Lost desire of gaming

[aimeraya]

Hi,

 

about 3 weeks ago, i broke up with my fiancee after the launch of Uncharted TLL. It was just about a small lie but later it became a huge mistake. I still love her and want her back.

 

I couldn't sleep well, i didn't have any appetite and also the desire of gaming.

 

Since our relationship started, i just haven't been hugely focused on games, if i had time, i chose to be with her instead of playing games.

 

Now i'm having migraine and turnd off again my console.

 

I don't know if there is someone who has made through all this, could you give me some advice? But frankly, if my fiancee come back to me, i'll get along again.

 

Hope everyone here cherish your couple.

[dermarx]

Don't know if it helps, but I broke up with my girlfriend after 1,5 years because she cheated on me. At first, I had the same issues like no appetite, no motivation to play video games an so on.

But after some time evereything was fine again. So.. yeah. Don't know how long your relationship was but I hope everything will be fine again for you too. Just don't drag yourself down.

[RVMcypress_grave]

Sorry to hear that man. If my gf left me I think I would probably quit gaming. I've been playing games since I was a kid, long before I met her but after we got together nearly everything I've played she has been involved with in some way, either directly through multiplayer, simultaneous play in single player, or just hanging out while one of us plays a game. Personally I just don't think I could get over it. Heck, most of my absolute favorite games we got the platinum within seconds of each other (it isn't limited to psn though, all my systems and handhelds have memories of her).

I hope it is different for you if she doesn't return. Ideally though she will forgive you for whatever mistake you made and you can learn from it.

[Lagoon Aris]

My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me last Thursday. I think, the only reason, it didn't drag me down too much is, because I'm already hell's deep into depression. I really hope, you won't reach that point.
If I want to play games but at the same time don't have the desire to do so, I try to be a bit more productive. I try to read something, maybe some game-related stuff as trophy guides for games in my backlog or reviews of new released games. Or I simply try to do some chores, something related to university, stuff like that. If I power myself out in other things that I usually don't count as free time and from which I usually need breaks from, I find myself holding a controller again to forget about the stress coming from that stuff.

 

I know, fighting stress with other stress isn't the smartest decision (just like fighting fire with fire) but maybe it is a little helpful tip for you, even if it is only for a short while.

I hope though, that everything will work out with your fiancée. Maybe there's still hope if she loves you as much as you do. There's this "rule" of some kind I once heard. If you fight with someone and you can't stay mad at them for more than three days, then it is true love. Maybe she feels the same way as you do and all you need is a little talk. It definitely would be nice and I hope everything will work out for you.

[starcrunch061]

I recommend seeking some professional help over gathering opinions from a message board and making decisions based on confirmational bias.

[Feral]

Just gotta take each day as it comes and try to move on. Hang out with friends and do things you enjoy (other than gaming), keep your mind busy. Eventually the hurt will fade and you'll start to feel better again. 

 

If all else fails there's always sweet non judgemental alcohol.

[aimeraya]

2 hours ago, dermarx said:

Don't know if it helps, but I broke up with my girlfriend after 1,5 years because she cheated on me. At first, I had the same issues like no appetite, no motivation to play video games an so on.

But after some time evereything was fine again. So.. yeah. Don't know how long your relationship was but I hope everything will be fine again for you too. Just don't drag yourself down.

 

2 hours ago, RVMcypress_grave said:

Sorry to hear that man. If my gf left me I think I would probably quit gaming. I've been playing games since I was a kid, long before I met her but after we got together nearly everything I've played she has been involved with in some way, either directly through multiplayer, simultaneous play in single player, or just hanging out while one of us plays a game. Personally I just don't think I could get over it. Heck, most of my absolute favorite games we got the platinum within seconds of each other (it isn't limited to psn though, all my systems and handhelds have memories of her).

I hope it is different for you if she doesn't return. Ideally though she will forgive you for whatever mistake you made and you can learn from it.

 

1 hour ago, lagoonaris said:

My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me last Thursday. I think, the only reason, it didn't drag me down too much is, because I'm already hell's deep into depression. I really hope, you won't reach that point.
If I want to play games but at the same time don't have the desire to do so, I try to be a bit more productive. I try to read something, maybe some game-related stuff as trophy guides for games in my backlog or reviews of new released games. Or I simply try to do some chores, something related to university, stuff like that. If I power myself out in other things that I usually don't count as free time and from which I usually need breaks from, I find myself holding a controller again to forget about the stress coming from that stuff.

 

I know, fighting stress with other stress isn't the smartest decision (just like fighting fire with fire) but maybe it is a little helpful tip for you, even if it is only for a short while.

I hope though, that everything will work out with your fiancée. Maybe there's still hope if she loves you as much as you do. There's this "rule" of some kind I once heard. If you fight with someone and you can't stay mad at them for more than three days, then it is true love. Maybe she feels the same way as you do and all you need is a little talk. It definitely would be nice and I hope everything will work out for you.

 

40 minutes ago, starcrunch061 said:

I recommend seeking some professional help over gathering opinions from a message board and making decisions based on confirmational bias.

 

26 minutes ago, Feral said:

Just gotta take each day as it comes and try to move on. Hang out with friends and do things you enjoy (other than gaming), keep your mind busy. Eventually the hurt will fade and you'll start to feel better again. 

 

If all else fails there's always sweet non judgemental alcohol.

I haven't expected so many warm replies within so short time, thank you.

 

She officially said goodbye to me 2 hours ago, by deleting me from the main chat app. I think maybe she already moved on (not getting a new bf just don't love me anymore) only left me in deep chaos since 3 weeks ago. Now i feel relief and maybe ready to move on. 

 

I know that professional help would be much more helpful but i still need listen to the gamers like me who have suffered this. Our relationship has only 8 months but we were ready to get married, which means i fell from heaven to hell. The evening we broke up she cried a lot (she always laughed while we were together), which really hurt me, as i knew she really loved me and also getting really dissapointed at me.

 

These days i always questionned myself the meaning of gaming, now i still do. Honestly, my gaming life wasn't the source of our fight but still affected me sometime cuz i knew i abandonned my favourite hobby. That's why i said in #1 that cherish your couple.

 

Hope every PSNP gamer would enjoy your life and be with your love forever.

 

Thank you.

[starcrunch061]

It hurts to lose the one you love. I don't know what I'd do if my wife and family left me, for whatever reason. I hope, whatever you do, it works out as best as it can.

[RabbiAndy]

Talk to a counselor? I honestly don't know why losing the desire of gaming is even a concern for you as there's clearly a bigger issue at hand. If you don't want to play, don't play. Fairly simple. 

 

Edit: I just read that you were planning to marry her after only 8 months. My personal opinion you rushed into things way too fast. It takes years to determine if you want to make that kind of commitment. 

 

Good luck.

Edited September 18, 2017 by RabbiAndy

[MMDE]

Honesty is key in a relationship. Unless something unforgivable has happened, I think one should forgive and let go, try to get through it depending on how much the two value the relationship, though not necessarily forget.

 

As for games, I would have been gaming to forget my sorrows.

 

Take something for the headache. Maybe do some local co op with friends or something. Arrange a LAN party!  

Edited September 19, 2017 by MMDE

[FawltyPowers]

Damn that's hard. Not a single girlfriend I've had in the past has ever been interested in computer games, the closest I got was one picking up a gun and shooting a couple of guys on Time Crisis back in 98.

 

For me playing games was a way of forgetting break ups as that was something they never had any involvement with, for you I'd put that console away until the pain fades enough that you can enjoy gaming again without constantly being reminded of her.

 

Focus your mind elsewhere and try something new.

[Popey9847]

Sometimes i just don't have the need or feel like playing games, so you are not alone.

[Dreakon13]

Personally, I have a hard time focusing on games when other areas of my life feel unbalanced (relationship troubles, work troubles, family troubles, health troubles, living situation troubles, etc).  As hard as I tried the last few years to force myself to play games, I rarely enjoyed it, because whenever I did I couldn't help but think there were a million better uses for my time.  I couldn't stop thinking... period.  It was quite the depressive state, I'm my own worst enemy sometimes.  Only recently once I moved into my own place a few months ago, was I able to take a deep breath and start enjoying the little things again.  Learning to appreciate myself, warts and all.

 

One thing I've learned going from being in a relationship for years, to being single for years... and studying people as I like to do... is how bad people are at being alone.  It leads to a lot of unhealthy relationships, where people never really find independence or find their own voice because they've never not had someone to lean on, people who stay with each other when they probably shouldn't for fear of being alone or the stigma associated with it, or jump from unhealthy relationship to unhealthy relationship because they can't imagine life any other way.

 

I know it's difficult, but if this relationship cannot be rectified, maybe consider this an opportunity to learn more about yourself.  To do (or find) the things that make you happy, without needing someone else specifically to find that happiness for you.  Maybe that's games.  Maybe that's work.  Maybe that's exercise or hiking.  Maybe that's music.  Maybe that's traveling.  Maybe that's quiet weekend nights.  Etc.

 

Hope this helps a little.  Good luck.

Edited December 5, 2017 by Dreakon13

[MRTheChez]

Give it time, I sure needed time when I broke up tho. You'll be fine.

[EmberzGhostSquad]

People are way more important. Hopefully you can reconcile things with her or meet someone else later on.  If you don't want to game then find another hobby maybe. I think you have a lot of emotions held inside and it's a bit much so you can't concentrate on other things, give it time and stabilize your mind.^^

[Froopy the Temmie]

On 9/18/2017 at 8:15 AM, aimeraya said:

I don't know if there is someone who has made through all this, could you give me some advice? But frankly, if my fiancee come back to me, i'll get along again.

 

My advice to you would be to sit down and figure out how much this lie really bothers you and whether or not you can reconcile the consequences on you for whatever that lie entailed.  Just rushing back before you fully answer this question could end up being disastrous because feelings of anger could end up resurfacing.

 

Eight months, eh?  I'm not one to put a timetable on it or anything.  You do you, man.  But if you're having problems this early, it's not a good sign.

 

On 9/18/2017 at 7:09 PM, MMDE said:

As for games, I would have been gaming to forget my sorrows.

 

I did for the most part.  Except when some memories got tied to Final Fantasy 7 from an ex.  I eventually finished it, but out of all the plats, that one was the hardest to overcome.  It was cathartic for me when I finally got it.

 

 

[MMDE]

4 hours ago, Froopy said:

I did for the most part.  Except when some memories got tied to Final Fantasy 7 from an ex.  I eventually finished it, but out of all the plats, that one was the hardest to overcome.  It was cathartic for me when I finally got it.

 

FF7 gets to my feels too, it makes me think of childhood, sure with fond memories, but ultimately makes me sad. Don't play that game when you're feeling down.

Edited December 13, 2017 by MMDE

[Popey9847]

From time to time i lose interest in playing games and just want to watch movies. So don't feel like you are the only one who has lost interest from time to time. About the partner situation, try to sort things out. Yelling and screaming at each other doesn't help.