Smevin's Regular, Every Day, Normal Ass Gamer Attempts at Trophy Hunting

[The_Kopite]

All the respect to you my man! Also Streets of Rage 2, Resident Evil 4 and Final Fantasy IX = Awesomeness 👍

[YaManSmevz]

18 hours ago, Heather342 said:

Thanks for the shout-out Smevz! 

 

 

18 hours ago, Heather342 said:

While I've not been the most active on the forums recently, I have been lurking in the shadows and reading up on all the posts 😊. Seeing Red Dead Redemption getting so many nods in this round up I felt compelled to recommend you play Red Dead Redemption 2. RDR2 is one that I put off for so long, doing the multiplayer first and dipping in and out of it over the past 3 years, I think that was the reason I kept shelving it. But this summer I finally decided to play the single player, and I have to say all those rave reviews were accurate. The game is an absolute masterpiece, I think you'll really like it. It's a huge undertaking for the platinum (my final in game time clocked in at 302 hours), but for me it never felt like an impossible grind, and those 4 months I spent with it are some of my gaming highlights for 2023. Don't sleep on it like I did!

 

You know, I think I just might have to! I've wanted to for some time, but have been so intimidated by the requirements. Now... I mean I gotta just stop bein a lil wussy boy and just go for it!

 

18 hours ago, Heather342 said:

Although saying that I haven't played the original before, but I'll wait for the PS4 port to drop in price a bit more first 😊

 

I obviously can't compare the two but I had a great time with RDR1. Maybe it'll be cooler since you'll be playing them in chronological order!

 

Okay, we'll make like a bad teen comedy and make a pact to finish our respective Red Dead Redemption games in 2024🤠🤠

 

Well, provided the port goes on sale... I think that's totally fair cuz that shit is way too expensive for what it is, but that's a convo for another time😂

 

18 hours ago, Heather342 said:

Looking forward to seeing your gaming reviews for 2024!

 

Thank you so much Heather! I always appreciate you stopping by😎👊

 

17 hours ago, Platinum_Vice said:

too late

 

 

 

17 hours ago, Platinum_Vice said:

I'm just happy to be here for you, homie.

 

I appreciate you, my G👊

 

17 hours ago, Platinum_Vice said:

Please compare to Super Time Force Ultra when able. 

 

Duuuude what a dope ass double feature that would be!

 

Broforce is possibly even more chaotic than STFU in that the environments are destructible, if you were so inclined you could literally blow up everything to the point where you'd have nowhere to even stand, and just fall to your death. Plus the environments are super volatile, there's explosive shit EVERYWHERE. But beyond that, it's far more straight forward - there's no oddball mechanic to get used to, you just have to muscle your way through each level the old fashioned way.

 

I'd recommend a fun playthrough with friends (do you know anybody who owns it??) just fuckin around and getting used to all the characters and their abilities, and seeing if it's something you'd wanna tackle.

 

17 hours ago, Platinum_Vice said:

... I can safely say that there's not a single other person out there who has exhibited such grace in their ability to catch an axe with their face. I hope you remember that for many years. Takes true talent.

 

For real tho: "2023 be like..."

 

I didn't want to tell you, it's kind of embarrassing, but I practiced getting hit in the face with an axe for weeks before we even started playing together. I just would've been mortified if you were like "bro, this guy can't take an axe for shit." So I'm grateful it worked out as well as it did, thank you!

 

17 hours ago, Platinum_Vice said:

We made that Co-Op our bitch. 

 

Yes sir! That was so much fuckin fun, dude😎😎 Even that one hideout where I finished the whole thing off in this tense, super dramatic fashion only to blow myself up🤣🤣🤣

 

17 hours ago, Platinum_Vice said:

There's only one thing I can really say: please play the sequel this year.

It is a slow burn... but so is a large log at the heart of a warm fire for a week-long camping trip.

I've been saying since 2018 that RDR2's trophy list is the 'greatest hits of bad trophy requirements,' but Husky's helpful tool, a spoiler-free missables guide, and some multiplayer boosting partners (*ahem* - mic is ready, game is installed, beers are in the fridge) will help with this.

The campaign is incredible and worth the trophy hunt.

 

I wholeheartedly believe that you will enjoy running in the gang at a time when Dutch, Javier, Bill and John are peers.

 

I believe that you'll play it eventually. Please refer back to this post for my prediction that you will have a special place in that heart of yours for Charles, Sadie, Hosea, Lenny,  John/Abigail/Jack, and Arthur. Mainly though, if I know you like I think I know you: Charles and Sadie. 

 

It's official, I have no choice! And I will be holding you to the offer to posse up - actually, isn't Engineer looking to play as well? That online shit may end up being a real good time!

 

17 hours ago, Platinum_Vice said:

Here's to an optimistic 2024. May it be a banger as I believe you have one coming. 👊

 

Thanks, homie! I am hoping🤞😬🤞

 

1 hour ago, realm722 said:

Finally got around to commenting!

 

Always happy to see you round these parts, my dude!

 

1 hour ago, realm722 said:

* Your mentioning of Broforce for most addicting gameplay loop has me intrigued. I've had it in my backlog for a while and it's about damn time I checked off a game from South Africa!

 

Haha that's right! Well shit dude, it looks like you've no choice in the matter now...

 

Yeah dude, the gameplay is so fast paced and explosive, once I got the hang of things I found it suuuper addicting. Like "okay, one more level and we'll call it a nigh-.. oh wow, that was surprisingly quick! Okay, ONE MORE LEVEL and we'll call it..."

 

If you end up playing it and wanna go for stuff in co-op, same as with Vice, my door is open!

 

1 hour ago, realm722 said:

* I'm super happy to see Sayonara Wild Hearts take home 2 awards! Best Gameplay+Best Music is no joke! It's a 9/10 game that I probably haven't done as great of a job as voicing as super underrated to others but I remember absolutely loving it. Heck, the trophy list is also brilliant for the unorthodox ways it'll have you play.

 

Man, if I had an award for trophy list Sayonara would've definitely scooped that shit up! I loved being able to play through the game without even bothering with trophies, and then getting down to business after. They took such a clever route with it. And yeah, it was such a blast to play, I absolutely loved it🥰

 

1 hour ago, realm722 said:

* I know it didn't win but DAMN Mafia looks gorgeous from that shot of Best Graphics

 

Yo I was impressed! I wouldn't think about it all the time, but every so often I'd get a good view of the skyline or one of the bridges and it'd be like "damn, this shit is gorgeous..."

 

1 hour ago, realm722 said:

* Earning an NBA2k platinum is a genuinely incredible accomplishment. I've never had the patience nor the ability. My sports game crack is FIFA and even now I've resorted to only dabbling every other year. Huge congrats!

 

Thank you, man! I really appreciate that, especially comin from you, cuz you know how it is out there! I always wanted one of these things, and when I saw 23 was going for free... somethin was just like "fuck it, this is our TIME!"

 

I seriously doubt I'll ever go for another NBA plat... though FIFA does look interesting, maybe I'll join you in the hunt for one of those!

 

1 hour ago, realm722 said:

Looking forward to what you'll cook up in 2024!

 

Thank you, sir!

 

1 hour ago, The_Kopite said:

All the respect to you my man! Also Streets of Rage 2, Resident Evil 4 and Final Fantasy IX = Awesomeness 👍

 

Thanks, Kopie! I always try to not get too caught up in retro gaming, but.. I mean those games fuckin slap regardless of era😎

[Platinum_Vice]

1 hour ago, YaManSmevz said:

I didn't want to tell you, it's kind of embarrassing, but I practiced getting hit in the face with an axe for weeks before we even started playing together. I just would've been mortified if you were like "bro, this guy can't take an axe for shit." So I'm grateful it worked out as well as it did, thank you!

 

😂😂

 

1 hour ago, YaManSmevz said:

Even that one hideout where I finished the whole thing off in this tense, super dramatic fashion only to blow myself up

 

Oh dude that was so funny. It was the Chosen Run too. So many times drifting down that river...

 

1 hour ago, YaManSmevz said:

It's official, I have no choice! And I will be holding you to the offer to posse up - actually, isn't Engineer looking to play as well? That online shit may end up being a real good time!

 

I think he is but we should hogtie him just in case. See if we can lasso some others into the posse.

[Heather342]

2 minutes ago, Platinum_Vice said:

😂

I think he is but we should hogtie him just in case. See if we can lasso some others into the posse.

I can redownload the game and happy to posse up again if you need to find people, no lasso needed 😁

[YaManSmevz]

Monthly Update with Ya Man Smevz

December 2023

 

Alright y'all, say it with me!

 

HAPPY

 

MAFUCKIN

 

NEW YEAR!!

 

And to the departing 2023, I say…

 

 

First things first, let's drag out that stat carcass and see what we're workin with...

 

93.40% Overall Completion (+0)

389 Unearned Trophies (-0)

3.43 Trophies Per Day (-0.07)

112 Platinums (+0)

Level 416 (+0)

World Rank 80,607 (-25,743)

Country Rank 20,390 (-7,618)

 

Amazingly, we made some solid progress this year in the standings, even though I didn't get a single plat in the last four months (or any trophies whatsoever for the last two). Can't be mad at that!

 

Before anyone asks about December, I'm just gonna go ahead and respond with a hearty "who gives a fuck about December?" We're doin the update a bit different this time around, because once again I didn’t do shit this past month. And that’s not a very exciting thing to read every month, is it?

 

“Alright, he… didn’t play anything again. Awesome, glad I read that, I guess.”

 

Nah, fuck that, we're not doing that.
Instead, I am going to take inspiration from this delightful, forward looking post of my good friend Platinum Vice and be a little more positive.

 

Yeah you heard me you fuckers, we’re gonna be goddamn positive. Now SHUT UP!!

 

So! Here is a vague plan for 2024, broken up into four segments:

 

PS3 Backlog

 

This shit? Yeah, this shit gotta go. Y'all were supposed to be outta here by now!

 

Fallout: New Vegas. Simultaneously excited to play it, and dreading the infamous bugs that await. I got a taste of patented PS3 bugginess with XCOM: Enemy Within, that shit sucked ass!

 

Final Fantasy XIII. I know nothing about this game, except that it's super linear and that it isn't terribly popular. ...okay, I know two things.

 

Metal Gear Solid 2-4, plus your little friend Peace Walker. Yeah, I'm talkin to YOU!

Silent Hill 2 & 3.I know there's a lot of unpleasantness ahead with these, but that's just what it do. It stands in the way of completion, and therefore must be destroyed.

 

Profile Perfection Persual Plan

This time next year? I want all of these games gone, I don’t wanna see these assholes again! There's actually not that many to deal with, so if I can just make a solid effort, even a decent percentage, I should be lookin pretty good!

 

Call of Duty: WWII. Damn, that is a lot of zombie shit to do. But whatever. Whoever complained about having too much stuff to shoot?

 

Cities: Skylines. How old am I again? I'm getting palpitations. Sweet baby Jesus. Okay, just try to make some dents, that's all!

 

EA UFC 3. It's an incredibly difficult trophy left requiring reflexes I simply don't have, but.. the good Doctor inspired me - he can do that crazy ass Tetris game, I can do this!

 

Fire Pro Wrestling World. Awkward controls I could never get the hang of and demanding requirements be damned, it's just a few more trophies!

 

Ghost of Tsushima. Literally just a few more DLC things to take care of and that's a wrap! Got the plat forever ago, we need to finish this!

 

Marvel's Spider Man. Speaking of "got the plat forever ago," this has been sitting unfinished for YEARS. Every time I compare trophies with peeps on here I'm reminded of how I gave up on the DLC for whatever silly reason. No more!

 

Mortal Kombat 11. This is a pretty recent one, no real reason I stopped playing other than triflin' ass life. Just gotta get back on the horse, we'll have it knocked out in no time.

 

Need for Speed Heat. Yeah, I got a need for... not playing this anymore. Des, I love you to death, but it's official, I don't get these games, man!

 

South Park: The Fractured but Whole. Really looking forward to this one! It's pretty close to done too, so it won't take too long.

 

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1 & 2. What, are you gonna be scared of a 25 year old game your whole life? C'maaawwn.

 

Yakuza 0. Okay, some of the others? I totally get it. But this one?? This game is fucking outstanding and you know it. Get to work, man!

 

Backlog Brawlin’

Finally we’re taking some new blood off of the bench, based on recs from friends and, well, shit I’ve been putting off for too long now!

 

Bioshock. Classic. Literally should've played this years ago.

 

Bloodborne. I need the top shelf version of Vampyr man, been putting it off for way too long!

 

Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled. I blame KindaSabbath for this one, he just made it look so damn fun!

 

God of War (2018). Two consecutive years of GoW, why not make it three?

 

Invisible Inc. The Doc's fault!

 

The Last of Us Remastered. I've just heard too much about how great it is, I wanna be in on all that shit!

 

Little Nightmares. Right up my alley, and untouched for so long. Blasphemy!

 

Mass Effect. I have the whole trilogy, and for what? To not know a highly respected, well-loved game?? Pfft. I am saying "pfft!!"

 

Outer Wilds. I was supposed to play this at the same time as Mr. Vice, but failed to do so. Thus must be corrected!

 

Red Dead Redemption 2. It's high time to dust off my boots and saddle and get back out there. ....or... put the dust back on them? Shit.

 

Streets of Rage 4. After playing 2 this year, what can I say... it just makes sense. Gotta have some beat em up goodness lined up for '24!

 

Whattayabouyin??

Finally! My year of keeping my wallet closed is finally done – let’s do some damage!

 

 

If you see a game and think "I wonder if I got him thinking about getting that one," you probably did👊

 

Happy New Year y'all!! Here's to a solid 2024🍻

[Shrooba]

Very sick to see RDR1 and FF9 get a lot of praises here! I hear the characters from both of these games have phenomenal writing for sure. It's kinda crazy just how much content there is out there-- we can go through a years' worth of games and think we've done so much, but we always end up hearing of ones from others that we haven't even fully experienced or started yet! Really puts into perspective just how much games-- especially ones of masterpiece status-- are out there amongst the sea of gaming media. Awesome wrapup Smevz! 😎

Edit: Well damn, I finished my post and clicked submit, and whaddaya know, there's another update on the next page! 😂 CTR is always one that Des, Sabbath and I will recommend! And GoW 2018 too?! You're in for a good year!
 

Edited January 1 by Shrooba

[Platinum_Vice]

Have you considered that MGS might be better in the PS5 remastered collection releasing soon-ish? I haven't looked into it at all so can't comment on the quality, but if it's good, it might be a good excuse for you to take the MGS games in your backlog and kick them down the road a little. The PS5 games might even have easier trophy lists. Food for thought.

 

So many great games that I'm excited to see you play this year! In particular, these are all INSANELY amazing:

- Bloodborne

- CTR

- GOW 2018

- The Last of Us (consider doing the PS5 version. As much as I LOVE the MP on PS4, it is a 50hr grind if you don't fuckwidit).

- Mass Effect

- Outer Wilds

- Disco Elysium

- RDR2

- Inscryption

 

... so exciting!

 

[pelagia14]

For Final Fantasy XIII, be aware that the Treasure Hunter trophy is missable - and also a huge grind, since you have to have owned every weapon and accessory at some point in the game. Getting enough Gil and materials to purchase and 'evolve' all of the evolvable ones will take a while during endgame, and you'll want to follow a guide since certain weapons/accessories can only be found in areas that you cannot return to. Don't sell any weapons or accessories until endgame(and make sure to keep a save file where you didn't sell them) to be safe, even if you are tempted before then by how much gil you can get for them! You'll be doing a lot of Adaman(tor)toise farming at the end of the game anyway (for Gil and two very rare material drops), which is a great time to catch up on something like a TV show or podcast.

 

As much as the game is incredibly linear and the plot often varies between boring and confusing, I enjoyed the combat system! Though, I also understand why a lot of people didn't enjoy it, since it is more about preplanning your party setup and the actual combat is fairly passive compared to most FF combat systems. Sadly, it's about 10-15 hours until the game really lets you create your own party and determine which combat 'roles' you can assign them, so that's another reason a lot of people peaced out of the game before finishing it.

 

Finally, when you do start the game, the terminology is a bit dumb - there are fal'Cie, L'Cie, and Cie'th //facepalm. That was part of why the story was so hard for me to follow (at least in the early game), as it was a whole bunch of different [??Cie??] groups being talked about, often at the same time. Eventually, I came up with this to remember which was which:

• fal'Cie ["fall-sea"] are essentially gods, and gods think of themselves as fabulous.
• l'Cie ["le-sea"] are people that the gods force tasks on. Since l'Cie are but mere mortals, they don't get the full fancy title/word, but they still get a special L' prefix to show their connection to the fal'Cie gods.
• Cie'th ["sea-eth"] are monsters, aka l'Cie who failed their tasks, aka the death of a l'Cie. 

[YaManSmevz]

On 1/1/2024 at 1:30 AM, Shrooba said:

Very sick to see RDR1 and FF9 get a lot of praises here! I hear the characters from both of these games have phenomenal writing for sure. It's kinda crazy just how much content there is out there-- we can go through a years' worth of games and think we've done so much, but we always end up hearing of ones from others that we haven't even fully experienced or started yet! Really puts into perspective just how much games-- especially ones of masterpiece status-- are out there amongst the sea of gaming media. Awesome wrapup Smevz! 😎

 

Dude, they're so good - and yup, that's why we'll never, ever be done with our backlogs😂 Thank you, sir!

 

On 1/1/2024 at 1:30 AM, Shrooba said:

Edit: Well damn, I finished my post and clicked submit, and whaddaya know, there's another update on the next page! 😂 CTR is always one that Des, Sabbath and I will recommend! And GoW 2018 too?! You're in for a good year!

 

Hah! Ain't that always the way. Thanks so much my dude, I hope '24 is good to you too! And yeahmann, I've got high hopes for CTR, really looking forward. You lunatics were crushing developer records for fun tho, I doubt I'll be able to go that far! Y'all are WAAAYY more beastly than I ever could be😄👊

 

On 1/1/2024 at 5:46 PM, Platinum_Vice said:

Have you considered that MGS might be better in the PS5 remastered collection releasing soon-ish? I haven't looked into it at all so can't comment on the quality, but if it's good, it might be a good excuse for you to take the MGS games in your backlog and kick them down the road a little. The PS5 games might even have easier trophy lists. Food for thought.

 

I've thought about it, but I figure I already own the games on PS3, may as well just work with what I have. Getting a little Dad-ish with myself if you will, "whaddayamean you want a new game?? Ya got the exact same one right here, and you don't even play it!"

 

On 1/1/2024 at 5:46 PM, Platinum_Vice said:

So many great games that I'm excited to see you play this year! In particular, these are all INSANELY amazing:

- Bloodborne

- CTR

- GOW 2018

- The Last of Us (consider doing the PS5 version. As much as I LOVE the MP on PS4, it is a 50hr grind if you don't fuckwidit).

- Mass Effect

- Outer Wilds

- Disco Elysium

- RDR2

- Inscryption

 

... so exciting!

 

Disco Elysium in particular is one I saw on sale and got excited cuz I thought it was exclusively PS5 all this time. You did such a fantastic job selling that one, so I'm really looking forward😎

 

Oof. Didn't think of that with TLOU. Another case of "but I already own it," and I could definitely see MP with that concept bein fun. I'll have to keep an eye for peeps going for those trophies!

 

23 hours ago, pelagia14 said:

For Final Fantasy XIII, be aware that the Treasure Hunter trophy is missable - and also a huge grind, since you have to have owned every weapon and accessory at some point in the game. Getting enough Gil and materials to purchase and 'evolve' all of the evolvable ones will take a while during endgame, and you'll want to follow a guide since certain weapons/accessories can only be found in areas that you cannot return to. Don't sell any weapons or accessories until endgame(and make sure to keep a save file where you didn't sell them) to be safe, even if you are tempted before then by how much gil you can get for them! You'll be doing a lot of Adaman(tor)toise farming at the end of the game anyway (for Gil and two very rare material drops), which is a great time to catch up on something like a TV show or podcast.

 

As much as the game is incredibly linear and the plot often varies between boring and confusing, I enjoyed the combat system! Though, I also understand why a lot of people didn't enjoy it, since it is more about preplanning your party setup and the actual combat is fairly passive compared to most FF combat systems. Sadly, it's about 10-15 hours until the game really lets you create your own party and determine which combat 'roles' you can assign them, so that's another reason a lot of people peaced out of the game before finishing it.

 

Yo! Thank you so much, that's gonna be super helpful for when the time comes. It's cool to have some insight into what makes it such a grind (I've heard before it's quite a time sink, but nothing really specific, so reading that definitely clears it up quite a bit). Definitely consulting a guide! 90 hour game with missables like that?? That's fuckin evil!

 

23 hours ago, pelagia14 said:

Finally, when you do start the game, the terminology is a bit dumb - there are fal'Cie, L'Cie, and Cie'th //facepalm. That was part of why the story was so hard for me to follow (at least in the early game), as it was a whole bunch of different [??Cie??] groups being talked about, often at the same time. Eventually, I came up with this to remember which was which:

• fal'Cie ["fall-sea"] are essentially gods, and gods think of themselves as fabulous.
• l'Cie ["le-sea"] are people that the gods force tasks on. Since l'Cie are but mere mortals, they don't get the full fancy title/word, but they still get a special L' prefix to show their connection to the fal'Cie gods.
• Cie'th ["sea-eth"] are monsters, aka l'Cie who failed their tasks, aka the death of a l'Cie. 

 

Dude I'd have the same reaction getting all that info in a dump at the beginning of the game... I have a tendency to not process that stuff at first and be like "fuck it, I'm sure the context will make more sense later, yeah yeah yeah blah blah blah let's go." So thank you for the head's up, when they say "Cie" it'll make sense a lot sooner for me, and I can be like "Ah yes, the fabulousness has arrived, I've heard of you." 😎👊

[Platinum_Vice]

12 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Didn't think of that with TLOU. Another case of "but I already own it," and I could definitely see MP with that concept bein fun

... maybe I can redownload it... 🤔

[BrickwallBill]

20 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Definitely consulting a guide! 90 hour game with missables like that?? That's fuckin evil!

 

That's basically every JRPG since the dawn of time, let's not talk about the original version of FFXII where the guaranteed drop of the best weapon in the game is tied to...not opening certain chests in multiple locations throughout the game that give no warning they are special in any way.

[YaManSmevz]

Platinum #106: Final Fantasy IX

 

I used to know, but I'm not sure now, what I was made for

 

Final Fantasy's longevity as a marquee franchise is nothing short of remarkable. Long before Grand Theft Auto was demolishing records, Final Fantasy was that guy - simply announcing a new game, and watching us all scramble to excitedly find out all we could about the new world and characters we were gonna meet.

 

And like fellow 90s gaming giant Capcom, they were pumping these things out so regularly, and with such high quality, that it would've been alarming had we not been so used to it. By the time VIII had come and gone, we were all like bar-hopping buddies who hadn't even finished their drinks yet before asking "so where we goin next?"

 

First things first, I have to share my very good friend rjkclarke's outstanding review of this game. I don't mind telling you that it's required reading, and likely the best write-up about Final Fantasy IX you'll read around these parts.

 

Final Fantasy VI (or III, as we thought at the time) was my introduction the series, and though I never actually owned it, I got to play enough of it to be confused when VII came along a few years later, and things only spiraled from there.

 

Us: Wait, what do you mean Final Fantasy VII? Cuz just a few years ago we were at III…

Square: Hah! I don’t know what you’re talkin about, kid! Here, play Final Fantasy VIII!

Us: Oh.. yeah sure, this is cool, but that still doesn’t explai-

Square: Okay, you got us... here’s a compilation game in case you ever wanted to play Final Fantasy V or VI!

Us: Okay, I guess that helps a little bit… wait, III was actually VI all this time? Now I have even more ques-

Square: Time for Final Fantasy IX!

Us: Jesus man, give me a se-

Square: With Final Fantasy X soon to follow!

Us: Yo, you need to slow do-

Square: Final Fantasy XI will be completely online!

Us: Dude, what the fuck.

 

All this happened over the course of about three years, which is absolutely wild, and frankly unthinkable in terms of how developers work nowadays. IX, X, and XI were all announced at the same time, with IX serving as a farewell of sorts, being the last PS1 game and celebrating all the characteristics that made the series great in the past, with X and XI embracing the new possibilities of the PS2.

 

Yeah, we were eatin real good back then.

 

By this time, I'd played V and finally gotten to finish VI (GoAT), so I was pumped for this approach. There were some naysayers who were a little opposed to stepping out of the modern feel VII and VIII had set up, but by and large we were excited.

 

So in November of 2000, here comes Square with their promised love letter to the series' humble beginnings. The “Revisiting our roots, getting back to the basics, kickin it old school, waxin nostalgic, don’t call it a comeback, NO MORE FUCKIN AROUND” PS1 swan song, and uh, yeah. It was pretty great!

 

Final Fantasy IX immediately sets itself apart from its PS1 predecessors with that calm, almost serene intro. The last two go arounds were so intense, and pulled us in immediately, where as here it's more of a gentle tug on your sleeve into this charming world. It takes its time, and just feels nice. The music that plays when the game starts up is so warm and inviting too, it really couldn't have set the pace better.

 

Honestly, Nobuo Uematsu's soundtrack may get top billing here. He is at the unquestioned peak of his powers, himself referencing this one as his favorite piece of work he's contributed to the series. It's very diverse, but never so much as to take any cohesion away. VII may have more iconic moments musically, and VIII was consistently good across the board, but IX simply has so many great pieces, all of which carry such a remarkable sense of oneness with the game's world, Gaia, that it's not only tremendously difficult to pick a favorite, but impossible to separate the tracks from where they appear.

 

The themes alone are out of control. Kuja's Theme is stunning, carrying that blend of mystery and dread at the arrival of an intimidating supervillain. Freya's Theme is dripping with a sad stoicism in the face of crushing loss, and even unanimously elected Worst Boy Amarant gets a cool lumbering rock meets new wave theme!

 

The nods to the classic games are apparent right away. The four party member system, the triumphant return of armor and head gear, the traditional means of learning new skills, and the return of well defined classes. The world looks great too, it's got this brilliantly realized 80/20 blend of medieval and steam punk aesthetics that looks fantastic.

 

It seems like they were going for the SNES look but updated with PS1 graphics, as they don't really try too hard, and it pays off marvelously. The graphics no longer have to strain themselves reaching insane visual heights on software barely able to handle it - sure, the last two games had some incredible sights, but they also had blocks for hands and heavily pixelated faces. Here, everything feels nice, smooth, and uniform. Plus we still get some breathtaking cutscenes! Ironically, in accepting their graphical limitations, Square ended up making IX the overall best looking of the PS1 trilogy.

 

There's so many quirky animations that I loved as well. Steiner's labored temper tantrums, Vivi's trips and falls, Quina's oddly adorable Defend motion, there's so much personality in the presentation, making it that much easier to fall in love with our characters.

 

Well, mainly the first four.

 

The way Zidane, Vivi, Garnet, and Steiner come together is outstanding, each with their own motivations and individual quirks, and the way they stick together feels organic and believable. They gel so well, both as a party and personality-wise, with the only flaw being that we get a bit too much time to grow attached to them, and not quite as much with the rest.

 

I'll go to bat for Freya, her story is heartbreaking yet she is so strong and composed (and a mean riverdancer), I would've loved more time with her. Same goes for Eiko; there's clearly a rich backstory with her, but it feels a bit rushed.

 

Actually I'll defend Quina too! They may just feel like a funny add-on, but they're an awesome blue mage (and quite forward thinking in retrospect, I mean who was thinking about pronouns in 2000?) with funny moments, especially the wedding bit, how effortlessly and consistently they make NPCs uncomfortable, and how they'll randomly disappear and reappear.

 

Which leaves Amarant, who does have potential, but needed a lot more fleshing out and simply arrives too late in the game for us to care that much. Imagine if Squall showed up late in VIII and never evolved past the moody, self-centered character he started as - it's kind of like that. He loses a fight to Zidane and is all "FINISH ME OFF" and refuses to drop it, kinda coming across as South Park's version of Mel Gibson in the process. "Oh! I suppose then you'll want to TORTURE me, won't you??"

 

I'm spending too much time focusing on the characters at this point, but a paragraph on Vivi is very necessary. By now, mental illness is nothing new in this franchise, in fact we just saw it tackled with Cloud and Squall. Here, however, while Vivi is similarly disturbed, he's battling a somewhat more universal concept - an existential crisis. He's learning things about himself he would've been better off not knowing, and is not only left questioning his purpose and what he was made for, but whether or not that aligns with the person he's always thought he was. And as if he wasn't feeling lost enough, he's learned of his own mortality, and is struggling to accept that his consciousness may cease at any moment.

 

Something like Cloud, it's easy to say "oh, he's unwell, such and such happened and he's having a rough healing process. Vivi, on the other hand, is not suffering from mental illness, but rather a heightened awareness of what is a very looming reality for us all.

 

Fuckin dark!

 

For as intense as it can get though, Final Fantasy IX has a remarkable grasp on comic relief and employs it expertly throughout the game. Steiner and his knights are bumbling imbeciles with slapstick for days, Zorn and Thorn's sinister intentions are lightened up with a heaping dose of goofiness, the Tantalous troupe going from thieves to city guards all while retaining their sarcasm and sharp wit, and of course who could forget the romcom-esque ordeal of that love letter?

 

There's also the Active Time Events, most of which are pretty funny (and yes, some incredibly depressing). I love their inclusion in the game, as it takes the immersion up another notch. Everybody splits up when they hit a town, which is nothing new, but it's so fascinating to see what the characters you aren't controlling are up to, and how they're feeling about whatever crazy shit just went down.

 

Of course, there are quite a few negatives to go over as well, the first of which being Square's obvious attempt to replicate the runaway success of Triple Triad. Tetra Master is an aimless ass, who the fuck even knows how the rules work card game (yes even the rules are like "it's just gonna be random sometimes," I'm not kidding), which would be fine if you weren't forced to play it to progress the story at one point!

 

There are a lot of rather annoying mini-games, the worst of which easily being the chocobo hot and cold shit. Again, it's the random quality that brings it down, as you will spend hours upon hours beating that poor chocobo's beak into the ground in hopes of finding treasure maps but 90% of the time finding a soft or basic potion or some shit. Uematsu comes through yet again, however - the track that plays during these segments is fire as fuck.

 

Finally, there were some story beats I took issue with - when I first played this game, I was fresh off of VII and VIII (and, y'know, a teenager), so I let them bother me a bit more than I did when re-playing the game as an adult recently, but there's still some stuff I agree with my younger self on - as usual, spoilers in italics, because I'm too stubborn to try and use the spoiler thing on this site😂

 

There were just a few too many things that felt overly familiar for me. Things like yet another desert prison, or lesson on the importance of relying on our friends and how we can't do it all on our own. Also, we get the same meandering as to who our actual villain is that we did in VIII. The whole "It's this person, wait no it's that person, the first person was innocent.. wait, is it a third person now? No, no, it was the second person" formula is repeated almost verbatim, and it keeps switching up all the way to the end because after we defeat a perfectly reasonable final boss, literally Death himself shows up and is like "The fuck you think you're doing??"

Also, after the existential shit was done so well with Vivi, we get it again with Zidane, but for me at least, it feels a bit tacked on. I get it, we need a breakdown from our main character, and the moments where his friends all come to his aid are genuinely touching, but Zidane's dramaticism feels so overblown and out of left field, especially after the breath of fresh air his character was when we'd grown so used to moody protagonists. “I know that I’m the worst bastard here!” I’m sorry, when did Squall show up?

 

That's it, though... even with those gripes, and Amarant feeling like a needless character with a personality that does nothing for anyone, the story is a spectacular ride. I kinda dug into the game a bit there, so I wanna make this point clear as I can!
 

Okay! I'm done complaining!

 

You couldn't ask for a better end of an era game than Final Fantasy IX. It delivers on its promise of revisiting all the great qualities the series had shown up to that point in a beautiful package tailor-made for the twilight of the PS1 era. There's a lot of talk about a remake for this game, and I can’t help but think… is it really necessary? It has aged the best of all three games visually speaking, arguably has the best score, and has the most straight forward story that would benefit least from any tweaking. There’s literally nothing that needs to be done to it!

 

But yeah. Along with Resident Evil, Final Fantasy gave me an awesome PS1 trilogy to be obsessed with, and it was a lot of fun getting all nostalgic n shit for em. Again, sorry for rambling on for so long, thanks for reading, and if you're an RPG fan who hasn't played this game, for the love of god, do it!!

 

Stray Observations

 

- "Princess Garnet, the most babe-alicious minor in the kingdom." Rock on, Humbert Humbert.

 

- "Sorry folks, I know we've made you sit through the same fight scene about fifty times now, but we will do it as many times as it takes til we get it right!"

 

- Steiner and Vivi comin through with a dual attack! I been waiting since Chrono Trigger to see something like that again, hell yes!

 

- Zidane is a great friend, but not the go to guy for a serious discussion. He likes keeping it to a "will getting laid will be taking place?" level of lightness. "What's wrong? Is it about girls?" "No, actually I'm wrestling with some serious existential issu-" "Yeah I think about girls all the time."

 

- Ah, the famous butt grab. "I'm sorry Garnet, I thought that was the steering wheel for the ship, my bad!"

 

- Vivi’s witnessing of the black mages getting blown to bits is so affecting. Usually I see a devastating sequence to contrastingly serene music and think "the fuck is this corny shit," but here it's done to excellent effect.

 

- I can't help imagining Kuja and his androgynous, bare midriff self to be like that water nemesis from Rick and Morty, just needlessly thrusting and moaning about during normal conversation.

 

- We can't write about Final Fantasy IX without giving a shout to Bad Bitch Beatrix, that's a straight up queen right there!

 

- I forgot to mention, but this game's version of limit breaks is called trance, and it's completely out of the player's control, more often than not showing up at a time when it's of no help at all. Whose idea was that?

 

- “No cloud or squall will stop me.” Stawp.

 

- Even without it being necessary for a trophy, everyone who plays this should watch the second marriage take place, it's so funny.

 

- The fact that the black mages have all these chocobo pictures and knick knacks for when the baby choco is born is too adorable for words.

 

- It's funny how Eiko talks like a twenty-something, all like "let's go to my place, I'll make us something to eat" and it's like dawg you're six.

 

- I named everybody their given name (I know, boring) but when Amarant comes around, he says "They call me the Flaming Amarant" or whatever, and I was kicking myself for passing the opportunity to see him call himself the Flaming Butthole. A shame. That hair, tho… he do get props for that.

 

- The Abomination monster looks like a zombie Karen. You see them first on a playing card, and then when you actually fight them it's like you're waiting for them to ask to speak to your manager or something.

 

- Of the ultimate weapons, we naturally get a Rod and a Racket for our two white mage summoners, and out of curiosity I attacked with them only to find that they’ve both got elemental properties that can actually heal some enemies. Thanks, Rod. Thanks, Racket. That’s really ULTIMATE of you.

 

- I love how unimpressed Garnet is with Pandemonium. Poor girl has been through so much, she just wants to wrap shit up - Zidane is freaked out by the eyes in the walls watching their every move, and she's just like "Oh grow up, they're just eyes."

 

- You had a good plan to take over the world, Garland... but you forgot about one thing - FRIENDSHIP. WHICH CONQUERS AAAALLLLLL.

 

THAT Trophy: Hail to the King

 

Of course it's the fucking jump rope game.

 

It does have to be said though, I thought this would be a much easier dub for HttK, but it actually had a fair bit of competition!

 

Beach Bum: I know I already touched on this, but good lord that chocobo shit got old fast. It's like they looked at the chocobo grind in VII and thought "hmmm... yeah, we could definitely make it worse!"

To Ozma and Back: Optional bosses in these games are known for having a (literal) million HP and attacks that can wipe your party out in one turn. But here, they added a heavy element of strategy that I really appreciated. Tricky as shit!

Found in the Shuffle: Not many folks talk about this one, and it's likely on me, as my ability to focus can be pretty questionable at times, but shaysh. Even with slowed down video, more than a few times I found myself like "huh??"

It’s All in the Cards III: I've made my feelings pretty plain about this game, it was such a drag to have to make sure to play everyone you encounter. Where was this trophy for VIII? That would've been a crowd pleaser, here it's just annoying.

 

Movie Critic: This one had me so paranoid. Many towns you arrive in require a very specific sequence of events to take place to ensure you get all the cutscenes, and with this being a long haul type deal, it can be pretty nerve wracking when you're getting towards the end!

 

Bloodlust: 10,000 kills is a lot. The grind wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated, but that was still quite a few hours tacked on to an already rather lengthy play time!

 

I remember playing this on the PS1 and seeing the jump rope mini-game, maybe getting to fifty or so and calling it a day. "Wow, that got hard real quick. Oh well, it's not like I'll ever have to get good at that or anything!"

 

To quote Mark Hoppus, Sixteen just held such better days.

 

While the window for hitting your step is a bit more forgiving than you might think, this is still a tricky mafucka, and you can't lose your focus for a second. Those sadistic little girls are finished with all the goofy rhythm changes after the first 200 jumps, but just getting there required a LOT of research.

 

Like when they sneak in that double dutch shit? Get the fuck out of here! They play jump rope all nice and slow til Vivi rolls through, then all of a sudden they're like "ooh, let's fuck with him!!" That's fucked up, man. Vivi's going through a lot, y'all are some mean lil bitches.

 

From there, it's about 5-7 minutes of tap.. tap.. tap.. tap.. and don't you dare fuck up now the hard part is over shut up focus on the tapping oh my god we're getting close shut up don't look at the number just tap tap tap come on you can do this...

 

 

I will say though, the exhilaration of popping this trophy, the feeling of its weight being lifted from my shoulders, and the knowledge that I could just move on and play this spectacular game... that was a stupendous feeling, easily one of my top gaming moments last year.

[StraightVege]

Always wholesome to see someone properly appreciate FFIX! While I haven't played a Final Fantasy title in quite some time, IX remains my favorite (with VII close behind), and you certainly did it full justice here, in your usual entertaining style. Despite having the attention span of a gnat these days, I never have trouble reading these from start to finish, and that's saying something.

 

Since I was an odd kid who constantly ruminated about aging, death, deceased loved ones, and the meaning of life, Vivi was among the scarce few characters in media I could identify with at the time. Like yourself, I also loved it whenever he and Steiner teamed up to obliterate baddies with Sword Magic! I suppose my outlook hasn't actually changed much since then, although I do worry about nonexistence significantly less often than I did in my angsty teen years, at least. How do you prove that you exist...? Maybe we don't exist...

 

Looking forward to the next one!

[Heather342]

Great write up as always 😊

 

I think I may be in the minority here, but I never really got the hype around FF9 and everyone saying it was the best one. I got it on the PS1 originally, my only prior experience I'd had with the series was FF8, which I know now was a wild change from traditional Final Fantasy but back then it was pretty jarring. I always found the battles to be really slow, even when putting the ATB gauge on the fastest setting. Thank god for the speed boosts in the PS4 remasters! Also agree, the Trance system sucks. The number of times you'd enter Trance just as the battle was over, but the next battle and the Trance meter had reset......pfffft!!!

 

I enjoyed the early game story, despite Zidane being a major cringe 😅. Vivi's whole arc is what makes this game. But to me it felt like the story just falls off a cliff as soon as you get to the end of disc 3. Plus you spend the entire game chasing down Kuja, only for the final boss to be Necron the whole time.....where TF did this dude come from?!?! He's just dropped in at the last second but he's been behind the whole thing? Nah I don't buy it.

 

For me, the best Final Fantasy game is 10 closely followed by 8. Will you be playing any more FF games? I'd enjoy reading more of your thoughts on the series 😊

Edited February 1 by Heather342

[YaManSmevz]

Monthly Update with Ya Man Smevz

January 2024

 

Hello boys and girls, and a happy February to all!

 

I hope everybody's 2024 is off to the start they were aiming for. I can say that at least for me, it ain't lookin too shabby, which I'll happily take! Let's get on with it though and move this bad boy along, there's a few lovely replies I'd like to get to once we wrap this up!

 

93.27% Overall Completion (-0.13)

387 Unearned Trophies (-2)

3.41 Trophies Per Day (-0.02)

115 Platinums (+3)

Level 418 (+2)

 

I mean not great, but a swing in momentum is taking place. We've stopped the bleeding as it were, and are poised to rebuild completion percentage and the Trophies Per Day stat. But more importantly, I feel the interest in gaming is reaching healthy levels again, and that's always a good thing!

 

Game of the Month

 

It's pretty wild to say, but I.. actually played games this month!

 

So we finally finished South Park: The Fractured but Whole, which was great, but is ineligible on account of having won the title already. Slowly gearing up to chip away at Call of Duty: WWII, Cities: Skylines, Need for Speed Heat, and Mortal Kombat 11, but not enough to put them in contention. I started Bomb Rush Cyberfunk, which is a dope game for sure but I switched over from it a bit quickly.

 

Which leaves us with Killer Frequency and Metal Gear 1 & 2.

 

Frequency was a lot of fun, a flawed but very charming game that gleefully leans into its silly horror vibe, while the Metal Gears were especially fun for me simply because I had never actually played them before. The winner has even me surprised, but... Metal Gear & Metal Gear 2 takes the honors!

 

Rating the Month

 

Not the most productive month, but a vast improvement over the last four months! This is my fourth consecutive January with three plats, and we're setting up the year right. That's all the criteria I need for my best rating in quite a while: four out of five Hind Ds!

 

February Goals

 

Februaries have largely been pretty good for me, so I choose to be positive. Last February I got three completions and three reviews in the books, I think I can beat those!

 

1. Write four reviews.

 

2. Complete four games.

 

3. Of those four games, two have to already be on the profile.

 

Gaming Hitlist

 

1. Need for Speed Heat

 

It's not my favorite, but I've warmed up to it some; there are some undeniably fun things in this game, and the plat is definitely within reach.

 

2. Mortal Kombat 11

 

Still gotta wrap up that last tutorial, which I am certainly dreading, but other than that it seems like just a lot of good, wholesome limb removal. A LOT, granted, but still perfectly doable!

 

3. Bomb Rush Cyberfunk

 

I'd really like to get back to this Dreamcast fever dream of a PS4 game. If nothing else, that soundtrack is fucking fire!

 

4. Norco

 

I know nothing other than the good Doctor's incessant praise, but do I really need to? I say nay!

 

5. Sea of Stars

 

I was drooling over this game when random updates were popping up on Twitter a year or two ago, and copped it on sale last month. Seems like the perfect type of game to keep me company while I wait for Final Fantasy VI to go on sale!

 

Wait a minute... folks, I am being told that it is on sale. Hmm. We'll stick with this for now, but I've got my eyes on you, Pixel Remasters!

 

Alright, that's it for January, let's try and keep the positivity going into February! Wishing you all a bad ass month, let's get it😎

 

7 hours ago, StraightVege said:

Always wholesome to see someone properly appreciate FFIX! While I haven't played a Final Fantasy title in quite some time, IX remains my favorite (with VII close behind), and you certainly did it full justice here, in your usual entertaining style. Despite having the attention span of a gnat these days, I never have trouble reading these from start to finish, and that's saying something.

 

Thank you so much, man! I definitely identify with the attention span remark - sometimes I find myself thinking "I used to be so smart... the hell happened??"

 

7 hours ago, StraightVege said:

Since I was an odd kid who constantly ruminated about aging, death, deceased loved ones, and the meaning of life, Vivi was among the scarce few characters in media I could identify with at the time. Like yourself, I also loved it whenever he and Steiner teamed up to obliterate baddies with Sword Magic! I suppose my outlook hasn't actually changed much since then, although I do worry about nonexistence significantly less often than I did in my angsty teen years, at least. How do you prove that you exist...? Maybe we don't exist...

 

I feel you hard on that one, man. I thought about death a lot as a kid too, and it still will rear its head pretty regularly (though it doesn't freak me out nearly as much anymore). Seeing Vivi and the sentient black mages going through it was weirdly helpful in a way, giving that whole "It's not just you" comfort. I thought it was a ballsy move to include something so heavy and universal, it was definitely a huge part of why I enjoyed the game so much... and yeah, that "How do you prove you exist" was brutal!

 

2 hours ago, Heather342 said:

Great write up as always 😊

 

I think I may be in the minority here, but I never really got the hype around FF9 and everyone saying it was the best one. I got it on the PS1 originally, my only prior experience I'd had with the series was FF8, which I know now was a wild change from traditional Final Fantasy but back then it was pretty jarring. I always found the battles to be really slow, even when putting the ATB gauge on the fastest setting. Thank god for the speed boosts in the PS4 remasters! Also agree, the Trance system sucks. The number of times you'd enter Trance just as the battle was over, but the next battle and the Trance meter had rest......pfffft!!!

 

Thank you so much!

 

Ugh, I totally forgot about how slow that game moved! I easily used that speed-up feature far more in this game than the previous FF games combined!

 

2 hours ago, Heather342 said:

I enjoyed the early game story, despite Zidane being a major cringe 😅. Vivi's whole arc is what makes this game. But to me it felt like the story just falls off a cliff as soon as you get to the end of disc 3. Plus you spend the entire game chasing down Kuja, only for the final boss to be Necron the whole time.....where TF did this dude come from?!?! He's just dropped in at the last second but he's been behind the whole thing? Nah I don't buy it.

 

Haha yeah, Zidane definitely had his skeezy moments😂 And agreed on that ending, it felt to me like they had some extra time and were like "do we have any other bosses we could throw out there to eat up some time? I can't help wondering if they wanted to borrow some of VIII's batshit energy and thought things hadn't gotten wild enough😂

 

2 hours ago, Heather342 said:

For me, the best Final Fantasy game is 10 closely followed by 8. Will you be playing any more FF games? I'd enjoy reading more of your thoughts on the series 😊

 

Oh, for sure! I'm planning on revisiting V and VI, thinking about getting IV since it's spoken of so highly, and I have X, XII, XIII, and XV.

 

I've heard so much good about X, I played it back in the day but cannot remember how far I got at all😂

[Heather342]

I'll be going back to play FF X-2 at some point this year. I don't understand why it gets so much hate, I thought it was a good sequel. Sure there's some cheese in there, but it isn't terrible.

 

Enjoy FFX when you get to it 😁

[StraightVege]

9 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

sometimes I find myself thinking "I used to be so smart... the hell happened??"

 

Ditto, almost verbatim! I barely have the patience to write a paragraph nowadays, and my once decent vocabulary has noticeably suffered, too. "Oh, what's that word, again? It's right on the tip of my tongue!" Also, I do ridiculously absent-minded stuff, like putting a bottle of mustard in the freezer. 😅 Probably just a combination of depression, chronic pain, and age-related changes causing it in my case (hopefully!).

 

Well, I wish you luck in reaching your four review writing goal, and not only because they entertain me. Don't push yourself too hard, though; burnout is a real bastard to recover from.

 

9 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

yeah, that "How do you prove you exist" was brutal!

 

Oh, it practically triggered a mental health crisis for me back in the day! 😆 Well, that and the song "I Don't Wanna Be Me," by Type O Negative.

[YaManSmevz]

11 hours ago, Heather342 said:

I'll be going back to play FF X-2 at some point this year. I don't understand why it gets so much hate, I thought it was a good sequel.

 

"YOU CAN'T DO A DIRECT FINAL FANTASY SEQUEL IT'S AGAINST THE RULES ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND???"

 

 

Seriously though, I imagine that'll come after X (I do have both, after all). I haven't heard too many good things about it, but I do have to take biases into account. Besides, I'll happily take your opinion over "Uhhhhh cuz I don't like it" any day!

 

2 hours ago, StraightVege said:

Ditto, almost verbatim! I barely have the patience to write a paragraph nowadays, and my once decent vocabulary has noticeably suffered, too. "Oh, what's that word, again? It's right on the tip of my tongue!" Also, I do ridiculously absent-minded stuff, like putting a bottle of mustard in the freezer. 😅 Probably just a combination of depression, chronic pain, and age-related changes causing it in my case (hopefully!).

 

It does become a bit less concerning when I see how common it is, like "ahh, this is where it all goes to shit, huh?" I've had a few friends mention that mid-forties was where the eyesight started getting fuzzy, and that's right around the corner for me so I'm clinging to my eyes like crazy right now🤣

 

2 hours ago, StraightVege said:

Well, I wish you luck in reaching your four review writing goal, and not only because they entertain me. Don't push yourself too hard, though; burnout is a real bastard to recover from.

 

Thank you, sir! And yeah, you ain't kiddin. Burnout is a uniquely unpleasant beast, and we only get more familiar with it the older we get😔

 

2 hours ago, StraightVege said:

Oh, it practically triggered a mental health crisis for me back in the day! 😆 Well, that and the song "I Don't Wanna Be Me," by Type O Negative.

 

Hah!! Aw man, great reference. I remember hearing Christian Woman in my formative years and being like what is THIS?? 

[Heather342]

13 minutes ago, YaManSmevz said:

 I've had a few friends mention that mid-forties was where the eyesight started getting fuzzy, and that's right around the corner for me so I'm clinging to my eyes like crazy right now

 

My eyesight has been fuzzy since I was 5, so I'm hoping it won't get any worse! 40 ain't that far away for me 😭 haha!

[StraightVege]

1 hour ago, YaManSmevz said:

I've had a few friends mention that mid-forties was where the eyesight started getting fuzzy, and that's right around the corner for me so I'm clinging to my eyes like crazy right now🤣

 

"Luckily," I seem to have already gotten that issue out of the way in my thirties, haha. Of course, my vision could always get even worse... The most disconcerting thing, though, is the abundance of floaters as I age. They're extremely noticeable in certain viewing environments, or when I'm looking at a mostly white screen. My precious eyeball jelly is falling apart, bro. 😟

 

 

To make matters worse, the nearest eye doctor that accepts my insurance is well over 100 miles away, so I have to pay out of pocket if I want to visit a more reasonable location. Greatest country in the world, amirite?

 

Edited February 1 by StraightVege

[YaManSmevz]

Platinum #114: Killer Frequency

 

Better... run run run run, run run run away

 

There's something about cheesy horror that will always scratch a particularly elusive itch for me, or in the very least when the right mood arrives. It's a cheap, empty calorie, dumb fun type of thrill I can't really get anywhere else, and while every genre has its silly tropes and hackneyed conceits to indulge, for whatever reason horror can make that campiness so damn engrossing. The last time I really got to immerse myself in something like that was Until Dawn back in early 2020, so when I saw the good Doctor and Mr. Vice talking about this one, it was a pretty easy sell!

 

Killer Frequency has a charmingly unique premise to it - you're Forrest Nash, a big shot DJ demoted all the way down to a medium shot DJ in a small town (on the night shift, no less... or should I say GRAAAVEYARD MWWAAHAHAHAHA), who's suddenly entrusted with all calls to 911 while there just so happens to be a serial killer on the loose. The usual dispatcher has to drive three some-odd hours to the nearest town for help and all police officers are either dead or incapacitated, which I guess leaves the local DJ as the next line of defense.

 

As the story progresses, we learn more about the town's history, what it has to do with what's going on tonight, and who might be responsible, but in the meantime we're posted up at the DJ booth playing records, running ads, and taking calls from terrified people about to be brutally murdered unless we can guide them to safety. It's like if a murder mystery and a slasher flick got into a fight, and a radio DJ simulator broke it up. Fun!

 

This thing has a great vibe to it, nailing the perfect ratio of not taking itself too seriously while maintaining a certain level of tension. Goofy nods are abound, with names of places in town (Gallows Creek, incidentally) largely being horror references and cheeky dark humor. Even the songs you can play have names like Crying for Help, Coming to Getcha, and the somewhat less subtle Stabbing in the Twilight - if Forrest were to cheerfully announce "this next one's called I Killed Your Friends with a Knife and You're Next by the Murderers," it wouldn't be the least bit out of place.

 

Also the killer, referred to as the Whistling Man, has what's possibly the least intimidating whistle I've ever heard in my life.

 

As silly as everything is though, there is still a healthy dose of tension, as well as some wonderfully creepy moments. The voice acting is deliberately campy and over the top, but sells everything really well. You truly feel the weight of each call, knowing that this person's life is in your hands. It's a great rush when you're able to give proper direction and save someone, and it's a genuinely awful feeling when you fuck up and lead them to their demise.

 

Figuring out how to save your callers from calamity is surprisingly fun, with a very Adventure Game Lite type of gameplay. All the material you'll need is somewhere in the station, and it's just a matter of finding the clues, deciding what's most pertinent and when, and communicating the information to your caller. It never feels too obtuse or too insultingly simple, and along with the steady pace of the narrative, it keeps things rolling along nice and smoothly.

 

Killer Frequency is also pretty entertaining on the DJ simulator front. You quickly get used to juggling all the responsibilities, and it's not long before you have records and ads ready to go in advance or can stop the music and put a line on the air without being prompted. You may even find yourself rushing through the station when you're on the search for something, mindful of dead air and knowing that the song's only gonna go on for so long.

 

That soundboard is fun as well, in fact on my "Get Everybody Killed" playthrough I had a particularly good time with those sound effects. The slide whistles, laugh tracks, and sad trumpets never got old as I listened to the killer slash through half the town. The sound effects were amusing off air too - I just cracked up at the idea of a DJ using them repeatedly, even in private with their producer, like there's just something seriously wrong with someone who would act that way.

 

Our producer, Peggy, is adorable, by the way. She's that fun girl at work that everybody likes, always bringing infectious positive energy. One of those people where if you can't get along with them, you're likely just being a grouch!

 

Finally, what you'd think would be the best part of the DJing aspect, the music... is alright, I guess. Our rotation is a bundle of serviceable, generic 80s instrumentals, truly nothing special at all. I found myself wishing they'd been able to at least get some vocals for them until I heard the song that plays over the credits... it turns out that adding vocals didn't help at all, cuz that song is straight garbage. "IT WAS A KILLER FREQUENCCYYYYYYY!!!" Ugh.

 

My other big gripe is the clunky, overly sensitive controls. All you really do is pick things up and throw, drop, or use them, but it doesn't always feel quite right. Picking things up requires an odd precision at times, and you also have to use the same stick to walk up to a door as well as swing it open, which feels counterintuitive. Things like this aren't a big deal during the first two playthroughs, but could be a bit frustrating during the speed run!

 

As far as complaints go however, that's really all I got. It's true that the location is severely limited, but given the brevity of the story, that's perfectly fine. The radio station opens up to you little by little and there's enough to see to keep your interest, I feel. Killer Frequency also has a cool, cell-shaded look that I liked, particularly the radio station's lobby bathing in the glow of that blue and neon pink sign. It doesn't exactly hit the watermark of something like The Wolf Among Us, but it gets the job done and it never unpleasant to look at.

 

Killer Frequency is a great time, all things told. I love the campy horror, the animated voice acting, the great balance of tension and comedy, and how it's all neatly wrapped up in a tight five hour package. It's certainly not perfect, but no fault is bad enough to detract from the enjoyment of playing it late at night with the lights out! I'm not gonna say Killer Frequency is a must play, 10/10 essential or anything, but if this genre is your thing and you haven't played this one, I don't mind telling you that you're missing out.

 

Stray Observations

 

- The loading screen being a radio frequency bar is a cute touch.

 

- “What do you mean, ‘are there only two police officers in this town?’ Obviously there are three. Jesus.”

 

- I can't help wondering what Forrest did to blow his career up. It was the eighties, so you know he really fucked up.

 

- Something about guiding Maurice through his office halls while he's trapped in there with the killer weirdly reminded me of Clock Tower, anybody remember that game?

 

- The panic-stricken Virginia is saved in a pretty humorous way, I just love how that intense fear subsides and she's suddenly like "sure, I'll hit the beer bong, why not?"

 

- I could've done without the 1987 setting. Stuff like floppy disks being described as futuristic (though a nerdy kid in a hedge maze has a cell phone?) to push just how 80s something is has gotten kinda played out at this point, no?

 

- Props to the read of that Harvest Festival ad, that's some impressive breath control.

 

- "I wasn't always Roller Ricky. Once upon a time, believe it or not... I used to go by just Ricky." I'd make fun, but Ricky is just too pleasant and likeable. Even after the "I got a rescue dog..." no, no, dont say it... "...but I like to think he rescued me." Aaauuugh. And losing him and his dog? That one hurt!

 

- I love Murphy, he's such a classic clueless country bumpkin. "Ah gawtta message fuh this so-cawlled... KILLUHH." That Rex Kwon Do got him feeling bold!

 

- When you have to leave the station for that record, you get a quick glimpse of a dark figure walking off. Corny, sure. But damn if I wasn't like eep!

 

- Wait a second, we didn't tell John what Casey and Jason's names were, how did he know... HE'S THE WHISTLING MAN!!!

 

- Forrest's terrible puns after each death are wonderful, and they're made all the better by how disgusted Peggy is with them!

 

- The basketball hoop over the trash can with infinite crumpled balls of paper is a great touch. "Oh no, the killer's after you, whatever will we d- BANKSHOT!! WOOO!!" "F-Forrest? Forrest, are you there??" "Huh? Oh yeah, it's just that you're so boring and this crazy trash can hoop is totally awesome. Yeah, we'll help you with the Humming Man or whateve- KOBE!!"

 

- I was pleasantly surprised at how much effort was clearly put into bringing all the threads together at the end. Everything made sense, in a corny horror story kind of way. Also cool how at the end you can see pictures of everybody, as well as who made it and who didn't.

 

THAT Trophy: Forrest Dash

 

Speed run Trophies always give me anxiety, regardless of the game's difficulty or how reasonable the time limit is (and it is very reasonable here). The finicky controls certainly didn't help that! It's really not that bad, but you know how it is with games like this.. picking the hardest trophy is always gonna be at least a bit of a reach!

[Don_Chipotle]

1 hour ago, YaManSmevz said:

Platinum #114: Killer Frequency

 

Better... run run run run, run run run away

 

There's something about cheesy horror that will always scratch a particularly elusive itch for me, or in the very least when the right mood arrives. It's a cheap, empty calorie, dumb fun type of thrill I can't really get anywhere else, and while every genre has its silly tropes and hackneyed conceits to indulge, for whatever reason horror can make that campiness so damn engrossing. The last time I really got to immerse myself in something like that was Until Dawn back in early 2020, so when I saw the good Doctor and Mr. Vice talking about this one, it was a pretty easy sell!

 

Killer Frequency has a charmingly unique premise to it - you're Forrest Nash, a big shot DJ demoted all the way down to a medium shot DJ in a small town (on the night shift, no less... or should I say GRAAAVEYARD MWWAAHAHAHAHA), who's suddenly entrusted with all calls to 911 while there just so happens to be a serial killer on the loose. The usual dispatcher has to drive three some-odd hours to the nearest town for help and all police officers are either dead or incapacitated, which I guess leaves the local DJ as the next line of defense.

 

As the story progresses, we learn more about the town's history, what it has to do with what's going on tonight, and who might be responsible, but in the meantime we're posted up at the DJ booth playing records, running ads, and taking calls from terrified people about to be brutally murdered unless we can guide them to safety. It's like if a murder mystery and a slasher flick got into a fight, and a radio DJ simulator broke it up. Fun!

 

This thing has a great vibe to it, nailing the perfect ratio of not taking itself too seriously while maintaining a certain level of tension. Goofy nods are abound, with names of places in town (Gallows Creek, incidentally) largely being horror references and cheeky dark humor. Even the songs you can play have names like Crying for Help, Coming to Getcha, and the somewhat less subtle Stabbing in the Twilight - if Forrest were to cheerfully announce "this next one's called I Killed Your Friends with a Knife and You're Next by the Murderers," it wouldn't be the least bit out of place.

 

Also the killer, referred to as the Whistling Man, has what's possibly the least intimidating whistle I've ever heard in my life.

 

As silly as everything is though, there is still a healthy dose of tension, as well as some wonderfully creepy moments. The voice acting is deliberately campy and over the top, but sells everything really well. You truly feel the weight of each call, knowing that this person's life is in your hands. It's a great rush when you're able to give proper direction and save someone, and it's a genuinely awful feeling when you fuck up and lead them to their demise.

 

Figuring out how to save your callers from calamity is surprisingly fun, with a very Adventure Game Lite type of gameplay. All the material you'll need is somewhere in the station, and it's just a matter of finding the clues, deciding what's most pertinent and when, and communicating the information to your caller. It never feels too obtuse or too insultingly simple, and along with the steady pace of the narrative, it keeps things rolling along nice and smoothly.

 

Killer Frequency is also pretty entertaining on the DJ simulator front. You quickly get used to juggling all the responsibilities, and it's not long before you have records and ads ready to go in advance or can stop the music and put a line on the air without being prompted. You may even find yourself rushing through the station when you're on the search for something, mindful of dead air and knowing that the song's only gonna go on for so long.

 

That soundboard is fun as well, in fact on my "Get Everybody Killed" playthrough I had a particularly good time with those sound effects. The slide whistles, laugh tracks, and sad trumpets never got old as I listened to the killer slash through half the town. The sound effects were amusing off air too - I just cracked up at the idea of a DJ using them repeatedly, even in private with their producer, like there's just something seriously wrong with someone who would act that way.

 

Our producer, Peggy, is adorable, by the way. She's that fun girl at work that everybody likes, always bringing infectious positive energy. One of those people where if you can't get along with them, you're likely just being a grouch!

 

Finally, what you'd think would be the best part of the DJing aspect, the music... is alright, I guess. Our rotation is a bundle of serviceable, generic 80s instrumentals, truly nothing special at all. I found myself wishing they'd been able to at least get some vocals for them until I heard the song that plays over the credits... it turns out that adding vocals didn't help at all, cuz that song is straight garbage. "IT WAS A KILLER FREQUENCCYYYYYYY!!!" Ugh.

 

My other big gripe is the clunky, overly sensitive controls. All you really do is pick things up and throw, drop, or use them, but it doesn't always feel quite right. Picking things up requires an odd precision at times, and you also have to use the same stick to walk up to a door as well as swing it open, which feels counterintuitive. Things like this aren't a big deal during the first two playthroughs, but could be a bit frustrating during the speed run!

 

As far as complaints go however, that's really all I got. It's true that the location is severely limited, but given the brevity of the story, that's perfectly fine. The radio station opens up to you little by little and there's enough to see to keep your interest, I feel. Killer Frequency also has a cool, cell-shaded look that I liked, particularly the radio station's lobby bathing in the glow of that blue and neon pink sign. It doesn't exactly hit the watermark of something like The Wolf Among Us, but it gets the job done and it never unpleasant to look at.

 

Killer Frequency is a great time, all things told. I love the campy horror, the animated voice acting, the great balance of tension and comedy, and how it's all neatly wrapped up in a tight five hour package. It's certainly not perfect, but no fault is bad enough to detract from the enjoyment of playing it late at night with the lights out! I'm not gonna say Killer Frequency is a must play, 10/10 essential or anything, but if this genre is your thing and you haven't played this one, I don't mind telling you that you're missing out.

 

Stray Observations

 

- The loading screen being a radio frequency bar is a cute touch.

 

- “What do you mean, ‘are there only two police officers in this town?’ Obviously there are three. Jesus.”

 

- I can't help wondering what Forrest did to blow his career up. It was the eighties, so you know he really fucked up.

 

- Something about guiding Maurice through his office halls while he's trapped in there with the killer weirdly reminded me of Clock Tower, anybody remember that game?

 

- The panic-stricken Virginia is saved in a pretty humorous way, I just love how that intense fear subsides and she's suddenly like "sure, I'll hit the beer bong, why not?"

 

- I could've done without the 1987 setting. Stuff like floppy disks being described as futuristic (though a nerdy kid in a hedge maze has a cell phone?) to push just how 80s something is has gotten kinda played out at this point, no?

 

- Props to the read of that Harvest Festival ad, that's some impressive breath control.

 

- "I wasn't always Roller Ricky. Once upon a time, believe it or not... I used to go by just Ricky." I'd make fun, but Ricky is just too pleasant and likeable. Even after the "I got a rescue dog..." no, no, dont say it... "...but I like to think he rescued me." Aaauuugh. And losing him and his dog? That one hurt!

 

- I love Murphy, he's such a classic clueless country bumpkin. "Ah gawtta message fuh this so-cawlled... KILLUHH." That Rex Kwon Do got him feeling bold!

 

- When you have to leave the station for that record, you get a quick glimpse of a dark figure walking off. Corny, sure. But damn if I wasn't like eep!

 

- Wait a second, we didn't tell John what Casey and Jason's names were, how did he know... HE'S THE WHISTLING MAN!!!

 

- Forrest's terrible puns after each death are wonderful, and they're made all the better by how disgusted Peggy is with them!

 

- The basketball hoop over the trash can with infinite crumpled balls of paper is a great touch. "Oh no, the killer's after you, whatever will we d- BANKSHOT!! WOOO!!" "F-Forrest? Forrest, are you there??" "Huh? Oh yeah, it's just that you're so boring and this crazy trash can hoop is totally awesome. Yeah, we'll help you with the Humming Man or whateve- KOBE!!"

 

- I was pleasantly surprised at how much effort was clearly put into bringing all the threads together at the end. Everything made sense, in a corny horror story kind of way. Also cool how at the end you can see pictures of everybody, as well as who made it and who didn't.

 

THAT Trophy: Forrest Dash

 

Speed run Trophies always give me anxiety, regardless of the game's difficulty or how reasonable the time limit is (and it is very reasonable here). The finicky controls certainly didn't help that! It's really not that bad, but you know how it is with games like this.. picking the hardest trophy is always gonna be at least a bit of a reach!

The game looks fun! keep up and congrats

[YaManSmevz]

Platinum #116: My Friend Pedro

 

My cellular, bananular phone

 

Shooting at stuff that's shooting at you is hardly a novel concept (just look at the asteroids that plagued our ancestors, for instance), but I gotta say, this relatively recent wave of games where you walk into a place, have a wild shootout, and walk out to head on to the next? I'm about it.

 

Run and gun, shoot em up, twin stick shooter, I don't really care what they're called, all I need to know is that they're habit forming af. After the master class of Hotline Miami, I stumbled upon perhaps its most astute student in the slow-mo tweaked The Hong Kong Massacre, and while the reimagination of the formula is pretty flawed, Max Payne's famed Bullet Time was thrown into the mix. For me at least, this was an entirely new wrinkle that I never knew I wanted, and enhanced the gameplay to such a degree that no matter how much difficulty I was having, or how frustrated I would get, it didn't matter - I was hopelessly hooked and had to see it through.

 

Say... are there classes you can take that'll specifically help you stop writing sentences a mile long? Asking for a friend.

 

All that brings me to My Friend Pedro, a prescription the good Doctor gave in a typically excellent batch of reviews. I'd just completed HKM and thought "hmm, another flawed shoot 'em up that's a joy to play and a pain to complete... I'll have to remember that." And now that I've completed this as well, I'm pleased to report that My Friend Pedro is every bit as fun, addicting, and occasionally infuriating!

 

My Friend Pedro was, astonishingly, put together by one dude under the DeadToast name - developer Victor Ågren did literally everything except for the music (the majority of which was done by Navie D, whose work was compiled and is available here), and clearly put a lot of love into the gameplay. The usual shooting and running feels great of course, but there's so many cool additional things we can do.

 

The interactivity is particularly impressive, as several random items will play a part in the mayhem. You can kick a canister of gasoline up in the air over a few enemies, shoot it, and blow them up - or kick a frying pan in the same place and shoot at it to riccochet your bullets onto each of them. There are ziplines you can literally hang upside down from and shoot at multiple enemies, and a skateboard makes regular appearances, used for transportation as well as being kicked into an enemy's face!

 

As the game progresses, some platform puzzles begin to present themselves, offering a new dimension of challenge. Which is great in theory, but... it doesn't seem as though the controls were designed for much beyond the aforementioned inventive combat. Pedro's controls are slick to a fault - oily slick, you might say. The momentum of movement's quickness feels great when wall jumping, dropping, and rolling, but it's entirely too easy to do these things straight off of a ledge and to your death - a chief reason as to why going for the hallowed S ranks can be so infuriating!

 

"Okay, let's roll into this room with a bunch of guys and start shooti- start shooting please, dear god stop rolling they're killing you WHY ARE YOU STILL ROLLI-"

DEAD

 

There's also the matter of the auto aim, which can be helpful for sure but is also very much a "careful what you wish for" type deal here. Once you're shooting at something, you're locked in, and good luck trying to shoot at anything else!

 

Me: Oh, there's a guy, I can keep my combo going, let's just aim at him and...
Pedro: Ooh aim at that gas canister!
Me: Wha-
DEAD

 

Of course, these complaints only come up when you're going for perfect runs - My Friend Pedro is classic 'easy to play, difficult to master' type stuff, as your first playthrough will be an absolute breeze. The checkpoints are quite generous, and two of the three difficulties offer a life regenerating mechanic. Make no mistake, even though I've got a list of grievances, this game is hard to put down, I gotta make sure that's set straight!

 

The soundtrack, which I linked to earlier (shit, I'll link to it again, who gives a fuck), is fantastic. A great amalgam of modern electronica with its glitches, skittish percussion, blasts of bass, and off-kilter melodies. It does get a bit one note after a while, but it's clearly there to keep the blood pumping, and damn if it ain't good at its job!

 

My Friend Pedro has a decent art style, but nothing special. It has the look of an elevated flash game, which makes sense because that's more or less what it is! Level design is pretty standard (for the most part), the enemies' appearances are pretty limited, and animations can be awkward at times, but it's far from deal-breaker type stuff. Like I said when writing about Hotline Miami, with all the carnage taking place, hyper realistic graphics here would most likely traumatize the player, so getting this instead is a bit of a blessing!

 

There's not much to talk about as far as story goes, and the game makes it pretty clear how far down the priority list that particular aspect lands, which is totally fine. You play as an amnesiac who wakes up, seemingly unaware of their impressive knack for slowing down time and shooting multiple foes at once. A talking banana shows up, makes some wise cracks, and is like "hey, let's go kill people!" It's very Saturday Morning Action Cartoon type plot, and I think it works perfectly well.

 

The writing is pretty minimal, but charming nonetheless. Enemies in particular cracked me up - the generic baddies ("I hate my questionable life choices"), the overzealous gamers and cosplayers ("ZOMG"), and especially the leotard-adorned haters ("You have terrible aim"), who reminded me of those sniveling self-important drama kids in high school who decided they're smarter than everyone else cuz they'd discovered irony and sarcasm.

 

Of course, apologies to anyone who went through this phase and survived it, and sympathies to those who are still suffering. And now that I've made it awkward, let's wrap up!

 

My Friend Pedro is already a candidate for the best flawed-but-fun game of the year. I love the creativity with the combat and movement, the slow motion mechanic and dodging mechanics are spectacular, and the music is bomb as fuck. Sure the controls can be frustrating, and the S ranks are a serious pain to get.. but any fan of shooters has genuinely no reason not to peep this - it's an absolute blast to play, and feels like a serious accomplishment when you complete it! Better than Hotline? Absolutely not. But better than Hong Kong? ...maybe, if only by a hair.

 

I need some more of these games in my life, and frankly so do you!

 

Stray Observations

 

- More than a few times while playing this I thought of that bit from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, "you may as well paint yourself yellow, run around like a maniac, and call yourself Banana Man. Cuz that's what you're doin'." Indeed I am, Master Shake, indeed I am.

 

- We start by passing a billboard with a dude wearing a fez lookin hat, I don't know why but I found this so charming and considered it assurance that I was in the right place. Comforts are weird, man, what can I say?

 

- When you find Denny at that Die Hard lookin Christmas party and he's just standing there, I couldn't help thinking "Shoot him! Shoot him!!" Of course, we do not, and more chaos ensues.

 

- I love how you get a recording of your most dramatic kill at the end of each level, that's such a cool touch.

 

- Like HKM, Pedro makes the mistake of taking the extra time to inform the player that they're dead (DEAD) rather than to swiftly dive back into the action like Hotline did. With all the fluidity and momentum already in place, that really could've been such a key difference!

 

- A small detail that I always love to see - the sound effects and music all pitchshift up or down when you pause, enter slow-mo, get hit, or even scroll through the options. I just get a kick out of that!

 

- Another little complaint that I'm too petty to let go of: shooting boxes is pretty inconsistent, and you can be stuck in place just because there was a tiny piece of box left, and you couldn't POSSIBLY roll past it. Sorry, I'm salty, this ruined more than a few runs for me!

 

- The train level is phenomenal. That's it, that's the note.

 

- Those weird big heads in Pedro's World are already great, but the faces they make when you drive those screws into them?? So good😂

 

- Pedro's World is the main example of overly loose platforming making S ranks a huge headache, but.. man, the levels look and sound so cool, it's hard to stay mad for long! It's the most adventurous the level design gets and provides the most unique moments on the soundtrack, it deserves a shout for that.

 

- As mentioned before, the graphics are nothing to write home about, but I do love how when you kill an enemy, their body is reduced to these anonymous red chunks of gore.

 

- The combo window closes rather quickly, but forgivingly the game will keep it open so long as you're inflicting damage on an enemy - this can keep it going through some tight spaces, where so long as you at least have bullets connecting, it will give you a chance to keep it going. I really, really appreciated this!

 

- As frustrating as those S rank runs can be, damn if you don't feel like a gaming god when you finally piece together that level-long combo, effortlessly rollin and flippin and blastin . Especially if you're the homie Kindasabbath, who trounced my ass in the high scores department😄 Speaking of which...

 

THAT Trophy: S for Sensei

 

A pretty easy choice, this one. I had everything else in this game done in a few days, thinking "Cool, just the S ranks left! This'll be done inside of a week!"

 

Did Hotline Miami teach me nothing?

 

Again, perfecting this game, especially with the inconsistency to the controls, can be a maddening practice. The requirements are a bit vague as well, so you can often have what feels like a perfect run only to watch the meter fill up to just a sliver shy of completion and slap you across the face with that insulting A. It can be difficult not to bark back at the game with an indignant "what the fuck do you want from me??"

 

Alternately, there were times where I missed a combo, or wasn't as fast as I knew I could've been, and still got the S rank. Each time I thought "I can definitely score better than that," but then looked at however many of the 40-odd levels I had left and quickly decided to accept whatever I got!

 

Still though, you always feel like a real stud when everything goes right - my pick for proudest S rank is definitely the level with the lasers (iykyk), that shit is wild!

[YaManSmevz]

Platinum #102: XCOM: Enemy Within

 

It's the end of the world as we know it

 

Sometimes, when you've got a hankering for something, it's not that specific thing you need, but rather the kinda sorta similar thing you'll end up finding instead.

 

Back in my 360 days (I swear, we're nearing a point where I won't be able to reference that anymore!), I found myself thinking "say... I wonder if this generation has any StarCraft type games" and started rummaging around the net, stumbling upon XCOM: Enemy Unknown before too long. While it was turn-based rather than real time, commanding a small force through an alien invasion with one high stakes operation after another was exactly the vibe I'd been hoping for, and after a month of obsessive playing, I considered the itch well-scratched.

 

When it came time to start rockin some PS3 titles, this one was a no-brainer - the add-on to Enemy Unknown with extra features (and I'll be real, no online trophy😅)? Fuck yes, sign me up!

 

XCOM: Enemy Within is a tactical strategy game where the earth is invaded by aliens and you are the commander of a world council-funded military organization whose sole purpose is to combat the extraterrestrial threat. You have brilliant scientists working underneath you as well as a second in command who keeps you abreast on all pertinent information, and of course your squad, who will be doing all the dirty work for you.

 

The tone of the game slaps you across the face from the jump, really sucking you in with the whole "Yo, the aliens are fucking shit up, you're our only hope, what the fuck are we gonna do??" conceit. You have a LOT of responsibilities to take care of, with several moving parts that need to be set into motion NOW. In fact, an interesting thing about these games is how, if you do it right, the difficulty is most potent at the beginning, and lets up considerably as things progress. Those first few months are truly make or break - you have to get a base built, decide what research to start on, look into upgrades, set up satellites, and maintain low panic levels among the countries that are funding you, all while thwarting an enemy who's able to make three moves to your every one and overpowers you in just about every regard.

 

It's a lot!

 

Oh, and in Enemy Within, there's the added wrinkle of XALT (who totally didn't just copy our name or anything), an idiot alien sympathizing outfit who reminds me of the zealots from Dead Space. They're more annoying than anything else, but have to be dealt with as they'll sabotage you constantly. Plus you get cool missions where your squad plays back up to a covert operative, that's always fun!

 

A lot has been said of the attachment you form with your squad, and I can confirm that that's absolutely accurate. Especially if you're able to keep your first soldier alive throughout the whole game (I almost always get him killed)! You see them starting out as scrubs who can't shoot for shit and panic at any explosion in their vicinity, adorned with shitty armor and basic weapons. Over time though, they not only get better with their stats, but also receive upgrades (and 80s action nicknames like Preacher) that make them indispensable.

 

Plus there's the encouraged customization - people name their squads after friends, pets, family members, favorite musicians, professional wrestlers, and so on - so when Tupac and Razor Ramon, who've been there since the earliest missions and have the most upgrades, get blown up by an alien grenade, that shit is devastating. But it makes for a great story - in that same mission, the only survivor was a rookie sniper who had no upgrades and barely got any kills at all while watching all the vets get slaughtered. And now, you get to watch as Fiona Apple becomes your next bad ass.

 

This is why save scumming, while clutch as fuck at times, no lie on that, is definitely best kept to a minimum. There's so much drama you don't get to experience if nothing moves along without being done perfectly!

 

The gameplay itself thankfully keeps up with all the other qualities lulling you in. Directing your squad to navigate a new area, finding cover, and uncovering enemies to flank is like an action packed chess game (and chess is always best with a little bloodshed), and that cerebral quality just hooks you. Things are MASSIVELY tense from beginning to end, owing to not always knowing where exactly your enemies are (fog of war ftw), how fragile your cover actually is, and of course the famously uncertain nature of your offense.

 

You're given a percentage of chance on every shot you take at the enemy, but it stresses that you understand the unreliability, that anything short of 100% is by definition not a guarantee. This applies to the aliens as well, as you'll see your soldiers elude damage by the skin of their teeth fairly often, so it really isn't an unfair thing or anything like that, but I won't pretend it doesn't get frustrating at times! "I've got the enemy flanked with a 95% likelihood of all my killshots landing. ..wait... my god. They've got me right where they want me, don't they?"

 

Enemy Within also adds Meld into the mix, a mercurial substance you need for research and upgrades, but only have so much time to find and procure. I really liked how this keeps you from playing it too safe, and ensuring that you move at least a little aggressively. Another addition are the MECs, which I only used for trophy-related purposes, they just never really interested me. I will say though, seeing your soldiers packed into a carrier ship with this huge Gundam looking motherfucker cracked me up!

 

If I had any complaints, it's that the story moves along at a pretty slow pace - not by design per se, but you need a lot of time to get your shit together, and things only progress when certain goals are met, with missions growing more and more monotonous all the while. But I mean, the game is pretty deliberately a slow burn experience, so there's not much use in griping over that! Besides, it's pretty minor as the gameplay is still incredibly fun, and it's so rewarding to watch everything come together, both in your base and on the field with how much more capable your squad gets over time. 

 

I love this game. The strategizing in combat is addicting, and juggling the base along with the needs of the council as well as individual countries is stressful in the best kind of way, and even though the tone is so relentlessly bleak, it still manages to keep you lured in. Revisiting this classic has reminded me that XCOM 2 absolutely deserves to be on my dance card, even though I'm a basic bitch and still scared of it😂

 

Stray Observations

 

- Jon Bailey's Honest Trailers voice is in full effect here, and it's magnificent. "REMEMBER. WE.. WILL BE WATCHING."

 

- Zere's no vay zat ze XCOM staff don't all do zeir own impressions uv Doktor Vahlen's accent behind her back.

 

- I like the randomly generated operation names like "Devil's Jester" or "Blood Shadow." It does result in a few unfortunate ones though, with "Hot Fist" being a big favorite.

 

- Love how it's supposed to be impressive when they test the laser rifle. "My god! We shot a piece of drywood with a picture of an alien on it, the laser totally kicked its ass!!"

 

- With the diverse races the aliens have among their ranks, I couldn't help wondering if they have their own racist jokes. "Alright, so a Muton, an Ethereal, and a Chryssalid walk into a bar... oh, hey Luke! How ya doin, buddy? ....I'll tell you later."

 

- "It appears the aliens have cornered the truck on a dam in Eastern France." My dumb brain read this as the truck being "in damn eastern France." For a second I was like man, the hostility!

 

- When you're fighting XALT I swear that's a snort at the end of their transmissions. A subtle diss?

 

- "You can kill them? But how??" Could be their inner strength, their will to survive, could even be love. Or the giant glowing weapons they're holding, I mean who can say.

 

- The aliens are riding in style man, rockin the Black Omen from Chrono Trigger!

 

- The transhuman stuff here is wild! You can inject alien glands into your soldiers, or even destroy their entire bodies and replace them with robot frames. Like fuck man, if they win, what do they do after this?

 

- "We seek to create the perfect specimen, as in spite of our immense gifts, humans are just so hot, and we all look really weird."

 

- When you lose, there's something brutal about how that ending unfolds... and to think XCOM 2 makes that Canon? Sheesh. Dark times, people!

 

THAT Trophy: An Army of Four

 

When playing like a normal person without regard for trophies, one of the first things you'll do is upgrade your squad size from four to six, and passing that up is a huge handicap. Having only four soldiers out there at a time doesn't just amplify how outnumbered you really are, but also makes things go from good to utterly hopeless that much more quickly.

 

It's funny though, because you get used to it - when I fired up another playthrough (XCOM is Post-Platinum Play Posse material all DAY, my guy), I was stunned at how much easier the game felt with just those two extra bodies on the field!

[YaManSmevz]

Monthly Update with Ya Man Smevz

February 2024

 

What up what up! March has officially barged its way into our unsuspecting 2024, and you know what that means - time to hold the dying February close, and in that final embrace... tell it how high our hopes were, and how sorely, sorely disappointed we are. Thank you February, you may die now!

 

93.16% Overall Completion (-0.11)

399 Unearned Trophies (+12)

3.40 Trophies Per Day (-0.01)

116 Platinums (+1)

Level 420 (+2)

 

As you can see, I failed to take advantage of that extra day. Oh well, better luck next leap year!

 

Game of the Month

 

It's really fun, and frankly the reason I do this segment, when there's a bunch of cool, new-to-me games from the month and I have to decide which one I had the best time playing. The reflection, the weighing out of qualities, the drama. Now, this wasn't quite that exciting of a month, but it was the best showdown of new games for me in some time!

 

My Friend Pedro came along early in the month and heroically took over for Need For Speed and Mortal Kombat, two games that've had me really struggling to keep fighting the good fight. The gameplay, the music, and the urging to keep besting myself with each playthrough was so engaging, and really reminded me how great it is to pick up a new game and just run with it!

 

Apotheon came later on, and like Pedro, is marred with its fair share of issues and isn't going to be sweeping awards season or anything like that, but is such a good looking game. I loved the art style as well as the genuine appreciation for Greek mythology, and it's pretty fun to play once you get accustomed to all the jank!

 

There was no real drama, My Friend Pedro won this one pretty handily... but the combined new blood did wonders for my gaming fatigue!

 

Rating the Month

 

For the first time, I had a pretty unproductive February - one completion. And to add insult to injury, I got the platinum for Apotheon at 12:02 AM, two minutes too late to be included with the February stats... I tell ya, that really chaps my caboose.

 

However, I did manage to match my writing output from last year, and given my difficulty in that department, it's no small feat. This month's lack of productivity gaming-wise owed chiefly to simply being so busy, so I won't get too down on myself. February is gonna get three out of five Bananas.

 

March Goals

 

So before another bout of burnout takes hold, I am implementing an emergency I Don't Care month - fuck my stats, fuck my profile, fuck the trophies - obviously I enjoy keeping track of my progress and being a completionist, I don't mean to downplay that, but it's just not doin it for me right now. This month? Just play shit.

 

I don't wanna think about whether or not I can complete a game, or if I'm getting as many plats this time as I did last year... I just have too little time these days for being frustrated or stressed over what's supposed to be the fun part of my day!

 

1. Play at least four different games, regardless of whether they're gonna get completed or not. I want a lot to talk about when it comes time to pick March's top game!

 

2. We almost wrote four reviews this month... maybe we can pull that off this time? At least three again. We'll see how we do.

 

Gaming Hitlist

 

1. Norco

 

Because I played like five minutes and already need to know what happened, what's happening, and what's gonna happen. This bad boy is batting lead off for March, I got a good feeling about it!

 

2. Sea of Stars

 

Because I wanna play a new RPG, I wanna geek out for forty hours, and I wanna bathe in those Chrono Trigger vibes while technically playing some new shit. Also I'm not sure I'm ready for the ridiculous 1-2-3 punch of Final Fantasy IV-VI just yet!

 

3. Laika: Aged Through Blood

 

Because after My Friend Pedro, I want to shoot more stuff in slo-mo, and after Apotheon, I want to see more cool, unique art styles. It's funny how easily I bought this one... "Well, it's on sale! Guess I have no choice" and it's like a measly few bucks off of the normal retail price. Are they giving the good Doctor a cut yet for all the games he's selling? My man deserves it!

 

4. Bomb Rush Cyberfunk

 

Because I really dig this game's music a lot, and I wanna give myself another chance to latch onto the gameplay. If not, then y'know, whatever. We'll get to it later!

 

5. Red Dead Redemption 2

 

Because it's about that time! I won't complete it this month, or even next month, and I don't care. I'm just ready to have some more Red Dead in my life!

 

I hope March is finding everybody well, and as always thank you to anybody reading all my silliness!

Edited April 1 by YaManSmevz