Tora Chan

Help with new girlfriend

63 posts in this topic

3 hours ago, ExHaseo said:

I've dated a lot, and I mean a LOT, and I can safely say that you've made one of the biggest mistakes you can make when starting a relationship, talked way too much about your ex, way too fast. NEVER, I mean, NEVER, go into great detail about a past relationship. 

For some reason this made me think of

1452656797390.jpg

xD

 

Seriously though, you just need to be yourself and let her know she is special to you. Maybe come up with an activity or place that belongs to the two of you as a couple. This really isn't your issue to work through though unfortunately. 

 

Just be the best boyfriend you can and hope that she eventually feels comfortable and starts enjoying what you have instead of what you've had. GL man. 

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Never talk about exes ever, especially if prompted.

 

And as far as going forward, if she brings it up again just tell her, "I'm with you now. Don't stress it."

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If you feel this new relationship is causing you hassle, I would honestly cut your ties and stick to your hobbies. You're young and you don't need drama, mate.

But what people said: you shouldn't mention your past relationships, one nighters or whatevs if you don't want her to feel insecure. That's ancient history.

Edited by thepeaguy
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If you change in some way the way you act towards her now, it will be like being manipulated for her actions, even if that is not her real intention. There is no way that two relationships will be the same, neither should any of you expect to, your ex is your ex for a reason, starting a new relationship with a new mindset on how it should develop, is the best you can do.

 

Of course, this is all my opinion and it's worth nothing if you don't agree =P Also, big mistake talking so much about you ex xD I've never understood why people want to know about their couple's past partners, makes everything weird.

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On 7/20/2017 at 6:45 PM, Dr_Mayus said:

c552a43e3eed89dc39fc121f05db3671d137a819

 

She sounds very insecure and jealous. You need to decide if you can live with that.

 

Chances are she will not change without some major therapy and that is another choice you will have to make.

You get a like for that image LMAO! 

I need to save that and use it in the future lol

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5 minutes ago, Dav9834 said:

You get a like for that image LMAO! 

I need to save that and use it in the future lol

Google Overly Attached Girlfriend to get a lot more :)

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On 7/20/2017 at 9:03 AM, Juzota said:

Just leave her.

 

Honestly I did this with a past boyfriend. If they can't accept that they won't be treated like a prince or princess 24/7 then they have some growing up to do.

 

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6 minutes ago, Tora Chan said:

Update:

 

This weekend, I made a homemade birthday cake from scratch; in the pre-dating stage, she mentioned she had a birthday a few days before we met, and since she was away at a conference, she didn't do anything special for her birthday. So I decided to make one for her.

 

(I tried to insert a picture of it here, but it won't show up in the post for some reason...)

 

I never made a cake before, so she felt pretty special. She also apologized for asking me about my ex and comparing the past to the present.

Thanks everyone for your advice and help :)

Still tread carefully! And don't be surprised if it comes up again sooner than you think! 

 

But I'm really glad things have settled down so soon : ) 

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That's good man, enjoy your time with her. Hopefully that's the end of that.

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On 7/20/2017 at 0:01 PM, ExHaseo said:

 

So, you'd be perfectly fine with your girlfriend telling you that she loved to blow other guys, but doesn't want to do it for you? Maybe even explaining what their deal tasted like? And she's perfectly fine with you talking about how much better another girl you dated kissed than her? Or maybe that other girls you were with were tighter, more skilled, or more willing to try certain things than she is? How about if how her ex used to take her on romantic evenings, and exactly what they'd do together? Even if it was far more extravagant and romantic than anything you could do for her? Or how about the other way around, if you used to take your exes on extravagant getaways, while never taking your current girlfriend on one? Sounds like a lot of conflict and resentment waiting to happen. I mean, if that's the kind of relationship you have, then good for you guys, but that's not the norm by any means.

Also, unless you're polyamorous, or aren't that attached, it's completely logical to not want to think about your partner with other people. Of course, there are exceptions, but it's definitely normal. Especially when starting a relationship, if the other person is constantly talking about their ex, it's very likely and easy to think they're still in love with them. Otherwise, why would they talk about them so much? They're obviously thinking about them all the time, if that's what they're talking about. And if they're over them, then why think about them so much? There's just a lot of issues and bad feelings that can be easily avoided by simply not talking about your past relationships in detail like that. And really, there isn't anything to really be gained by talking about them. You each have your experiences, you've each learned from them. That doesn't mean you have to talk about them. If you the person your with is fine with it, and you're fine with it, that's an obvious exception, but like I've said, that is not the norm.

 

People differ, but when it comes to monogamous relationships, most people don't want to think about their partner with another person. If you're fine with that, then that's fine, but that likely means you're either polyamorous, or you're an exception to this. Which is fine, but like I've said, that is not the norm.

Don't worry, he's had "a lot of experience in dating". 

I wouldn't ask a community of "trophy hunters" for dating advice. The cumulative experience is probably nil or close to it. Also, the people saying "leave her because she's insecure/immature" obviously don't understand how relationships work.

Edited by coldkillaaaaaaaa
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I think you shouldn't have said that you were nice or sweet with your ex-gf, ex-date or whoever.
That was too much information, and since she is the insecure type, you really made her feel less special.

My advice for the future is: never say how you treated someone, or how you are or etc, I think those aspects can be easy to see, facts do much more than words, but words are sometimes easier to remember than facts, so be careful with that.

Don't try to impress her or anyone by saying how amazing you are, show how amazing you are, and that's it.
If she comes up with that subject again, you should say something like "there's a reason why my ex's are my ex's; today I'm with you and that's what matters. Past can't be erased, but future can be built in the present, and you are my present" or I dunno.

Wish you the best of luck btw :)

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As a guy that has been in a relationship 3 years odd, and several relationships previously, I can tell you OP, that the most important thing in a relationship is something that nobody has mentioned.

 

Be a friend to your partner as well, not necessarily a best friend, or you will quickly grate on one another.

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2jHwv5B.jpg

 

Finally figured out how to put pictures in the forum thanks to other PSNP users! :)

Her name is Han, and the poorly written Chinese is supposed to say Happy Birthday

 

Thank you all for giving advice and sharing your experiences. All of you are helping me out a lot 

Edited by Tora Chan
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Aww that's beautiful romantic cake😊 heh she's lucky. I'm sure she would feel special by ur own creative love effort. With this, she will be satisfied cuz of ur being thoughtful. Good luck my friend and have a wonderful lovely life together. Love and peace😊 👍

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Incredible cake Tora-Chan,  are you a great pastry chef uhmm? haha good luck man.! :highfive:

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On ‎7‎/‎20‎/‎2017 at 7:02 AM, Macabro said:

Stop talking about your ex. 

 

On ‎7‎/‎20‎/‎2017 at 7:14 AM, Tora Chan said:

 

Well she directly asked me about it... I guess I'll decline to mention my ex if she asks again in the future.

 

Agree with Macabro. If she directly asks about your ex, you can answer her question but find a way to route the conversation elsewhere. For example, "<answer> but that's all in the past. I'm not interested in her, I'm interested in you..." Something like that. Make her feel that special feeling she is looking for while also proving your ex is meaningless to you now.

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5 hours ago, Tora Chan said:

 

Her name is Han.

 

Not to derail this topic, but is her surname Solo (so sue me, the pun was there for the taking)?

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7 hours ago, dmann said:

 

Not to derail this topic, but is her surname Solo (so sue me, the pun was there for the taking)?

 

idi-amin-laughing.gif

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Stop bringing up the ex, that is the past learn from it don't tell her about it

Just start over and watch some porn together.

 

ancient-aliens-i-dont-know-therefore-ali

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tmw when your boi asks for advice and 80 people all say the same thing. 

She's insecure m8, prolly best to fake ur death and assume new alias in Nigeria.

There's no hope going forward. sry. 

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21 hours ago, dmann said:

 

Not to derail this topic, but is her surname Solo

No Solo was his last girlfriend 😅

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