding platinum. I've done the math and this is quite doable, so I'm just hoping to get that lined up this month.

As for Platinum #75? Yes, I'm a basic bitch and I am thinking about what game I'd specifically like for that spot, and no I am not proud. Candidates thus far include Bloodborne, Yakuza 0, Bastion, XCOM: Enemy Within, and Splinter Cell: Blacklist. Plats #69-75 are going to be strictly in house though, I'm not trying to buy anything new.

As someone who loves to plan out the PSNP milestones, there is nothing to be ashamed about! ? I really enjoy all the planning and execution that goes into aligning those trophy pops. I also had my 75th plat and 4000th trophy happen around the same time.

I've not figured out what I'll have for my next milestone (4500 trophies), but I've already planned out my next 20 games for the big Plat 100 milestone ?

YaManSmevz · September 1, 2022

7 hours ago, DrBloodmoney said:

Man, I have Lair of the Clockwork God still stitting patiently on my system - looking forward to your thoughts on that one!

I think they did a good job balancing a point and click puzzle solving style with platforming, though neither of those are my strong suit AT ALL??? it's pretty good so far though! Hopefully I'll finish that up today.

7 hours ago, DrBloodmoney said:

That sounds kinda cool....

...I need to check this out - Hotline Miami with John Woo... I expect plenty of double-gun-slow-mo-leaping and copious amounts of white doves flying through carnage!

That settles it, Hong Kong Massacre is up next! I'm super curious myself as to how well the devs' influences meld. Going in with high (albeit tempered) expectations. I reeaally wanna like this one???

2 hours ago, Heather342 said:

As someone who loves to plan out the PSNP milestones, there is nothing to be ashamed about! I really enjoy all the planning and execution that goes into aligning those trophy pops. I also had my 75th plat and 4000th trophy happen around the same time.

I must admit, it is fun! It's also one of those things where we have to acknowledge that we're the one who sees our profile the most, so if you can make it look to your liking, why wouldn't you wanna do that, y'know?

2 hours ago, Heather342 said:

I've not figured out what I'll have for my next milestone (4500 trophies), but I've already planned out my next 20 games for the big Plat 100 milestone

I admire that forethought! That's dope, dude. It's like making a fun lil countdown for yourself?

YaManSmevz · September 5, 2022

Platinum #67: Guacamelee! 2

Y volver volver, voooolveeeer/A tus brazos otra vez

Previamente en Crítica de Guacamelee

Guacamelee was great! I'm excited for the sequel, I've heard it's a lil rough but I'm sure I'll get to it.

Día Presente

I got to it!

After about a month of procrastination, I took heed to the trusted recommendations I'd gotten about Guacamelee 2 and finally got to work. And I gotta say, they were right - it was a supremely satisfying experience!

Going in, I assumed it was universally agreed upon that this was the harder of the two games, but I've seen more than a few gamers commenting on how they thought this was easier than the first one. And while I imagine it's largely relatives of Dick B. Exaggerated saying these things, in a way I kinda get it.

We get a few seriously solid upgrades like being able to heal ourselves and making our combos harder to break, and for those of us who are coming off of a fresh victory over Guacamelee 1 (@realm722, you're seriously a beast for finishing the second game first) a lot of the necessary concentration on button selection for the platforming feels very familiar. Jump, punch, switch dimensions, change into a chicken, float, switch dimensions, change back, hook, jump, punch, wall climb, chicken, pollo shot, roll... it's all pretty standard at this point.

The devs certainly did not rest on their laurels, which I very much appreciated. New upgrades, new abilities, new enemies, and new functions are abound, but of course with all this comes a bump in the platforming and combat. For instance, the cavalcade of cool new things you can do in pollo form is outstanding (damn it feels good to be a chicken), but they really make you put them to use with these roided out challenge rooms (damn it felt good to be a chicken). You're forced to keep all of your abilities in mind at all times, as they will each be mightily tested. It was as if DrinkBox was like "What'd you say? You thought the first game was too easy, cabrón?"

Oh wait, they're Canadian.

"You thought the first game was too easy? Well, you leave us little choice other than to politely accommodate and make the sequel more challenging!"

A challenge indeed. I think they succeeded admirably, as the game's difficulty is such that it never feels impossible, though there are several moments where at first glance a room legit looks like a joke and you're thinking "are you fucking with me??" It's very well balanced and can make even the most pedestrian things feel gratifying, like figuring out how to get to a tucked away chest.

Another thing I found a lot of people saying is that the controls are smoother than before, and... I can't say I entirely agree. Firstly, it's important for me to establish that objectively speaking these controls are excellent, so I'm not trying to bash them at all, but there are a few teensy issues.

The main culprit is how easy it is to stunlock yourself. Say you're punching and an enemy teleports behind you - it can take you a full second to stop attacking and turn around, as you can't do both simultaneously. If you're grappling an enemy but it's near a hook, you may accidentally send yourself flying instead. The invincibility while grappling is appreciated, but it comes at the cost of vulnerability during your special moves. All very minor things though, and literally the only dings I can give this game!

Minimal as it may be, I enjoyed the plot as well. They really ran with the whole alternate dimensions conceit while keeping things light and silly (the whole story does revolve around the main villain getting his hands on guacamole after all), and the send ups of other games that appear at random are all great. Just like its older hermano, the writing is charming and makes interacting with the Mexiverse such a joy. The soundtrack is largely recycled from the first game, but... do you care? I don't! The music sounds just as good as it did the last time around, and there's enough new pieces to keep things feeling familiar yet fresh.

So yeah, DrinkBox turns in another solid effort under the Guacamelee banner! Definitely a bit more challenging, but I loved almost every second. If you play one of these, just expect to play them both, as I'm willing to bet you'll be left wanting more. I'm already down for a Guac 3?

Stray Observations

- We start with dad bod Juan still rockin the championship belt (and lookin like it fits a bit tighter these days). I really liked this angle, as it makes having to regain all our old abilities much more believable.

- I think the first new thing I noticed in my return to the Mexiverse was the wavy lettering. I see you, speech bubbles!

- The room full of memes and peeps talking shit on them was great. I never had an issue with that, didn't even know hating on the memes was a thing in fact, so it was funny to picture the flustered annoyance of players this gag was targeting.

- At the risk of sounding soft, I found myself missing the checkpoints on boss battles, namely with Uay Pek (more like Uay Too Long, amirite) and Salvador. Don't know why, those snakes were just annoying to me!

- I did resort to looking for tips online but was immediately reminded how dumb that is. This is one of those games where everybody's either "This game is BULLSHIT, it's SO UNFAIR" or "Git gud bro, 3/10 difficulty?." Aren't we gamers just a grand bunch?

- Loved completing the Chicken Crucible and being treated to a recreation of the victory lap from Super Mario World's Special Circuit. The "YOU ARE A SUPER PLAYER" was complete right down to the two exclamation points and made me wanna go back in time to my nine year old self stuck on the Tubular level and tell him "one day when you torment yourself over a video game like this, you'll get trophies for it!"

"Wow, real trophies?"

"Well, no.... I mean kind of....... eh shut up, kid."

THAT Trophy: Moves Like Jaguar

Talk to the Hend was a very, very close second, but this one wins out simply because of the headspace I was in. When I got to the chicken crucible, I was dialed in, focused as shit, and determined to see it through. When I got to the Jaguar fight, I had just barely made it through the obnoxious gauntlet, which was the first point in the game where I was truly stuck for a while.

I couldn't get more than halfway through to save my life, and I felt a frustration I hadn't gotten with the first game. I decided to step away for a while, because once that "How the fuck am I gonna do this??" mentality takes hold, you need a reset cuz you aren't gonna get anything done with that attitude. Once I finished it, I was starting to regain confidence... til I ran into bitch ass Javier.

At first the fight is simple. Then it gets difficult with the introduction of a second Javier. Then, when you're getting a good sense of what you're doing, make way for a third one! Plus they all have different colored shields which require different special attacks to break, so you've got to plan your attacks carefully. But how the fuck can you make time to plan when you're constantly trying to dodge incessant attacks from these three pricks??

Easily the hardest boss fight in the game, but on a positive note it was a turning point for me. After this I tackled the chicken key challenges relentlessly... and once those are done, you've got this game in the bag?

YaManSmevz · September 7, 2022

Platinum #68: MultiVersus

Smash it up, smash it up

This one kinda came out of nowhere, a suggestion from a homie in the GTA V crew when we were looking for another game to play together. Pitching a free-to-play Smash Brothers knock off is not a hard sell at all.. until the dude who suggested it bounced and I took a look at the trophy list, realizing I am now responsible for getting 500 party matches done?

More on that later, though!

MultiVersus is basically Warner Smash Brothers, a crossover arena fighter brawler thing (I have no idea what this genre is called) using the characters owned by Warner Brothers. That's some serious resources, and creates a game that at long last has the potential to truly go toe to toe with Nintendo's own impressive roster. You might be saying "What about Nickelodeon," but by all accounts I've heard it's safe to respond as Marge assuring Lisa before her ill-fated wedding would: "Nickelodeon doesn't count!"

The controls are textbook pick up and play. Basic and super attacks in four directions, double jumps, dodges, all that good shit. The cast is impressive too, and even more than that the characters all interact with one another, be it cooperatively or competitively. Hearing Wonder Woman talk shit to Shaggy or Superman say "Alright Bruce, no kryptonite" is charming, and adds an extra layer to the fun that they really didn't have to, but it's nice they did. I also like how the attacks for each character are clearly thought out and relevant - Shaggy throws sandwiches, Batman throws Batarangs, Tazz does his whirlwind attack... Velma does have this weird bobble head ability though, can't say I saw the episode of Scooby-Doo where she gave the whole gang bobble heads.

Sadly, it does come with its fair share of flaws. To be fair, I mostly played this in Beta mode, and many things may have been corrected by now (also I saw they added Morty), but there was a lot that brought the overall product down.

Firstly the voice acting, which I am appreciative of, is kinda hit or miss. Tazz, Bugs, Batman, and Tom and Jerry are pretty spot on, but then you get Shaggy and Velma who barely sound anything like themselves. In the case of the former, there are some lines where the character's voice got away from the actor entirely!

The UI definitely needs some work as well. I found myself inexplicably switching from controlled navigation between available icons to a computer mouse style cursor that moves freely around, I never did figure out what caused that. Confirmation is with Circle, but on occasion can be Cross as well, which is just so needless. I also found it baffling how descriptions of special moves appear right over what you're doing, so you have to make doubly sure that you're selecting what's being advertised to you!

The sound is pretty generic, and is not mixed particularly well. The Rick and Morty stage with the Cromulons for instance is so much LOUDER than every other stage - like how shows on Hulu seem quiet, so you raise the volume, only for a commercial to blast out your TV's speakers!

Unfortunately the stages are largely underwhelming as well. The Batcave, the Haunted House, and the aforementioned Cromulons levels are great, but the rest are just bland open spaces. With all the creative franchises the developers have at their fingertips, I found this pretty odd... until I remembered that it's FTP, which helps make sense of it! It seems the plan is to keep adding on to the game, new characters and stages and such, and charging for quick access to them. I've seen packages for as high as a hundred offering who knows what, but they gotta make their money somehow, there's not a lot you can do about that. No sense in a critique there?

MultiVersus is surprisingly fun, I actually had a really great time with this! There's a lot that could be cleaned up here, but ultimately (especially given the ever-evolving Life of Pablo type life MultiVersus seems to be leading) there is a ton of potential. I would definitely recommend this as something to just play with friends and the occasional random, but I can't in good conscience hype it up as far as a trophy hunting experience is concerned.

Stray Observations

- Reindog. WHY DOES THIS EXIST. You coulda had the Animaniacs or Pinky and the Brain or some shit, but no - make way for this random creation that Ted from Accounting drew while he was tripping balls.

- Superman's body and general outline looks on point, but his face looks like the college dude that girls know to avoid at frat parties or something. Just weird!

- The 2v2 matches are really where it's at. One of the clinches is that some characters have the ability to save their partner if they're goin down, that alone makes things a bit more interesting!

- The game's announcer has got Duffman vibes for days, and I'm about it. ALRIIIIGHT!!

- I knew most of these characters, but Steven Universe was one I was completely unfamiliar with. Side effect of getting old and losing familiarity with popular cartoons? Or a natural aversion to people who wear sandals with jeans? In the interest of self preservation, I'ma blame them big ass sandals.

- Forgot to mention this, but MultiVersus supports cross-platform play! That always earns points.

- I actually really liked how the trophy list calls for you to show a mastery of all the different ways you can eliminate opponents! 100-200 is certainly a lot, but I respect it. Eventually I started having fun going for those spike kills!

THAT Trophy: Party Animal

I'ma keep it a buck here, this one is on me.

The idea is clearly to play this game regularly over a long period of time, but I just didn't see myself playing it in the long term like that, and well... y'know. Stupid trophy hunter mentality gets me in trouble again. By the time I had everything else done, I had a small idea of where I was as far as party games were concerned, and it was nowhere near hitting 500.

The fastest way to this trophy is to boost it by forming a group and just jumping off a cliff to lose your match. Five hundred times. Add in all the loading and how the selection screen has seemingly endless questions for you, and you're in it for a minute - I counted, and if you're moving swiftly you can expect to get in between 40-45 matches done per hour.

That's not a lot.

Plus, even if you're openly trying to boost, you're still gonna get peeps who wanna play legit and try to win their matches, which takes infinitely longer! Of course, they're doing what they're supposed to be doing - I'm the bad guy here, I really want that to be clear - but meanwhile I'm like "Bro, whatchu mean you care about your record, you greedy ass!"

Again, I know I am the problem?

I will still check in with this game in the future, I'm genuinely curious to see how it does and where they go with it.. but I'll be burnt the fuck out for some time.

Edited September 7, 2022 by YaManSmevz

YaManSmevz · September 9, 2022

Hey, you remember all that Chicago business a while back? Well there was something I forgot to mention - the famous highway Route 66 starts there, right across the street from the wonderful Art Institute of Chicago:

Care to guess where it ends?

I've gotten my very first request from @PlutoRico, and it's to write a travel post about my own back yard, pretty much! And if running around playing tourist and taking pictures of this city that I love is what it takes to help him through those homesick feelings... I mean we gotta help the homie out, right?

So apologies, there will be many words and pictures. Speaking of which, I feel the need to apologize for this one in particular. I had to take it up real closely because it's in a department store, and it doesn't look nearly as cool as it would on the side of a building?

Traveling Witcha Man Smevz #2: Los Angeles

I spent four and a half separate days revisiting areas and trying to optimize a theoretical week-long stay for someone who wouldn't know their way around, and I think I did an okay job. I've narrowed the focus to three main areas - Hollywood, Downtown, and Santa Monica - each with nearby neighborhoods that are at best walkable and at worst a short Uber ride.

It is still more than one would likely do, though! Fair warning, there's a lot here, and if the travel stuff ain't your thing and you're like "enough of this, get back to posting the mid ass video game write-ups," no hard feelings at all, I completely understand! Seriously, this one's gonna be super long so no judgements for skimming or scrolling past entirely, I promise?

Transportation

Damn... well, we're off to a bad start.

I'm not a huge fan of LAX, and this has only grown since I've learned how good other major cities are at connecting their metro areas with their airports. Sadly you're kinda stuck hopping on a bus, getting a taxi, or using a ride share app. LAX's actual website has tips for getting to and from the airport, and the second usable option they suggest is literally to be picked up or dropped off by family/friends. Basically they're like "ehh you got this, right?"

Unless you're heading out to Disneyland or something, I would suggest against renting a car. Los Angeles' traffic is as bad as advertised, and parking can be quite unpleasant - those poles holding up to four different signs with different days and hours still make me feel like I'm doing calculus in my head for a second.

I actually thought about taking a picture and I suddenly wish I had. Instead, here's one I stole from the internet:

Where to Stay

I humbly suggest the Fairfax District, which is right by West Hollywood. It's fun, cute, affordable, and roughly equidistant between Downtown and the beach.

Hollywood

In my effort to play the tourist (I'd say I went undercover but literally nobody would've known the difference) I got reacquainted with the circus part of Hollywood Boulevard revolving around the TCL Chinese and Dolby theatres. It is fun to walk around, try to see which stars on the Walk of Fame you know, and catch a glimpse of the Hollywood sign from the back of that big ass shopping mall they got there.

However, I still say it's best to avoid the tacky gift shops, the aggressive street performers, and those silly tours you'll find there. Universal Studios (and functioning film studios like Paramount and Warner Brothers) will give you an infinitely more interesting tour, all of which I can highly recommend. Plus, Universal's got Springfield USA, which as a lifelong Simpsons diehard I am obligated to push.

Do, however, hit up the hot dog vendors for an LA Street Dog (well, we just call them street dogs). Bacon wrapped dog with onions, peppers, ketchup, mustard, and mayo. These vendors come out late at night when concert venues start letting out all over the place, but it seems they post up all day on this part of Hollywood Boulevard. As you can see, I got to enjoy one with Mr. Jackie Chan.

Elsewhere, you gotta see the Capitol Records building, it looks even cooler in person. The Hollywood Forever Cemetery and neighboring Paramount Pictures Studio could make for a great afternoon (the cemetery also boasts a concert hall and outdoor theater in the evenings). Amoeba Music is a gigantic record shop that will swallow music and movie lovers whole, and lastly, a shout to the Museum of Death, not a stop for the faint of heart but one I adored. They're in the process of changing locations at the moment (as was Amoeba for some time) so I'm hoping to see it back soon.

The nightlife is unsurprisingly solid as well, with low key cocktail bar Lost Property, beloved dive bar The Frolic Room, quasi-clubby Boardner's, the Mama Shelter rooftop bar, and Good Times at Davey Wayne's (a not so well hidden speakeasy with an interior that can only be described at the set for a party scene from Boogie Nights) being the first places that come to mind.

Nearby Areas

Firstly, the massive Griffith Park - there are so many awesome hikes here, from the Old L.A. Zoo (literally an abandoned zoo that's become a novelty hike) to the surprisingly challenging Burbank and Cahuenga Peaks (which offer premier views of the Hollywood sign). Not to mention the Greek Theatre (fantastic outdoor venue) and of course, the Griffith Observatory.

Sidenote: If you want a picture of the sign like the one I took earlier, go to a place called The Last House on Mulholland. It's still got a massive incline but is all paved streets and shade, plus you'll get to see the inspiration for those skinny ass Vinewood Hills streets in San Andreas?

Next up are West Hollywood and the Sunset Strip. Legendary venues like The Comedy Store and the Whisky A Go Go are abound, and there are a ton of cool bars to visit as well. The collective of West Hollywood gay bars are a total blast (namely The Abbey and Mother Lode), but the real champ here in my opinion is The Rainbow Bar and Grill, a huge hangout from the 80s metal world and regular watering hole for the late great Lemmy Kilmister. He's even got his own statue there, I say have a Jack and Coke with him?

Just west of that is Beverly Hills. I don't have much for that other than the Greystone Mansion, which I think is absolutely worth a visit. It was built in 1927 and has been featured in a slew of films. If you can get a tour here, I say go for it, but just walking the grounds alone is dope.

Fairfax and Melrose are really cute lil neighborhoods. Lots of cool murals, unique shops, theaters, and restaurants. As far as things to do, there's the Hollywood Improv, two awesome theaters that show an excellent variety of movies (Brain Dead Studios and New Beverly Cinema), and Greenway Court Theatre, which hosts spoken word event Da Poetry Lounge every Tuesday night. And then there's The Dime - a dive bar where it's always a nonstop 90s hip hop party. Love.

Mid-Wilshire gets a shout for the incredible row of museums, with the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (or LACMA), and LA Brea Tar Pits, all line up right next to each other. Also if you're a car person, the Peterson Automotive Museum is right across the street. I've never been, but the exterior looks great!

Foodz

Let's just get this out of the way.

Yes, I love In N Out. No, I am not going to bully you into eating there. I feel the reason so many have been underwhelmed by this SoCal institution is because their local friend/family member obnoxiously hyped it up, so we're not doing that. But I can't help mentioning it, I do hope you understand.

There is so much great stuff here. Met Her at a Bar in Mid-Wilshire is a solid brunch spot, and I fear I'll get my Angeleno card revoked if I don't mention how good Pink's Hot Dogs is. For sweets, crepes and rolled ice cream are a thing, I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter where you get them though. As for late night grub, there's Canter's Deli in Fairfax, the spectacular Stout Burger (open til 4am), and Toi on Sunset. I don't know what it is about Toi but the vibe is fuckin lit?

Obligatory Mexican Spot: Tie between Drunken Burrito on Hollywood Boulevard and Petty Cash in Fairfax.

Downtown

DTLA is a great place, but here is where I feel the need to drop the safety warning. The Downtown area turns into Skid Row very quickly, and you really need to be paying attention to your surroundings. To demonstrate, let's start at Pershing Square on 6th street:

Beautiful! Pristine skyscrapers, clean streets, heavily populated. Let's go down another block:

Starting to look a little run down. The buildings are still nice and detailed, but they're lookin a lil dirty. They look like they haven't changed since the 70s or something. One more block down 6th:

No more nice looking buildings, everything is looking kinda cheap. Another block down from here and Skid Row is in full swing. I briefly considered taking a picture of the next block, but quickly decided against it, as it felt exploitative and immoral. It is a very sad, very frightening place, and trust me when I say that unless you're volunteering for a shelter or something, you do NOT want to be there.

Okay. Now that THAT'S out of the way!

There is a ton to see here. First there's Grand Central Market, which is basically a gargantuan open air food court with a staggering selection of small vendors to choose from. Just about anything you could want, you're likely to find here, and it's going to be good. There's the Bradbury Building, famous for appearing in Blade Runner, and The Last Book Store, a gigantic store with creative book-based designs throughout. Museums rear their head again with a personal favorite of mine, The Broad, which is right next to the iconic Walt Disney Concert Hall. Just a bit outside of the downtown area is Vista Hermosa Natural Park, which the skyline image is from, and I still say offers one of the best views. Also, L.A. Noire fans wouldn't miss Pershing Square or Angel's Flight?

Great bars to choose from as well. Upstairs at Ace Hotel and Perch Rooftop are great for views, Golden Gopher is a solid restored dive boasting a liquor license from 1905, and both Seven Grand and The Wolves have got a strong cocktail game in an opulent atmosphere.

Nearby Areas

Olvera Street has to come first. It's an historic street from Los Angeles' Pueblo days, and the perfect stop for if you wanna douse your head in some Mexican culture. Check out the Ávila Adobe, the oldest residence in the city (since 1818, y'all). Right up the street is Philippe the Original, a bustling cafeteria type spot with outstanding beef dip sandwiches. They got a rivalry going with Cole's over in Downtown over who did the beef dip first. Drama!

Echo Park and Silver Lake are a total hipster mecca, with tons of cool shops, bars, and the beautiful Echo Park Lake. Renting a pedal boat is touristy af but we still do it from time to time, it's great dumb fun! There are hidden staircases all throughout the city, but my two favorites are in this area - the Micheltorena Heart Stairs has that dope paintjob and the Baxter Street Stairs has a ridiculously good view of the city. As for watering holes, Tiki-Ti is an amazing tiki bar with dangerously tasty drinks (but tiny, so get there early cuz it gets packed) and the Short Stop is the place to stop before a Dodger game. Oh yeah, Dodger Stadium is here too! Now that place got skyline views, man...

The Arts District is a large reason I went on that spiel about Skid Row, because that district is directly in between here and Downtown. The good news though is you can just walk through Little Tokyo, which is also a great place to visit! Two Bit Circus is essentially an amusement park with VR and other games equipped with a solid bar, it's a pretty dope experience! The Angel City and Arts District breweries are a blast, and then there's Eighty Two, the first barcade my wife and I ever checked out? There's also the Rooftop Cinema Club - they have a location in Downtown as well (plus they've spread out throughout the country) but I prefer this location because of the view. Here's me watching Psycho with the L.A. skyline off in the distance?

Foodz

Eggslut in Grand Central Market deserves a breakfast shout (even though I secretly believe Seattle's Biscuit Bitch to be superior?). Würstkuche in the Arts District has what I guess you'd call gourmet hot dogs, using different exotic meats I certainly hadn't eaten before. Mohawk Bend is a top tier gastropub in Silver Lake, and for dessert that soft serve at Somi Somi in Little Tokyo is fire.

Obligatory Mexican Spot: El Compadre on Sunset by Dodger Stadium. Delicious food AND flaming margaritas, come on now.

Santa Monica

Ah, the beach... at long last. Don't worry, we're almost done!

The beach area is more for chill exploration than doing a bunch of stuff, which is why I saved it for last. The Santa Monica Pier is a lovely sight to be sure, and the rides are fun. The nightlife is solid too - The Bungalow is a cute place made up to look exactly like its namesake, The Britannia Pub is a nice laid back bar, and Harvelle's is an awesome venue, but here the main thing is to just relax and enjoy the beach.

And maybe rent a bike and ride over to Venice, check out the Muscle Beach and skate park?

Santa Monica may have that name recognition but make no mistake, Venice is its costar. The canals, the lively boardwalk, the terminally chill city that just feels lackadaisically attached to its namesake beach, it's all very much its own vibe. The High Rooftop Lounge in Hotel Erwin has stupendous views, in fact there's a bunch of nice little bars, restaurants, and shops, but anything you need will be on the beach. And if you wanna rage one more time after it gets dark, head back to Santa Monica?

Foodz

Library Alehouse somehow has both great burgers AND tacos, and James Beach (of I Love You, Man fame) in Venice really does live up to the hype with them Mahi Mahi Tacos.

Obligatory Mexican Spot: Papi's Tacos & Churros.

Whew!!

I found myself getting way more in depth than I meant to... I did my best to bust out my Editor's cap but you can only cut so much, I am sorry for that! I do hope I did right by you with this one Pluto, as I think everyone else may be asleep?

Thanks to everybody who read all of that! And Doc, I suspect I have now joined the software-breaking post club...

I hope my typos found their end

Look out post, it's time to send!

Edited September 13, 2022 by YaManSmevz

Platinum_Vice · September 9, 2022

Looks like Rockstar has so much money from those Shark cards that they built a real-life Los Santos!

For real, that was a great read and now I'm wishing that I had a US trip at least somewhere on the horizon. ?

There definitely will come a day when I visit the US and LA + SF will definitely be on the list. When that time of planning inevitably comes around, you can bet that I'll be referring back to this opus (and no doubt will be hitting you up for a drink at Dodger Stadium, ma dude).

Thanks for making this post for Pluto... I enjoyed it very much, too.

PS: you forgot to let me know...

... what dat Jim Ryan do??

Edited September 9, 2022 by Platinum_Vice

YaManSmevz · September 9, 2022

24 minutes ago, Platinum_Vice said:

Looks like Rockstar has so much money from those Shark cards that they built a real-life Los Santos!

That must've been their plan all along!! Sneaky Rockstar...

24 minutes ago, Platinum_Vice said:

For real, that was a great read and now I'm wishing that I had a US trip at least somewhere on the horizon.

There definitely will come a day when I visit the US and LA + SF will definitely be on the list. When that time of planning inevitably comes around, you can bet that I'll be referring back to this opus (and no doubt will be hitting you up for a drink at Dodger Stadium, ma dude).

Thanks a lot, homie! I'm glad to hear all that?

And that's what I'm talkin about!!?

Ive only been to San Fran a few times, and both for a mere few days. The first time was when we got married, the second was to see the Dodgers eliminate the Giants from the post season.

Which was the more meaningful trip? Who can say.

24 minutes ago, Platinum_Vice said:

PS: you forgot to let me know...

... what dat Jim Ryan do??

He's kind of annoying, actually! Once he find our you're a PS player, he always wants to give you back rubs and breathe into your mouth. He said he does it to all Sony players in Cali-..

....wait, California is huge. There have to be countless PlayStation players! He couldn't possibly be doing this to all of them...

...wow. Jim Ryan lied to me. I suddenly feel so dirty, excuse me!

PlutoRico · September 10, 2022

My maaaan!! Thank you so much for this post, I really appreciate the hard work and dedication you've put into it to make it as immersive as possible ? I need to honor it by answering as much as I possibly can now haha :

2 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Hey, you remember all that Chicago business a while back? Well there was something I forgot to mention - the famous highway Route 66 starts there, right across the street from the wonderful Art Institute of Chicago:

Care to guess where it ends?

I've gotten my very first request from @PlutoRico, and it's to write a travel post about my own back yard, pretty much! And if running around playing tourist and taking pictures of this city that I love is what it takes to help him through those homesick feelings... I mean we gotta help the homie out, right?

Absolutely love this intro and the way you were able to link it to the previous post you made about your trip to Chicago ? Funny enough, I didn't even know you were from LA until you put "Southern California" on your location, and it's only after seeing that last post you made about Chicago that the idea of requesting something like this came to my mind, so it's totally fitting, perfectly done my friend haha ?

2 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

I spent four and a half separate days revisiting areas and trying to optimize a theoretical week-long stay for someone who wouldn't know their way around, and I think I did an okay job. I've narrowed the focus to three main areas - Hollywood, Downtown, and Santa Monica - each with nearby neighborhoods that are at best walkable and at worst a short Uber ride.

Did you drive your way to these places btw? Or did you Uber everywhere?

2 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Unless you're heading out to Disneyland or something, I would suggest against renting a car. Los Angeles' traffic is as bad as advertised, and parking can be quite unpleasant - those poles holding up to four different signs with different days and hours still make me feel like I'm doing calculus in my head for a second.

Actually I think the opposite haha, I feel like you can't do much without a car in SoCal. I agree that traffic and parking can be quite annoying but having to take Uber rides back and forth every time you go out is even more of a hassle ? I remember my first few weeks out there when I didn't have a car yet, I was quite lazy to do anything because of that. I was always like "yeah I'll go there or visit that place once I get myself a car" which made me postpone everything until I finally got one haha ?

2 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Do, however, hit up the hot dog vendors for an LA Street Dog (well, we just call them street dogs). Bacon wrapped dog with onions, peppers, ketchup, mustard, and mayo. These vendors come out late at night when concert venues start letting out all over the place, but it seems they post up all day on this part of Hollywood Boulevard.

Oh man this brings back so many good memories, especially late at night after coming back from the club or a sport game in a bar ?

2 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Firstly, the massive Griffith Park - there are so many awesome hikes here, from the Old L.A. Zoo (literally an abandoned zoo that's become a novelty hike) to the surprisingly challenging Burbank and Cahuenga Peaks (which offer premier views of the Hollywood sign). Not to mention the Greek Theatre (fantastic outdoor venue) and of course, the Griffith Observatory.

I definitely upvote on the hikes. This is the perfect place to go and there are so many excellent ones. Something that I miss a lot as it's not very common over here plus hiking without SoCal weather doesn't feel quite the same to be honest ?

2 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Yes, I love In N Out. No, I am not going to bully you into eating there. I feel the reason so many have been underwhelmed by this SoCal institution is because their local friend/family member obnoxiously hyped it up, so we're not doing that. But I can't help mentioning it, I do hope you understand.

The consensus that I get from people overall is that "the burger is good, the fries are meh". But I agree with your take, SoCal people tend to hype it up to outsiders so their expectations may be high and they end up being disappointed. Personally I love it, I always take animal style fries along with a double double and a strawberry shake. In N Out shakes are really great imo and they should be the ones getting all the hype haha

2 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Another block down from here and Skid Row is in full swing. I briefly considered taking a picture of the next block, but quickly decided against it, as it felt exploitative and immoral. It is a very sad, very frightening place, and trust me when I say that unless you're volunteering for a shelter or something, you do NOT want to be there.

This is actually hilarious because I remember my first time visiting DowntownLA I ordered a Uber (I didn't have a car yet at that time) and I didn't know where to put the arrival location, so I just clicked in the middle of the map and I was like "yeah I'll figure it out once I'm there". I remember feeling exactly the same way you described it going from Staples Center to that middle point I selected. I was completely unaware at the time and remember the Uber drive advising me to go back up in the neighborhood around the arena instead ?

2 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Ah, the beach... at long last. Don't worry, we're almost done!

The beach is probably the thing I miss the most. I used to be in Santa Monica/Venice pretty much every day, whether it was for a good workout sesh at muscle beach or just to do some sightseeing and get a tan ? Man life is truly much better in a beach city

2 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

I found myself getting way more in depth than I meant to... I did my best to bust out my Editor's cap but you can only cut so much, I am sorry for that! I do hope I did right by you with this one Pluto, as I think everyone else may be asleep

Thank you again for this great immersive post my friend. I really appreciate the time and effort you put through it. You've described a lot of places I never heard of which is a good thing because it means I'll get to discover so much more whenever I'm able to come back ? We gotta kick it too like Vice said haha

PS :

1 hour ago, YaManSmevz said:

Ive only been to San Fran a few times, and both for a mere few days. The first time was when we got married, the second was to see the Dodgers eliminate the Giants from the post season.

Which was the more meaningful trip? Who can say.

Excellent one, I real life laughed at this ???

Edited September 10, 2022 by PlutoRico

YaManSmevz · September 10, 2022

1 hour ago, PlutoRico said:

My maaaan!! Thank you so much for this post, I really appreciate the hard work and dedication you've put into it to make it as immersive as possible I need to honor it by answering as much as I possibly can now haha :

Absolutely love this intro and the way you were able to link it to the previous post you made about your trip to Chicago Funny enough, I didn't even know you were from LA until you put "Southern California" on your location, and it's only after seeing that last post you made about Chicago that the idea of requesting something like this came to my mind, so it's totally fitting, perfectly done my friend haha

Aayyy thanks bro?

Quote

Did you drive your way to these places btw? Or did you Uber everywhere?

Actually I think the opposite haha, I feel like you can't do much without a car in SoCal. I agree that traffic and parking can be quite annoying but having to take Uber rides back and forth every time you go out is even more of a hassle I remember my first few weeks out there when I didn't have a car yet, I was quite lazy to do anything because of that. I was always like "yeah I'll go there or visit that place once I get myself a car" which made me postpone everything until I finally got one haha

I drove a lot, but with the neighborhoods that weren't too far from one another I'd walk or use one of those Uber scooters. Those things are clutch?

I only said that from the standpoint of a visitor, like to rent a car for 7-10 days and adjust to all these new conditions would be a pain. As far as living here though, 100% you need a car, you ain't lie?

Quote

Oh man this brings back so many good memories, especially late at night after coming back from the club or a sport game in a bar

YESS!! You get conditioned to seek them out when you're leaving a place super late?

Quote

I definitely upvote on the hikes. This is the perfect place to go and there are so many excellent ones. Something that I miss a lot as it's not very common over here plus hiking without SoCal weather doesn't feel quite the same to be honest

Yeah, it's too easy to take this weather for granted. I wanted to make a point that it isn't necessarily ALWAYS nice, it can get shitty when you least expect it, but the likelihood was low enough for me to scrap that. Ironically enough it rained today?

Quote

The consensus that I get from people overall is that "the burger is good, the fries are meh". But I agree with your take, SoCal people tend to hype it up to outsiders so their expectations may be high and they end up being disappointed. Personally I love it, I always take animal style fries along with a double double and a strawberry shake. In N Out shakes are really great imo and they should be the ones getting all the hype haha

Oh hell yeah? Agreed on the fries, if you don't eat them immediately they get wack pretty fast. Only way to preserve them is to get them animal style! I'm with you on the shakes too man, those things are no joke! I'm a chocolate vanilla swirl type myself?

Quote

This is actually hilarious because I remember my first time visiting DowntownLA I ordered a Uber (I didn't have a car yet at that time) and I didn't know where to put the arrival location, so I just clicked in the middle of the map and I was like "yeah I'll figure it out once I'm there". I remember feeling exactly the same way you described it going from Staples Center to that middle point I selected. I was completely unaware at the time and remember the Uber drive advising me to go back up in the neighborhood around the arena instead

Yo that shit is wild! It's so easy to wind up there accidentally, I'm glad your driver told you what's what!

Speaking of Staples, it's Magic!!

Well, they were in Inglewood when he was playing, but you know what I mean?

I was heading to Fisherman's Outlet from downtown (fuck, forgot to mention that one too?) and ended up walking all the way through, served me right for not paying attention. Mentally disturbed people stomping around screaming at nobody, a couple fighting with poles that looked like they used to be for stop signs (I didn't stop to see who won?), it doesn't even feel like you're in the same country. I wouldn't wish that shit on anybody man, it's fuckin brutal.

Quote

The beach is probably the thing I miss the most. I used to be in Santa Monica/Venice pretty much every day, whether it was for a good workout sesh at muscle beach or just to do some sightseeing and get a tan Man life is truly much better in a beach city

Agreed. I lived in Huntington Beach for a few years and was out for bike rides damn near every day. Beach cities just slow life down a little bit, I don't know what it is?

Quote

Thank you again for this great immersive post my friend. I really appreciate the time and effort you put through it. You've described a lot of places I never heard of which is a good thing because it means I'll get to discover so much more whenever I'm able to come back We gotta kick it too like Vice said haha

Dude thank you! I had a great time playing tourist, that was the best request I could've ever gotten??

I'm down, dude. And yeah, Los Angeles misses you homie!

YaManSmevz · September 12, 2022

Platinum #69: Lair of the Clockwork God

It's a tall order, but we're taller

When I look for a new game to play, among the last things I'm telling myself is "I hope there's a bunch of janky platforming and convoluted problem solving," and yet somehow here we are! This is in no small part thanks to Cassylvania's excellent review that slapped this game right on to my backlog, and now having completed it I can happily say that yeah, Cass is right, this game's pretty great.

Lair of the Clockwork God finds us controlling two (delightfully British) guys, Ben and Dan, one who is all about the point and click adventure, and the other having newly discovered platforming. This was a smart way to meld two different methods of gameplay, and I gotta give props to Size Five Games for that. Even though neither type of gameplay is necessarily my cup of tea?

Speaking of which, Size Five Games is largely just a Ben and a Dan as well. They do have a bit of backup, but once again it's just two people doing damn near all the work. Apparently this is the third game in a series revolving around these two characters. Are Dan Marshall and Ben Ward best friend indie developers?? Because that is fucking adorable, my hat's off to em.

The game starts out with us trying to find a cancer curing flower for a friend who's got a particularly bad case, but before long we are tasked with teaching a giant sentient computer about feelings. In order to do this, we have to be put through simulations of different emotions, some of which are startlingly on point. For all the silliness (and this game is rife with it), there are more moments than you'd expect where things are feelin kinda real.

The humor runs the gamut from geeky to raunchy to straight up gallows without batting an eye, and having a pitch black sense of humor myself, I had a great appreciation for how many ways they could find to be wildly inappropriate. I really liked thinking "fuck, this is dark" and then remembering why it is that I can wall jump. It's kind of all over the place tonally speaking, but it's a deliberate, Pollock type mess, and Lair is all the better for it.

A bit of an unsung hero I felt is Tobey Evans' score - it is far more rich and vibrant than you'd expect from a game rockin the 16 bit look. Some levels get appropriately cheesy or overly enthusiastic tunes, but for the most part the instrumentation is beautifully lush. It can feel a bit at odds with the visual presentation of the game, but I loved it. I found myself paying more and more attention as the game went on, and my appreciation for it only grew. I'm not going to link to any tracks simply because that was part of the surprise for me personally, and I wouldn't want to take that from anyone. I hope that makes sense!

As mentioned before, the platforming does have some jank to it and takes a bit of getting used to. I was coming off the heels of the smooth controls of Guacamelee 2, so I did need a quick minute to adjust! As far as the point and click side of things, it's your standard "well what do we do now?" puzzles, requiring you to keep a keen eye on your environment and remember what you've got in your inventory. There's also a few wall breaking moments of the Metal Gear Solid "CD case" variety that I don't wanna spoil, but feel I should make mention of, as they were pretty clever!

If you're gonna play this game (cuz ya should), I do have some advice. Firstly, I strongly recommend playing the accompanying visual novel game Devil's Kiss first, as it's a great intro and will be of a little help later on. Also, aside from referring here for information on the one missable trophy (work towards that starts at the end of the first chapter), I'd only seek a guide if you're truly stumped. Lair of the Clockwork God is not a ride where you wanna see what's coming next! This is a very funny and surprisingly deep game, and it won't ask for much of your time. An easy one to recommend?

Stray Observations

- As much as I talk about me not liking platforming and not being good at it, I blazed through Dan's half of the Joy level, completely unable to resist the temptation to go for every single cring (they look like coins and rings had babies, I'unno) that I could. I seriously could not stop myself from indulging in the Mario the Hedgehog vibe of it all. I feel stuff like that is to gamers what the Shave and a Haircut routine is to Roger Rabbit - something just takes hold, and not participating is impossible.

- A giant stegasaurus sitting cramped in a corner shuffling papers at a tiny desk is just funny, I don't care who you are.

- The Getting Old level cracked me up. I love the made up slang and young hip kid, I pictured him being voiced by the coworker who bullies Shaun at the beginning of Shaun of the Dead.

- So the World Blew Up (Yeah That's Okay) doesn't quite touch Transistor's Paper Boats in the "stunning end credits song" category, but... it's up there man. It's a brilliantly hilarious way to send us off.

THAT Trophy: Supplemental Emotion: Healthy Competition

The close second was Acute Stress Response, where you have to complete the platforming level Anger without dying, and runners up to that include trophies for those NES moments where it's like "why would I ever think to do that," but this one wins out simply because of the time crunch.

The Joy level is all fun and games til you realize there's a train moving in the background and you need to get to the end before it does. This isn't toooo bad, especially considering that you have the luxury of acquainting yourself with the level at your own pace before returning via chapter select, but it's definitely a bit more stressful than it needs to be. Disappearing blocks, spikes, and timing your jumps on the bubbles was a bit of a pain (damn you bubbles!!), plus it feels like it just kinda goes on and on. Again, not the hardest thing I've ever done, but it did get the Breakfast Club fist in the air upon completion!

YaManSmevz · September 14, 2022

Platinum #70: The Hong Kong Massacre

I've got more action than my man John Woo

It's time for yet another episode of "I Don't Know What the Fuck This Is, But It's On Sale and It Looks Sick!"

I saw The Hong Kong Massacre on sale maybe a few months ago, and my curiosity was rewarded with a trailer showing off a dim but beautiful rendition of Hong Kong along with gameplay resembling a blend of Hotline Miami's top down shooter stylings and Max Payne's diving, bullet time-dominated shooting mechanics, all made to feel like the best scenes from John Woo's Hard Boiled.

And then, y'know, the story of a former detective avenging his murdered partner by taking on every gang member in the city that we've all seen a million times. But that can be forgiven - I mean Max Payne was built on clichés and nobody gave him shit!

The good news is that the gameplay is pretty much as advertised. Diving with two pistols in slow motion to take out a slew of enemies is incredibly satisfying, and as the game progresses and levels get more complex (and with far more enemies to kill), it gets even more so. You start with killing five basic foes in a small tea house, and by the end you're taking on 24 well-armed goons across the entire first floor of a hotel. Watching yourself performing the lightning quick acrobatics necessary to dodge the relentless gunfire while taking out enemies left and right in the later levels just makes you feel like a bad ass, there's no two ways about it.

I also like how the gritty, neon-soaked Hong Kong aesthetic is always shining through. The patterns in the carpets, the dimly lit concrete rooftops, and of course the guys you're having these shootouts with all have a distinct look and feel, and I'd wager are about as realistic as a 2D top down shooter will permit. The levels do end up feeling kind of homogenous (the hotels, restaurants, apartments, and tea houses can appear indistinguishable after a while), but that never really bothered me too much.

Shout out to Professor Kliq's soundtrack as well! They clearly lifted the looping style of the tracks straight from Hotline Miami, but I ain't mad at that. The songs have Hotline's thumping vibe but with a little more of an organic, rock feel (I'm almost positive that's a live bass). The sounds definitely match the setting, and by turns make the environment feel that much more tense and electrifying.

This is all the more impressive when you consider that Vreski, the developer responsible for the game, is once again a team of two people with some outside help. However, unfortunately this is where we switch gears and bring the game back down to earth, cuz for as much fun as it can be, it's far from as good as it could be.

First of all, the storytelling is terrible. The dialogue is stilted as all hell and reads so poorly, littered with spelling and grammatical errors, that initially I wondered if they were deliberately going for broken English. I feel like a jerk going on about this as the developers are Swedish, and it genuinely seems as though they didn't have a translator handy and used Google Translate or something for the script, but little things like that really do strip away at a game's quality.

We start in a police station telling the story of the last five days in a series of flashbacks, with each day serving as a chapter. In between levels your character talks to a bartender (in what feels like a little more than just taking "inspiration" from Hotline) and gets leads on where to go and who to seek out. Also in between levels are cool little cinematic bits like the ones from the trailer, which look awesome and are great to see, but they take a backseat to the main one you see of your character driving around, covered in blood. It's cool at first but after a while it feels like a crutch for not having anymore scenes to use!

It's frustrating how Vreski doesn't seem to know where to stop lifting from Hotline and start paving its own path. Hotline Miami had a surrealism that kept things interesting and ultimately set it apart, whereas here it's just a replication of the format with a poorly written story free of nuance, or really anything outside of its three dominant influences. I can't stress how disappointing this was, because the core idea of this game is so good, and I feel deserved better.

The last thing I wanted to talk about is the sheer challenge of this thing - I found this to be a tremendously difficult game, having the hardest time I've had since playing Cuphead. Now remember, I didn't reference my average ass gaming skills in the thread title for nuffin! Peeps are finishing this one in a matter of days (including the guy before me who wrote a great, and much more concise, review here) so your mileage may vary, but it just took me forever to master this thing, and I was dangerously close to a rage quit more than a few times.

This is a one shot kill game, so I don't think it's fair to call it cheap, but the gun mechanics (namely for the shotgun) are infuriatingly inconsistent, and you can miss while shooting somebody at point blank range. During the perfect aim challenges, it was absolutely maddening to shoot someone from a few feet away, free of obstruction, only to inexplicably miss and see him standing there like "Nope! Sorry, try again!" Also, there's a lot of debris that going flying and sparks that hit the walls from the bullets flying around, which I think is a great touch - but the size and color of the bullets are nearly identical, so if you lose concentration for a split seco-DEAD!!

The crazy thing though? Even past the agonizing hours spent on each level's challenges and trying to make it through two straight chapters without dying... I still want to play it. In spite of all its flaws, and my own painfully frustrating path towards the platinum, this thing is a truly fun and addictive experience, and while I think it's important to take the awful story and considerable challenge into mind, this might be something you could have fun with. I sure as shit did?

This is something I had to explain to my wife, who had to listen to me grumbling and cursing and gnashing my teeth for a week. After the plat popped I proclaimed victory... then started playing some levels again. She was like "NOOO!!" and I had to explain that I could just play it for fun now. She didn't get it, frankly I don't either?

Stray Observations

- The most realistic thing about this game? How often it turns out that one guy walks into a building trying to kill twenty Triads and instead gets himself killed within a few seconds.

- Enemies are thankfully none too bright - every so often they'll show signs of life and roll out of harm's way (much to our chagrin) or, once the dudes in the bulletproof vests show up, actively chase you down on occasion. But for the most part they'll run back and forth like that "which way did he go" cartoon dog or casually pass the carnage you've left behind, presumably thinking "hmm, I don't remember brains being in this carpet... eh I'm sure it's fine."

- Finishing a level means watching the last guy you shot dying in slow motion, which is cool at first but gets a lil old after a while (you've got at minimum 35 of these to watch), especially if y'all shot at the same time - the dying screen is just as abrupt, and for a split second you might think you were the one who got smoked?

- I forgot to mention that each chapter ends with a boss fight, which is a great idea. However, they all go exactly the same - you each run up the screen on either side with a divider between you and the odd opening for action, like you're an Amish couple going to bed or something. I really liked this but it could've used a lot more imagination.

- The ragdoll physics were entertaining as shit, especially on rooftops when some poor sucker would go plummeting to the ground below, but never more so than when they'd glitch and a body would start twitching maniacally like a figure from Jacob's Ladder.

- When you're down to the last few guys in a particularly challenging level (like anything from the final chapter, sheesh), shit feels intense. I actually got a cramp in my right hand at one point from gripping the controller so tightly?

- I selfishly want somebody who's played Hotline Miami 2 to try this one out and compare the difficulties, because if HM2 is a lot harder than this, I am in trouble.

THAT Trophy: A Master At My Skill

Every level has the same three challenges: a speed run, a run with perfect aim, and a run without using slow motion. I made the game considerably harder on myself by refusing to use slow motion for my first trip through the story, but that was one down.

The speed runs were actually a breeze - some levels had tight requirements but for the most part it was pretty reasonable, and being able to abuse the shit out of slow motion made this easily the quickest and most fun phase of the challenges.

In fact, Just Another Day, the trophy for completing two chapters without a death, was far and away the leader here until I got to the perfect aim challenges. This was the most miserable part of the entire run, hands down. The guys in white, purple, and especially the ones in the vests, are constantly rolling out of the way, and if you miss them, start over. If the game doesn't register your shot (as established earlier), start over. And then, y'know, there's the dying. It really is a good thing the challenges are there, as this game is wrapped up in easily five or six hours without these, but damn man. My blood pressure?

I swear, every time I think the review is gonna be short, it's freakishly long, and vice versa. Sorry about that!

DrBloodmoney · September 15, 2022

Damn dude, you've been killing it of late!

On 12/09/2022 at 7:54 PM, YaManSmevz said:

Platinum #69: Lair of the Clockwork God

I've had this one sitting on my system for a while - can't remember who it was did a review before, but was convinced already - and this didn't dissuade me!.... just need to find time, as always

12 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Platinum #70: The Hong Kong Massacre

That sounds like a real weird one!

I can't say your selling it hard.... although this:

12 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

The crazy thing though? Even past the agonizing hours spent on each level's challenges and trying to make it through two straight chapters without dying... I still want to play it. In spite of all its flaws, and my own painfully frustrating path towards the platinum, this thing is a truly fun and addictive experience, and while I think it's important to take the awful story and considerable challenge into mind, this might be something you could have fun with. I sure as shit did

...did sound oddly familiar - I feel like I could have written the exact same thing about My Friend Pedro... so it's not necessarily completely out of the picture!

Great write ups as always!

YaManSmevz · September 15, 2022

1 minute ago, DrBloodmoney said:

Damn dude, you've been killing it of late!

I've had this one sitting on my system for a while - can't remember who it was did a review before, but was convinced already - and this didn't dissuade me!.... just need to find time, as always

Ayyy thanks man?

I really think you'll enjoy this one, though of course I understand how difficult it can be to finesse a new game into the mix when so much else is going on! Just know that at some point, there's at least one more gaming treat awaiting you!

1 minute ago, DrBloodmoney said:

That sounds like a real weird one!

I can't say your selling it hard.... although this:

...did sound oddly familiar - I feel like I could have written the exact same thing about My Friend Pedro... so it's not necessarily completely out of the picture!

It really is weird! I want to like it, and I do very much like it, but I also kinda don't, nor can I recommend it with complete confidence in spite of thinking it's absolutely worth playing. I've had exes that didn't confuse me this much?

It's an odd sort of difficulty, isn't it? You finish it and you're just like "good lord" and then look back at it, still in that completion afterglow, and start thinking "well, it wasn't all bad..."

YaManSmevz · September 16, 2022

Platinum #10: Cuphead DLC Update

He's the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B

Ah, when things are worth the wait?

Not that I doubted, of course. If the repeated delays of the base game taught us anything, after all, it's that Studio MDHR ain't gonna half ass a damn thing. I was even happier to wait when I read an interview where they were talking about the toll that 2020 had taken on their team, and that they decided it was more important to allow their staff to take time off and tend to their general well being than to rush out the DLC. Props, MDHR?

Sidenote: Props to Copa as well, who caught me sleepin and beat me to the write-up (in his usual excellent fashion)!

When Delicious Last Course finally dropped, I had a very similar experience to when Cuphead first arrived on PS4 shores - uninhibited boy-like glee that dimmed ever so slightly when I immediately found my ass getting beat. A lot. I will say that I was expecting it this time around, and had the benefit of experience, but y'all. These new bosses ain't playin around!

They seriously upped the challenge this time. There's more shit flying at you, and the bosses feel almost trickier - more than a few times I noticed that I'd become boxed in and taking a hit was unavoidable. Even the tells can require a bit more reading, particularly with Mortimer Freeze's snowman phase. I found that, Esther Winchester's second phase, and the first phase of the final boss to the be most mind boggling. Oh, and the Howling Aces' final phase definitely requires some concentration as well.

...because the screen flips around a lot, not cuz of the dog lady. Though her disapproving demeanor is oddly compelling, I will say that?

Everything feels even more intricate than the base game. There's the aforementioned leap in complexity with the bosses, but on top of that, Inkwell Isle IV is gorgeous! They really outdid themselves with the animation here, it's busier without feeling as much, and somehow manages to look more vibrant than before. And for a DLC, they've added a considerable amount, in fact I think we are downright spoiled with how much cool new shit is here. New weapons (though this does include the borderline useless Twist Up), new charms, and of course a new character, Ms. Chalice herself.

A lot of folks say that Ms. Chalice breaks the game, and while she's definitely a counterbalance to the added difficulty, I don't know about all that. I felt she took some getting used to, as her parry alone is completely different from the boys', but the adjustment is worth it. I also wish I'd gotten the hang of that roll that's supposed to give you a few invincibility frames. The bosses are clearly designed with her in mind though, so unless you're a complete masochist, you're likely to end up using her quite a lot.

There's also new side quests! I loved the cute riddle with the graveyard, the whole relic debacle, and lastly, the cactus girl. She's kickin it around where Esther Winchester stays at, and makes vague references to the base game bosses. If you beat them all with Ms. Chalice, you get a new filter where she'll appear in gold. With that and trying to beat all the bosses on Expert Mode, there's a lot of fun shit to do.

I absolutely adored this DLC. It looks fantastic, plays great, and is an excellent challenge. Plus, it gives this amazing game even more replayability. I'd say that any Cuphead fan who doesn't play this is missing out, but I'm sure it's on all their to-do lists if they haven't gotten to it already?

TLDR: It's the shit.

Stray Observations

- While I do love the new song that plays when the game starts up (It's the delicious ? last ? course?), I kinda miss the old song. Paaaiiid theeeee prriiiiiiiiice...

- Ms. Chalice's double jump had me like "so what, they could always double jump, couldn't they?" No they could not! I thought this because I had just played Guacamelee and my silly brain crossed wires. Dumb ass!

- Speaking of dumb ass, that fake knockout near the end of the Moonshine Mob fight?? Yes, it got me too (though I was more confused than anything), and it was such a clever twist that I couldn't even be mad when it happened.

- The King's castle is apparently handmade, much like Djimmi's background. MDHR is so cool?

- When going back and beating base game bosses with Ms. Chalice I was shocked at how much easier it felt than the last time around. Probably a combination of muscle memory and Ms. Chalice's general badassery, but all I know is that trouncing Wally Warbles, even if it was just on Normal, felt fucking fantastic. Like "I was bent out of shape over this chump??"

- The first phase of the last battle is utterly insane, ESPECIALLY on Expert Mode. Like yeah, please throw more crazy shit on the screen, if you could. I will say though, watching YouTube videos of this battle is absolutely mesmerizing! The general cruel insanity taking place in the background is a marvel to behold, my favorite bit being the weeping basket. It's just a shame that when you're playing it yourself, you enjoy the visuals at your own risk?

THAT Trophy: Ranger

A King's Admiration is a close second, as that gauntlet kept tripping me up. The Bishop in particular was giving me a lot of grief, and that stupid Knight takes for-EVER. Also a shout to Hearty, which reminds us that when you play something brand new, you have no choice but to try and figure out the hell the game wants you to do?

I think I'd kind of accepted that when going for the A grades I was going to die a fuckton, and was more doing reconnaissance than anything else - figuring out patterns, openings, that sort of stuff - but even still, going for perfection on these bosses was extremely difficult! A B+ has never felt like such a slap in the face?

YaManSmevz · September 19, 2022

Platinum #61: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge

Goodbye 1989, I wanna be the one in control

As a person with exceptionally fond memories of everything Ninja Turtles from my childhood, it seems fitting that I had a rather serendipitous lead up to playing this game. A few months back, I saw Turtles in Time Re-Shelled here on PSNP (cool!) but quickly learned that it had been long de-listed (aaoohh), then maybe a few weeks later heard about the announcement for a new Turtles game in the style of the classic arcade games (what??).

Shredder's Revenge manages to maintain the look and feel of its beat em up predecessors, with basic updates for graphics and controls and a huge heaping pile of love for the franchise on the whole. The voice actors from the original series have been brought on board, and there are Easter eggs galore from beginning to end. Shredder on a background television, April saying "you have my support," Big Apple 3PM, and many trophy names are open references to the movies. The game even starts with a revised version of the 80s cartoon's intro, it really is a total nostalgia overdose.

The gameplay is tight and fun, and frankly makes me wanna play Streets of Rage 4, which came from the same publishing company. It's exceedingly simple, but care was taken to make each playable character stand out as much as possible from one another. Obviously there's the turtles, but there's also Splinter and, once you beat the game, Casey Jones as well. And a very welcome surprise was April being playable! I'm happy that she not only doesn't have to take a backseat as the damsel in distress this time around, but is also genuinely fun to play as. Easily the fastest character here, and her "Any comment??" taunt kills me.

The extra characters are actually made necessary, as there's an online component where you can play with up to five other people. Personally, I thought this was masterfully done, and as chaotic as it could get with six people wreaking havoc across the screen (and the occasional player not moving and holding everybody else up), it was always a blast. If you can tackle this game with a few friends, I absolutely think that's the way to go.

Both the music and level design do a great job of capturing the style of the old arcade games. Everything feels like you've heard or seen it before, but not quite, and given what they're going for here I imagine that's fairly high praise. The music is especially entertaining, emanating both the cartoon and the early games to a T. It doesn't quite hit that watermark, but I mean what am I gonna do, be mad that they couldn't replicate one of the greatest boss battle themes of all time?

Of course not, don't be silly.

The game does have one glaring issue though, in how admittedly one-dimensional it is. The controls are definitely clean, but are hardly revolutionary, and will ultimately start to feel repetitive. The only difference between Arcade and Story modes is the open world map - which I think looks great, but have to admit that it's essentially a glorified level selection screen. The side quests, while charming, are very bare boned and add little to the replay value. If you take the Turtle nostalgia out of the equation, it's just a solid beat em up game, no more or less.

Shredder's Revenge is too well made and has too much impressive detail to feel like a cash grab or anything like that, but it's about as niche as you can get. Of course I loved the game, but it's tailor-made for people like me. If you grew up on the cartoon, the movies, and the video games from the 80s and 90s, you will have a great time with this thing. If not, you'll still have fun, but the charm will likely wear off a lot more quickly.

Stray Observations

- The tutorial's 90s ass hip hop music is corny but weirdly fun, I couldn't put my finger on why I liked it so much. That and the Mutants Over Broadway song were so unapologetically cheesy, but I ate that shit up. Turtles make me a cornball, I guess?

- Bebop in a suit is just so funny to me. I also like how the Foot Clan had "Bebop's Beat" ready to go for the broadcast to take the place of "Vernon's Views." Like they were concerned about disrupting the flow of the program or something! That humor is straight from the cartoon series, and made me giggle like an idiot.

- Speaking of Vernon, NPCs and enemies alike are nearly all familiar faces. They spared no expense with the enemies, bringing back damn near anybody you could think to mention. And seeing Irma made me wish they had that silly music of hers from the show?

- We're treated to Mr. Mike Patton singing the Turtles' theme at the beginning, and then at the end Shredder straight up gets his own entrance music courtesy of Raekwon and Ghostface. Soundtrack slaps man, don't know what else to tell ya.

THAT Trophy: Who Needs a Dock?

It's easy to get to a point where Super Shredder isn't a real threat to you, but getting through completely unscathed can be tricky. His moves can be kind of erratic, especially when he starts moving faster, but it's not too bad. The only thing is that every time you have to beat Krang first, but he's surprisingly easy, and the shout to the first level from Turtles in Time takes a while to get old (at least for me)?

Edited September 20, 2022 by YaManSmevz
I forgot how to talk again

Copanele · September 20, 2022

On 9/16/2022 at 10:57 PM, YaManSmevz said:

Platinum #10: Cuphead DLC Update

He's the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B

Heh congrats for this one man, you can feel when devs show love for their product
What a great game.

(also glad I was a motivator for playing this one )

On 9/16/2022 at 10:57 PM, YaManSmevz said:

They seriously upped the challenge this time. There's more shit flying at you, and the bosses feel almost trickier - more than a few times I noticed that I'd become boxed in and taking a hit was unavoidable. Even the tells can require a bit more reading, particularly with Mortimer Freeze's snowman phase. I found that, Esther Winchester's second phase, and the first phase of the final boss to the be most mind boggling. Oh, and the Howling Aces' final phase definitely requires some concentration as well.

...because the screen flips around a lot, not cuz of the dog lady. Though her disapproving demeanor is oddly compelling, I will say that

Everything feels even more intricate than the base game. There's the aforementioned leap in complexity with the bosses, but on top of that, Inkwell Isle IV is gorgeous! They really outdid themselves with the animation here, it's busier without feeling as much, and somehow manages to look more vibrant than before. And for a DLC, they've added a considerable amount, in fact I think we are downright spoiled with how much cool new shit is here. New weapons (though this does include the borderline useless Twist Up), new charms, and of course a new character, Ms. Chalice herself.

Yeah honestly, I was super happy that they didn't include "S rank every boss" I don't shy away from a challenge but my god these bosses are more brutal than ever. At some point I was "yeah fuck it, pray and spray" , because you can't see a damn thing on the screen

On 9/16/2022 at 10:57 PM, YaManSmevz said:

Stray Observations

- Ms. Chalice's double jump had me like "so what, they could always double jump, couldn't they?" No they could not! I thought this because I had just played Guacamelee and my silly brain crossed wires. Dumb ass!

Lmao yeah! I also thought we could double jump in the main game! The previous games tricked us hard!

On 9/16/2022 at 10:57 PM, YaManSmevz said:

- Speaking of dumb ass, that fake knockout near the end of the Moonshine Mob fight?? Yes, it got me too (though I was more confused than anything), and it was such a clever twist that I couldn't even be mad when it happened.

That one was pure evil. I was running to just finish the boss fight and when I saw the "knockout" sign I was "Whew". Never trust the snail mafia!

Again, well done glad you enjoyed and appreciated this masterpiece of a DLC!

YaManSmevz · September 20, 2022

43 minutes ago, Copanele said:

Yeah honestly, I was super happy that they didn't include "S rank every boss" I don't shy away from a challenge but my god these bosses are more brutal than ever. At some point I was "yeah fuck it, pray and spray" , because you can't see a damn thing on the screen

Ferreal! S ranks would've just been waaaayyyy too sadistic?, I'm glad they never did that here or in the base game. Saltbaker is easily the roughest boss they've come up with yet, and honestly the rest ain't far behind.

43 minutes ago, Copanele said:

Lmao yeah! I also thought we could double jump in the main game! The previous games tricked us hard!

That one was pure evil. I was running to just finish the boss fight and when I saw the "knockout" sign I was "Whew". Never trust the snail mafia!

Again, well done glad you enjoyed and appreciated this masterpiece of a DLC!

I'm glad that wasn't just me?

It's official, we play too many games. Our aging brains can't keep track of them all!

I still remember the exact thoughts that went through my head when that banner dropped:

"I GOT IT!! ...waaaiiit a minute, that's not what the 'knockout' screen looks li-... fuck, I'm dead."

Thanks a lot my dude! Yeah they killed it with this DLC?

YaManSmevz · September 22, 2022

Platinum #72: Bastion

It's the one and only, the world's greatest, the Kid

So I guess Supergiant is just that dude.

Bastion was an inevitability after playing the stunning Transistor, but having finished it now I can't help wishing I'd gotten to it sooner. I can see now how Supergiant seems to be fleshing out a very distinct style, and I fuck with it! The mix and match with the weapons and power ups, the limiters, the challenging tests, the bad ass music, the isometric view, Logan Cunningham?? It's all here and all glorious, just a lil bit different.

You play as The Kid, who I assume has a name but Cunningham's character (narrator Rucks) was just like "Eh, 'Kid' is fine." You wake up in the wreckage of your hometown after it being destroyed by an event referred to as The Calamity, and it's up to you and Rucks (well, mostly you) to rebuild a bastion to get yourselves safely set up so you can figure out what to do next.

Just like its younger brother, Bastion is gorgeous to look at. Everything is suspended in the air, with the ground either quickly being summoned up into place beneath you feet as you press forward, or crumbling and falling into the abyss just behind you. This mechanic along with the isometric approach and sophisticated pixelation of the characters made me think of seeing the fall of Zeal from Chrono Trigger in real time. The colors are dazzling, and at first glance it looks like some flashy smartphone game, but it doesn't take long to see how intricately designed these levels are. From beginning to end, the visuals wowed the shit out of me.

The gameplay is simple and addictive. You get to have both a short and long range weapon on hand at all times, which comes in handy when you're getting swarmed in the later levels, but is just fun in general. And with several different choices of each weapon type, there are several combinations you can go with. Your shield can even be used as a weapon too if you time its use just right!

Oh, and the roll. You gotta have a roll in games like these?

Another thing I've come to expect from Supergiant is outstanding music, and my man Darren Korb once again delivers in spades. The base is a kind of rustic, folk rock sound, but elements of hip hop and drum & bass thrown in here and there as well. I loved this soundtrack, and while Setting Sail, Coming Home continues (or I guess I should say establishes) the tradition of a beautiful earworm serving as the credits song, the whole thing is phenomenal and deserves as many ears on it as possible.

I may be in the minority here, but I think I prefer Bastion over Transistor! This was such a great journey, with such a great look and feel that I couldn't help feeling right there with the small cast of characters we get here. It's pretty simple all around, but is so immersive. I'm still beside myself that this is over a decade old! Pyre just got a huge jump up the backlog man... Supergiant remains undefeated?

Stray Observations

- Rucks' names for the creatures just felt like derogatory terms that he stuck with. When he referred to Scumbags or Bootlickers or Stinkeyes I thought he was just being colorful, but I guess that's what they're called. I draw the line at Gasfella though, he clearly just made that one up on the spot?

- Speaking of which, the unfortunately named Peckers make this cute sound when you defeat them, it's like a combination of a high pitched "ow," a meow, and the bwok of a chicken. I know I'm essentially saying "It's cute when you die!" but I mean hey, the truth hurts.

- While we're still in this territory, the Squirt friend at the bastion is adorable, it does this little puppy dog spin whenever you interact with it that just melted my icy heart.

- Logan Cunningham has the same cool guy aura as in Transistor, but with this interesting, almost Sam Elliott sounding narration. It was cool how he'd seem ready to talk about anything you might be doing, in fact there were a few occasions where I was expecting him to be like "The kid ran around in bushes like an idiot, probably looking for a collectible or some shit. Look kid, Supergiant doesn't hide the collectibles like an asshole, they're all out in plain sight. So just play the game, alright?"

- Stabsinthe might be the coolest power up name I've ever seen in a game, #changemymind.

- You know how in Lord of the Rings Frodo constantly looks like he's about to burst into tears? Whenever Zulf is staring up to the sky, he looks like he's doing an impression of that.

- The final sequence feels cool as shit, in fact I have another new game plus lined up with my stats through the roof just in case I ever want to do that again.

- Less than ten people put this game together. I know at this point it's pretty common knowledge that indie games are where it's at, but man. These small teams never fail to impress me!

THAT Trophy: About the Author

So the guide says 7/10 difficulty, and the whole time I'm like "Huh? What do you mean, this is pretty chill. Wait, am I a gaming god???"

Sadly no I am not, and the difficulty starts to make a lot of sense once you start going for the Who Knows Where levels with all ten idols invoked. You know how when a game does something that feels unfair and you can't help calling bullshit? Well that's this, ten different flavors of bullshit. And when you've got thirty waves of enemies coming your way while Rucks casually recites the alphabet, it can be pretty frustrating! A rewarding challenge though, and quite doable once you realize that for the love of God, there's cover available and it's there for when you need a breather, use it!!

One thing I will say, once this was done I took all the idols off and plowed through that last level in record time. It felt earned at that point, and so chill to have such a breeze of a final stretch. Between that and the ending sequence I mentioned earlier, this was one of the best feeling platinum pops I've ever had?

Heather342 · September 22, 2022

1 hour ago, YaManSmevz said:

Pyre just got a huge jump up the backlog man... Supergiant remains undefeated

Don't forget to add Hades to that backlog pile as well, another fantastic game by Supergiant ?

I loved Bastion when I played it earlier this year, I actually split my play time between the PS4 and the Vita, made huge use of that cross save feature ?. It ran really well on the handheld, I finished off a few of those idol runs in who knows where on the Vita version. Really good to hear that you enjoyed your time with this game too

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YaManSmevz

YaManSmevz

YaManSmevz

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