Billie's never ending backlog

[rjkclarke]

I WON FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS BILLIE!

 

Sorry, love the new name by the way - but every time I read it I think of Lauren Tom's character saying what I put in capitals in the show Goliath, just really cracks me up the way she said it.... Don't worry, I won't do that again ?, not in writing anyway!

 

so erm.... yeah games and stuff!

 

15 hours ago, Billie__227 said:

# 29 / # 33

 

World End Syndrome

 

 

I really like the sound of this, I can totally go for a VN every now and then! So I'll keep a look out.....

 

......I mean descriptions like "well written characters and doesn't make you feel uncomfortable when you play it" are all good things when it comes to VN's, as those can sometimes be a little tough to actually find..... I totally get where you're coming from too, with the feeling a bit weirded out, they do sometimes do the over sexualisation thing and I really wish they wouldn't.  Something I think we may have discussed a little in the past, around Christmas time. 

 

Either way, it was an awesome description of your time with this, I really enjoyed reading that! You might just have made a sale too!

 

15 hours ago, Billie__227 said:

Also, if anybody has any lesbian VN recs or even just something with a female protag in general I'd really love to hear about it. I know its kinda cringe lol but I love these styles of VN bc I love both story driven games and romance in games

 

Actually I do..... and it's one I've recommended to you before, but I shall re-recommend it, because I don't think that I ever actually mentioned the lesbian aspect of it in my review, or in my recommendation.

 

Okay so you know I really loved VA-11 Hall-A? Well Jill, who is the main protagonist of that game a game that is one step away from being a VN........ and also came second in my illustrious female character of the year award (note the sarcasm )  last year. She too is a lesbian, and it's a very integral part of her character, but it doesn't define her (because she's well written) but judging by what you said there, I think that you'll have an even better time with VA-11 Hall-A than I thought you might have done before.

 

So VA-11 Hall-A is around the tippy top for ones I'd recommend for you right about now! It's got an incredibly deep story too, a little low-key but what it deals with is incredibly powerfully done in places.

 

Plus you know, you already loved 2064: Read Only Memories, if I remember right, and those games live in a shared universe, and you can even get a little Turing figurine for your in game apartment!

Edited May 20, 2022 by rjkclarke

[Billie__227]

16 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I WON FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS BILLIE!

 

Sorry, love the new name by the way - but every time I read it I think of Lauren Tom's character saying what I put in capitals in the show Goliath, just really cracks me up the way she said it.... Don't worry, I won't do that again , not in writing anyway!

Lol! Thank you haha. Its a name I occasionally used way back in the day and its actually a reference to the movie Unfriended! A lot of people hated that movie but I still enjoy it >.< I had been toying with the idea of using it again for a while now bc I missed it. Stupid underscores!

 

16 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I really like the sound of this, I can totally go for a VN every now and then! So I'll keep a look out.....

 

......I mean descriptions like "well written characters and doesn't make you feel uncomfortable when you play it" are all good things when it comes to VN's, as those can sometimes be a little tough to actually find..... I totally get where you're coming from too, with the feeling a bit weirded out, they do sometimes do the over sexualisation thing and I really wish they wouldn't.  Something I think we may have discussed a little in the past, around Christmas time. 

 

Either way, it was an awesome description of your time with this, I really enjoyed reading that! You might just have made a sale too!

I look forward to your write up if you do play it! There are a couple moments that are kinda stereotypical anime VN, but honestly I kinda feel like it pokes fun at the tropes a lot and knows what its doing, which I appreciated lol. The fan service is at a minimum! I wish I could play it for the first time again honestly. My partner watched me play it and loved it as well and they're pretty picky.

 

16 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

Actually I do..... and it's one I've recommended to you before, but I shall re-recommend it, because I don't think that I ever actually mentioned the lesbian aspect of it in my review, or in my recommendation.

 

Okay so you know I really loved VA-11 Hall-A? Well Jill, who is the main protagonist of that game a game that is one step away from being a VN........ and also came second in my illustrious female character of the year award (note the sarcasm )  last year. She too is a lesbian, and it's a very integral part of her character, but it doesn't define her (because she's well written) but judging by what you said there, I think that you'll have an even better time with VA-11 Hall-A than I thought you might have done before.

 

So VA-11 Hall-A is around the tippy top for ones I'd recommend for you right about now! It's got an incredibly deep story too, a little low-key but what it deals with is incredibly powerfully done in places.

Alright, I'm officially moving this to the top of my list for my next purchase haha. I've been meaning to get around to it anyway! I will definitely let you know all about it when I'm done.

 

16 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

and you can even get a little Turing figurine for your in game apartment!

Yup, I'm sold

[Billie__227]

Update that I wanted to mention before I forget! I may have mentioned that I have been avoiding streaming, YouTube, and social media in general for ages due to some people from my past who won't leave me alone, but its been years and its time for everyone to move on and heal. I will be, at least, whether anyone likes it or not. Right before I quit streaming, I had bought a nice mic and decent camera and a ring light and was actually doing some pretty professional looking streams and meeting cool people and having so much fun, but I was so paranoid and traumatized that I ended up quitting even though as far as I know, no one I'm avoiding knew about my new account. I'm so tired of living in this constant anxiousness and feeling overwhelmed due to people I don't even like and their opinions about me. All my friends are able to have fun streaming and making videos, I should be allowed to as well! I need to learn to just not care and not take things so seriously. I was just trying to have fun anyway, not make it a career. Basically, I am thinking about streaming again, and posting to YouTube again, maybe unprivating my old streams etc. I might stream unlisted on YouTube for a while at first and just give out the links in a Discord server for anyone who is interested until I (hopefully) feel more comfortable, just as a way to test the waters and get used to it again. I'm scared, but I'm gonna do my best to keep negativity away and not let bad things happen again. Sorry to get all personal lol I just wanted to mention it in case anyone here may be interested in being a part of my lil community. It'll be a bit before I stream again bc internet issues atm but until then I'm gonna try to get confident posting on YouTube again. In the meantime, if anyone here has a youtube channel or twitch or anything else, I'd love to follow! 

Edited May 22, 2022 by Billie__227
overshared lol

[YaManSmevz]

 

That's wonderful!! Good on you, girl?

[Billie__227]

Started Resident Evil Revelations 2 with my partner last night and we had a blast lol. Like I said, my trophy list won't update for a while bc internet issues but still thought I'd mention it. I only ever played episode 1 ages ago on xbox and I enjoyed it back then too, but dropped it bc I couldn't buy the full game at the time haha. The scenery and the whole vibe is giving me massive Evil Within flashbacks. I love it  I am eyeing the ultra rare platinum with some anxiety though.

 

also uh, I feel like I shared too much and trauma dumped on y'all in my last post which I didn't mean to do lol the situation probably isn't as severe as I feel like it is in my own mentally ill paranoid head ;^; just thought I'd apologize in case anyone was like "whoa, nobody asked". I overshare way too much and I'm trying to be better about that >.< 

[DrBloodmoney]

Just now, Billie__227 said:

also uh, I feel like I shared too much and trauma dumped on y'all in my last post which I didn't mean to do lol the situation probably isn't as severe as I feel like it is in my own mentally ill paranoid head ;^; just thought I'd apologize in case anyone was like "whoa, nobody asked". I overshare way too much and I'm trying to be better about that >.< 

 

Don't ever feel like that Billie - these checklists are a place where we all have our demons, and I don't think i've come across a single spot on the interwebs with a more supportive and understanding bunch of odd-balls!

 

Share your stuff as you wish, we have your back ?

[Billie__227]

4 minutes ago, DrBloodmoney said:

 

Don't ever feel like that Billie - these checklists are a place where we all have our demons, and I don't think i've come across a single spot on the interwebs with a more supportive and understanding bunch of odd-balls!

 

Share your stuff as you wish, we have your back 

Thanks Doc, you're the best ?♡

[rjkclarke]

34 minutes ago, Billie__227 said:

Started Resident Evil Revelations 2 with my partner last night and we had a blast lol. Like I said, my trophy list won't update for a while bc internet issues but still thought I'd mention it. I only ever played episode 1 ages ago on xbox and I enjoyed it back then too, but dropped it bc I couldn't buy the full game at the time haha. The scenery and the whole vibe is giving me massive Evil Within flashbacks. I love it  I am eyeing the ultra rare platinum with some anxiety though.

 

Oh yes! I think you two are going to have a lot of fun with that one! Revelations 2 is either my favourite or second favourite of the recent crop of Resident Evil games.... I can only imagine that it's even more enjoyable to play with someone else. I played it with a friend, but we couldn't play it together, so we were sort of just doing side by side parts of the story in party chat, but it was still a heck of a lot of fun!

 

If it gives you Evil Within flashbacks that makes me think I probably ought to get on and play that one, as it just seems to get pushed back fairly often whenever I seriously consider playing it.

 

Try not to get too anxious about the platinum. It seems intimidating at first, but those Invisible Enemy and Speedrun trophies were something I really enjoyed personally, you end up learning the game inside out. They certainly aren't as difficult as you think they might be. I had the same worries as you.

 

Melee attacks are really overpowered in that game, so it's a really efficient way of saving ammo in that game for the big ol' beasties that need the most killing.

 

40 minutes ago, Billie__227 said:

I feel like I shared too much and trauma dumped on y'all in my last post which I didn't mean to do lol the situation probably isn't as severe as I feel like it is in my own mentally ill paranoid head ;^; just thought I'd apologize in case anyone was like "whoa, nobody asked". I overshare way too much and I'm trying to be better about that >.< 

 

I also echo Doc's sentiments - who'd have thought (I really do worry that people think I'm just sheepishly agreeing with him, instead of actually being quite like-minded). Anyway what I just put in brackets actually ended up being the perfect example of something.....

 

.... and that is that we're all capable of getting a little hung up and a little paranoid about things. And it really isn't something you should ever apologise for, but as an eternal apology maker myself, I fully understand!

 

Like Doc said, we've got your back, so share away if you need to.  Considering how traumatic that all sounded for you, I'm not too surprised it's something that still floats around in your head a little bit. I hope that will start to ease off the more time passes though. 

 

It sounds like you'd get a lot of personal fulfilment from streaming and posting videos again, so its definitely something I'd encourage you to return to if you still feel up to it.

 

Remember if you feel like it all gets too much, you have a safe space here to air anything out, and you can be sure that you'll be listened to!

 

[Khibiz]

On 19/05/2022 at 8:58 PM, Billie__227 said:

Also, if anybody has any lesbian VN recs or even just something with a female protag in general I'd really love to hear about it. I know its kinda cringe lol but I love these styles of VN bc I love both story driven games and romance in games.

I think VA-11 Hall-A might be a good choice. It's a game with visual novel elements and very minor gameplay in form of bartending. The protagonist is a female and while she is gay, there isn't too much focus on her relationship. Although I haven't played many visual novels, I'd confidently say it's one of the best out there. I'd also say it's worth giving it a shot for the banger OST alone. Not a single track out of the 60 something choices is bad.

[Billie__227]

1 hour ago, rjkclarke said:

If it gives you Evil Within flashbacks that makes me think I probably ought to get on and play that one, as it just seems to get pushed back fairly often whenever I seriously consider playing it.

 

Try not to get too anxious about the platinum. It seems intimidating at first, but those Invisible Enemy and Speedrun trophies were something I really enjoyed personally, you end up learning the game inside out. They certainly aren't as difficult as you think they might be. I had the same worries as you.

I'll update you guys with my thoughts after I finish my first playthrough :3! Trophy hunting will come later haha but I am hopeful that it won't be too bad.

 

Also, if you haven't played The Evil Within I highly recommend it! It is one of my favorite horror games ever and the sequel is amazing as well imo. I am super attached to the protag, Sebastian, and his story actually gets closure and is so good! He's actually one of my fave game characters ever ;^; 

 

1 hour ago, rjkclarke said:

Like Doc said, we've got your back, so share away if you need to.  Considering how traumatic that all sounded for you, I'm not too surprised it's something that still floats around in your head a little bit. I hope that will start to ease off the more time passes though. 

 

It sounds like you'd get a lot of personal fulfilment from streaming and posting videos again, so its definitely something I'd encourage you to return to if you still feel up to it.

 

Remember if you feel like it all gets too much, you have a safe space here to air anything out, and you can be sure that you'll be listened to!

You guys are awesome. I mean that. I have really severe OCD that manifests in the form of paranoia and anxiety so whenever I have literally ANY issue whatsoever with other people I straight up believe they are out there plotting my demise and have serious panic attacks over it like a total spazz. In this particular instance though I have actually been stalked, harassed, threatened, doxxed once and have had to change accounts on various platforms multiple times for literal years now, so it makes it even scarier for me. One of them was even threatening my friends too at one point then tried to come around and act like we were besties later ? I've honestly considered deleting my PSN account and losing years worth of game progress and thousands of dollars I've spent, just so I can totally disappear from their sights. So I'm still on the fence about whether I can mentally handle streaming.

 

I hate that I'm always so wishy washy about it, feeling confident one day and then regretting streaming and wishing I could just disappear and stop being perceived by everyone forever the next. The people I'm trying to stay away from are pretty active in the streaming community too and I just can't shake the worry that they'll try to ruin the experience for me... again. But I really need to develop a thicker skin. A grown 27 year old woman shouldn't be cowering in fear from some dumb asses online (most of whom are a fair amount of years older than her mind you), no matter how big their followings are. Enough is enough already >.> I really do wish them all the best but from a VERY far distance.

 

Anyway, there I go over sharing yet again. That's the last I'll say on this whole mess publicly as I know they lurk me here as well and I don't want any more problems with anyone ever if possible. I should probably join a forum for people with anxiety disorders instead lol.

 

Also, I know I didn't comment bc I'm super awkward on other peoples threads but I read your RE4 write up and it was fantastic as always! Gonna get back to my professional run here soon. I felt inspired! 

1 hour ago, Khibiz said:

I think VA-11 Hall-A might be a good choice. It's a game with visual novel elements and very minor gameplay in form of bartending. The protagonist is a female and while she is gay, there isn't too much focus on her relationship. Although I haven't played many visual novels, I'd confidently say it's one of the best out there. I'd also say it's worth giving it a shot for the banger OST alone. Not a single track out of the 60 something choices is bad.

That's another vote for VA-11 Hall-A, lol. I definitely need to get to this one! I really enjoyed 2064 and the OST for it as well, so I'm stoked for this. I think I'll actually grab it as soon as my internet is good again next week :3 I'll let you all know what I think of it. I definitely have high expectations with how many people have been recommending it to me.

[DrBloodmoney]

22 minutes ago, Billie__227 said:

 

You guys are awesome. I mean that. I have really severe OCD that manifests in the form of paranoia and anxiety so whenever I have literally ANY issue whatsoever with other people I straight up believe they are out there plotting my demise and have serious panic attacks over it like a total spazz. In this particular instance though I have actually been stalked, harassed, threatened, doxxed once and have had to change accounts on various platforms multiple times for literal years now, so it makes it even scarier for me. One of them was even threatening my friends too at one point then tried to come around and act like we were besties later  I've honestly considered deleting my PSN account and losing years worth of game progress and thousands of dollars I've spent, just so I can totally disappear from their sights. So I'm still on the fence about whether I can mentally handle streaming.

 

Jesus, that's appalling! ?

 

So sorry you've had to deal with this kind of disgusting behaviour - and bravo for not caving to it, and deleting your account!

Totally understandable that such a thing would have you rattled - but I hope you are able to keep that kind of thing at arms length, and remember that it has bugger all to do with the victim of it, and everything to do with the issues of those engaging in it.

 

22 minutes ago, Billie__227 said:

I hate that I'm always so wishy washy about it, feeling confident one day and then regretting streaming and wishing I could just disappear and stop being perceived by everyone forever the next. The people I'm trying to stay away from are pretty active in the streaming community too and I just can't shake the worry that they'll try to ruin the experience for me... again. But I really need to develop a thicker skin. A grown 27 year old woman shouldn't be cowering in fear from some dumb asses online (most of whom are a fair amount of years older than her mind you), no matter how big their followings are. Enough is enough already >.> I really do wish them all the best but from a VERY far distance.

 

Hopefully the tools for keeping that kind of thing at a distance are evolving to a point where you no longer need to worry  - I'm not in that world, but I can imagine how deflating it would be to put yourself out there, and have that kind of response dragging you down - just try to remember that douchbags are louder than nice folks - it's tough to drown out indiscriminate yelling with kind words, but they're there all the same... youmight  just have to concentrate harder on hearing them ?

 

[rjkclarke]

1 hour ago, Billie__227 said:

I have really severe OCD that manifests in the form of paranoia and anxiety so whenever I have literally ANY issue whatsoever with other people I straight up believe they are out there plotting my demise and have serious panic attacks over it like a total spazz. 

 

I don't have diagnosed OCD, but I very much DO understand this, even if it is from a slightly less hypersensitive perspective. That is quite a crippling feeling when you've had a slight disagreement with someone, and you automatically think they hate you, or something much more extreme. Interesting you mention that, because I had a pretty deep discussion with a friend about this in the early hours of this morning (as deep as you can get when you're in a bar at 3AM I guess ?) and he was flabbergasted when I let him in on how often I automatically assume I've offended people, or that they'd hate me because I'd said something slightly out of turn, even if I hadn't. 

 

I'm sorry that anybody ever made you feel like that. I don't want to sound too much like a bag of cliché's (however much I probably do at times) but try and turn those negative feelings into a positive. Someone I dearly miss would tell you the same thing. It's easier said than done of course, but you can do it. Take whatever steps, at whatever pace you're comfortable with.

 

You aren't being a spaz by feeling that way though, all of that would stress absolutely anyone out. Sounds justified to me - I think panic attacks are one of those things that are a little easier to dismiss unless you've actually had any, and speaking from experience they can be absolutely horrible. So as it ends up getting to you like that, I'm truly sorry.

 

1 hour ago, Billie__227 said:

I hate that I'm always so wishy washy about it, feeling confident one day and then regretting streaming and wishing I could just disappear and stop being perceived by everyone forever the next

 

But I really need to develop a thicker skin. A grown 27 year old woman shouldn't be cowering in fear from some dumb asses online

 

Again, without sounding too preachy or cliche filled, just know that you aren't feeling that way because of your own actions, but the actions of others. I think a lot of us can understand those feelings you're having, to some degree.

 

Nobody should have to develop a thicker skin though.....Sometimes I wish people wouldn't be such offensive C words that this site censors, making the people being victimised feel like they are the ones that need to change when they aren't. 

 

1 hour ago, Billie__227 said:

I should probably join a forum for people with anxiety disorders instead lol.

 

Haha! Well..... after a year of interactions myself with some of the people who regularly check in with your thread, I still think there's a good chance at least 3 of us might still run into each other on that forum too

 

1 hour ago, Billie__227 said:

Also, I know I didn't comment bc I'm super awkward on other peoples threads but I read your RE4 write up and it was fantastic as always! Gonna get back to my professional run here soon. I felt inspired! 

 

Thank you so much! Looking forward to reading your own thoughts on RE4, Even though I already know you love it! It'll just be nice to read them again haha.

 

1 hour ago, Billie__227 said:

I think I'll actually grab it as soon as my internet is good again next week :3 I'll let you all know what I think of it.

 

WOOOOOOOOO! Yes! This is awesome!

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 22, 2022 by rjkclarke

[Billie__227]

15 minutes ago, DrBloodmoney said:

 

Jesus, that's appalling! 

 

So sorry you've had to deal with this kind of disgusting behaviour - and bravo for not caving to it, and deleting your account!

Totally understandable that such a thing would have you rattled - but I hope you are able to keep that kind of thing at arms length, and remember that it has bugger all to do with the victim of it, and everything to do with the issues of those engaging in it.

 

 

Hopefully the tools for keeping that kind of thing at a distance are evolving to a point where you no longer need to worry  - I'm not in that world, but I can imagine how deflating it would be to put yourself out there, and have that kind of response dragging you down - just try to remember that douchbags are louder than nice folks - it's tough to drown out indiscriminate yelling with kind words, but they're there all the same... youmight  just have to concentrate harder on hearing them 

 

Thank you for the kind words. I wish I didn't have any interest in being in that world either. I think it's the fact that I used to have so much fun streaming back before I had to quit bc of all that crap and my mental health getting worse, and now I've got a serious fear of missing out since it seems everyone in my generation aspires to be a streamer or an influencer of some sort. I honestly think I'd be a lot happier just running away to a small town and becoming a baker or something and completely removing as much of my digital footprint as possible lol but I always have this annoying worry of missing out gnawing at me. It's so dumb bc it stresses me out so much I don't end up enjoying being online anyway. I at least wish I could be somewhere in the middle where I do post online but don't constantly worry about what people are saying as soon as I'm away for a few minutes, you know, like a normal person DX

[Billie__227]

13 minutes ago, rjkclarke said:

I don't have diagnosed OCD, but I very much DO understand this, even if it is from a slightly less hypersensitive perspective. That is quite a crippling feeling when you've had a slight disagreement with someone, and you automatically think they hate you, or something much more extreme. Interesting you mention that, because I had a pretty deep discussion with a friend about this in the early hours of this morning (as deep as you can get when you're in a bar at 3AM I guess ?) and he was flabbergasted when I let him in on how often I automatically assume I've offended people, or that they'd hate me because I'd said something slightly out of turn, even if I hadn't. 

 

I'm sorry that anybody ever made you feel like that. I don't want to sound too much like a bag of cliché's (however much I probably do at times) but try and turn those negative feelings into a positive. Someone I dearly miss would tell you the same thing. It's easier said than done of course, but you can do it. Take whatever steps, at whatever pace you're comfortable with.

 

You aren't being a spaz by feeling that way though, all of that would stress absolutely anyone out. Sounds justified to me - I think panic attacks are one of those things that are a little easier to dismiss unless you've actually had any, and speaking from experience they can be absolutely horrible. So as it ends up getting to you like that, I'm truly sorry.

It really is a thing, isn't it? Lol I have had friends and family and even random people look at me like I'm the weirdest person ever if I mention that I go through life constantly worried I'm upsetting everyone and making enemies. I also can't seem to tell the difference between "enemies" and "people who just don't really like me" and it's just awful lol. I do have a couple of pretty close friends who also suffer from that sort of anxiety though, and it seems to be a lot more common than we'd think. I don't even believe my own friends like me sometimes. Also, just wanted to say you're a lovely person and I always get excited to see notifications from you c:

31 minutes ago, rjkclarke said:

Haha! Well..... after a year of interactions myself with some of the people who regularly check in with your thread, I still think there's a good chance at east 3 of us might still run into each other on that forum too

Lol! See you there!

 

32 minutes ago, rjkclarke said:

 

Thank you so much! Looking forward to reading your own thoughts on RE4, Even though I already know you love it! It'll just be nice to read them again haha.

Of course! And yeah, I'll probably have a lot to say lol but it may be a while bc I seem to be super terrible at this game on professional even with Ashley in her full on suit of armor >.<

 

37 minutes ago, rjkclarke said:

 

 

WOOOOOOOOO! Yes! This is awesome!

 

 

 

Soon ?!

[rjkclarke]

33 minutes ago, Billie__227 said:

It really is a thing, isn't it? Lol I have had friends and family and even random people look at me like I'm the weirdest person ever if I mention that I go through life constantly worried I'm upsetting everyone and making enemies. I also can't seem to tell the difference between "enemies" and "people who just don't really like me" and it's just awful lol.

 

I'm afraid it is, yes! I've had one or two of those looks myself, when trying to explain it . But I guess there's some small comfort in knowing that we aren't alone in having to deal with those sorts of feelings. That seems to be one of those things that come part and parcel with horrible people chipping away at your ability to feel safe trusting people, or even peoples actions or motivations. 

 

It took me a while to just come to terms with the fact that you're just going to find people in life that don't like you, even if you literally give them no reason to do so. It's even harder to reason that sometimes there isn't even any malice behind it, so I get where you're coming from too!

 

33 minutes ago, Billie__227 said:

I do have a couple of pretty close friends who also suffer from that sort of anxiety though, and it seems to be a lot more common than we'd think. I don't even believe my own friends like me sometimes. Also, just wanted to say you're a lovely person and I always get excited to see notifications from you c:

 

As do I, so like I mentioned above, it is at least some small comfort in knowing that you aren't the only one that suffers with those kinds of feelings too. That's exactly what I said to one of my friends the other day, about someone I've considered a friend for a very long time, but for some reason always assumed they hate me, they didn't and they don't, but for some reason I thought so.

 

It can be a very strange feeling when you're among people that you genuinely like, they almost certainly like you too a whole lot, but there's something just chipping away in your brain telling you that perhaps they don't feel the same and they'd rather you weren't there. It's messed up and I wish it wasn't a thing, but yep I do get it! Kind of funny in a curious way when some of these people are in the room at the same time, probably feeling the same way.

 

Thank you! Likewise! You too are a lovely person!

 

It's always great seeing whatever new thing you've chosen to tell us you've been playing recently, really glad that you don't just stick to strictly writing about your completions, because reading about your impressions after just finishing the story is always interesting when sometimes you're undecided if you even want to go back for trophies. That's a really interesting approach, and I dig it!

 

Hey we sure chose a good month to do a little deep dive with some of the things impacting upon our mental health, huh? What with it being Mental Health awareness month, but I just want to say, it was brave of you to share them!

 

33 minutes ago, Billie__227 said:

I seem to be super terrible at this game on professional even with Ashley in her full on suit of armor >.<

 

Don't sweat it! I just muddled through as best I could, you'll get there..... wouldn't it have been nice of them if they'd just given us a nice matching suit of armour for Leon too though? ?

 

Edited May 22, 2022 by rjkclarke

[Billie__227]

2 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

It's always great seeing whatever new thing you've chosen to tell us you've been playing recently, really glad that you don't just stick to strictly writing about your completions, because reading about your impressions after just finishing the story is always interesting when sometimes you're undecided if you even want to go back for trophies. That's a really interesting approach, and I dig it!

Haha thanks! I definitely always have plans to revisit games eventually to clean up trophies, but I try not to sweat over it and just enjoy the games above all else. There are a couple games I doubt I'll ever fully complete, so I'm never too stressed over my completion percentage >.< I'm actually thinking of going back to Kena: Bridge of Spirits soon and maybe possibly streaming my Master difficulty run so let me know if you're interested in that sort of thing! I wish Discord would let us stream gameplay and face cam at the same time lol I'd have no worries about anything then.

 

2 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

Hey we sure chose a good month to do a little deep dive with some of the things impacting upon our mental health, huh? What with it being Mental Health awareness month, but I just want to say, it was brave of you to share them!

Oh, that's right! That had completely slipped my mind lol. Honestly I am already regretting sharing all that bc I'm worried it may upset some people and cause problems for me. I'm just gonna hope that everyone has finally moved on and that maybe I will be able to stream in peace for once.

 

2 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

 

Don't sweat it! I just muddled through as best I could, you'll get there..... wouldn't it have been nice of them if they'd just given us a nice matching suit of armour for Leon too though?

 

Yeah, the Ashley armor is a huge advantage. I'm sure I'll manage it eventually. Also, right?? Lol I do kinda dig Leon's outfit though. 

[Billie__227]

 #30 / ? #34

 

Lost in Random

 

*tries to insert photo to seem more professional and fails*

 

I already talked about this game and how much I loved it a few months ago when I played through it for the first time, but I gotta give it another shout out and recommend it again bc it's amazing! You can look back on my thread if you want to know more about it but I will say it was worthy of being my 30th platinum and getting a spot in my trophy milestones. A 2nd playthrough can be a bit tedious so if you do care about trophies a lot I'd definitely suggest going for them all in one shot, as it's possible, and following a guide to get all the storybook pages >.< I didn't mind doing two playthroughs but I did skip the side quests this time lol. 

 

Also..

 

 #31 / ? #35

 

DISTRAINT

 

I don't know where to start with this one. I grabbed it when it was on sale for like a dollar a while back bc it seemed like a weird slightly off-putting VN, and I definitely wasn't disappointed. Its sad that so many trophy hunters will avoid games with common platinums to avoid looking "bad" or something bc this game was really good. It's short and flies by, but apparently there is a 2nd one and I'm probably gonna play that too. I would honestly recommend avoiding it if you have depression or anything bc despite the main character looking like one of those funko pop figures and some funny dialogue, this shit is dark and involves themes of depression, anxiety, severe guilt, and suicide. It gave me that weird unsettling feeling of emptiness that I haven't experienced since I played SOMA. That one really messed up for a while lol. This game isn't anywhere near as horrifying as SOMA lol but I just thought I'd warn people in case they'd rather avoid it for those reasons. If you're not sensitive to that stuff though, I do recommend it. It's a quick game with a good story. You play as Price, a genuinely good hearted dude who has the horrible job of kicking people out of their homes and taking said homes away from them. He's having a constant internal battle with himself, trying to get a promotion at work while also feeling more and more guilt with every job he has to do. I don't think I can say too much without spoiling things but that's the gist of it!

 

I also thought about it a lot and have decided against streaming and coming back to social media, at least for the foreseeable future. RA flares up with stress and I'm trying to adjust to meds that are really messing with me, so I don't need the added stress and worry making me sick. I feel stupid for making a big deal out of it like I was really gonna come back and do some big thing with streaming only to go "lol never mind" but I mentally and physically cannot deal with the drama and nonstop anxiety that is sure to come if my weirdo ex and their friends see me daring to show any semblance of happiness or confidence online again. It's just not worth it. Besides my illness, real life is absolutely amazing right now and I want to focus on that from now on and let my stupid social media dreams finally die >.< I think I'll be a lot happier that way.

 

Anyway, I'm thinking about working on The Evil Within games again, especially 2 since I have more trophies left there. I still can't get around the glitched "Full House" trophy in the first game and don't feel like dealing with it, but I might work on my Nightmare run and some DLC in the mean time! Also thinking about going for the Everybody's Gone to the Rapture plat.. another game that made me feel a little empty. I gotta stop enjoying games like that so much lol. That'll be an annoying one bc of all the walking, but shouldn't be too difficult.

[gruffiiti]

Just poppin in to say hello as I just noticed this checklist today and I enjoy seeing people work on their completion rate and make progress on games that have been sitting uncompleted for a good while. Im not sure if you have considered joining in on some of the completion events but they are a good way to help keep on track and follow along with a bunch of other gamers.

 

Also.. If you ever feel like going for the rest of the Tomb Raider MP trophies and need a hand I could probably help out. Most of them don't take too long (besides the level 60 trophy).

[Billie__227]

8 minutes ago, gruffiiti said:

Just poppin in to say hello as I just noticed this checklist today and I enjoy seeing people work on their completion rate and make progress on games that have been sitting uncompleted for a good while. Im not sure if you have considered joining in on some of the completion events but they are a good way to help keep on track and follow along with a bunch of other gamers.

 

Also.. If you ever feel like going for the rest of the Tomb Raider MP trophies and need a hand I could probably help out. Most of them don't take too long (besides the level 60 trophy).

Thank you for stopping by! c: I don't tend to get involved in events bc I am so scared of people lol but I have been thinking about it lately. I have actually been putting off my remaining Tomb Raider trophies for ages lol but I may take you up on that at some point if you're up for it! That level 60 trophy is just ridiculous lol. It is the only one of the new Tomb Raider games I have yet to platinum though so I really should get around to it!

[DrBloodmoney]

Hey @Billie__227

 

Just wanted to say - I finished up Doki Doki Literature Club+ today - (It was on my "Backlog Gremlin list (stuff folks have recommended to me), with your name (well, actually, it was some stranger called Popnheart, but I'm going to attribute it to you in her absence ?)...

 

...nice job!

 

That game was marvellous, and I would likely not have picked it up had you (and a couple of other folks) not given it a heavy endorsement in my direction! ?

 

Hope I can return the favour someday! ?

[Billie__227]

6 minutes ago, DrBloodmoney said:

Hey @Billie__227

 

Just wanted to say - I finished up Doki Doki Literature Club+ today - (It was on my "Backlog Gremlin list (stuff folks have recommended to me), with your name (well, actually, it was some stranger called Popnheart, but I'm going to attribute it to you in her absence ?)...

 

...nice job!

 

That game was marvellous, and I would likely not have picked it up had you (and a couple of other folks) not given it a heavy endorsement in my direction! ?

 

Hope I can return the favour someday! ?

That's great! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :3 I loved experiencing that game for the first time and hope you had as much fun with it as I did. I definitely suggest World End Syndrome too if you enjoyed the vibe of Doki Doki, though it is a bit more suggestive in some parts lol. I look forward to hearing your full thoughts on DDLC if you decide to write about it! 

[gruffiiti]

2 minutes ago, Billie__227 said:

Thank you for stopping by! c: I don't tend to get involved in events bc I am so scared of people lol but I have been thinking about it lately. I have actually been putting off my remaining Tomb Raider trophies for ages lol but I may take you up on that at some point if you're up for it! That level 60 trophy is just ridiculous lol. It is the only one of the new Tomb Raider games I have yet to platinum though so I really should get around to it!

 

No pressure I just thought you might enjoy it. I see a few of us have stopped by that I recognize from various events.

 

Funny you have the first Tomb Raider left to do as its the only one I have completed so far. I am trying to get into Rise of the Tomb Raider but keep getting pulled away by another game before I get invested in it. I really just need to buckle down and just focus on it. haha  The level 60 trophy is pretty easy but rather time consuming. Best to do it over a few nights with some good music on or a podcast series even. No rush but if you ever feel like banging out those trophies just send me a msg.

[The_Kopite]

On 5/22/2022 at 7:42 PM, Billie__227 said:

Started Resident Evil Revelations 2 with my partner last night and we had a blast lol. Like I said, my trophy list won't update for a while bc internet issues but still thought I'd mention it. I only ever played episode 1 ages ago on xbox and I enjoyed it back then too, but dropped it bc I couldn't buy the full game at the time haha. The scenery and the whole vibe is giving me massive Evil Within flashbacks. I love it  I am eyeing the ultra rare platinum with some anxiety though.

 

also uh, I feel like I shared too much and trauma dumped on y'all in my last post which I didn't mean to do lol the situation probably isn't as severe as I feel like it is in my own mentally ill paranoid head ;^; just thought I'd apologize in case anyone was like "whoa, nobody asked". I overshare way too much and I'm trying to be better about that >.< 

Would love to ask how is it going with Resident Evil Revelations 2? It's a really great Resident Evil game IMHO and think it gets overlooked by a lot of people. Plus you know, who doesn't love a bit of good ol' Barry? It was really fun, and my wife even helped me with one particular trophy in a boss battle (can't remember which) as it was the only time that the AI wasn't up to par but was nice for her to join in!

 

Also, if it makes you feel better sharing, then all the more respect to you and the people here would support you no doubt.

[Billie__227]

What's this?? Billie updating her thread?? For the first time since July??

 

yeah...hi

 

I have been absent and neglecting this thread for way too long now. I've completed a few games since I last updated here, and I will probably write them up one at a time and take it slow so I don't get overwhelmed. Those of you in the Discord server are probably aware that I have had quite a few health scares this past year, and I actually had another one last night that made me want to do more with my life while I'm around, even if it's just something as pointless in the eyes of society as updating a PSNP thread. Some of you may have also noticed that I've been archiving some of my old videos and livestreams too. I don't know if I will ever stream or create content again, but I am trying to show my anxiety who is the boss here and not be worried about what random people I don't even like might comment on my harmless videos about games >.>

 

Anyway, in the meantime, I had a great idea for a thread update that is on theme, as it has to do with my backlog. If any of you wanna do this too, it might be fun for us to read each others, and very humbling lol. Basically, I thought I would write up a list of excuses as to why I am actively being lazy about and directly avoiding finishing some games. Every single one of you would be way better at this than I am with my lack of motivation for writing, but I still think it'll be fun, so here goes.

Resident Evil Village:

 

Easy. Mercenaries. I don't know how I managed the first one, but I don't think I will EVER be able to S Rank the 2nd version of Heisenberg's Factory. Not because it's even hard combat-wise, no, it's bc I have the sense of direction of a slice of bread and I find the Factory completely confusing and disorienting no matter how much I run around in it or how many maps I look at. Every time I am about to do it, I either get turned around at the last second, or an enemy behaves differently than normal and makes me lose my combo. My doctors said to avoid stress lol, so for now, I'll work on the other trophies, but get to that part in the future.

 

Final Fantasy 7 Remake:

 

Honestly, I plan to get to this soon. I only recently finally played it and I am still letting how amazing it was sink in, and I don't want to lose out on any of the happiness I got from it by frustrating myself with Hard Mode just yet, but I will probably get to that one early next year.

 

Portal Knights:

 

My ex wanted me to get this to play with them, and back then I was really inexperienced with RPG style games and thought it was boring, but I have played a lot of them since back then so I decided to give it a try a couple of weeks back and actually had a blast. It honestly became a comfort game to me while I had covid, and I foresee myself going for the plat in the future with much more enthusiasm than I previously had about the idea, which used to make me groan. I don't think I am invested enough as of yet to purchase the DLC though, so even if I were to get the plat, I'm not sure when I'd finally get around to going for the full 100%.

 

Heavy Rain:

 

*ANGRY SCREECHING BANSHEE NOISES*

 

if you know, you know.

 

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1 + 2:

 

I love this game so much. But this one will be a plat I get WAY down the line when I have the willpower within me to sit and do nothing but play this game specifically until I'm done. I never get very good, but every time I don't play for a while, I come back to it to find that the tiny amount of skill I acquired last time has completely disappeared. I can't even rack up a 1 million point combo to bail.

 

Bloodborne:

 

My friend was the one who finally forced me to play this, and while I do enjoy it, I have a lot less fun with it when they're not around to make the experience more lighthearted lol. I will take my time with this one and try to get better at it on my own. I actually survive just fine in the world if I'm not in a boss fight, but that's kinda the whole point of the game and I have a lot of trouble with them ;~; everyone point and laugh at the filthy casual.

 

Stardew Valley:

 

I will probably never plat this game. By choice. Even if I could beat the mini game without dying for that UR trophy, this is a major comfort game for me and I just don't want to choose the side of the corporation and destroy the cute little community center and town. Maybe on a different save one day, but for now I just don't think that would make me feel great.

 

The Child's Sight:

 

I don't know what to do about this one. It was on sale for like 25 cents and looked spooky, so I bought it. Then I found out it's some weird FNaF style game that just involves looking around a lot and messing with different stuff so the monster doesn't get you. Not really my kinda thing, nor is it something I'm good at, but I probably just need some practice. Either way, not interested at the moment.

 

Fallout 4:

 

I'm at the part where I have to decide the fate of the Commonwealth and take sides, and I like everyone a lot and don't know what to do lmao. That's literally it.

 

Resident Evil 5:

 

I HAVE to play this in co-op with a friend or I just hate it. I don't know why. 

 

Assassins Creed Brotherhood:

 

Some of the memories I need to get 100% synch for make me want to throw my controller through the window. Definitely not a great idea for someone who needs to de-stress according to medical staff.

 

Resident Evil Revelations:

 

This one isn't really my fault. Raid mode is required for some of the trophies and I can't do that through the streamed version, and it's the PS3 version of the game on PS Plus so.. buying the PS4 version would just give me a new trophy list. I think I will actually have to get a PS3 to plat this game ?

 

Uncharted 4: A Thief's End:

 

The Survival stages. On Crushing?? Nah.

 

Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn:

 

I'm broke ?

 

Detroit: Become Human:

 

You want me to murder the android stripper lesbians?? For a trophy?? Pass.

 

Blair Witch:

 

I just don't want to see the poor dog suffer again.

 

Kena: Bridge of Spirits:

 

I had such a hard time with the combat on this game on normal difficulty, I am absolutely dreading playing it on the highest difficulty. Especially since it's been so long.

 

Tomb Raider: Definitive Edition:

 

Reach level 60 in Multiplayer.. Enough said.

 

Trove:

 

This game is weird and difficult to understand, and you kinda HAVE to interact with others online, and it's full of obnoxious children. Another game I never wanted to play that only made it onto my list of games bc my ex insisted on it, although unlike Portal Knights, I still have absolutely zero desire to go for this plat, even though it would become my rarest trophy.

 

Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz HD:

 

I wanted one of the newer Monkey Ball games SO badly bc I grew up playing Monkey Ball on the GameCube and those are some of my best early gaming memories. I think this one was originally formatted for the Wii? You can certainly tell, bc these are the most unbearable controls ever, and really don't seem to be made with a PlayStation controller in mind. Even if I can eventually beat the game, I REFUSE to clear that stupid fucking unplayable Declathon thing THIRTY SIX TIMES. Excuse me?? No.

 

Crash Bandicoot 4: It's About Time:

 

I feel like they didn't have humans in mind when making this game. Just those really cool professional gamers that seem to be able to do everything perfectly in one or two tries and have already uploaded walkthroughs a week before the game is even released for the rest of us. Just bc you can put a million different confusing new mechanics in a game, doesn't mean you should. I will never plat this game. Really fucking sucks too bc there hasn't been a Crash Bandicoot game for the PS4 that I haven't 100 percented until now.

 

Resident Evil 6:

 

I have the plat, but I am putting off the multiplayer stuff bc I just don't really have anyone to do it with.

 

Love Live! School Idol Festival ~after school activity~ Wai-Wai!Home Meeting!!:

 

Ignore how weeby the name of this rhythm game is, please lmao. I think I need a way smaller screen to play this properly. It's a lot different than Project Diva, and the set up is hard to follow on a full size TV. I think I could manage it a lot better on a phone or something. Or maybe so much Project Diva (the superior rhythm game series) has just made me incapable of playing any others well.

 

Everybody's Gone to the Rapture:

 

I really liked this game, but it seems like something that is going to be so tedious and boring to trophy hunt when I already know the whole story. Also, it's not the greatest game for my mental health. It really amped up my feelings of depression, anxiety, and isolation.

 

Minecraft:

 

Getting the plat was fun, but I am at a loss as to how to 100% it when there doesn't really seem to be an option to do the multiplayer games unless you remotely downgrade to the old version, and even then I can't seem to figure out how to start an actual game with anyone, I just end up in an empty stage wandering around.

 

Fallout Shelter:

 

My partner accidentally started this on my account instead of theirs a few years ago, got a bronze trophy, then realized what they'd done. They offered to try to platinum it for me since it was their mistake and they know it isn't my kind of thing, but I declined bc that just isn't my style. I definitely have no interest in it at the moment though.

 

Hamster Ball:

 

Pretty fun, and a lot like Monkey Ball. Those time trials though? Yikes..

 

Outlast 2:

 

This game expects me to complete it on the hardest difficulty, with no saves and no deaths, without changing the battery in the camera that runs out within minutes and allows me to see? I was on a bit of a high from finishing the original Outlast and its DLC on insane mode a couple years ago, and really thought I could do anything. I tried this over and over again, daily, for months. It is not like the original Outlast. There is RNG based shit that can screw you over halfway through your run that is totally out of your control, enemies randomly become unpredictable, your character sometimes glitches out of the map (which counts as a death apparently) AND I will never forgive the devs for their 20+ minute UNSKIPPABLE cutscenes. It's just broken. It's a very good game if you aren't worried about trophies but if you are it is a NIGHTMARE. I will plat this someday out of spite, but back then I was getting tons of practice and still couldn't do it so I don't even want to think about it now.

 

Silent Hill 2 HD:

 

They removed the HD Collection from PS Plus. Sad day. Another thing I may need a PS3 to complete.

 

2064: Read Only Memories:

 

As fun as it might be to be rude to Jess after she was a dick to me my entire last playthrough while I never stuck up for myself, I am really not looking forward to being mean to Turing for some other endings /:

 

The Evil Within:

 

This is one of my favorite survival horror games ever made. Too bad I will never platinum it bc of a very simple glitched trophy that should take like 10 mins. I am one of the lucky people that the "Full House" trophy refuses to pop for. It requires you to kill like 5 enemies with each different type of crossbow bolt. I have done this COUNTLESS times by this point. I know I have. I am not the only person this has happened to. Apparently it glitches bc it can't fathom that some people don't have the two extra preorder bonus crossbow bolt types. It thinks you should have them, so it is trying to account for that. Most people just insist you should keep killing things with every type of crossbow bolt over and over and someday it will probably pop, but this makes me so annoyed and angry. I will probably finish the game on Akumu mode before I get this stupid little trophy.

 

Resident Evil 2 Remake:

 

I've got one trophy left for this, and that is "Hell of a Sheriff". I really don't understand how this is only an "Uncommon" trophy. It's so difficult, and if I get to 97 or so kills one more time and then die I might rip all my hair out.

 

Well.. That was cathartic and actually gave me a good list of games to work on for the moment while I let myself take a much needed break from some others, and continue to put some off even longer lol.

 

It looks like for now I will put my focus into the following:

 

- Wheel of Fortune and UNO, which are easy and I don't know why I haven't finished them sooner

- Man of Medan

- Child of Light

- Yooka Laylee and the Impossible Lair

- Skyrim

- The Evil Within 2

- BioShock

- Assassins Creed Revelations

- LEGO Harry Potter Years 5-7

- God of War

- Uncharted 2, 3 and Lost Legacy

- Dauntless

- Limbo

- The Sims 4

- The Last of Us

- Styx: Shards of Darkness

- Skully

- Extreme Exorcism

- Resident Evil 4

- Resident Evil 7: Biohazard

- Resident Evil Revelations 2

- Sly Minigames

- Siren

 

Thanks to anyone who read this far, and please excuse my long absence. 

Edited November 5, 2022 by Billie__227

[Platinum_Vice]

3 hours ago, Billie__227 said:

I actually had another one last night that made me want to do more with my life while I'm around, even if it's just something as pointless in the eyes of society as updating a PSNP thread.

 

Hopefully this latest scare is one that can be overcome! ?

 

3 hours ago, Billie__227 said:

Anyway, in the meantime, I had a great idea for a thread update that is on theme, as it has to do with my backlog. If any of you wanna do this too, it might be fun for us to read each others, and very humbling lol.

 

Ok, cool, I'll play.

 

Badland, Mirror’s Edge, Trine 2 and Wolfenstein II:
Too hard! Just too damn hard. 

 

Bulletstorm and Fall Guys:
I didn’t enjoy these games enough to grind and boost the multiplayer.

 

Clustertruck: 
The final level is a boss fight with platforming. It’s unreasonably hard and I can’t get the supposed exploit to work. The game wasn’t fun enough for me to consider pushing through. 

 

GTA V's Mastermind trophies:

 

Shadow of the Colossus (PS3):
Half a dozen playthroughs with the clunkiest controls… yuuuck. Apparently the time trials on the hard mode are criminally tight.

 

Surviving Mars: 
The publisher handed the game to a different developer to milk additional DLC out of it once the original devs moved on to a new project. The additions add unreasonable grind that suck out the fun, tbh.

 

The Swords of Ditto: 
My wife and I didn’t enjoy this one as much as we wanted to. Needs another 5 playthroughs to finish. Nah.

 

Uncharted 4:

3 hours ago, Billie__227 said:

The Survival stages. On Crushing?? Nah.

Preach it.

 

Batman: Arkham City and Arkham Knight, Borderlands, Goat Simulator, Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor and Shadow of War, Spider-Man:
Sometimes there’s just too many good games to play and not enough time to play them to buy overpriced DLC.
 

 

...

Feels good to get that off the old chest.

 

3 hours ago, Billie__227 said:

Tomb Raider: Definitive Edition:

 

Reach level 60 in Multiplayer.. Enough said.

 

Hey, I've done this one. It SUCKED. 20hrs of grinding by myself. You have made the right decision!!

 

3 hours ago, Billie__227 said:

for now I will put my focus into the following:

 

- Skyrim

- LEGO Harry Potter Years 5-7

- God of War

- Uncharted 2, 3 and Lost Legacy

- The Last of Us

 

I approve of this message!