Thoughts on Social Anxiety

[CandiBunni]

That's not how it works, you're either on the spectrum or you're not, obviously everyone can relate to some signs of ASD, but unless you're diagnosed by someone who is qualified to do so you shouldn't identify as one.  

 

It's like saying, 'oh my back hurts today, I show some signs of not being able to walk'. That's how ridiculous it sounds when you're seeking comfort in a disorder you may not even have.

 

I don't mind having a self pity thread, but throwing around disorders like they mean nothing only fuels the stereotype people have created of ASD.

 

I'm not trying to attack you, just pointing out, being diagnosed goes a lot deeper than just reading some stuff on the internet and then coming to the conclusion that you may have this and that. 

I never identified myself as Autistic or having Asperger's. I specifically said that I have symptoms of them, meaning that I experience many of the things which are often cited as symptoms. I also then stated the following:

"(Just to make it clear, I'm not saying that I do have Autism or Asperger's, but rather that I've just shown a good lot of the symptoms. There has been no official diagnosis.)"

I was also not  "seeking comfort", "throwing around disorders like they mean nothing", nor "reading some stuff on the internet and then coming to the conclusion that I have this and that". Please do not accuse me of things I have not said or done. Thank you.

Edited November 25, 2015 by Jenni XJ-9

[UltraDog177]

A more intelligent/worthy post so I think i'll chip in.

 

I suffer from a level of social anxiety. I'm a very introverted person and I've suffered from depression and loneliness, as well as I have a really shy attitude (which I hate lmao). I've never had issues going out with people I know, or being outside but it always depended on the situation. I hate big groups or crowds, it makes me feel uneasy/nervous and also when I am out for a long period of time, I always prefer to be home rather than out, but it doesnt mean that I dont like going out (which is what a lot of people mistake these days). I hate eye contact except with people who I trust/know for ages. I've only managed to keep 3-4 real life friends that are my best friends, everyone else just sorta faded away with time or I couldn't keep up with them. No panic attack level stuff though so it was never serious for me to go see someone about it. I have enough strength to face the fears/counter the nerves. I'm an ISTJ.

 

The current society promotes extrovert people who are outgoing/love to party and have 1000s of friends through social media. I personally always found it hard to socialize and have always prefered the solitude lifestyle where I would spend the majority of time at home playing video games or reading, studying, etc. This sorta makes you look like a nerd/loner to the society but actually it is just your preference. My parents always hated the fact that I'm really shy or introverted and even went as far as punished me for things like making them talk to the shop person instead of me when buying things or not going out to an event etc. I could never get involved in something done by a lot of people in real life, for example when I was in an after school rugby team I would never really be a big star or be a person who would stand out but rather be that one player in the crowd that play but you dont notice him. I found myself more in smaller groups for example I would always hang out with the same 2-3 people at lunch etc as I wasnt the kinda person who would hang out with different people on different days and go out everyday. IF I went out it would be once a while to a cinema, bowling or some other group activity.

 

As for online talking, I used to be quite scared to talk, but I used the internet as a "security barrier" which helped me talk to people through a mic. A fellow trophy guide site introduced me to a lot of people who I regard as my friends and who I've spoken to frequently through Skype/etc (even though I used to be the kind of person that would just never speak in a group call, and I never speak to strangers unless its people who I chat with online or I meet them through people irl). Eventually I build, somewhat of an online personality where you become familiarised with certain people so you talk more and more, but if I speak to new people I go back to my old self. Gaming also let me talk about things where I could equally contribute to conversations, etc. Nowadays I'm much more open and I always try to be the opposite online as to what I am irl. 

Edited November 25, 2015 by 771goDartlU

[jackmadrox]

I've dealt with social anxiety most of my life. Sorry to say it, but most of your worries are true. The world is a big scary place and it doesn't get any less scarier when you get older, but you do get kind of desensitized after a few personal tragedies happen to you... then you develop this F you attitude that stems from that emotional wound. You learn makking new friends at this point is probably not a wise idea. You build a mancave or some sort of personal sanctuary to contain the hurt and rage you think might be devastating enough to make headlines on the news. I'm a shut in. I'm not ashamed of it. I have every reason to not to engage society when it isn't necessary. I choose games over peopleany day.

[MMDE]

I know a lot of job ads and people hiring are intentionally seeking extrovert for jobs etc, but honestly, just imagine like an office job where everyone is extroverts. Not a whole lot of working would get done.

[FrecLognAizeW]

I think social anxiety is something everyone deals with, the difference is how they deal with it.  Some people avoid it altogether and don't know how to/don't want to "turn it on" socially, and beat themselves up for it afterwards.  Some people "put on a show" and try to be the life of the party, and hate themselves afterwards for being someone they aren't.  For some people, they beat themselves up if they aren't the life of the party, so they try too hard, and probably look like a fool in the process.

 

And then you get the people just don't overthink it, act like themselves, surround themselves with people who appreciate them for who they are... and these people are the ones who live a long time.

Edited December 17, 2015 by FrecLognAizeW

[DrBloodmoney]

I found that a lot of anxiety about social interaction can happen in school - because at that age everything you do seems so important - so you tend to get the idea that other people care what you do.

Once I got older and got out into the world for real I realised something that can help tho -

No one cares. NO ONE. No one is interested in what you do, if you make a fool of yourself, no one thinks about it for longer than a second, no one gives a shit how you comport yourself, or how you talk to them, or if you are confident or shy.

Everyone has their own issues to deal with, and no one is scrutinising your actions, other than yourself.

Dont worry.

You are the main character in your own story, but to everyone else, you are just another anonymous face in the anonymous crowd.

No one cares.

So be happy

[youthCAT1590]

I've been struggling with S.A.D, O.C.D, as well as some sympytoms of Autism or Asperger's, ever since I was a little girl.

(Just to make it clear, I'm not saying that I do have Autism or Asperger's, but rather that I've just shown a good lot of the symptoms. There has been no official diagnosis.)

I can remember as far back as daycare, when I couldn't have been older than 4 or 5 years old, and how uncomfortable I was not only around larger groups of people, but even just one or two that I didn't happen to know on some personal level. Heck, there have been times where I've had trouble even around people I am close friends with, though this isn't quite a common occurrence. I've always been quite shy and nervous in public, often times getting stressed out and anxious, and even sometimes breaking out into cold sweats. I find myself struggling to keep my worries and paranoia over who is looking at me, if they're laughing at me or talking about me, if I'm making a fool of myself, about what if I make a fool of myself, and the list goes on. I've certainly tried to do something about it. My parents have tried putting me on medication in the past, around my freshman year of high school (possibly earlier), though it never did much to help. In fact, it's arguably made things worse for me in some rather personal ways that, while I shan't mention specifics, are none the less upsetting and certainly add to the stress and anxiety I already go through.

In fact, my school life is a prime example. I've always been soft spoken, on top of the aforementioned issues, and so my teachers would usually learn rather quickly not to call on me for any form of oral or public participation in class. If ever we had some form of oral report, or a group project, they would usually assign me  a written version or individual version of said assignment to turn in on my own. While this was, in itself, a godsend, it didn't make my time in class less stressful than you might think. The number of students in my classes generally hovered somewhere around 20, so you can imagine that this certainly didn't do any good in alleviating my stress and anxiety, nor did the treatment they gave to me as a result of my being so reluctant to speak. 

This usually came in the form of someone, in the middle of class, asking me something as simple as "Why don't you talk?". Now, why they chose to ask such me such a thing, especially in front of everyone else, I haven't a clue. Regardless, when I (obviously) didn't respond, they and a lot of the other students would laugh, with me right there in the middle of it all. This only added even more to my already high levels of stress and anxiety, but it of course upset me, even angered me, to the point I absolutely despised them for it. I would also sometimes resort to feigning sickness just to get out of a day or two of school for a day of mental relief.

That's not even touching on my O.C.D which, although I'm managed to somewhat tame over the years (due in large part to my BFF/Girlfriend), still affects me on a day-to-day basis. Try as I might, I still can't help but sometimes give into these troublesome compulsions, and only stop once I finally "feel" right with how often I've done them at any given time. Some of the things that I've done because of it include:

• Stepping in and out of my doorway.
• Sitting up and down in my chair.
• Turning my telly on and off.
• Raising and lowering the volume, or switching between channels or feeds.
• Opening and closing programs, switching between internet tabs, or starting and restarting songs.

Yes, it's incredibly embarrassing not only to do these things, but to also mention them on something as public as this. I do so, however, in the hope that anyone who happens to stumble on my post might feel some sort of relief or comfort in knowing that what they do doesn't make them stupid, nor are they the only one who suffers from these problems. They're not alone, and they can get through life even with them.

Don't give up hope on finding someone who cares about you, who loves you, despite these types of problems. You can find friends, family, a significant other, who will love you all the same.

 

 

I can relate so much. The school part specifically. Middle & High School were HELL.

[LittleLamb121]

I'll come out and say that I've dealt with social anxiety my entire life - among other things that I don't like to mention.

It's gotten a but better as I've gotten older, but only a little bit. I hate having to talk to new people, or ask questions if I don't know something. I just (at best) freeze up, or (at worst) I'll have a panic attack.

I've been trying to slowly push myself in situations I don't find comfortable to try and get myself slowly used to it. It's very difficult sometimes though, so I completely get where everyone here is coming from.

[sephirothdude]

My thoughts on social anxiety are that it sucks ass

[Maftet]

I struggled with social anxiety throughout school and up until fairly recently actually.

I've realised that people really don't care. It only matters in school because you see them for five days a week and kids are fucking cruel, if you do something wrong or you don't 'fit in' to what they perceive as normal they will rip the shit out of you for the rest of your school life. In all honestly I don't believe school is a healthy environment for learning anything productive.

Once you move on to college you typically find that the people who ripped on you have all had children and are claiming benefits as single mothers, while the lads are just bumming around claiming jobseekers or faking disability. Depending on where you live I guess.

 

I guess I suffer from a branch or type of social anxiety. I hate phones.

I can deal with a phone call if I know who will be on the other end but otherwise I will do everything I can to avoid making a phone call.

If I'm forced to make one I get the cold sweats and shivers and it's quite unpleasant.

One time I had to phone Sky because their firmware update had messed up online games, their forums were offering certain people rollbacks to a previous version that wasn't messed up if you phoned up and explained.

Anyway I phoned up, the woman and her supervisor basically called me a liar and that there's nothing wrong and claimed there was no such forum post and that they can't offer rollbacks. After the call I just sat and cried, I was in such a state of shock it was horrible.

 

I typically don't use mic's either although I've gotten better with that and I can talk on Vent/Mumble/stuff fairly well if I know who's there.

 

 

My personality is introverted, social interactions just drain me. People keep trying to tell me I'm depressed because I don't spend my weekends getting drunk and having sex with random people. I've suffered from depression before and I'm not even close to that now. So if you still don't fit into the 'social norms' people will keep telling you that it's not normal that you don't want to do the same things as them but they're wrong.

Being an introvert is perfectly fine and they can bugger off.

[Superstarmaste1r]

Honestly I'm an introvert type of person that I am good of talking to people who are nice but I really a quiet person in real life since that's the way I am to be. Don't think I am nervous to talk to people at all where you have to prep yourself and prepare to talk and know to expect of everyone in real life, but honestly I like having my own zone and just chill at this site, G+, and on Facebook with better friends posting in my news feed where mostly I quite like it than dealing with parts of real life problems. Though, not all of it as bad where even talking to people who are very nice just people in this site as well I have no problem and glad to have some great conversations with and have a great time as well even on variations of sites I mentioned I'm in as well. When people give negative feedback to everyone, I just get bugged of it or ignore them that I don't want to deal with problems of it. Though, you know what I am saying where overall, I am a nice person that is very imfortive to people and have fun but when annoying people came along and when bad things are happening that I see, either I tell about someone who will help me which I like of someone who is really supportive, or be alone and have s happy mood so I won't have to deal with bullshit drama