Make a baseless lie about the person above you

[Bucknerd]

Had to go back to using Depends after the failure of WhiteWall's shitty britches for men

[-Dark Mark-]

Tried to rob the local liquor store with a banana.

[Priere]

wasn't allowed to ride the ferris wheel because the "no panties, no service" rule.

[siuilarun]

In the year 2018, Lightning will, in a rage over the overuse and Commercialization of the Slender Man, travel back in time (because we'll be able to do that in 4 years) to the Civil War era where he will be free of the internet darling once and for all, since there would be no internet in what remained of his lifetime. Quickly growing bored of the quiet, video gameless world, he finds his thought drifting back to Call of Duty above all others. In an attempt to slake his impossible thirst for competitive FPS gameplay, he joins the Confederate Army on it's way to siege the then-Union held Chattanooga. His body had been softened by living in the luxury of the modern world, and as such he often complained of the inadequacy of his crumbling leather shoes, earning him the affectionately mocking nickname "the Tender Foot Kid" by his heartier brothers-in-arms. His superior education gave him a better understanding of velocities and trajectories, making him an ideal Confederate Artilleryman. General Bragg, himself, noticed that Lightning was the tallest man in his regiment, the average height being much lower then. "That's no kid," Bragg declared, "That's a Tender Foot Man!"

 

In late November of 1863, as the Union again tested the Confederate line, Light "the Tender Foot Man's" cannon was torn loose from it's wheeled housing by the awesome recoil. Reflexively, he raised his arms to protect his face from the massive chunk of hot iron. His face was indeed protected, but the several-hundred pound cannon shattered his forearms and knocked him to the ground. He lay there, staring in disbelief at his limbs that now seemed to flop bonelessly like tentacles. So in shock was he, that he didn't notice the cart horse that had pulled the cannon into place had panicked and began bucking. It's heavy hoof beat down on Mark's left ankle. Light was rushed along with the shot and pierced frontline infantry to a field hospital away from the rapidly failing siege line. Unfortunately, the rule of triage put his broken bones a lower priority to the critically injured.

 

His forearms never healed properly, but the tattered cot he was left on gave his ankle time to mend as well as could be hoped. In his incredible pain, he spent many days in and out of a lonely delirium. In his agony, he was unable to find his appetite, and would give his provisions to a skittish Coydog that stayed near the camp, stealing scraps. Reportedly once, while the coydog panted excited, showing all his teeth, Light laughed and yelled "Smile, Dawg!" It was an odd pairing, but the bond helped get Light back on his feet. Unable to return to the fight, he was celebrated as a war hero, a sort of living martyr. What was left of Confederate Tennessee was abuzz about the indominatable "Tender Man" (having dropped the 'foot' in respect for his injury) and his trusty canine.

 

When the war was over, a pair of Northern reporters found him living in a cabin the woods of Arkansas. He was hiding from the world, for he was now a wreck of a man. His arms were still whip-like and frightening to behold, and as such, were ill-suited for feeding himself. He had become incredibly thin due to his difficulties. One reporter, who'd served in the Union forces only months before, was eager to degrade the man who was once his enemy, snapping a blurry picture of him (that smudged his face) to accompany his libelous article headlined "Tender Man or Slender Man?" The other reporter took a picture of the coydog, and asked "What do you call this fellow?" The answer came, "Oh, that's Smiledog."

 

Light had only sought to escape the creepy pastas of today, but instead found himself alone out in the woods for his efforts... Just the Slender Man and his Smiledog.

Edited May 27, 2014 by Siuilarun

[Priere]

^        

 

i didn't think of doing any of that until now 

 

OT:

 

Just married the man next door's newspaper

[coryn56]

skydives into wishing wells with kittens 

[-Dark Mark-]

Enjoys eating scabs.

[Nasty_Rory]

Once asked the girl in a deli for a crocodile sandwich and then said "Make it snappy!"

[Bucknerd]

Owns a homemade Gary Busey body pillow

Edit: Sorry for the ninja-ing. It's a little less funny with a nun. :-( *offers Dark Mark Rory's special body pillow*

Edited May 29, 2014 by Bucknerd

[-Dark Mark-]

Used to be a priest who carried Toys R Us gift cards for some strange reason.

Got ninja'd but I'll stick with it.

Edited May 29, 2014 by -Dark Mark-

[Arc-Tangent-]

Has made a pact with the Underpants Gnomes so that they'll never steal his underpants, but in exchange, he must serve them for 100 years.

[siuilarun]

Was expelled from Middle School for performing a one-man adaptation of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. They would have been more lenient had it been a talent show or even in drama class, but Algebra finals was simply no place for something so interesting, memorable, or likely to serve him later in life.

[Nasty_Rory]

Born Cilla Run but technically not a girl our hero took many years of abuse from the cruel children in school.

When Cilla reached puberty "she" decided that having spent so many years being f*ucked with that it was their turn to take a dicking.

Following a minor accident whilst shaving downstairs Cilla took it into "her" head that "she" could become "he" with only a few surgeries.

Renaming "himself" Siuilarun as a memory to who "he" used to be Siuila spent over 20,000 on getting a fully operational crotch shotgun fitted.

Over the next 3 years Siuila eliminated all those that abused "him" through the use of "his" sexual weapon.

Be afraid if Siuila ever offers you a go on his Love Gun.

[Arc-Tangent-]

Knows that from taking multiple rides on the "Love Gun"

[siuilarun]

... is made up of 53% water, 7% burnt Barbie hair, 10% Moogle liver pate, 20% recycled Ugg boots, 10% scripts for Vampire or Werewolf movies rejected due to the Twilight backlash, and because he was always told to give 110%, 10% Crystal Methamphetamine.

[Nasty_Rory]

Likes to befriend others.

[Beyondthegrave07]

Has balls. Lots of balls!

[coryn56]

loves those balls

[Priere]

Thinks about those balls.

[nerbygames]

Sucks a lot of the above.

[Nasty_Rory]

Doesn't wish it was his balls that was the talk of the forum!

[siuilarun]

Spends an appropriate amount of time pondering the finer points of balls.

[Beyondthegrave07]

Lives in a zoo.

[siuilarun]

... Was heralded as a genius by the psychiatric community when he developed a form of therapy for Narcissism and Megalomania that didn't require the use of pharmaceuticals. The therapy involved crouching naked over an array of mirrors. He's quoted in popular medical journals as saying "The quickest way to knock a man off his high-horse, even the certifiable, is to bring him a mirror and allow him to look himself in the brown-eye. There is no more humbling experience... Not child-birth, not charity, not faith. None."

[Dr_Mayus]

Loves playing Barbie games...oh wait we are supposed to make up lies about the person above us