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:platinum: Platinum #11 :platinum:

Conan Exiles
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:platinum: To crush all trophies beneath sandaled feet :platinum:
For completing all trophies
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I was actually pretty excited to get this for free on PS Plus since I always wanted to give it a try. After trying this with a couple friends we soon realized this game is honestly a buggy mess and we ended up just doing the good old admin panel trick to finish the plat and get the 80 gigs back on my hard drive.

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platinum #365 Super Life Of Pixel (ps4)

completed in 1 week and 14 hours

platinum rarity 10.90% rare (for good reasons)

game difficulty: 6/10 reason below

18th achiever on the game list.

 

game may take constant retry's, nearly gave up twice because of the special collection made those normal levels look like a cake walk.  can get about 45 mins combined in those and gain the 3hr or less overall if speedy in the levels. next game will be what remains of Edith Finch (ps4) and pic a pix pieces (ps4) need something easy to start off the gaming again.

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On 2/15/2019 at 7:49 AM, Nauticus87 said:

#315 - Gauntlet

 

Hello everyone, my name's David and I'm a gaming masochist.

 

I'm not sure when it began, it's just one of those things that creeps up on you when you least expect it and, before you know it, you're leaving your console on overnight, using books to keep buttons depressed for repetitive actions, even self-harming as in Duke Nukem's local multiplayer – both me – in the pursuit of five hundred kills against yourself.

 

My most recent relapse was a game called Gauntlet. It was given away for free in December 2015. At the time I was a fledgling trophy hunter, had only just earned my fifth platinum in Peggle 2. I wasn't ready, had nowhere near enough training to master the grind. After one trophy: destroying 800 props (i.e. crates, boxes), the most common trophy at 41%, I was done.

 

Using the warrior to bash through enemies just wasn't very fun, I couldn't get a handle on strafing around the hordes of identical enemies and a lich was my final downfall as it crushed me beneath it's astral feet.

 

Three years later, it called me back. I could not – would not – be beaten. The allure of twenty-one ultra rare trophies out of thirty-nine total, my 17th ultra rare platinum at a paltry two percent completion rate, was the icing on the cake.

 

It still had my save. It knew I would be back. My warrior was dusted off and I resumed from the beginning of the game to get used to everything again, it was only a few levels, nothing too bad. Until the lich, welcoming me back like only assholes could by shitting all over my resolve.

 

Hard was indeed hard. Perhaps I could switch to normal, get a bit better and then replay the game on hard.

 

No, screamed my internal masochism mechanism, hard or nothing.

 

I ignored him.

 

But still, even on normal the warrior wasn't cutting it. I'm sorry my friend but this was where we had to part ways. The elf was picked. The elf could dodge. The elf could dodge. Suddenly the lich was missing everything as I rolled under ice-beams and magic-bombed his skeletal horde, shooting out giant magical arrows that decimated his minions. Level beat, onwards, upwards (or downwards in the case of the game-map).

 

Crypt boss decimated, a third through the story, the second trophy was mine. Followed swiftly by blowing myself up with a barrel for a third trophy. This should have been a sign – much blood, both mine and my enemies, would be spilled before this platinum was earned.

 

Beating the boss was good enough for a day, I stopped and gave myself a pat on the back. I'd made the right choice, I could do this. I was such a fool.

 

The next day, I decided to detour into endless mode. It didn't seem too bad, easy enough to get through most levels, only occasionally losing a life, of which I was collecting at least one a floor. I only had to get to level fifty? Consider it done.

 

The thirties had different ideas. From about level thirty-two I was assaulted by such a murderous squad of enemies that I was being massacred multiple times per room, a dozen times a floor, a floating eyeball my biggest nemesis as it vomited fire faster than I could dodge. I lost at thirty-six.

 

This could be harder than I thought.

 

Back to the story and I felt better prepared, straight onto hard, I skipped through the crypts as if it were a field of daisies and I was a marauding bull who particularly hated daisies. That was quickly followed by the caves, all on hard. And the temple.

 

Here it was: the final boss.

 

Easy. Easy. Easy. Strafe and dodge and murder and dodge and murder his real self when he creates copies and dodge and murder and dodge and wait what there are magic snipers who can target you from anywhere on the map and kill you within five seconds if you don't kill them first, and you need to get to them around a hundred other bodies, well that's just not very fair is it. Okay boss, you win this time but I'll be back.

 

Not too bad. Not too bad. Not easy but manageable. Dodge, dodge, murder and dodge, kill the imposters and fuck it stop targeting me you sniping bastards and recover and dodge still have a couple of lives and oh fuck I'm targeted again where is he where where where FUCK. Fine, okay so you win again boss but fuck you I'll win.

 

My girlfriend is giving me furtive glances over the book she is reading, worried eyes flitting between my white-knuckled grip on the controller and the gang of enemies currently gleefully running around my corpse while I wait five seconds to respawn.

 

Fine, I'll switch to normal and bang this out so I can take a break.

 

Ding – you lost one hundred times.

 

Ding – you got hurt so much we decided to give you a trophy because we feel sorry for your elf.

 

FINALLY. The boss goes down on normal. Now I know what I'm doing, I've got this!

 

Ding – you're eating so much food to barely survive that we wanted to give you another trophy.

 

I don't got this.

 

Another day, another dozen failed attempts at the final boss on hard. To feel as if I haven't wasted my time, I knock out some quick trophies with the warrior and valkyrie.

 

After two days of trying to beat the final boss on hard, it happens. A miraculously close shave when my special attack downs a magic sniper bastard a nano-second before he murders me followed up by just about taking off the final sliver of the boss's health before the seven hundred enemies I've ignored murder me.

 

Work interrupts my play so I can only take down fifty liches and spider queens over the next couple of days. It's fine, I need the break, I've been taking too many shots, my body is going to collapse if I continue at this rate.

 

Friday and I'm off work. Time to try endless mode again. To get to fifty takes around four to five hours. Halfway through and I'm not doing great. I'm getting depressed, contemplate quitting, get out while I still can.

 

My masochism won't allow me, yet gives me an out: Look, it says, if you don't make it to fifty this time then I'll let you quit the game. That's fair right? Sure, that sounded fine enough. But, it continued, if you do it then you get the platinum. This is the last skill-related trophy, the rest is simple grinding.

 

I wasn't thinking, I just agreed while concentrating on endless mode. Simple grinding, sure, that's easy, what's the worst I'd have to do?

 

Well fuck, I went and did it. Heck, I carried on to fifty-two barely trying. I could've easily went further. I was locked in.

 

The wizard was the easiest to start grinding with, if only because you didn't have to actually play the game. Setting him up in a corner, a book against my controller to continually cast spells, I left him for a few hours while he massacred 15,000. Yes, fifteen thousand mummies. He did this with ice, then fire, giving me multiple trophies. I changed maps and did it to orcs.

 

The next day, 10th February, it was the turn of the grunts, another 15,000, this time with lightning to smash that out too.

 

The wizard's reward for all that diligent work? To be murdered and harmed, over and over again, until I got a ding. I laughed maniacally as he was torn apart by the very enemies he had killed in the tens of thousands, a fitting revenge, god of this small dominion I wreaked havoc on friend and foe alike.

 

There was still a bit of time before dinner so I returned to my trusty elf and knocked out another 3,000 kills on puny little spiders, invading their nest and murdering them indiscriminately as they tried desperately to defend their home. At 50,000 kills total between all enemies with my elf, a ding signalled both a trophy and dinner time.

 

Yet the cruel way in which I had allowed the enemies to harm the wizard was weighing heavy on my heart. I couldn't return to the game just yet, I needed time to mourn. It would take three days before I returned.

 

The warrior was next. I found a spot where I could kill a wave of enemies at the start, quickly reset the level (five button presses: options → up → up → up → cross button) and repeat. If I used a skill that sped me up (R1 button) I could lower each cycle by a second.

 

I needed to murder 15,000. Each cycle got me twenty enemies. Only 750 cycles. Easy.

 

R1 → Run up and hit circle → Options → up, up, up → cross.

 

Repeat seven hundred and fifty times.

 

Why was I doing this?

 

Repeat seven hundred and fifty times.

 

I know they're cultists but surely they have families? Friends? Loved ones?

 

Repeat seven hundred and fifty times.

 

Are they even doing this by choice? Perhaps some overlord has sent them forth to destroy me and they are scared little boys underneath those hoods?

 

Repeat seven hundred and fifty times.

 

Are they even different? What if these are the same twenty enemies and I'm simply resetting their existence?

 

Repeat seven hundred and fifty times.

 

Am I God?

 

Repeat seven hundred and fifty times.

 

No. I'm the Devil. I am re-murdering these cultists again and again.

 

Repeat seven hundred and fifty times.

 

No. Not me. My instrument of terror: The warrior. He is the evil one.

 

Repeat seven hundred and fifty times.

 

Am I even controlling him? Does he not continue even while I fall asleep. No mere muscle memory could continue this vitriolic murder-fest.

 

Repeat seven hundred and fifty times.

 

Of course, he must be punished. I hear you game, all-knowing trophy list, that's right, yes. Come here my sweet warrior, I must reward you for your glowing deeds in murdering enough to satiate my trophy hunger.

 

AHA! YOU HAVE FALLEN INTO MY TRAP BRAVE WARRIOR. SUFFER FOR YOUR CRIMES. YES MY SKELETAL MINIONS, MURDER HIM, MAKE HIM SUFFER, TAKE AWAY HIS HEALTH, LET HIM HEAL THEN HURT HIM SOME MORE. AHAHAHA YES, YESSSSS!

 

Oh, ding, good job, only a few to go. What's that sweet darkness, you'd like to embrace me? Okay.

 

Where did those last two days go? Why is there blood on my shirt? Oh-well, only a few trophies left, who's next? Valkyrie, sure thing. If you could be a sweet little thing and go murder 15,000 demons for me that'd be great thanks.

 

What do you mean there's no level where you can repeat the warrior's repetitive actions? How am I supposed to break down into manageable chunks your pointless murder-spree?

 

Time? Okay, show me what you can do.

 

Oh look, I can sit on these stairs and hold up your shield and the enemies don't get knocked back. The projectiles shot out by that winged bastard can't reach me either. Who knew stairs were so impervious?

 

Murder murder murder weeeee murder murder murder spreeee.

 

Thirty minutes have passed, show me your spoils.

 

Two thousand? Two thousand!? TWO MEASLY FUCKING THOUSAND. Are you kidding me?

 

So wait that's. Give me a sec. Roughly four hours of demon hunting. And you can't be more efficient? What do you mean that depends on me? I don't want to hear about how it's my responsibility, you're the one killing those people. Demons – whatever. I'm just watching. I'm a helpless bystander.

 

Stop talking back to me, just go do it. I'm turning my brain off, I don't want to hear another peep from you until you're done.

 

Done? Good girl, that's my valkyrie. Now I'm afraid I have one more job for you. What's that, you already know I've had to harm the others in pursuit of trophies. You know where I'm taking you then, yes? The Sea Of Darkness, where you will be mauled by skeletons even as you run around trying to stay alive by eating chicken.

 

I'm sorry, alright! Stop looking at me like that. Are you crying? Stop it! That's it, I'm putting you into a full-face visor. There! Beautiful again and completely unstained, physically at least. Spiritually you are destroyed, I can see the blackness on your soul. Go, repent in your own blood and resurrections.

 

There is no laughter this time, I can barely watch as she is torn to shreds.

 

Ding.

 

I'm broken. There is one trophy left: 15,000 skeletons. My elf has already murdered 10,000, what's five more? A nook, a book and a controller and my set-up is complete. I haven't worked out how many hours he'll be there, arrowing the endless line of skeletons spawning into no-man's land.

 

How many of those skeletons are my past selves? Lives reincarnated in bleached-white bone.

 

Who am I? I have lost all sense of self, of past and present, I am not the controller nor the arbitrator. If no-one is there will the game still ding? In its muted, turned-off TV state, will it still reward me accordingly?

 

I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. All I know is the end is near. Whether that's the end I was seeking is something I will have to find out in time.

 

If I don't make it, please send help

 

This is good stuff.  ?

 

You should add it to the Gauntlet board so it stays visible (and not lost in the shuffle)!

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