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Say whatever's on your mind...

Dreakon139

By Dreakon139
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I have been sick the last 8 years from various mental disorders and have not been able to do much at all, other than game and get trophies. I have barely left my house and have been totally inactive i

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The seasons die off one by one, their voices of demise turn to winds
the man who can't get drunk, of this colorful town; it's unromantic to look up at the moon here

It's like a translucent shadow which is uncertain for me to call it me, is living
If I sing to the rain, would the clouds break? It's a withered life, in a boisterous summer

Salutations; this is a break-up verse that I bid to you, the loathsome past
smeared in agony, grieving and lamenting sadness and yet, the song never ends, even if the sun doesn't shine upon it

The seasons come back to life one by one

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Neputyunu Enthusiast

Neputyunu

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Sometimes I wish I would be the leader of my own northern country...

 

Why northern? Because of the climate, obviously. Everything over 25°C/77°F is pure pain, and in summer my actual country has like, I dunno, did we hit the 45°C/113°F mark in Vienna already, guys?. That C stands for COOKING HUMANS IS UNCOOL DOOD!!! And that F stands for FUCK, IM DYING!!!

Why I would want my own country? Because I hate my own country, and, different to some peoples superficial interpretations and prejudices, I'm not obsessed with Japan, so I also can't be a weeaboo. So, uhh, it hasn't anything to do with that. (I don't really want to go there, actually. ...Also Japan has way too many people... I wouldn't even go there for holidays... Seriously... TOO MANY PEOPLE!!! Although I would have tried some restaurants and stuff when it wouldn't be that full... But, yeah, I'm feeling uncomfortable with too many people around me... So, nope, never going to happen.)

 

Why I'm hating my country? Because of the people... We are calling us a FirstWorld-country and, like most people we are of course calling us "social beings". But even though we are ruled by Social-Democrates since WW2 and nowadays even by Greens/SJWs, and should have in theory a paradise, people here suck... I can't recall ANY good moment I have had outside of the internet. There is nobody of my country I can talk to, except one PSNP member (Don't know him real though) and my psychologist. My whole life is just a pile of shit and everyone wants to "help" me so much, that I'm even getting sued by my so called "advisor", because I can't do every job because of my spinal discs. (I don't even know if that is the correct English word) I'm in my late 20s and I havn't made ANY good experience (outside of the internet)... Everytime I'm leaving my appartment something bad is happening to me... Like I would be cursed (or my country is for real just super antisocial)... omg... People don't care if you're sad, unhappy, depressed, or anything. They even would abuse it or verbal-y punch you further. Nobody is giving a fuck about anyone. "Social beings" my ass... On tuesday I was so seriously thinking about suicide that I had this random mind popping up, telling me "Before you do anything... Text mom... Tell her what you did the last six years". That was weird, because I don't like my mother. She never gave any shit about me and basicly I got raised into depression and loneliness. But, yeah, I did it... It felt somehow right... (And as expected, she gave no fuck)

 

But why an own country? Simple... My wannabe-social country is in on rank 21 (as far I know, there are 196 countries currently)... Good? No... Because this ranking is about suicide. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_suicide_rate#List_by_other_sources_.281985.E2.80.932015.29

"But Nepsy, aren't you afraid, when you would have your own tiny country, it would get raped by USA, EU, Russia, Allahu Akbar, or something?" ...Nah, there is no oil. xD EU has too many NATO countries and they are just a defensive alliance, also, they have no moneys for military because they put everything into refugees and whatever. They wouldn't attack anyone. I don't think Russia is that "evil" like we westeners think. But on the other side... I know that I have many many MANY problems in life just because I'm not accepting that humans are no nice beings, and that I can't accept that people are so damn egoist that they are harming you just for fun... I'm pretty naive... yes...

 

You know, I believe that one of our problems these days is, that we splitted apart, societywise. There is no space for religion these days. We should get rid of it. We can't live in a society that wants to colonize space, but in the same time believe in thousands of years old ghost stories about some invisible superman... When these people stuck in the past, finde, then they should try to Allahu Akbar... Oh, have I already mentioned that my country would be a naval superpower?

Quote

I look across a raging war 
and feel the steady beating of my heart 
Arashi no mae no shizukesa ni 
Yaiba wo furioroshite ikunda

Ahh, pardon me, I was drifting away in my mind... But... Ships are just... admirable... marvelous... beautiful... majestic... ...You want to Allahu Akbar? Fine... Try it... ALL SHIPS, CODE: REMOVE KEBAB! :awesome: 

 

Peaceful people don't need to fear of course, and could get citizenship though... even when they were muslim before and stopped being religious. I don't care. Really. I'm not hating people for their country of origin (that would be racism, you know?) or anything like that. I'm hating people for annoying me with their religion or with being... you know... how majority of people are these days... It doesn't matter what you're doing... It's wrong... Everything you're doing is wrong. You can defeat worldhunger or cancer for example, it would be wrong. Someone would feel offended because you havn't started with Africa/Women/Muslims, or whatever, and in the end you're just a sexist white male pig fuck... People always will find stuff to hate you without a reason... Everyone is hating you anyway. Even for stuff that isn't your fault. And then they keep telling each other that they are the good guys...

 

I'm a good guy... I'm always caring and worrying to much. Even when it's harming me. I'm always nice to everyone, because I don't see why I should be mean to someone just because I'm having a bad day... Internet people keep telling me recently that I'm very nice, caring, understanding... some are even calling me their big brother. (No, I don't mean that "Onii-chan" thing. I mean "big brother", literaly) ...It makes me cry... Everytime... Because happyness... Everytime when eg this 16 years old girl is telling me "I love you, you are my big brother. :):) :)", I'm crying... It feels so good, to have people that are not hating you... (I don't even care about being brotherzoned...) Or, yesterday, I was talking for four hours with the little sister of an PSNP member. She said she's supershy and whatever, but she had no problems talking with me. She said that I'm really nice and that she's happy.

 

...etc etc etc......The good moments in life... I only know them from the internet...

 

Means... outside of my retarded country of origin (eg "online shopping is just a hype" - Boss of Spar, an Austrian shopping company, in holyfuck 2016) it could be... nicer... and better, right?

 

I would like to see this world... But sadly, without money nothing is happening in this society. It's sad, and a shame.

And in the end, even when I would enter hatred-mode (Never happened before though. I have the patience of an angel... Seriously, I'm not serious when I'm using ">:c". :P), I couldn't even destroy my country of origin. It would be diplomaticaly possible, I guess, because it's not member of NATO, but technicaly I would need to use rockets for it, because it has no access to the sea. And I can't use rockets, because it would probably affect other countries, and, I don't know if Germany or Italy would be happy about it when rockets are flying through their air space. Also, my country is part of the EU, guess it wouldn't be a that good idea to attack it... Except I would have anime ships... but... that's not how my fantasy is working.

 

...See? SEE?! Even in my weirdest fantasies I'm thinking about EVERYTHING, and caring/worrying way too much... That's how I am... And it sucks... Because most people (read: Austrians can't, because they're coldhearted egoistic fucks) can't handle me and think then I would be their enemy, just because they don't get me. ....It's feeling very lonely.

 

...Hey. Many people have a fantasy about being a god/dess, right? Mine looks different. I'm not god, because I don't want to have that much responsibility. Nah, I'm just a "warden". And I'm just for the earth, and god is my boss. Of course there are rules limiting me, like, things I can do, things I can't do, things I'm allowed to if it really is necessary, things I can't do but I'm allowed to do if it would turn out as something good in the end, etc etc... So, no "I'm going to let you get eaten by ants, because I hate it when people call me weeb just because I like anime <_<" :P :P 

...

Whatever is on my mind... Hmmm... The sister of the girl that is imo sooo cool, seems to be sooo cute... damn... But, yeah, doesn't matter. It's not like anything would happening there anyway...

What else is on my mind... Dunno... It's a lot... There are so many things I would want to talk about with someone, that having one hour per week with my psychologist isn't enough... And nobody cares about "god and the world" and "why are we here?" or "how does this work anyway?", philosophy and stuff, anyway...

geez... so lonely...

 

*is enjoying it to write long posts nobody would read because it's stupid and just a waste of time*

Hmm... Maybe I shouldn't write so... freely... I mean... There are people hating me because they take everything I say literaly and seriously... Even though this post eg is obviously just fiction, or whatever. But sadly, many people are not thinking about stuff. They just interprete everything as an attack and destroy your life further... people are exhausting... They're so busy with acting like an adult, that they lost themself. fucking pseudo-maturity-complexe...

Edited by Neputyunu
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