Popular Post DrBloodmoney Posted June 28, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted June 28, 2018 (edited) Hello y'all! Sticking with my life-long tradition of putting very little effort into the things that truly matter, and lots and lots of effort into the things that don't, I've decided to do my own little spin on the Trophy Checklist. There's far too much negativity on these boards sometimes, right? Sometimes it feels like it's all "This game sucks!" and "PS+ is rubbish!" and "No, I didn't cheat, it was my cousin, or magic, or my magic cousin!" Wouldn't it be nice to take a break from all that, and relax with some of the worlds most pointless poetry? Right? I agree! And what could be more pointless, than the worlds most unimaginative of poetic media, the Haiku! So, without further ado, I give you, DrBloodmoney's Haiku Reviews! Enjoy, and remember - Dr.Bloodmoney invites all of you to create crappy Haiku's of pointless things in your lives! ? (PS. I've got a lot still to catch up on, I know, but I figure I'll get there eventually - gotta do something during those work-time cigarette breaks!) _________ Intro _________ “my pointless purview: Give my complete games reviews, With rhyming haikus” “Each game just get’s one, And they cannot over run, But this should be fun.” “I know it’s not true, That you should rhyme in Haiku, But it is fun to do.” “A haiku is five, Then seven on the next line, Then five again, mind.” “There’s no other rules, Than Seventeen syllables, Let’s get started, cool?” _________ Tekken 6 “Nothing new in here, But with some friends and some beer, nostalgia is clear.” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 3/10 Haiku Quality - 8/10 _________ Terminator Salvation “The graphics are balls, And no good story at all, Film was abysmal.” Fun - 2/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 7/10 _________ Saw “Unnecessary, But better than it should be, Still a slog to play.” Fun - 4/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ The Saboteur “Great game and cool schtick, With ideas smart and slick, I miss Pandemic.” Fun - 8/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 8/10 _________ detuned “A game? No, that’s lies, A screensaver in disguise, Avoid if you’re wise.” Fun - 1/10 Difficulty - 1/10 Haiku Quality - 9/10 _________ Linger in Shadows “See review above, this is the same only worse, the cheap trophy curse.” Fun - 1/10 Difficulty - 1/10 Haiku Quality - 7/10 _________ God of War “Stole the action crown, Back on the PS3 grounds, Kratos, just calm down.” Fun - 7/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ God of War II “Excellent sequel, On last-gen had no equal, Gods still deceitful.” Fun - 9/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 9/10 _________ Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 “Technically ace, But, oh, that awful fanbase: Mute them all with haste! ” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 7/10 Haiku Quality - 8/10 _________ Heavy Rain “Cage made his event, But he not know Englishment, And Lord, those accents!” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 2/10 Haiku Quality - 7/10 _________ Batman: Arkham Asylum “A good licensed game?! I guess it had to happen. I am the Batman!” Fun - 10/10 Difficulty - 6/10 Haiku Quality - 4/10 _________ Alone in the Dark “So hard to believe, This series once well received, But now? No reprieve.” Fun - 3/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 7/10 _________ Assassin’s Creed II “The series’ real first, Great open world. It reversed, All prequel’s worst.” Fun - 9/10 Difficulty - 3/10 Haiku Quality - 4/10 _________ The Mysteries of Little Riddle “I bought this because, I thought I’d see past the flaws, Oh, how bad it was.” Fun - 2/10 Difficulty - 1/10 Haiku Quality - 5/10 _________ Final Fantasy XIII “Just gorgeous looking, But it lost the exploring, from prequels. Bad thing.” Fun - 7/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ WWE Legends of Wrestlemania “A game as boring, As the ‘sport’ it’s evoking, Borderline broken.” Fun - 1/10 Difficulty - 2/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ The Godfather II “Not like the movie, But as a game it’s okay, Worse crime games to play.” Fun - 5/10 Difficulty - 3/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ God of War III “Graphically solid, Short, but will keep you enthralled, Still angry and bald.” Fun - 7/10 Difficulty - 3/10 Haiku Quality - 8/10 _________ Trine “Beautiful puzzles, Great alone, or with others, A world of colours.” Fun - 9/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 8/10 _________ Sam and Max: The Devil’s Playhouse “From back in the day, Before Telltale found their way, But this was okay.” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Zombie Apocalypse “If Dead Nation lost, All it’s fun, charm, wit and gloss, It would be this dross.” Fun - 2/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Uncharted: Drakes Fortune “Island escapade, Proved that the cell chip outweighed, the Xbox down-grade” Fun - 9/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ inFamous “Dialogue is tripe, But the game lived up to hype, And beat Prototype” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 9/10 _________ Dead Space “Space horror trek, Sever the limbs or the neck, Get off that ship-wreck!” Fun - 9/10 Difficulty - 6/10 Haiku Quality - 5/10 _________ Dead Space: Ignition ”This game was a chore, Crappy puzzles, nothing more: like some iOS bore” Fun - 3/10 Difficulty - 2/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time “Reworked and refined, Old, but still works to my mind. I’m falling! Rewind!” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 3/10 Haiku Quality - 9/10 _________ Dragon Age: Origins “A huge world expanse, A console role-play advance, But cringey romance.” Fun - 8/10 Difficulty - 7/10 Haiku Quality - 8/10 _________ Flower “A weird game, you just, Chill and play as a wind gust, A playstation must.” Fun - 5/10 Difficulty - 2/10 Haiku Quality - 7/10 _________ Mass Effect 2 “Bioware conquered, With this space opera monster, Sex scenes are bonkers.” Fun - 10/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 9/10 _________ Darksiders “Link could maybe sue, The game’s Zelda through and through, But who cares? It’s good.” Fun - 8/10 Difficulty - 6/10 Haiku Quality - 4/10 _________ Tomb Raider: Legend “A remake of one, Of Lara’s best and most fun, Days out in the sun.” Fun - 7/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 5/10 _________ Bejewelled 2 “I bought this for home? but it was free on my phone. Well, that was dumb. Groan.” Fun - 3/10 Difficulty - 3/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Tomb Raider: Anniversary “Less good than Legend, But a worthy progression, Lara’s Ascension.” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 6/10 Haiku Quality - 5/10 _________ Tomb Raider: Underworld “The last old-style hoot, Before she got her reboot. Wish she’d learn to shoot.” Fun - 4/10 Difficulty - 3/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Pac Man Champion Edition DX “Never considered, Pac Man could be so bettered? Fun times unfettered.” Fun - 8/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Critter Crunch “A hard game to beat, It’s never edge of your seat, But still kind of neat” Fun - 5/10 Difficulty - 8/10 Haiku Quality - 4/10 _________ Portal 2 “Everything’s perfect, Look, feel, puzzles and the script, Commands your respect.” Fun - 10/10 Difficulty - 6/10 Haiku Quality - 5/10 _________ Mini Ninjas “Odd IO tangent, No soldiers, guns or agents, Small ninja play-tent” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 2/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Deathspank “Ron Gilbert strikes back, With silly RPG attack, Full of his wise-cracks.” Fun - 7/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 4/10 _________ Enslaved: Odyssey to the West “Great graphics done, In an old story re-spun. Wait, is that Gollum?” Fun - 8/10 Difficulty - 6/10 Haiku Quality - 8/10 _________ Majin and the Forsaken Kingdom “A dull, lifeless world, Tedious gameplay unfurled, Man, this game’s a turd.” Fun - 2/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 7/10 _________ Burnout Paradise “A Splintered Windscreen, Never looked so good last gen, Or was so much fun!” Fun - 10/10 Difficulty - 6/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Back to the Future: A Telltale Adventure “This Marty McFly, Sounds just like the other guy, And the story’s fine.” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Tetris “we all know Tetris, Fall-y, block-rotat-y bliss, Well, no change. That’s this.” Fun - 7/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ LA Noire “Point and Click disguised, LA heavily stylised, Story Emphasised.” Fun - 9/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 7/10 _________ Bioshock “Can beat in a day, No true gamer should delay, Would you kindly play?” Fun - 10/10 Difficulty - 6/10 Haiku Quality - 7/10 _________ Fallout 3 “The game is massive, Play aggressive or passive, Bring reading glasses.” Fun - 10/10 Difficulty - 3/10 Haiku Quality - 9/10 _________ Kick Ass: The Game “Good god it’s just crap, Shit movie tie-in clap-trap, Just filling a gap.” Fun - 1/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Borderlands “Cell-shaded shooter, On console and computer, Good co-op looter.” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 6/10 Haiku Quality - 8/10 _________ Cuboid “A brain teasing test, Not that great, but not a mess, Shoulda been iOS.” Fun - 5/10 Difficulty - 7/10 Haiku Quality - 7/10 _________ Singularity “It’s Bioshock-esque, About time-travel distress, And fun combat tests.” Fun - 8/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 5/10 _________ Castlevania: Lords of Shadow ”This reboot’s not hard, But long, well-made and bestarred, with Captain Picard” Fun - 7/10 Difficulty - 6/10 Haiku Quality - 7/10 _________ Prince of Persia “The reboot was ace, But the dev didn’t keep pace, Abandoned. A waste.” Fun - 7/10 Difficulty - 3/10 Haiku Quality - 4/10 _________ God of War: Chains of Olympus “A gem on small-screen, Works well with big TV sheen, But the length is lean.” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 3/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Stacking “Dolls that are nesting, Makes for puzzles arresting, It’s quite interesting.” Fun - 7/10 Difficulty - 2/10 Haiku Quality - 5/10 _________ Ico “A tragic, sweet tale, Told with great gameplay and scale, Help Yorda or fail.” Fun - 9/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 7/10 _________ Fallout: New Vegas “Obsidian tried, To maintain Fallout 3’s highs, But just couldn’t quite.” Fun - 7/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 4/10 _________ God of War: Ghosts of Sparta “Another small game, Using the God of War name It’s more of the same.” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 4/10 Haiku Quality - 6/10 _________ Plants vs. Zombies “The idea is rad, Garden war fun to be had, Better on iPad.” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 3/10 Haiku Quality - 8/10 _________ Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood “Improvements abound, And great Multiplayer rounds, Stab, hide in the crowd.” Fun - 10/10 Difficulty - 5/10 Haiku Quality - 9/10 _________ Tales of Monkey Island “A game made with care, But you will tear at your hair, I need to go where?” Fun - 6/10 Difficulty - 6/10 Haiku Quality - 10/10 _________ ...to be continued! Edited June 28, 2018 by DrBloodmoney 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrBloodmoney Posted June 28, 2018 Author Share Posted June 28, 2018 (edited) Reserved for future nonsense Edited June 28, 2018 by DrBloodmoney 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrBloodmoney Posted June 28, 2018 Author Share Posted June 28, 2018 Reserved for when the previous nonsense just won’t do... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts