Thoughts on Social Anxiety

[Laura1192]

Hello, this is kind of difficult for me to start with but the thing is, I was wondering if there were more people like me on PSN who have some sort of social anxiety. 

 

It doesn't bother me like I can't go outside, but I still can't seem to go outside and not feel frightened in any way. This has been an issue basicly all my life. 

 

On multiplayer games I don't use my mic with randoms, so it's difficult for me to find new friends. I am active on the official PS forum on were I do meet few new people, but I just keep on questioning myself 'am I the only one'? Because none of my friends and family have the same issues. 

 

I just had to ask it somewere, and it would be great to finally come in touch with people who share these thoughts. My PSN = Laura1192. 

 

Sorry if I posted it in the wrong section or if it's not appropiate on this forum to talk about. 

 

Thanks for reading!

[BhekifaZ]

I've had an anxiety issue since I was a kid. It has never really prevented me from doing anything but it does promote my introverted personality.

[Laura1192]

I can kind of relate, I mean I do have an introverted personality but, for me, it is just enough not to function like a normal (or should I say avarage) person. Not even on PSN I can put on a headset and speak to strangers. 

 

It just bothers me, and I had to talk to someone so posting on this forum is a relief for me. I'm glad I'm allowed to. 

 

Thanks for your reply!

 

Note: this isn't a 'look-how-bad-my-life-is-post'. I'm just sincerely looking for people who share these thoughts and Playstation is for me the safest place to, if that makes sense. And meeting some new friends along the way would be great too

[EternalChaos72]

I'm the prime example of severe social anxiety.

 

My story.

 

I was first diagnosed with severe S.A.D when i was 15 i was bullied every single day in school (i'll end up getting depressed if i talk about the bullying too much) but basically the police had to be called it was that bad, i was never homeschooled but now i look back i should of been but then again your isolating yourself from the world. We moved home and i couldn't understand what was happening to me, my breathing was really bad, dizziness, hypochondriac all the time, i needed total reassurance that i was gonna be ok and that i wasn't gonna die, before i had anxiety i was fun loving happy go lucky kinda guy all the time until the bullying started. He pretty much bullied me for no reason because he knew that i was a soft touch and he knew i wouldn't of hit him back. (anyway moving on) I still never done anything about it, and then all these panic attacks happened outta nowhere (the joys of anxiety) i thought everyday that i was gonna die with some terminal illness, however it was all in my head of course, i couldn't leave the house, put a facebook picture on my profile outta the fear of someone judging me. My only escape was alcohol!

 

This one day someone bought my game off ebay but i was racking my brain on what to say in the post office I.E how do i do this? What do i say to the guy? Thus resulted in a panic attack. So i finally wen't up to the post office and my heart beating outta my chest, cold sweats you name it, when i talked to the post office guy i was stuttering my words but i finally got there in the end, the guy was really nice. The feeling of going outta the house and doing something on your own without someone with you is the best feeling in the world.

 

Another day i finally had the courage to go to a counsellor for Psychological help, my mum had to be there with me as you can imagine, so after extensive counselling sessions my counsellor says to me, ok it's time for us tackle the world she says, my heart started beating like crazy, cold sweats and the usual.  She warned me that this will be the hardest thing you will do in your life. She was NOT wrong. She told me to take a stroll around the street but not too far from home incase of a panic attack. After doing this i felt great i thought i could do anything, later on down the line she started taking me to supermarkets where there were crowds. Of course i was nervous but finally did it. 

 

Iv'e came outta this a better person, although i do get the odd bout of depression and i now have mood swings. Haven't a clue were those came outta though. 

 

To finally end this post, i highly recommend you to a counsellor ASAP. Please don't fall down what seemed like a bottomless pit. Thank you you for reading my story and i pray you will get better. 

 

Cheers.

[Asuka Langley]

I know this guy...uh... Sly Ripper, pretty anxious guy, never speaks on a mic... Except that one time

 

Take note that the only words he's spoken are of legend...Three heroic words that'll live on for centuries;

 

"I'll save you"

Edited November 17, 2015 by Lilly Satou

[thegirlruka]

I've dealt with similar feelings. I'll actually get panic attacks in large groups of people (malls, cities, trains, etc.) if I'm not prepared.

 

I'll pretend to be someone else so that it's not really me talking, it's the character I'm assuming. The character doesn't have these problems, so I don't need to let the problems hinder me. It's pretty exhausting, but it allows me to do things that would otherwise cause waves of anxiety. Eventually the anxiety dies down as I get used to a situation, so I can drop the persona and be myself. I'm not just referring to online, it's something I'll do offline as well. I'll pretend to be a pompous ass who knows what they're talking about when I have to give a presentation or something.

 

It's probably not healthy, but it's what I've done

[ilumixZ]

I know how you feel, just added ya, psnp is a great place to meet friendly people 

[youthCAT1590]

Nope you're definitely not alone. I've had social anxiety since about 5th grade and still have it. I don't go out much. Crowded places make me nervous, I dislike making eye contact with others. I'm awkward to an extent in social situations. I go out and stuff but i can't ever seem to not feel like everyone is looking at me or thinking I'm weird looking/acting even though I try to be as normal as possible and just be myself. When talking with strangers i sometimes stumble over my words and feel like i sound like an idiot. The idea of walking up to a random stranger and starting a conversation makes me highly nervous. Heck I even have phone anxiety at times. I mean sure I can make a call but If it's going to be a stranger on the other end I have to take a breath and collect my nerves. Same reason i don't use a mic on PSN like you.

 

I also just don't feel anyone truly gets me. So, you're definitely not alone and I can relate very much. Feel free to add me on PSN if you'd like.

 

 

 

Edited February 15, 2021 by youthCAT1590

[Connie]

I have autism and i suffer from social anxiety, mainly in group conversations or when the conversation is about something i know nothing about (IE Cars). It usually ends up on me not saying anything because that way i can't say anything stupid. But then people and friends start asking me why i'm always quiet and its hard because they don't know that i have autism so they just don't understand. On the bright side i have been working on my confidence in social situations and i've found certain situations easier than i have ever done before. 

 

But everyone is different, you gotta find out what works out for you.

 

Chin up, peace out

[Flop]

You're not the only one. I recently was released from the Metroplex, (hospital), and I was there as a patient for having depression and severe anxiety. Now I'm not anxious anymore, nor depressed, but before I was sent to the hospital, I used to be antisocial, and suffer severe  social anxiety. My anxiety and depression were so severe that I experienced having suicidal thoughts, which is what got me sent to the Metroplex. I would be not as anxious when talking to people online, or interacting virtually with friends here in this community. But me going outside? I would flip out, and I would struggle to socialize with anyone. So you're not the only one. And you can get help for this, just like I did. You shouldn't force yourself to overcome your social anxiety, but rather, you should boost your self esteem, and find coping skills that can help you decrease your anxiety. It'll really help you to grow resistant to social anxiety, I promise you. Worked for me.

Edited November 17, 2015 by Ethan Ruhkillmeez

[TheBusToYoker]

If you haven't tried to seek an aspergers/autism diagnose i highly suggest that you do so. If anything it will help give you a fresh understanding of events/situations that have happened in your life, as well as better understanding of yourself. 

 

From another guy with aspergers.

[Asuka Langley]

Heroic words spoken only to me, aint I special 

 

Alas, his princess was in another tower.

 

Oh, there's conn now

[Laura1192]

Wow, thanks everyone for the replies!

 

EternalChaos72:

I'm sorry about how you must've felt those times. I do hope things are better for you now. For me your example at the post office sounds very recognizable. I used to be like that too. You posting that story means a lot to me, thanks! 

The bullying is also how my problems started, and I've been there where you have. But I also went to counceling, still going since 2010. My anxiety issues also lead to depression, which was the main reason I went looking for help (read: my mom went looking for help for me). I also take medicine for depression and anxiety. 

If I look how much I progressed over the past 5 years makes me proud of myself. And that's something I never dared to say before. But now it seems the progress has stopped. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. 

 

Lilly Satou:

Now that's a real hero!

 

Jibril:

Yeah, areas with lot's of people and public transport are still making me shiver, but I got to the point that I'm not avoiding them anymore. And your answer about acting like you're someone else sounds familiar! My mom always tells me that, even when I was still at school she said 'just act like you're someone else' when I had to speak in front of the class. Last time I did had to speak in front of the class, I ran out the class though... 

But I'll definatly give it a go now, I'm sure that it will be easier for me to use this method now then that is was when I was younger. 

 

iLu, 

Hi, and thanks for the add and nice words. Glad this is a friendly community!

 

youthCAT1590:

The idea people think weird of me at times sound familair. For example asking something in a store makes me notice the way I speak, act, move, laugh etc and it makes it seem very akward from my end. And I also think people don't really understand what it's like. 

 

Connie: 

Yeah I also dislike group conversations. Don't you have the same thing I have, like when you want to say something you've already said it in your head a dozen times but are still doubting you should say it. And then someone else says the exact same thing and the conversation moves on and you're mad at yourself. Also thanks for the kind words.

 

MistressComp:

So familiar! I always thought I was alone on this. 

 

Ethan Ruhkillmeez:

Yeah, I'm working on boosting my self esteem, it just doesn't seem to go as fast as I would like it to. And I've also was hospitalized for having suicidal thoughts in 2011. It helped me a lot, because it was on a psychiatrian departement on were you have to work together with other people sharing the same problems. I also met my boyfriend there with who I live with. I'm glad there are places like that because it really boosted my social skills. That is something my coucelor tells me, that my social skills stopped developing because of me being bullied in high school. 

 

AnarchySeeker:

I did a bunch of tests in my life but they always turned out on nothing. Of course I have a bit of this and a bit of that but not one diagnose in general. But thanks for the advise anyway! 

[damon8r351]

Barring any clinical causes, there's some fundamental truths of the world you come to understand as you get older, illustrated here.

[Laura1192]

Thanks damon8r351, the art in the link you posted is a real eye-opener. I know it won't be like now I understand it and can act like shown on the second row of the images. That will take time, a lot of time, like you said. 

[EternalChaos72]

 

 

EternalChaos72:

I'm sorry about how you must've felt those times. I do hope things are better for you now. For me your example at the post office sounds very recognizable. I used to be like that too. You posting that story means a lot to me, thanks! 

The bullying is also how my problems started, and I've been there where you have. But I also went to counceling, still going since 2010. My anxiety issues also lead to depression, which was the main reason I went looking for help (read: my mom went looking for help for me). I also take medicine for depression and anxiety. 

If I look how much I progressed over the past 5 years makes me proud of myself. And that's something I never dared to say before. But now it seems the progress has stopped. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. 

 

No need to apologise, if anyone should be saying sorry it should of been the bully. Yeah i felt compelled to tell you my story just to let you know and everyone else on here your not alone in the struggle. The majority of my anxiety has diminished however i still get unwanted thoughts, depression, mood swings but not enough for another counsellor. Like yourself i'm proud of what iv'e achieved. Stay strong

[Laura1192]

Thanks, to be honest I never expected so many people sharing the same thoughts. Great to hear you're proud of yourself! I know it's sometimes hard to say a positive thing about yourself, at least it is for me. 

You stay strong too! 

[Redgrave]

I've been dealing with it for a long while. I know the roots started from school and having divorced parents. But it got worse as it went on because of both of those things adding on (bullied at school, problems at home etc.). I hardly made friends because I thought a lot of kids were too weird even for me or they weren't "real" friends (like the type you wouldn't want bringing over your house because you knew they would break or steal something), though the one real friend I actually had stopped talking with me for some reason. Then without going into too much detail, what was originally a semi-decent family more or less cut each other off after my grandmother died, and so it was just me and my mother until she died a couple years after I got out of High School and I was left alone for the most part. I'm working back on my relationship with the rest of the family now, even my step one. But honestly I don't feel like I really relate to my step-family that well. The stuff I like and laugh at are stuff they would find stupid and not funny, and the stuff they like are things I find boring. So I doubt that's helping very much either.

 

But basically when I go outside I always feel like I'm being judged, and even outside or on the internet I'm worried people will take me too seriously or judge me too quick. So it feels weird when someone is legitimately nice to me, like I don't know how to respond if they say something nice and actually mean it and I over worry I'll say something stupid or sound like I'm being ungrateful. I'm seeing a counselor now though, and I feel like it's helping somewhat. I haven't been prescribed anything, which I'm kind of surprised. I don't really know what advice to give, since my personal experience has basically been just take it one day at a time and hope for the best even if it may take a while.

[Laura1192]

Thanks for your reply Redgrave. Sorry you had to go through all those things. For me, the bullying was enough to mentally 'scar' me so I can't even imagine all those things you've mentioned. 

 

And same here, when I go outside I also have the feeling I'm being judged. Mainly by appearance. I always think of myself as ugly, and when people tell me I'm not I think they're lying. I also think people would think of me as being boring to hang out with. It's just so difficult to hang out with people when you have to re-think everything you want to say and do. And yeah, friends who suddenly don't talk anymore sounds familiar.

Keep hoping for the best is what I do too, but it won't happen by itself. I know I have to work on my issues, but it just feels like I already reached the top of the mountain, that I progressed as much as I could. 

[DEMON]

I would be a bit on the severe end of this (having autism).  I don't really talk on mic either.  I also have a bit of an accent that doesn't help at all when getting people to understand what I say if I do speak.  Pretty much, the only times I ever talked was in FFXIV and I said very minimal things (like "First Divebomb, get to A", "Fire In", "Fire Out", "Spread", "Stack", lol).  I tend to keep my speech very simple so people understand.  But I hardly use the mic now.. I think the last time I spoke in FFXIV was.. 3 months ago?  I retired from statics since I rather just come onto the game and do stuff when I feel like it and not have to be restricted to coming on and being ready to spend 3 hours with a static 4 days a week.  I PUG most of the content in that game (playing with randoms) where using Teamspeak is never really a requirement. 

 

I'm also like Connie, I go quiet if the conversation goes to a place I don't even have a clue about or dislike.  It's rare I'm in group conversations though.  I prefer one on one talks (and I even go quiet during those if the person starts talking about stuff I don't care about).  I would be a bit worst in a conversation in real life than I would be online.  I can have a bit of one.  But the fact I don't make eye contact or even look at a person's face, probably makes them think I'm not paying attention to them.

 

In public, only places I take panic attacks in are trains/buses etc, no escapes and small areas.  Otherwise I'm fine elsewhere, I can just walk out of a shop or whatever if something really starts to get me anxious.

 

Also, I have never been to a counseller, in the end of the day, I think they will just say you need medication to me which is a big no in my part if it is drugs, something that will influence me, I am drug free, my doctor even knows this and always does his best to look for alternatives for me if I ever need to go on something.

Edited November 17, 2015 by DEMON

[Feral]

I can't relate as I don't have social anxiety or anything. It's good to see people that can relate come here and share their stories in order to help out.

[Laura1192]

Even more people that have problems using the mic. I wish all people online would not judgde others for being quiet or having an accent. But well, since the world isn't perfect that won't happen. I'm very quiet too in the beginning, but once I get to know someone that problem fades away and I keep on talking like the average bunch on Playstation does. 

Same problems here with the accent, I'm Dutch so I sometimes can't immediatly find the right words or anything. I also have an accent even for Dutch people since I'm from the very south part of the Netherlands were people have a certain dialect (Limburg). I once was in a party and when someone said "why do you talk do weird". Happily the people I was with in the part stood up for me and threw him out. 

 

I also prefer one to one conversations. Something else bothering me is the fact that I have problems making calls on the phone. I prefer to speak in real life (which is weird with a social anxiety) because then I can see the persons face. 

 

Same here with public transport, last year was the first time that I used the bus on my one (and I'm 23). Funny because everything went fine and no major issues occured. When I was around 21 was the first time I could go to the shops myself without having a major anxiety attack. 

 

About the medication, I wish I did the same. I still wonder if they actually do anything besides making me dependant from them. On the other hand, if I don't take a certain medication I feel really down, according to my docter it's because there's something not right with my serotonin (a neurotransmitter in the brain) which is unbalanced for me. 

 

And that's right feral611, it's great people replying. I know it's not that easy to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm not 'happy' that people are having these issues too, I'm just glad everyone is there for everyone and is willing to listen and take there time for eachother. 

[Raccoon_0]

Social Anxiety... from many of my mental problems yeah I know which one you're talking about

Strangely I use mic a lot, mostly because I like action to cover up pain I feel. But that is because of other mental problems, I was quite at first and wouldn't use mic but it changed over time. I tend to get panic attacks even in small crowds, I look at people and think they're whispering something about me bad or whatever it is, or generally stare at me thinking something.

There isn't much to say I am a secretive person as you guys know I don't say much about myself and I deslike giving information about myself. 

[Laura1192]

Hey Raccoon, that's fine by me!

Interesting what you mentioned about using the mic online. I mean the fact that it can change, like your example. With that I mean that when you used the mic for the first time you were more quiet but using it more often makes it easier to talk. Gives me hope!

 

I have the same about thinking that people tend to have thoughts about me once I walk out the door and look at people. But in the end those people are only busy with their own problems and couldn't care less how I look, walk and talk. 

I have to train my brain a bit more to think like that because it is easier said then done, but I'm slowly getting there

[DEMON]

Even more people that have problems using the mic. I wish all people online would not judgde others for being quiet or having an accent. But well, since the world isn't perfect that won't happen. I'm very quiet too in the beginning, but once I get to know someone that problem fades away and I keep on talking like the average bunch on Playstation does. 

Same problems here with the accent, I'm Dutch so I sometimes can't immediatly find the right words or anything. I also have an accent even for Dutch people since I'm from the very south part of the Netherlands were people have a certain dialect (Limburg). I once was in a party and when someone said "why do you talk do weird". Happily the people I was with in the part stood up for me and threw him out. 

 

About the medication, I wish I did the same. I still wonder if they actually do anything besides making me dependant from them. On the other hand, if I don't take a certain medication I feel really down, according to my docter it's because there's something not right with my serotonin (a neurotransmitter in the brain) which is unbalanced for me.

Yes, some people don't realize people they meet via the internet/gaming are from different areas than them.

 

And medication has that effect, it's why I won't use it unless it was really required.