Raven's Call (Virtual Diary by Shakil)

[Shakilrahman96]

Introduction: I rarely ever use forums for anything to be honest, I usually use them to ask a few questions, share a few thoughts, rant a little et cetera! nothing worth mentioning half of the time so I never felt the need to be bothered in becoming an active member of any forum community that I ever had the chance to become a part of. Over the past few years, I like to believe myself as a person who hasn't changed much... I mean at the end of the day I am just barely 19 years of age but I find the events that occurred in my life over the past 2 years ago to be some of the most traumatic, most ill fortunate circumstances I have ever experienced. It is to a point I am beginning to feel trapped and very, very stressed and alone. I found writing my daily events in a notepad helped to vent my frustration but without anyone to ever read it but myself, I realised just how meaningless this attempt at reaching out to somebody really was.

 

So your point is?: My point is simple!   I decided I'd use this thread as a blog of sorts, one I will update at the end of every single day, some days, obviously will be far more eventful than others yet due to me starting this a little too late, there will be dates I will post things I will name "Past Preservations" in which I will post rants from random dates of the past from the notepads I have bothered to save and store which will include some things that are quite relevant to my daily life.

 

Background information: 19, from Ireland, studying Engineering, family of 5 including myself, I have 2 sisters, a father and a mother. I enjoy gaming as a hobby and I am a perfectionist at heart   I enjoy people's company and I love meeting new friends.

 

What to expect from this thread: This thread will literally cover everything except sexual content, my sex life barely exists as it is but if it happens to be relevant to a specific story I will include it but keep it highly safe for work by any means necessary. I will discuss various things, thoughts, beliefs and I will ask questions at the end of each post to those who want to contribute to my rabble! Any input is most appreciated.

 

It is almost 9pm on the 24th January 2016 in Ireland, I will have my first post ready for the night so keep watch if you're interested! I do have quite the eventful life!

Edited February 8, 2016 by Shakilrahman96

[Shakilrahman96]

THANK YOU ALEX

Edited September 24, 2017 by Shakilrahman96

[TheYuriG]

Hey! Seems like I've seen a topic like this around somewhere, lately... just kidding, I'm following this for all the new and future updates. I'll comment a bit in what you have posted so far, if you don't mind.

Over the past few years, I like to believe myself as a person who hasn't changed much...

I few somehow similar and very far. Kept some points, completely 180ed in others. In the end of the days, we still are ourselves, right?

It is to a point I am beginning to feel trapped and very, very stressed and alone. I found writing my daily events in a notepad helped to vent my frustration but without anyone to ever read it but myself, I realised just how meaningless this attempt at reaching out to somebody really was.

I feel you. I'm always telling people (madbuk, Count Vida, etc) to not hold stuff for themselves or they might implode one day. Sharing is important, specially when you have too much on your shoulders. 
 

Background information: I enjoy people's company and I love meeting new friends.

Hahaha, we are quite different on this point. 
 

I will discuss various things, thoughts, beliefs and I will ask questions at the end of each post to those who want to contribute to my rabble! Any input is most appreciated.

Noted.
 

Entry #01: 24th August 2016- Who said anything about Neko Fan Fiction!?!?!
 
Today was a pretty normal day if you ask me, well... if you can really consider any day to be quite normal to begin with. I remember waking up at around 8:30am this morning from my older sister Sharmila and my mother screaming as if they were being attacked, it happened to be my 6 month old cat/kitten Oreo up to his usual mischief, he was just playing around with them but of course, being woken up so early on a weekend kinda pissed me off to say the least. I was after having a bad dream so I guess it was sort of a good thing I was woken up. I recently began dating my best friend Nicola, I asked her out on New Year's Eve just before the countdown and she just so happened to say yes.
Ever since we began dating I've been having these wacky dreams of involving her, some having little to no meaning whatsoever but last night's one troubled me a little. In the dream, which felt entirely realistic I was just after being dropped off along the sidewalk close to my University, as I was walking in I was checking my phone and a bunch of messages popped up from her, they were just half a dozen cute selfies of her she took in the morning which in real life, would be extremely rare for her to do such a thing. I began looking through the pics she had sent smiling in the dream when I noticed a slight mark on her neck, a hickey to which I responded:
Me:"You still have that? wasn't that 3 weeks ago at this stage?"
Her: "Have what?"
Me: "The hickey?"
Her: "Shit...."
 
To which she owned up, in the dream to have cheated on me with not one but two guys, James, a non-existent man in her workplace and another man who was half Irish, half Chinese with the surname "Wong" (incredibly stereotypical I know hahaha). She owned up to it in the dream to which I met her responses with rage, anger and heartache telling her how much I hated her and for her to never speak to me again. Luckily I awoke shortly after to their screams as Oreo, my pet cat was attacking them. I checked my phone to wake up to the usual "Morning   " text my girlfriend would send me, The sense of relief was relaxing to say the least especially when my dreams have been feeling more and more real as time goes on. My day continued with me just lying in bed, writing up a CV to hopefully get lucky and score a part time job for some cash for a holiday to visit some relatives I have over the Summer. After completing the CV I finished off some remaining Arkham City DLC challenges I had been meaning to finish off before getting entirely engrossed on my Vita, back to Steins;Gate which has been taking me an awfully long time to progress through.
 
After a while, I grew tired of this however, staring at text, listening to a language I don't quite understand and constantly having to interact with buttons to move slide to slide, it just feels like going through a very long and tedious powerpoint presentation to be honest, something I get enough of in University to be honest! I decided to put down the Vita after some time and began browsing Facebook, nothing interesting at all to be honest but a classmate and (kinda) friend of mine called Niall sent a GIF on a group chat he is in with myself and my girlfriend. It was the infamous "Ice cream" scene from "To Love-Ru Darkness" to which he commented "wtf is this shit?!??"
 
(If you're curious as to what it is here is a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wPceItDJ5g )
Shamefully, I recognised it instantly and began to proclaim my love for the Devillukes! Something to which Niall and my girlfriend questioned "Why is it you always know the sources to the most messed up things we send?" to which I pleaded the 5th! We began joking around again and my girlfriend told me she might not be able to hang out much this week due to the lab reports she has due which kinda sucks, I jokingly told her I would need to elope with her in order to get a few minutes with her from the way things are going to which I jokingly added that we would make a "Modest living from selling dumplings at a street vendor to get enough cash to feed our half a dozen kids!".
That joke didn't go down as well as it should have 
After one of Niall's expected condescending remarks he always likes to pass at me in the company of my girlfriend, I decided to just play along with it, he acted weirded out saying if that was my idea for a future my girlfriend should just leave me before it gets too serious. I interjected immediately saying that my plan for the future was to make her a super cute cat girl to which I wrote this hilarious short fan fiction about a normal day for myself and my now catgirl girlfriend.
Oh I forgot to mention, my girlfriend's name is Nicola! if you guys have any interest in seeing the conversation post below and I'll send it on, otherwise it is going to take up too much space on this thread but I will gladly share it.
 
Anyway, after all that conversation died down and I decided to have a quick nap before a shower, the nap only lasted 15 minutes before my phone blew up with texts from my girlfriend as to why I wasn't responding and was I after having my shower. I just got up out of bed and sorted myself out, had dinner and returned back to my man cave for the rest of the evening where I began to just lie and bed and think about my life, I wanted to talk to somebody about it, share what was on my mind but ever since I lost my best friend over a month ago I am afraid I don't have that sort of comfort in my life anymore but that is another story that I will share in due time. 
Nothing overly fascinating about my day today was there?    Just consider it something to start off my little virtual diary here. So what do you think about my day? rather normal? or do I just have too much time on my hands to the point it is becoming unhealthy? 

AUGUST? YOU... CAME FROM THE FUTURE? I wonder if that is one of your past saved notes of 2015 august of you just wrote the wrong month? Bet in the latter.

You mentioned her name. I ended up morphing 2 best friends into girlfriends too. I'm curious about what happened to your best friend though.

 

If you let me suggest something, I would like to suggest changing the name of your thread. Make it more personal, more yours. Calling it 'another' makes it look less important than it should be. You can edit the title by clicking to edit the first post and then clicking in Full Edit.

Edited January 24, 2016 by TheYuriG

[Raitandrul]

We've met before I'm and Engineer student as well (Electrical and computer engineering), which one are you taking?

[Shakilrahman96]

THANK YOU ALEX
 

Edited September 24, 2017 by Shakilrahman96

[Shakilrahman96]

THANK YOU ALEX

Edited September 24, 2017 by Shakilrahman96

[MesopithecusUK]

Liking cos your cat is adorable

 

Hmm Subway - when I was a meat eater, I used to get a weird breakfast sub with bacon, pickles and sweet onion relish...it would disgust all of my work colleagues.  Now I tend to have a veggie delight sub, with pepper jack cheese, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, red onion, pickles and sweet onion relish. Plus white chocolate and raspberry cookies.

 

Would you mind editing your last post a little?  That last paragraph is all merged in to one and it made it quite difficult to read (for me anyway)

[Shakilrahman96]

Liking cos your cat is adorable

 

Hmm Subway - when I was a meat eater, I used to get a weird breakfast sub with bacon, pickles and sweet onion relish...it would disgust all of my work colleagues.  Now I tend to have a veggie delight sub, with pepper jack cheese, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, red onion, pickles and sweet onion relish. Plus white chocolate and raspberry cookies.

 

Would you mind editing your last post a little?  That last paragraph is all merged in to one and it made it quite difficult to read (for me anyway)

Edited it to tidy it up

and thanks Oreo is very cute! you should see the video of him doing his Meerkat pose it is absolutely priceless! lol

Also I am really digging that veggie sub and the excellent choice of Cookie!

 

[30 Year Old Boomer]

Nice diary bud! It's nice to read about you and your life. And your cat is cute!

[Shakilrahman96]

Nice diary bud! It's nice to read about you and your life. And your cat is cute!

Thank you! Thank you! haha I'll post the next entry today alongside some extra stuff, mainly because it will clear up some confusion about the next topic I post about.

[Shakilrahman96]

THANK YOU ALEX

 

Edited September 24, 2017 by Shakilrahman96

[MesopithecusUK]

What was your first crush like?

 

Unobtainable  My first crush was on an actor, but my first real life crush was on a boy way older than me.  I was in Year 7 (so around 12) and he was in Year 11 (around 15/16).  He used to travel on the same bus as me and had a girlfriend, but his younger brother was in my year.  I was shy and nerdy (still am ) so never really spoke to him but it was nice admiring from afar.

 

How would you respond if your girlfriend said that?

 

I'm a female so I'm kind of on the other side of the fence on this one.  From her response to you, it seems maybe she is feeling a little bit insecure and doesn't feel important enough for you to see.  It's female logic...there's no point in trying to understand it   Maybe you could try suggesting spending some time together, I mean quality time doing something fun as it seems you are squeezing in time here and there and it's not healthy for either of you.  Mind if I ask how long you have been together?

 

Do you like Star Wars? Why/Why not?

 

I was more of a Trekkie growing up, but I do like Star Wars

Edited January 26, 2016 by Espeon

[Shakilrahman96]

THANK YOU ALEX

Edited September 24, 2017 by Shakilrahman96

[Shakilrahman96]

THANK YOU ALEX

 

Edited September 24, 2017 by Shakilrahman96

[TheYuriG]

Don't mind me if I don't reply to this every day. Your posts are long and they all deserve a long reply, but it's hard to do it from my phone, too little editing. I was writing one and deleted half of it by mistake just now... but now I got the PC only to finish what I started.

 

My mom got annoyed and was like "That isn't a good sign, that definitely isn't love anyway you know that? I'd wait around all day for somebody I cared about... but then again i am stupid"

Agree with your mother there. In my opinion, there are only 2 types of people in relationships: the ones that want to see the other as many times as possible and the ones that don't care much about frequency. In some cases, time makes people change to the second time due to routine and boredom. That leads to death... of the relationship. Either they break up or stay together for comfort which is even worse. I'm the former type, I like being present and feel that I'm important. I might be wrong, but I feel like you pertain to the same category while your girlfriend does not. This remind me of my relationship of 5 years ago where I basically was in the same situation. My girlfriend always had time for her friends and none for me. I believe that for a relationship to work, both should be part of the same category, otherwise there can be 2 outcomes (since one is going to give in for the best of the relationship: either one will piss the other off with the constant requests for meeting each other or one of them is going to be in misery for not receiving attention as much as he needs to. I fell into the latter group. Nowadays I realize how bad that was for me. Hope she is part of the second group no doubt, even with your stuff to do you still find time for her. Hope I'm wrong and you are part of the second group too.

This is one of the reasons why I'm extremely picky.

 

and it does upset me but I wasn't going to admit that like, so I just lied to them both saying I didn't even notice when my sister Sharmila started nagging me saying that I shouldn't be going out with anyone and not to bother with her at all trying to start drama so I told her to shut the fuck up

Well... that escalated quickly, didn't it?

 

This is where the evening got a little ugly, my best friend Sam just starts spamming the group chat with all this bigoted Islamaphobic slurs and ranting on about how "fucking gay" Islam was. I got pretty pissed off about this and told him that he shouldn't disrespect the faith of two of his closest friends especially when he knows little to nothing about anything, let alone religion. (He isn't very smart, nice guy but lacking in the brain department without a doubt). We began to argue for at least an hour but I eventually managed to shut him up thank goodness, I don't know what is worse to be honest, the fact he cannot spell for shit or the fact he is actually so thick.

Your friend has both worse traits I find in people: not being able to write properly (cuz tlking laik dis wun seiv u any moniez) and being full of shit prejudice. I couldn't force myself to be friends with someone like this, so props to you for being capable. 

 

That lasted very long but I am looking forward to tomorrow, its Thursday! the day I finally get to spend some alone time with my girlfriend, haven't seen her since last Friday and its bugging the hell out of me how little effort she is making to see me even for an hour or two but I do hope tomorrow will be nice, I think it will be.

I can see that you are looking forward to it. I would too, in your shoes. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hope your, uh... tea party... goes well.

Edited January 27, 2016 by TheYuriG

[MesopithecusUK]

I'm curious, has your girlfriend done this before?  If not then from a female perspective, I'd say maybe it was "her week" and that might explain her distance, alternatively it does sound like she may be under a lot of stress.  Not knowing either of you that well it's hard to know what to suggest - being as you have only been dating since New Year this should be the honeymoon period 

 

I'd definitely say that you guys need to have some time together and do something fun - go on a date, surprise her with a little something.  It doesn't have to be a grand gesture.

[Shakilrahman96]

thank you alex 

Edited September 24, 2017 by Shakilrahman96

[TheYuriG]

Confession, I have no idea how to work with forum tools.. The quote system confuses me and I have been too embarrassed to ever admit it, like the way you are able to respond to different segments of a quote at different parts? yea it escapes me how you do that so sorry for the ugly looking response.

You can't, that's why I have to use the PC so I can copy and paste the whole quote and delete everything I don't want to reply to. Kinda painful because I deleted more than i wanted to when I was using the phone and I had to type everything from scratch again.

 

That being said I am a very hands on kinda guy, I like being in the company of my partner 24/7 and I tend to start speculating the worst whenever she doesn't respond, doesn't wait around for me after university or outright says she wants to just relax and go home. I think this is because in my previous relationship not long ago, We used to do everything together, I'd say I spent a minimum of 18 hours on average a day doing things with my ex whether it be gaming, roleplaying, chatting, skyping etc. so I think I haven't exactly got used to the lack of constant attention to be honest like.

Some people might see that as overly attached, but so many hours a day? That would be like a dream relationship for me, hahaha.

 

2: Me and my sister are very close, so it bothers me when she tries to get me in trouble or just tends to make situations or circumstances harder for me so I tend to snap very easily at her to be honest. She has the ability to make me go from absolutely calm to wanting to hit her so hard in a split second. We rarely fight though, or even disagree for that matter.

Me and sister are quite cool, honestly. We don't talk much but when we do, we are nice to each other. Been a long time since we fought, she don't backstab me anymore like she used to.

 

just take him as he comes you know? He is also constantly changing his opinion on things depending on the company he is in which can be very frustrating.

Gotcha. Also had a ditto friend, kinda annoying that he shapeshifts as necessity demands. Hard to vouch for him in any subject.

[Shakilrahman96]

• thank you alex
   

Edited September 24, 2017 by Shakilrahman96

[MesopithecusUK]

I'm so glad your date went well       I've been waiting for your journal update to find out.

 

As for your questions

 

Do you drink tea/coffee? why/why not?

 

I don't tend to have many hot drinks but if I do, I go for tea.  Mainly because when I was growing up, my Nan and I would always have a cup of tea and a biscuit together.  I don't mind coffee, but it's very rare that I drink it as I'm really fussy over the quality of coffee.

 

Do you pay attention to germs and bacteria in public places or is there any need to when you can just wash your hands after anyway?

 

I'm kind of a germophobe also, so usually carry some hand wipes and alcohol hand gel with me.  Usually I'm OK with waiting to wash my hands but there are occasions where I freak out a little bit - like if something is visibly uncleanly or if someone coughs/sneezes in my vicinity.  

 

On a date with your girlfriend do you a: pay the bill, b: split the bill, c: let her pay

When I've been on dates in the past, I've tended to split the bill with the guy I'm on a date with unless they absolutely insist on paying (I've even paid for the meal on a few dates with men and not just because they have forgotten their wallet...that's another story though)

 

2 legged dragons with no arms, yay or nay?

Nay

 

Edited January 28, 2016 by Espeon

[Shakilrahman96]

I'm so glad your date went well       I've been waiting for your journal update to find out.

I'm glad I have somebody who's bothered to read my silly diary each day haha! It went quite well, she seems in a very nice mood this morning too, she indirectly said she missed me this morning which was great to hear!

 

 

Do you drink tea/coffee? why/why not?

 

I don't tend to have many hot drinks but if I do, I go for tea.  Mainly because when I was growing up, my Nan and I would always have a cup of tea and a biscuit together.  I don't mind coffee, but it's very rare that I drink it as I'm really fussy over the quality of coffee.

 

I haven't had a cup of tea in 3 years now, my family are huge coffee and tea drinkers, I am actually the only one in the family who can't stomach the stuff. I have to confess though, seeing how you did mention biscuits and tea I have to say that is VERY nice but I'd never finish the tea so its a waste of a cup of it. Unless I was to eat several hundred biscuits needed to soak up all the tea! not happening!!!

 

I'm kind of a germophobe also, so usually carry some hand wipes and alcohol hand gel with me.  Usually I'm OK with waiting to wash my hands but there are occasions where I freak out a little bit - like if something is visibly uncleanly or if someone coughs/sneezes in my vicinity.  

I never thought so far ahead as to bring wipes or hand gel with me, definitely an idea worth considering seeing how I am always so panicky about public places and the hygiene of them. I can never just seem to relax. In restaurants I am wondering if the utensils are clean enough, I am always up the door is a push door so I dont need to pull the disgusting handle towards me  ugh... I hate when people don't cover their damn mouths with their inner elbow or a tissue when they cough or sneeze, doing it into their hands is like 100x worse   disgusting! I was eating curly fries in the car and my little sister Samirah full on coughed heavily like 4-5 times in a row, I gave out to her only to be given out to by my mother for telling her "I am eating! have some bloody manners and cover your mouth when you cough, or at least look away!!!"

 

On a date with your girlfriend do you a: pay the bill, b: split the bill, c: let her pay

When I've been on dates in the past, I've tended to split the bill with the guy I'm on a date with unless they absolutely insist on paying (I've even paid for the meal on a few dates with men and not just because they have forgotten their wallet...that's another story though)

 

The only time I'd let a girl on a date split the bill is if she was buying too much alcohol or something like that, not because I am stingy either. I personally do not drink, PERIOD and giving alcohol as a gift or purchasing it on another's behalf feels like I am going against what I stand for, therefore I wouldn't pay for things like that whatsoever.

 

I always insist on paying, Any time my girlfriend reaches out to pay I have to stop her and tell the waiter or cashier to just ignore her entirely   I've got it under control!!! They surprisingly always listen to me its hilarious haha. Wait what?!?!? PAID FOR THE MEAL?!?!? 

Chivalry is truly dead in some aspects isn't it? I mean to me that is just disrespectful, I'd never ever bring a girl on a date if I had no intention of contributing partially/entirely towards the bill, that is just insane to be honest I can't believe that lol yet at the same time, knowing the guys I've met, I can believe it entirely at the same time.

 

2 legged dragons with no arms, yay or nay?

Nay

 

Thank goodness I am not the only one

[Kurorac]

I'm really glad your date went well too.

 

Been following your diary in silence until now, but I thought I had to write something.

 

And while I'm already here, I will answer those questions as well:

 

Do you drink tea/coffee? why/why not?

 

I drink tea a lot. Mostly black tea (darjeeling) and Matcha. I guess that comes from being half english

And sometimes espresso, that's when the other half (italian) comes through, I guess

 

Do you pay attention to germs and bacteria in public places or is there any need to when you can just wash your hands after anyway?

 

Not so much in the past but it got worse in the last year. I don't know, if I touched something I think has a lot of bacteria I have this really disgusting feeling. It's still not that bad but I have a sanitizer spray in case of emergency.

 

 

On a date with your girlfriend do you a: pay the bill, b: split the bill, c: let her pay

 

I always payed the bill while being on a date with my girlfriend, except the 2 week period where I had no income at all.

Nowadays I have a split account with my wife so it doesn't really matter, but I'm always the one 'paying' just because it's a nice gesture 

 

 

2 legged dragons with no arms, yay or nay?

 

Definitely nay

Edited January 29, 2016 by Kurorac

[Shakilrahman96]

I'm really glad your date went well too.

 

Been following your diary in silence until now, but I thought I had to write something.

Thanks nice to know there is somebody secretly following my diary haha I should have something written for the next 3-4 hours time I accidentally hit the backspace on the keyboard and I had almost finished writing a response to this, I gave up but I decided I would rewrite it now.

 

Do you drink tea/coffee? why/why not?

 

I drink tea a lot. Mostly black tea (darjeeling) and Matcha. I guess that comes from being half english

And sometimes espresso, that's when the other half (italian) comes through, I guess

 

Ah! a fellow "Half cast" as they say!    Coffee variations and the names that go along with the go right over my head to be perfectly honest with you! that being said I am quite familiar with what an expresso is at least 

 

Do you pay attention to germs and bacteria in public places or is there any need to when you can just wash your hands after anyway?

 

Not so much in the past but it got worse in the last year. I don't know, if I touched something I think has a lot of bacteria I have this really disgusting feeling. It's still not that bad but I have a sanitizer spray in case of emergency.

Nice to know I am not alone in my germophobic ways!   that being said, I always considered that I may be overreacting however then when I give it thought, I am convinced that I really ain't, its just most people are oblivious to the bacteria around them. 

 

On a date with your girlfriend do you a: pay the bill, b: split the bill, c: let her pay

 

I always payed the bill while being on a date with my girlfriend, except the 2 week period where I had no income at all.

Nowadays I have a split account with my wife so it doesn't really matter, but I'm always the one 'paying' just because it's a nice gesture 

Perhaps I spoke too soon regarding my "chivalry is dead" comment . To be honest not being able to pay for your partner due to financial difficulty isn't exactly something to be embarrassed or ashamed about. However as guys, it kills us to have to let the woman pay during moments of crisis. I remember that day I forgot my wallet at home and my girlfriend had to fork out the cash I was literally kicking myself so hard. I knew she didn't mind and I know accidents happen but it just didn't feel right you know?

Lol! yea marriage is a totally different story because the money is pretty much combined into one large pool! 

[Shakilrahman96]

THANK YOU ALEX

Edited September 24, 2017 by Shakilrahman96

[Shakilrahman96]

thank you alex

Edited September 24, 2017 by Shakilrahman96