Slave to addiction

[Mellenthin]

Greetings, 

 

Most likely the vast majority reading this don't know of me - and most likely never will - however, I feel compelled to write this nonetheless. If not just for my own sake but for those who are or will eventually fall into the same pitfall as I have.

 

Whilst it's true that I'm writing this intoxicated, it's equally true I would never have done so whilst sober. Meaning, I have some words to say and some of you better listen.

 

This isn't forwarded to those who have a healthy relationship to gaming in general, but to those where gaming have become an outlet for everything you despise in society.

 

In short - whatever you seek in gaming that you cannot find otherwise - there's no respite, there's no tranquility to be found - absolutely no one will help you except for yourself, even less understand you. I've tried it first hand and it has only led me deeper into the pits of despair.

 

I really don't care whether you're high or low on any leaderboards, or if you're even able to acknowledge your own addiction, but as I mentioned, the important part - as I feel it - is to make others aware.

 

I've been gaming my whole life and I've probably been on my current path since early childhood. I basically have no issues being as transparent as I am as honesty is one of the virtues I value the most.

 

What I try to convey to those who try and seek solace in gaming for whatever reason, don't do it. In the best of circumstances, you will only prolong the inevitable. I think you realize this deep inside.

 

To the mods who will likely get alerted to the thread one way or another, let it be known that I'm absolutely serious. I'm not typing this in order to entertain myself or others, but to write myself another chapter - and hopefully others as well.

 

Thank you for your time!

Edited January 14, 2022 by Mellenthin

[kindajustin]

8 minutes ago, Mellenthin said:

Whilst it's true that I'm writing this intoxicated, it's equally true I would never done so whilst sober. Meaning, I have some words to say and some of you better listen.

I knew I was in for an interesting read the moment I passed this bit here. ? Thank you for this post.

[Mellenthin]

Yes, booze basically makes everything more interesting - personal meltdowns included.?

[Jelly Soup]

I mean.

Media consumption is for escapism for the most part. People need an outlet for their frustrations and a relaxer from time to time. Sure, you're going to find people who over consume or put way too much effort into it. But I'd assume the vast majority of games are somewhere between very casual and 'hardcore', whatever that means these days. Even among achievement hunters who are in pretty deep, there's a level of balance or a motivation outside of pure escapism (Hakoom, for example, was supposedly making damn good money from his escapism). If it counts as addiction is different from person to person.

Edited January 15, 2022 by Jelly Soup

[exsentry]

On 1/14/2022 at 1:19 PM, Mellenthin said:

What I try to convey to those who try and seek solace in gaming for whatever reason, don't do it. In the best of circumstances, you will only prolong the inevitable. I think you realize this deep inside.

 

There may be some truth to this; however, is it me or had this maxim grown over the years?

 

I used to spend thousands of hours on my NES and SNES as a form of comfort and entertainment without the cost of frustration or other negative impacts but as gaming has evolved it has been much less so. I first noticed this paradox with the arcade fighting game scene, then to online shooters (*ahem, SOCOM), gaming becoming mainstream and lastly trophy hunting. I suppose it could be the stressors I have now are much different than when I was a kid. I do know this much, I cannot play games anymore when I am upset or stressed out...it's a pretty counter-productive experience.

Edited January 15, 2022 by pathtoninja

[Mellenthin]

On 15/01/2022 at 6:17 PM, Jelly Soup said:

I mean.

Media consumption is for escapism for the most part. People need an outlet for their frustrations and a relaxer from time to time. Sure, you're going to find people who over consume or put way too much effort into it. But I'd assume the vast majority of games are somewhere between very casual and 'hardcore', whatever that means these days. Even among achievement hunters who are in pretty deep, there's a level of balance or a motivation outside of pure escapism (Hakoom, for example, was supposedly making damn good money from his escapism). If it counts as addiction is different from person to person.

 

People definitely need an outlet. I've just taken it too far, unfortunately turning it into a source of anxiety instead. As embarrassing as talking about this is, I don't regret it.

 

I'm hardly planning to drag this on much further, but I do think it's healthy to have these kind of topics every now and then if only for the sole reason to show that there's a potential downside to this hobby.

 

On 15/01/2022 at 11:41 PM, pathtoninja said:

 

There may be some truth to this; however, is it me or had this maxim grown over the years?

 

I used to spend thousands of hours on my NES and SNES as a form of comfort and entertainment without the cost of frustration or other negative impacts but as gaming has evolved it has been much less so. I first noticed this paradox with the arcade fighting game scene, then to online shooters (*ahem, SOCOM), gaming becoming mainstream and lastly trophy hunting. I suppose it could be the stressors I have now are much different than when I was a kid. I do know this much, I cannot play games anymore when I am upset or stressed out...it's a pretty counter-productive experience.

 

I vividly remember making lists in alphabetical order of completed NES and SNES games as a kid, and much of that kind of behaviour is well and alive to this day - nothing that helps, that much I can tell you.?

 

Regardless, gaming back then was genuinely about having fun. Just like how I enjoyed playing soccer in school with my mates, it stopped being fun in highschool the moment I joined a team where the prime focus was to win.

 

Perhaps not the best comparison, but I know for sure that whenever I think back of boosting sessions and multiplayer in general, for every year I spent on my profile, the more it evolved about trophies primarily and less about having fun.

 

So, I perfectly know what went wrong and what I need to change and focus on. It's just hard to make said change when you basically have no other hobby to occupy your time with and doing a complete 360 in terms how you've approached games in the past.

 

First world problem, I know...?

 

Anyway, thanks for your input guys!?

 

 

 

[Jelly Soup]

On 1/19/2022 at 8:38 AM, Mellenthin said:

 

People definitely need an outlet. I've just taken it too far, unfortunately turning it into a source of anxiety instead. As embarrassing as talking about this is, I don't regret it.

 

Shouldn't really be embarrassed, recognizing that you've maybe taken things too far and are in need of stepping back moment are good things. Plenty of people have had moments like that, me included. Achievement hunting can get a tad too habit forming, it's worth leaning to pace yourself if you still want to continue.

[Baranov_925]

"The words of drunk one are the thoughts of sober one."

Edited January 26, 2022 by Baranov_925

[Darling Baphomet]

I've always found the idea of gaming addiction a bit ridiculous, honestly, at least in its popular usage. There's no doubt it's a concept fueled by the looking down upon gaming as a lesser form of media; it's unlikely you'd see similar concerns over, say, "book addicts" reading all day, or "fanfic addicts" losing themselves in their stories. Hell, we toss the term "workaholic" around half-jokingly, but there's little legitimate concern over people working themselves to death.

 

I would also point out that addiction is more often a symptom than a problem in and of itself. Even actual addictions correlate with childhood trauma, poverty (even homelessness), and so on and so forth. Those are admittedly extreme examples, but personally relevant. I myself grew up with abusive parents and was isolated from other children, and gaming became something of a safe haven for me. Did it improve my life? Eh. But it didn't need to, and it's highly unlikely not indulging would have. You may struggle with the hobby personally, but I do not believe it's fair to say that there's no respite to be found in gaming. We live in an unhappy world, and it is good to find your little joys where you can.

[Mellenthin]

On 24/01/2022 at 5:42 PM, Jelly Soup said:

 

Shouldn't really be embarrassed, recognizing that you've maybe taken things too far and are in need of stepping back moment are good things. Plenty of people have had moments like that, me included. Achievement hunting can get a tad too habit forming, it's worth leaning to pace yourself if you still want to continue.

Thanks!

 

When I say embarrassed, it's in the context of never having seen a topic like my own in the decade since I joined PST - which in my opinion should give people some thought.

 

To empathize, I had one particular heavyweight trophy hunter on my FL who just disappeared in 2014 despite having a very impressive profile and no signs of anything gone wrong - except if you consider gaming at that level anything but healthy. 

 

Haven't heard anyone but QM mention him since then and I think it's more a rule than the exception of people like that simply vanishing without a trace when reality catches them - for good or ill.

 

On 24/01/2022 at 8:00 PM, Baranov_925 said:

"The words of a drunk one are the thoughts of a sober one."

 

When it's in caps like that it just has to be true.?

On 24/01/2022 at 8:16 PM, Darling Baphomet said:

I've always found the idea of gaming addiction a bit ridiculous, honestly, at least in its popular usage. There's no doubt it's a concept fueled by the looking down upon gaming as a lesser form of media; it's unlikely you'd see similar concerns over, say, "book addicts" reading all day, or "fanfic addicts" losing themselves in their stories. Hell, we toss the term "workaholic" around half-jokingly, but there's little legitimate concern over people working themselves to death.

 

I would also point out that addiction is more often a symptom than a problem in and of itself. Even actual addictions correlate with childhood trauma, poverty (even homelessness), and so on and so forth. Those are admittedly extreme examples, but personally relevant. I myself grew up with abusive parents and was isolated from other children, and gaming became something of a safe haven for me. Did it improve my life? Eh. But it didn't need to, and it's highly unlikely not indulging would have. You may struggle with the hobby personally, but I do not believe it's fair to say that there's no respite to be found in gaming. We live in an unhappy world, and it is good to find your little joys where you can.

I'm certainly not past the notion that addiction - any type - is due to the wanting of relief - quite the opposite. Perhaps it's why, for example, that especially strong storytelling has a significant impact on me whereas other individuals only care about gameplay and litte else - something I've always had a hard time understanding other than on s purely intellectual level.

 

How you end your post strongly resonate with how I perceive gaming in the general sense. That said, the real danger, though, doesn't lay within the temporary relief but when you actually start seeking it actively and much later figure out you're way worse off than from where you originally started out from - temporary relief by all means, but reality will hit you hard all the same.

 

My master plan is to finish a handful of games and then take a break as long as needed. I can't and won't permit myself to continue being as entrenched in games as I've been uptil now.

 

Again, thanks for your input guys. It's more appreciated than you know.?

 

 

[DaveMcDamage]

I believe gaming can be a major problem if your life is in a slump and you turn to gaming.  When its important to find that something that makes your slap yourself and tell you to get off your arse, some people turn to gaming as they feel its there for them and they can do something they exel in. Then the games start kicking there arse and all of a sudden they're in a worse slump. 

 

 

[AJ_Radio]

I do in fact know you, because you frequent the PST.org forums. Welcome to PSNP, I guess.

 

Strangely, I actually think I've become less addicted to games than I was back in the 1990s and early 2000s. There was something to be said when you waited months for a big release to come out, or if you were one of those kids who had be taken to Blockbuster to try out a new game. I had that experience many times.

 

That is now completely obsolete, thanks to modern technology and the fact that I can just buy up hundreds if not thousands of games sitting at home either via PSN or on Steam. Having that ease of access has basically killed my immersion. The magic is gone. The charm is gone.

 

People regularly post entire videos of game stories like Mafia: Definitive Edition on YouTube. You already know the fucking story before you even played the damn game. This makes certain "movie games" like Detroit: Become Human much less immersive and fun. I watched some cutscenes of Mafia: Definitive prior to playing, and while I did like the game overall, seeing a part of the game ahead of time spoiled the fun I could have had.

 

With Yakuza 0, I basically went in completely blind, only looking up a guide for the missables. The result? I had a lot more fun and enjoyment. Spoilers really kill my immersion for a lot of games, so I purposely avoid them as much as I can even if some random YouTubers post pre-release footage of the games. Sometimes I watch this footage if I'm cautious of the game, other times I don't.

 

Even if I was an adult back in the 1990s and early 2000s, TV commercials and magazines would of propelled my hype for a game because back then, games were released far less frequently. It also made sense to preorder in the PS2 days because more games were actually complete. Today pretty much every AAA game gets released unfinished, which kills both my hype and my immersion for the game. Then you have to wait months for the updates to roll in so the game is actually more playable.

 

The mainstream appeal of gaming has also killed my interest over the years. In times past, gaming was basically a subculture. Guys like John Romero and John Carmack were basically gamers themselves, who understood the fundamentals and integrity of the hobby. Today, a bunch of faceless corporate suits are calling the shots and the result is more big name releases are being put out with blatant microtransactions, lootboxes and monetization. Got to keep the games streamlined, so they are more accessible to the masses. 

 

I still cling to the indie and AA gaming scene because at least those guys have a better understanding of what makes a good game. I can't say I'm a big Soulsborne fan, but I'm really hoping Elden Ring will come through and be met with good praise. From Software is one of the few bastions left that is coming out with quality products that aren't preaching some political nonsense. If they fall and decline, then it's basically over for AAA gaming.

Edited January 27, 2022 by AJ_Radio
added some input