Cassylvania's Miserable Little Pile of Platinums

[Taruta13]

A redhead strode into Mo and Ron's diner, soaked to the bone from the constant downpour outside and sick as a dog. She slumped into a booth and waved away the menu. "Coffee and LOTS OF IT! Make it hard and make it quick."

 

"Miss," said Maureen. "You should get some rest. I may be no doctor, but youse is sick as a dog!"

 

"Shut the [bleep] up, woman, and bring me that coffee! I need to stay awake so I can stay sick!"

 

"Oh my, you're a bit delusional from your illness, missy," sid the waitress. "Pa, get the STUFF. She needs healing now!"

 

"I DO NOT!" screamed the girl, whipping out a naginata with bloodshot eyes. "DON'T YOU DARE!!!"

 

Pa came out, ran back in and came out with a cloth seeped in Stone Cold Cold Killer from the Quester's Rest. The redhead freaked out, leapt out of the booth and tried to flee the diner. "Incoming!" cried Pa as he threw the ball which slammed the girl in the back. She got up, sniffled and groaned in rage.

 

"NICE GOING, MOTHER [BLEEP]ER! NOW I HAVE TO RESET!" The girl put a gun to her head and blew her brains out, leaving a puddle of blood and gore on the floor as she derezzed.

 

"Ugh, that's gonna be a bitch to clean up," said Maureen, holding her head.

 

DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYINGLY HARD IT IS TO STAY SICK IN PERSONA 3 PORTABLE!?!?!? God damn, I really hate that game when it refuses to follow the official PSNP guide. ?

 

Sorry about this really pointless point, but Persona 3 Portable is being mean right now. I really hate how you have to RNG manip yourself to stay tired or sick so you can keep taking the mysterious potion from Edogawa to get Courage. Two less stats than Persona 5 Royal = twice as much work. Maybe I should throw up a second wheel of names with my other stuff and work on games there, though I'd have to add in A Hat In Time and... UGH.

 

I really can't wait to see what your third spin is, Cassy. If I were you, I d ditch the DLC for the time being.

Edited July 25, 2023 by Taruta13

[Cassylvania]

20 hours ago, Taruta13 said:

I really can't wait to see what your third spin is, Cassy. If I  were you, I d ditch the DLC for the time being.

 

Oh... right... we have a third rolling coming up this week. I feel like I've been in a daze all month. I'm reminded of that episode of Doug where he gets addicted to a video game and loses track of time. Am I too going to wake up and think I forgot to do my homework and try to sneak into class, only to later realize it's Sunday?

 

But... I will say this. I think Rain World is one of the most fun, addictive video games I've ever played. It's weird that I wrote my review so early on in my time with the game because I think my opinion has drastically changed. I'm not going to say whether I like the game more or less than I did after I earned the platinum, but it's like climbing a molehill only to realize there's a much bigger mountain on the other side. And what you guys got was just my experience with the molehill. There is so much to unpack if I started talking about each of the new slugcats and areas and creatures and modes in the game. I never even got to touch on how amazing the graphics are, or how well this game does horror. When I look back, I think I'm going to put this game up there with the likes of Dark Souls and XCOM, despite having much more respect for those games. It's hard for me to respect Rain World because Rain World doesn't respect you. That doesn't mean I can't love it. Rain World can be my dommy mommy any day.

 

So, no... I'll keep going. The 100% is in sight. I have 61 expedition quests (I think they fixed the trophy) and six challenges to go. I know there's that miscellaneous trophy, but it's actually a requirement for one of the quests, so it'll come along the way. Will I be done by the end of the week? Absolutely not. But...if the third rolling gives us something SHORT for once, I should be able to finish in August. If it shits on me again, I'll still try to do a little something each day so that I can finish this. I'm not going to let this game sit unfinished on my profile for the rest of time. I hate it too much.

Edited July 25, 2023 by Cassylvania

[Taruta13]

On 7/25/2023 at 7:52 AM, Cassylvania said:

I'm not going to let this game sit unfinished on my profile for the rest of time. I hate it too much.

 

You are a better person than I am, Cass. For me, I am considering dropping my project for a long time because Persona 3 Portable is crapping on my head too much. I really hate how you have to keep staying sick just to drink some sketchy meds to get your courage up. I put out a help message on the official game forum for it to see if anyone can assure me that I was just damn unlucky because I kept recovering for my cold every time and I feel like the game is rigged.

 

If worse comes to worst, I always have my funsies account to fall back on. Also, Final Fantasy XIV. I just unlocked and power-leveled Blue Mage for my main. Why do this to myself? I hate the Masked Carnivale as much as you hate Rain World, but I'm not going to pass up a trophy to get 99% of the Blue Magic especially now that Blue Mages can go to the First and get a cool nuke attack from my favorite boss in Shadowbringers...

 

 

Edited July 26, 2023 by Taruta13

[Cassylvania]

14 hours ago, Taruta13 said:

You are a better person than I am, Cass. For me, I am considering dropping my project for a long time because Persona 3 Portable is crapping on my head too much. I really hate how you hae to keep staying sick just to drink some sketchy meds to get your courage up. I put out a help message on the official game forum for it to see if anyone can assure me that I was just damn unlucky because I kept recovering for my cold every time and I feel like the game is rigged.

 

Sorry to hear that. Uh... chin up? At least it's a good game, right? Better to be stuck in a good game than a bad game, I always say.

 

I do have a few more things to say about Rain World. This is going to be full of spoilers (mostly how some of the mechanics work), so only read on if you plan to play the game and want to experience everything for yourself. I won't go into the story because I still don't understand it.

 

First, I'd like to talk about the enemy AI in the game. You don't really think of the other characters on screen as "enemies" because they're just creatures trying to survive, like you. Many times, I've tipped my hat to a creature who outsmarts or outmaneuvers me, or acknowledged that I probably deserved that death because of something I did. That's not something you get in most video games. In fact, it's pretty rare for two enemies to even interact with one another, outside of enemy fire or collision detection, but that's the entire basis of Rain World. The creatures don't just walk endlessly on a preset path and seem to be only placed there to create an obstacle for the player. They're stuck playing the same janky ass game as you. If the controls in this game seem slippery and awful, that's OK because the other creatures have to suffer too. It's actually pretty hilarious watching this game try to play itself. Because every cycle is essentially a simulation, you'll see wacky things happening all the time. I think that's the kind of stuff people were hoping for from games like No Man's Sky. Sometimes you'll be ganged up on and other times the enemy of your enemy will become your friend, saving you from a situation in which you'd otherwise be lunch.

 

But, despite the poor physics, one of the things I appreciate the most is how realistic the AI is. Yes, you can manipulate it. But that's kinda how real life is too. If a goose is honking at me, I know to stay away. I can't blame the goose for attacking me if I provoke it. But a goose is a goose and shouldn't react the same as a tiger. That's something that most video games don't seem to get or don't try to replicate. Not every enemy should react in the same to every situation. In most video games, they're either passive or aggressive, and usually only swap between them based on the player's actions. In Rain World, you study how each of these creatures lives in order to figure out how not to die. Let's just jump into a few examples so I can explain this further.

 

Take the green lizard. (No, really. Take them. They're assholes.) It's likely to be the very first enemy you encounter in the game. We'll compare that to a Goomba in any Mario game. The Goomba is a basic enemy. In most iterations of Mario, it walks in a single direction. If it touches a wall or another enemy, it will walk the other way. If it reaches a bottomless pit, it will fall off. Goombas would not last very long in the real world. It's a very video game-y creature. You would THINK green lizards would be the same because they're clearly not very smart. They're slow, heavy, and, compared to the other lizards in the game, don't possess any unique abilities. You'll still shit bricks when you see one. But then you'll climb a pole, realize they can't reach you, and you'll wonder how their species is even alive.

 

But here's the thing. The green lizard, despite being the first predator you meet, is actually one of the hardest lizards to kill. Its large size makes it very strong and bulky. This means you never feel, "Oh, it's JUST a green lizard." You recognize that it's still a formidable opponent and that you shouldn't go bopping it on the head for an easy kill because it's a weakling and you're the apex predator. It just means you are better suited for escaping it. YOU -- the SLUGCAT, not the player -- possess the necessary abilities to survive against that creature, in the right situation. It's a totally different mindset that you get from most video games and it's a beautiful thing.

 

Next, let's discuss the "yellow" lizards. (They're orange.) Actually, that's another thing I'd like to point out. Lizards come in hues, so not all "green" lizards are the same shade of green. This confused me at first because I kept seeing a pink lizard and a purple lizard and not realizing they belong to the same species. That's neat too because it gives the individuals some variety and gives the player some pause because you don't always instantly recognize what you're looking at. Anyway, the yellow lizards are pack hunters. These motherfuckers always travel in groups and will actively try to flank you. (Very different than the other lizards, who are solo hunters and will fight each other over territory.) If you attack one, the others will come to their aid. (The mosquitoes do that too. Eat a baby skeeter and mama mosquito will chase you to the depths of hell.) But in every pack of yellow lizards, there's an alpha, who can be identified by long horns. If you kill the alpha, the others will scatter and become uncoordinated. You could go through the whole game without noticing or even doing that. There are so many things in this game that are a mystery when you first start, and it's so cool to learn (or, dare I say, adapt) how this ecosystems works. This is not really a video game at all. It's a simulation, and probably one of the best I've played.

 

Now, let's talk scavengers. Scavs are perhaps the best creature in the game. I don't know if they're human or not, but they're the closest thing to a functioning society we see. You'll come across them a lot, but particularly in the areas like the Garbage Wastes, where there's a lot of refuse to scavenge through. You...can't communicate with them. You're a slugcat. But remember -- they're playing by the same rules as you. They can't communicate with you either. So, what do you do when you see one? Probably the same thing they do when they see you. Stay back and watch. You come at them with a spear and you're going to startle them. You drop your weapon and stay on all fours and they'll be a little more calm. They aren't actively aggressive (usually), but jumping around like a psychopath and stealing the objects out of their hands will naturally make them upset. I don't really blame scavengers for wanting to hunt me down if I put a spear through one of their faces. But...you can tell how they feel based on their eyes. If they're mad, they'll be slanted. If they're wide, they're nervous. If they're pointing a spear at you in a threatening motion, you might want to stay back. When I first encountered these guys, I actually had to PAY ATTENTION to what was happening on the screen. I couldn't just react like I would in any other video game, where you're just mindlessly gunning through anything with an HP bar over its head.

 

But there is a global reputation system. If you help scavengers by fending off other creatures and giving them gifts they like, they'll become your ally. This is how I naturally feel other games should work. Hell, you can even give gifts to lizards and they'll consider you a friend of their species. This is...admittedly less common in nature, but I guess the lizards in this world are a little more advanced than the ones we're used to. I'm glad they only applied this mechanic to the scavs and lizards. I'd have a hard time believing SPIDERS and CENTIPEDES can be your friends. They are not your friends. They need to die in fire. Which makes me to my next point...

 

HOLY FUCK, THESE CREATURES ARE HORRIFYING. I don't even know which one is the worst. I'm going to say the one that gives me the most heebie-jeebies are the cluster spiders in Shaded Citadel. I don't even know their official name. There are actually a few spider species in this game, so let me be clear about what these do. They wiggle around. If there's just one, no big deal. You can walk right there it. When two get together, they COMBINE, get a little bigger, and wiggle around some more. Eventually, if enough of these things each to one another, they become like the human centipede and just obliterate you if you come near. Death by a million spiders. Freakin' nightmare fuel. (Did I mention Shaded Citadel is PITCH BLACK?) And you never just...die. You suffer for a few seconds. Every death is agonizing because you'll often realize you're dead before it happens. Like, if you're in the water and you get covered by leeches, they'll pull you down and you can't do anything but watch slugcat slowly drown. And the game will continue playing after your death. If you get grabbed by a lizard, you can watch it carry you through fourteen screens and then retreat to its den, where it presumably consumes you. Sometimes I'll just put down the controller and stare at my lifeless corpse being thrown about like a ragdoll and think to myself, "That must be how those Skyrim NPCs feel."

 

I'm sure I'll have more topics in the future. This has already won GOTY, so good luck to anything I play in the next four months.

 

DATE: July 25, 2023

TIME: 12:30 PM

PLACE: A very large mall in south Philadelphia (the good side of town)

 

In this seemingly unrelated side story, Ethan, Ethan's wife, and their two little boys -- Jason and Shaun -- were at the mall. Ethan's wife, against her better judgement, decided to leave Ethan alone with Jason while she took Shaun to try on new pants. She told them both not to get lost and provided them a map of the mall just in case. She even drew two stick figures of where she and Shaun were going, along with a dotted line to indicate the path they were taking to get there. She kissed Ethan on the forehead, did the same for Jason, and started off. She had a very, very bad feeling about this.

 

"I'm going to rest my legs," Jason said, starting for a nearby bench.

 

"Are you kidding? Your mom just gave us a TREASURE MAP!" Ethan held up the paper in a curled fist. "Come on, son. Let's find us some BOOTY."

 

Some teenage girls started giggling. Jason figured there would be just as much embarrassment staying there and arguing with his dad as following him, so he sighed and tagged along. It only took Ethan about four minutes to get lost and even less time to lose interest. He saw a clown standing by a cart full of red balloons and figured he had hit the jackpot. Jason had seen enough movies about clowns with red balloons to keep his distance.

 

"And who do we have here?" the clown asked, in the most forceful cheerful voice you can imagine.

 

"I'm Ethan!" Ethan said. He didn't bother introducing Jason.

 

"Uh...hi, Ethan. Would you and your...son like a balloon?"

 

"No thanks," Jason said.

 

Ethan eyed the wide assortment of balloons, remembering back to his childhood. "They all look so good. I don't know which one to pick."

 

"They're all the same," the clown said. "They were out of the variety pack."

 

"What do you think, Jason? Which balloon do you want?"

 

"Dad, they're all the same."

 

"We'll take...THAT ONE!" Ethan said, pointing to a random balloon in the middle of the pack. It took the clown quite a while to sort through all the tangled strings to find the exact balloon Ethan had selected. He cursed the entire time.

 

"That'll be ten dollars," the clown said when he at last handed Jason the correct balloon.

 

"Ten dollars for a balloon!? That's insane."

 

"What can I say? That's inflation for ya." The clown honked his nose and faked a laugh. "Get it?"

 

"No..."

 

The clown frowned. "Look, buddy. I'm up to my ass in student loans thanks to my art history degree. Now, pay the ten bucks or I'll step on your toes with my size 16 shoes."

 

Ethan grumbled a response and began shuffling around in his pockets for loose change. He didn't seem to notice Jason getting very bored and slipping away. He also didn't seem to notice the balloon slipping away from Jason's hand. It floated up the ceiling and got stuck in the rafters.

 

When Ethan turned around, Jason was gone.

 

"Jason? Jason, where are you?" He saw a thousand faces around him, but not the one he recognized. He turned back to the clown. "Did you see where my son went?"

 

"Yeah, he's right there." The clown pointed to the arcade, where Jason was still in hearing range.

 

Ethan threw the clown to the floor and ran in the opposite direction. "Jason! JASON! JAYYYYYY-SON!" In a panic, he began spinning around until he lost all sense of direction and couldn't remember what clothes Jason was wearing or even what he looked like. "JASON!"

 

It was around that time when Shaun and Ethan's wife were returning from the clothing store. They saw all the commotion and hurried their pace to see what was going on.

 

"Ethan, what's wrong?" his wife asked.

 

"I LOST OUR ONLY SON!" Ethan screamed into her ear.

 

"What?"

 

"JASON! JASON! JASOOOOOON!"

 

Ethan's wife quickly and calmly scanned the mall with her eyes until she saw Jason waving at her from the arcade window. She waved back and then turned to say something to Ethan, but he was already pushing his way through the crowd of people who had gathered by the escalators. Leaping over a stroller and then an old lady, he started racing down the up escalator. It didn't go well. About a hundred people on both floors of the mall stared at him awkwardly flailing his limbs about in place while Ethan's wife and Shaun slowly passed him on the down escalator. As he continued screaming out Jason's name, Ethan's wife did her best to hide her face behind her shopping bags.

Edited July 26, 2023 by Cassylvania

[Taruta13]

8 hours ago, Cassylvania said:

Sorry to hear that. Uh... chin up? At least it's a good game, right? Better to be stuck in a good game than a bad game, I always say.

Right. Sorry. I keep thinking my situation sucks when I forget there are others who are far worse off. (No offense, Cass. I know you are a trooper for taking the hit so you can warn people about games that are really baaaaaaaaaad stanky whores that should not be supported. )

 

Also, I live through some of these difficult games vivaciously through you. Your reviews give me advance warning about what might be extremely difficult for me. I don't know if you are a 50-year old man like I am, but even though I am forever jobless(since I have mental issues that make it hard for me to focus on completing tasks and have very bad physical health) and can buy any video game I want(since I am given a generous Social Security check and only have to pay a single check for rent, electricity, Internet access, and running water, though I do spend several trips for groceries a month, four at minimum, because a man's gotta eat), said mental issues I mentioned keep me from sticking to a task which keeps defeating me. I hate Kingdom Hearts II's critical mode... but you have to beat it to get a trophy. The farthest I got in Kingdom Hearts II on Critical Mode was the fight that was added involving a certain character. HE DESTROYED ME OVER AND OVER ON HIS FIRST ATTACK. I rage quitted and never looked back.

 

(To be fair, I was much younger and less patient at the time, and now that I've seen so many people play Kingdom Hearts II Randomizers, I realized that Reflect exists. )

 

The super bosses in Kingdom Hearts II intimidate me and that's why I don't want to play that game, despite enjoying the original Kingdom Hearts II where I didn't have to fight Sephiroth. Hell, I'll have to fight Sephy when I go and try to deal with Kingdom Hearts 1. I'd be eaten alive in Rain World.

 

So, wall of text aside, I appreciate your kind words and your honest reviews and I seriously hope you prove the world wrong and show that yes, Virgil, you CAN get a full platinum profile with only a single yearly subscription to PS+. I'm in your corner, Cass.

Also, to be fair, I don't mind doing Disgaea 1 Complete. Probably won't touch Disgaea 6 or Disgaea 7 because those games ruined the whole concept of the game which is to focus on constantly entering the same map over and over again. Disgaea 6 made the entire grinding process an AFK-fest. At least 7 forces you to pay currency to AFK a map, currency that is insanely difficult to get.

 

Once I get my next check next Thursday, the first thing I am going to buy up is another $25 card to my wallet so I can purchase Disgaea 3 on my Vita. That is my favorite Disgaea game story and character wise. Nothing against my waifu Fuka or my dommy mom Usalia, but Raspberyl is the ultimate badass and the main character Mao is f**king insane. Oh, and Almaz. I really enjoy Almaz, he and I could share some milkshakes together and he could hook me up with a friend of his wife's.

[Taruta13]

9 hours ago, Cassylvania said:

Ethan's wife did her best to hide her face behind her shopping bags.

 

You know, this isn't how Heavy Rain works, but if it had been, then we wouldn't have had to deal with a quick-time event for a sex scene.

 

Seriously, I find these side stories somewhat funny. And that poor college student stuck in a clown suit who got ignored and beaten up shows how bad life is in college.

 

Keep up the prose, I constantly wait for every chapter. And I hope you get a good spin for project #3.

[HelixNebula_x]

33 minutes ago, Taruta13 said:

I hate Kingdom Hearts II's critical mode... but you have to beat it to get a trophy. The farthest I got in Kingdom Hearts II on Critical Mode was the fight that was added involving a certain character. HE DESTROYED ME OVER AND OVER ON HIS FIRST ATTACK. I rage quitted and never looked back.

 

At the beginning of The World That Never Was? He really is a hard skill check to be honest. Once you get past that though, since he's Final Mix exclusive, it does get easier again.

 

OT - I'm glad you're suffering through Rain World so that I don't have to Cass, but I'm glad you're enjoying it so much as well. Looking forward to seeing what you spin next, as well as the continuation of the adventures of Slugcat and Ajna.

[Taruta13]

11 hours ago, HelixNebula_x said:

At the beginning of The World That Never Was? He really is a hard skill check to be honest.

Yeah, silly me back then didn't ever use Reflect.

[Cassylvania]

On 7/26/2023 at 9:42 AM, Taruta13 said:

I hate Kingdom Hearts II's critical mode... but you have to beat it to get a trophy. The farthest I got in Kingdom Hearts II on Critical Mode was the fight that was added involving a certain character. HE DESTROYED ME OVER AND OVER ON HIS FIRST ATTACK. I rage quitted and never looked back.

 

I don't remember it being too difficult? I feel like a lot of those boss battles were just rock, paper, scissors...with some luck, which I guess is what rock, paper, scissors mostly is.

 

On 7/26/2023 at 9:58 AM, Taruta13 said:

You know, this isn't how Heavy Rain works, but if it had been, then we wouldn't have had to deal with a quick-time event for a sex scene.

 

I always said if I was going to play Heavy Rain again, I'd have to find a way to make it interesting. This is the only way I know how to do it.

 

On 7/26/2023 at 10:24 AM, HelixNebula_x said:

OT - I'm glad you're suffering through Rain World so that I don't have to Cass, but I'm glad you're enjoying it so much as well. Looking forward to seeing what you spin next, as well as the continuation of the adventures of Slugcat and Ajna.

 

Appreciate it! I gotta admit... I'm a little worried about August will bring. There are at least three games on that list that I really don't want to touch right now. As well as several games not on the list that I'd like to begin.

 

DATE: July 27, 2023

TIME: 8:45 PM

PLACE: Mo & Ron's Diner, Rain World

 

It was open mic night at the diner, which was made worse by the fact that Meredith was the only one singing. If that wasn't bad enough, she had way too much to drink and the power was still out, which meant there were no instrumentals to drown out her voice. Ajna was banging her head against the table, Mai's left eye kept twitching, and Dog For Some Reason was howling in pain. Only Maureen seemed to be unfazed and that may have been because she took her hearing aids out.

 

"HERE COMES TEH RAIN AGAIN, FALLIN' ON MY HEAD LIKE A MEMOREE, *hic* FALLIN' ON MY HEAD LIKE A NEW EMOSHUN!" Meredith let down her hair and began whipping it around in every direction. "OOH-OOH! OOH-OOH!"

 

"I can see why nobody comes here," Mai muttered under her breath.

 

"You could just leave," Ajna said. "Nobody would miss you."

 

"You don't know our boss. If we go back empty-handed, he'll have our heads mounted on the wall."

 

"Just like all the others," Dog For Some Reason whispered, as if he thought Bluefinger could hear him.

 

"I don't see why you'd need a slugcat's tears anyway... That's an awfully specific thing." Ajna watched as Meredith pulled a life-size cardboard cutout of RNGeta out of the backroom and began stroking her hand across it while she continued to sing. Then Ajna realized that's not something she wanted to watch and looked the other way.

 

"Not just any slugcat's tears," Mai said. "YOUR slugcat's tears. Bluefinger was very specific about that."

 

"He probably cried a river of tears when that DLC dropped," Dog For Some Reason giggled. "You know what 'DLC' stands for, don't you? Developers Loathe Cassarot!" He and Mai began laughing hysterically, but they were quickly silenced by the glass door swinging open. There, in the doorway, was the silhouette of a tiny little slugcat. The skies were so dark behind him that he was barely visible, but a sudden flash of lightning illuminated the decorative vulture mask over his face. His eyes were darker than they had ever been and his fur was dripping with crimson rainwater.

 

"Slugcat!" Maureen cried.

 

"Cassarot!" Ajna exclaimed.

 

"My God..." Mai said.

 

Slung over my shoulder was a leather sack that was at least fifty times my size. I tossed it into the middle of the diner, where it split open to reveal a thousand discarded animal corpses and severed body parts. Lizard tails, scavenger heads, centipede wings, spider legs, bird wings, and the limp bodies of the cutest little lantern mice you've ever seen oozed out onto the floor. The mixture of blood and rot made them almost indistinguishable. I said nothing as I walked past them and took my seat at the bar. The tip of the spear I dragged across the floor left a red streak that would never wash out.

 

"Holy fuck," Ajna said, staring down at the mess.

 

"You, uh...okay, hun?" Maureen asked.

 

I continued staring straight ahead, unblinking.

 

Mai and Dog For Some Reason looked at each other nervously and then slowly started backing towards the door.

 

"W-w-we're g-going to go now," Mai stammered. When they got about halfway, they turned into a full sprint and had to fight with each other to be the first one out.

Edited July 28, 2023 by Cassylvania

[Taruta13]

On 7/27/2023 at 11:11 PM, Cassylvania said:

"W-w-we're g-going to go now," Mai stammered. When they got about halfway, they turned into a full sprint and had to fight with each other to be the first one out.

I'm guessing you just got the Expedition trophy.

 

This type of game is something I won't touch with a ten foot pole. However... you know what, I don't want to stain your thread with my own stories. Just suffice it to say that they dropped the new expansion for FFXIV, Dawntrail. And added another stinking melee DPS to the FFXIV roster, or will in a year when the expansion comes out.

[Cassylvania]

How to Justify a PS+ Subscription in 12 Easy Steps

The Third Rolling

 

Beneath a colorful beach umbrella, RNGeta was sipping a cocktail and bathing in the sun on Kame Island. He had a "U MAD, BRO?" t-shirt on, but his actual expression was uncharacteristically placid. His eyes were closed and he was just about to drift off into another lazy afternoon slumber when he heard a low rumbling. It was coming from the direction of the sea. He opened his eyes just in time to see a mail truck suddenly roll out of the ocean and park directly in front of him. The grill was no more than a few inches away from his chair. He looked up, mouth agape, but he couldn't see who was behind the wheel because the windshield was completely covered by seaweed and starfish.

 

"Why, hello there, handsome," Meredith said. She turned on the windshield wipers and smiled at RNGeta through the smeared remains of fragile sea life on the glass. She was wearing some cheap sunglasses with the price tag still on and too much perfume. As the water gushed out of the van and onto the beach, she hopped down and grabbed her mailbag. You could hear the water sloshing around in her trainers as she waddled towards RNGeta.

 

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" he asked. "You're blocking my sun."

 

"Special delivery from Rain World," Meredith sang, holding out an envelope. The ink was bleeding from being in the water for so long and nearly impossible to read, but RNGeta knew exactly who it was from. He snatched it away from her without so much as a thanks and completely ignored her as she raised her sunglasses and batted her eyelashes at him.

 

Ripping open the envelope, he took out the letter that was inside and began reading it aloud. Reading wasn't his strong suit, so Meredith had to help him with some of the words.

 

Dear RNGeta,

 

I have killed all the wildlife in Rain World. Now, I am coming for you.

 

Sincerely,

Cassarot

 

P.S. You are an asshole.

 

"Grrr... CASSAROT!" RNGeta crumbled up the letter and threw it at the water like a skipping stone. It did absolutely zero skips because it was made of paper. "That stupid slug thinks he can mock me!? Damn him. I should destroy THIS WHOLE PLANET because of this." He turned his back on Meredith because he didn't like an audience while he monologued. "There's no way he killed all the wildlife in Rain World. That's impossible. The creatures respawn even faster than me when I die! He's probably just gone mad -- mad because his spirit has been completely crushed! Yes, that's it. That stupid Cassarot couldn't even last two months."

 

Meredith reached out and ran a slender finger across his shoulder. "You know, I'm off duty. Maybe we could go into your shack and you could show me your--"

 

"Kingdom Hearts fans everywhere can rejoice on this day! Cassarot could never appreciate the complex plot of that series. Time for me to leave that 'critic' my review! '0/10, would totally fuck with again'! HAHAHA!"

 

"You're, um...a little obsessed over that little slug creature, aren't you?"

 

"I'll wait, Cassarot. I'll wait for you to come CRAWLING BACK here and beg for an easier game. Then I'll say no and put a hole RIGHT THROUGH YOUR FACE!" He threw back his head in laughter, which only seemed to turn on Meredith more. Unfortunately for her, I had other plans. I climbed on top the mail van, removed my vulture mask, and threw it onto the sand next to RNGeta. That was enough to get his attention.

 

"CASSAROT! I've been waiting for this." He wasted no time in cupping his hands together and unleashing a Galick Gun attack directly at me. I stood my ground and let the energy wave wash over my body. It was nice to have a shower. I think my fur flickered a little in the breeze. When he had last stopped, he grinned the stupidest grin and probably expected me to be a pile of ash. Instead, I hadn't even moved.

 

"WHAT!? No human could survive that!"

 

"I am not a human. I am not even a slugcat anymore. I have ascended to something far more powerful than you could ever imagine." As I spoke, my body lifted off the van and slowly floated down towards Meredith and RNGeta. She quickly moved out of the way, but he wasn't so smart. "Welcome to Pain World."

 

"BIG BANG ATT--ack!" RNG couldn't finish his sentence. Even though he was still a few feet away, I was easily able to lasso my tongue around his neck. I made it impossible for air to reach his lungs. I still hadn't touched the ground, but I lifted RNGeta into the sky with me and then slammed him into the ground with my tongue. I slammed him into his beach chair, knocking over his drink. I slammed him into the coconut tree, making it rain fruit. I slammed him into the shack, putting a hole right into Master Roshi's bedroom. I even slammed him into the mail truck and then launched him high into the air. His limbs went flailing in every direction.

 

"This seems massively unnecessary," Ajna said. She was still seated in the van.

 

The crater left by RNGeta when he landed was quickly filled with water. He crawled out of it, sputtering, and begged Ajna to tell me to stop.

 

"I DID NO SUCH THING!" RNGeta yelled. "I NEVER BEG!"

 

But he did beg and Ajna kicked sand in his face because she remembered we shared in this torture together.

 

"We kinda did," Ajna said. "OK, yeah. Eat sand, dirtbag."

 

RNGeta coughed and coughed, but we weren't finished with him yet. I looked at Ajna and she looked at me. Seeing the umbrella left on the beach, I nodded my head and waited for Ajna to remove it and hand it to me. As she did, I thought back to everything we had gone through in Rain World. All the pain. All the deaths. All the sleepless nights. (Seriously. My mental health may never recover.) I tapped the umbrella against my paw and casually walked towards RNGeta. I was so light that I didn't even leave footprints in the sand. Two hundred and twenty-nine hours had come down to this.

 

"See you in hella," I said, shoving the tip of the umbrella up RNGeta's butt. He screamed out in horrible, agonizing pain. Then I leaned down, very close to his ear, and whispered the last words he would ever hear: "Ella, ella." With that, I squeezed the trigger and opened the umbrella.

 

You can't even begin to imagine the earsplitting cry that was unleashed.

 

Wow, uh... That was some weird stuff. Anyway, I already rolled for the next game. Hilariously, it came up Rain World again. While a PS5 stack is technically doable, I think repeats will count as rerolls. (The only other option is to renumber everything and I'm way too lazy for that.) I got 20, so I guess we'll be playing...

 

MONSTER BOY AND THE CURSED KINGDOM

 

You know what? I'll take it. It looks like it's a 4/10 difficulty, 20-30 hours game, which is actually a bit longer and a bit harder than I expected, given what little I know about that series. The REAL question is if the person who suggested it actually played the game. So, @Taruta13, have you...wait, of course you have. Thank you for setting a new precedent.

 

@Mori I expect that Rain World platinum soon.

Edited July 30, 2023 by Cassylvania

[Taruta13]

10 hours ago, Cassylvania said:

 

MONSTER BOY AND THE CURSED KINGDOM

 

You know what? I'll take it. It looks like it's a 4/10 difficulty, 20-30 hours game, which is actually a bit longer and a bit harder than I expected, given what little I know about that series. The REAL question is if the person who suggested it actually played the game. So, @Taruta13, have you...wait, of course you have. Thank you for setting a new precedent.

 

Oh cool, I really needed a pick-me-up after I deleted all of my PS4 games except for Minecraft and their save data. Those games will only get redownloaded sometime in 2024 due to the fact that I am not very pleased at Persona 3 Portable and Disgaea 1 Complete right now.

 

And yes, for the record, check my profile. I platinumed both versions of the game and it's really not that hard to get all the trophies. I did use guides because there are collectibles but nothing is really missable, and I think that you will enjoy the soundtrack and graphics a lot. If you need help after disembowled your personal nemesis, feel free to PM me. I will probably be doing those stacks again on my 'fun' account, which has the username of BlaiseFlygon. Right now, I have to get to Ishgard because they dropped the 6.5 and 7.0 stuff for Final Fantasy XIV and I really need to get my second alt to Level 50 so I can unlock Blue Mage for him and just get to work on getting my main to Heavensward.

 

(Yes, I have a new account but it's only because I want to re-experience the Pixel Remasters again.)

 

EDIT: You know, if you want to be really cheeky, you can have just killed RNGeta by looking at your Dragon Radar, since you technically won a fight. He'd die and you'd glitch through Kame Island. (Shoutouts to the RPG Limit Break speedrun of Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan speedrun by Drumboardist. )

Edited July 30, 2023 by Taruta13

[Mori]

14 hours ago, Cassylvania said:

I expect that Rain World platinum soon.

 

I'll try.. :')

Edited July 30, 2023 by Mori

[Cassylvania]

On 7/29/2023 at 9:04 PM, Taruta13 said:

And yes, for the record, check my profile. I platinumed both versions of the game and it's really not that hard to get all the trophies. I did use guides because there are collectibles but nothing is really missable, and I think that you will enjoy the soundtrack and graphics a lot. If you need help after disembowled your personal nemesis, feel free to PM me. I will probably be doing those stacks again on my 'fun' account, which has the username of BlaiseFlygon.

 

"Nothing is really missable" is my kind of game. I'm not even going to look at a review for this one. I'm just going to sit back and enjoy what I hope is a very relaxing, moderately easy platformer.

 

It's actually amazing how on edge I am when I'm playing other games now. Like I was on Genshin the other day (what am I saying? I'm on Genshin every day) and I was actually afraid my character was about to die every time I looked away from the screen, which is something I do a lot because I'm always multi-tasking. I died quite often because of that in Rain World... You're rarely ever in a spot where you could go to the bathroom or make a sandwich and not be at risk of some creature coming along and grabbing you. I'm surprised you're even allowed to pause in that game. Rain World is exactly the kind of game I'd expect to disable the pause button.

 

I was actually going to type up another review of the game to go over my thoughts for each of the DLC characters, but I think we all need a break from that game for a while. I will say that Downpour should have been Rain World 2. It's downright criminal that it was released as DLC. Hands down, the best DLC I've ever played. Better than any Dark Souls expansion. Better than XCOM 2. Better than the zombies in Graveyard Keeper. And yet, it took something away from me. I had that moment in the main game where I feel I had mastered it and I remember being so happy and so proud that I conquered what was supposed to be a really difficult game in just five short days. I sensed jubilation.

 

And then it was gone. The DLC quintupled (?) my playtime. My profile says 229 hours. That's probably extreme. You guys know I tend to leave games idle while I do other things. But even if we round down to 200 hours, that's an extraordinary amount of time to additional time put into a game that I had platinumed in around 40 hours. And yes, I did get it to 100%. But my feelings for the game are so different than when I first thought I had mastered it. It was like climbing a mountain, only to find a bigger mountain on the other side. (Did I already make that analogy? I dunno. I thought of it in the shower the other day.) Part of me will forever resent the DLC for taking that jubilation away from me. Part of me will cherish it because Rain World will not slip into obscurity, as just another quick platinum that presented only a modicum of a challenge. What the hell is going on with my vocabulary here? I don't even know these words.

 

I'm going to just stop now. I need more sleep.

 

20 hours ago, Mori said:

I'll try.. :')

 

Hey, I can't be mad. I see you've been playing Shadow Tactics, so it's not like you're slacking.

 

Anyway, I'm pretty excited about Monster Boy. I don't really like having the mindset of, "I hope I get _____" (because obviously that's going to lead to disappointment), but it definitely would have been in the higher echelon of titles. And we avoided that dreaded lower left quadrant of difficult games, which made me happy. It also means maybe I can get back to my backlog. We have several other DLCs to focus on, that Harry Potter game I haven't touched since February, and I do believe there's a new Atelier. (Well, an old new Atelier.) Let's make August a productive month.

 

Oh, and because I forgot to post this before... Made a little modification to the wheel. Here's where we stand.

 

 

I forget if I'm supposed to add the new game after I roll it or after I beat it. We're just going to go with this.

Edited July 31, 2023 by Cassylvania

[Mori]

1 hour ago, Cassylvania said:

Hey, I can't be mad. I see you've been playing Shadow Tactics, so it's not like you're slacking.

 

Oh, right.. the game is fantastic but I don't need to tell you that. It has been uncompleted on my profile for several years and in 2023 the time has finally come to return to it. XCOM 2 is another potential candidate..  ?

[pelagia14]

Ooooh, I love having a background from/related-to a previously-played game on the wheel with your new spin!

 

Reading your journey with Rain World has been truly a delight. If I play the game, it will probably be a year or two from now once I've seriously dented my gaming backlog. Your updates this past month have given me a taste of the experience (though I'm well aware it is but a mere shadow of your hands-on experience). It definitely seems like any other games this year have rough competition for your GOTY - I absolutely understand why Rain World ranks so highly for you, from what you've shared!

Edited July 31, 2023 by pelagia14

[Taruta13]

10 hours ago, Cassylvania said:

I'm not even going to look at a review for this one. I'm just going to sit back and enjoy what I hope is a very relaxing, moderately easy platformer.

No need for a review. If you love the Wonder Boy series, this game is the fifth game in that series.

10 hours ago, Cassylvania said:

Part of me will forever resent the DLC for taking that jubilation away from me.

Trust me, that part of you can join the part of me who feels the same way towards Kingdom Hearts III in Little Chef's Bistro in Twilight Town, chugging down fine wine and getting stinking drunk and bemoaning our short lives. (I'm middle age and my parents are going to die of old age in at least ten years, so I feel a bit scared of the future, especially since I have not even kissed a girl in my entire life. ) Seriously, f''k Yozora and his ability to steal and use your Kupo Coin. ?

 

Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go bash my head against the Primal Titan's Extreme Mode for a few hours so I can 100% A Realm Reborn.

[realm722]

Wow... you deserve a standing ovation for the Rain World 100% completion. I struggle to see anybody beating 4 weeks any time soon. Yet somehow, despite the 0.04% 100% completion, Invisible Inc. still clogging up those 5 rarest trophies lmao. Genuinely though, I think that's the most impressive feat on your account and to see it springboarded from this experiment and pages after pages of your magical experience, I think it's fair to say the real value out of the PS+ Subscription was the creative writing essays we got along the way

 

Hope you enjoy Monster Boy. It's a game I've had on my wishlist for a while but it never goes on a deep sale so I've held off. Just a teensy bit salty you couldn't land on 21 and get PK. If the wheel of justification were actually just, they'd give you a few shorty's before sending you back for another 100+ hour experience. Which pretty much makes Yakuza 0 and FF7R virtual locks for your next two spins. 

[Cassylvania]

13 hours ago, Mori said:

Oh, right.. the game is fantastic but I don't need to tell you that. It has been uncompleted on my profile for several years and in 2023 the time has finally come to return to it. XCOM 2 is another potential candidate.. 

 

You can't go wrong either way.

 

11 hours ago, pelagia14 said:

Reading your journey with Rain World has been truly a delight. If I play the game, it will probably be a year or two from now once I've seriously dented my gaming backlog. Your updates this past month have given me a taste of the experience (though I'm well aware it is but a mere shadow of your hands-on experience). It definitely seems like any other games this year have rough competition for your GOTY - I absolutely understand why Rain World ranks so highly for you, from what you've shared!

 

It's Persona 5 all over again. I might have to ban it from this year's awards or it'll sweep every category. (There's even an argument to be made that it'll slide into my favorite games of all time list, which has very few games that came out within the past ten years.)

 

1 hour ago, realm722 said:

Wow... you deserve a standing ovation for the Rain World 100% completion. I struggle to see anybody beating 4 weeks any time soon. Yet somehow, despite the 0.04% 100% completion, Invisible Inc. still clogging up those 5 rarest trophies lmao. Genuinely though, I think that's the most impressive feat on your account and to see it springboarded from this experiment and pages after pages of your magical experience, I think it's fair to say the real value out of the PS+ Subscription was the creative writing essays we got along the way

 

Oh, you'll be getting more of those. The challenge for me will be figuring out how to tie each new game into it. Fortunately, I've had a lot of time to think about it.

 

I am a little annoyed that none of the Rain World trophies cracked the top 5 in rarity.

 

Anyway, as we prepare for a new month and a new PS+ title, I thought it would be a good idea to knock that other 2D cat platformer off my list. That's right -- it's...

 

Platinum #392 - Catmaze

 

I'll spare you the cat puns. Let's just get into the review.

 

Catmaze has you playing as a young witch named Alesta, who is on a quest to save her mother. For all intents and purposes, this is a Metroidvania, which is the reason I felt obligated to play it. Cats were the other reason. See, in this game, cats are the most powerful creatures in the world. They somehow connect the living world (Yav) from the not-so-living world (Nav). All of this is based on Slavic mythology, which I know very little about, so I'm just going to assume that it's 100% faithful. (I know from having cats that they do, in fact, think they are rulers of the world.)

 

Now, Alesta is a bit special. Despite being a witch, she cannot fight. Her familiars do that for her. That makes her not unlike the playable character in Ender Lilies: Subtitle of the Ridiculous. Basically, you get two kinds of familiars in the game: ones that are mapped to the square button, which can be used indefinitely, and ones that are mapped to the circle button, which require MP to use. I'm going to refer to them as melee familiars and spell familiars. You only start the game with a single melee familiar, which is a bat, but there are six of each that you'll eventually come across. They all have their uses too, so it's not like you're going to bench one forever once something better comes along. (Except the bat. I never found a reason to use him after getting the bird.) This is because some of them are also used to interact with the environment in some way. Also, the range and direction of attack varies. The bird, for example, can be used to attack enemies above and below you, as well as on either side. (This is why I say the bat is useless, as it can only attack left or right.) The cat is probably the best weapon you get, which I guess makes sense, but the damage output is average at best and the range is terrible. I just like that it looks like Alesta is SWINGING THE CAT at the enemy when she uses it.

 

I found the spell familiars...less useful. MP is just hard to come across. You can find these orbs that restore your MP from time to time, but they're rarely present during boss fights (which is the main time when you're going to want them) and Alesta burns through MP very quickly. We're talking three or four spells and she's out. (I don't know if this is a spoiler or not, but you do get a familiar later on that gives you unlimited MP, but there's a catch. Not enough to dissuade me, but enough to make it so it doesn't outclass every other familiar.)

 

Other than that, all Alesta can do is jump. She can't swim, which sucks, and she can't fall down bottomless pits and survive. She also doesn't like landing on spikes or getting hit in the head by falling rocks or getting attacked by monsters. Well, she picked an awful place to live because all of those things are present. And Alesta is going to die... a lot. I don't know if I just suck at platformers, but I feel I died almost as much in this as in Rain World. In Rain World, you die in one hit. Alesta doesn't fare much better. The problem is that there is very little real estate on the screen at any one time, so the odds of Alesta being in a position to take damage from whatever bullet hell is going on is pretty high. Fortunately, there are upgrades you can get to increase her strength and defense. I feel like these are almost necessary if you don't want to be spamming health potions during battle.

 

There's more I want to say about the gameplay, but let's discuss the graphics first. I...have mixed feelings here. The backgrounds and environments are beautiful. I love them. The intro especially is really cool, where you see the change of seasons over Alesta's house. That leads you into thinking this will be a neat, pixelated story. And then...roll out the B team. The character models just don't work. I'm trying to think of a nice way to say this, but unfortunately the best I can come up with is a form of self-deprecation, which is that the character models (the ones you see when a character is talking) look like something I'd draw. Like, I feel they went on Fiverr and commissioned somebody to do the artwork for them, which isn't a terrible thing, but it doesn't mesh well with the otherwise high-quality pixel art. It's like that backdrop I "helped" paint for the school play. Joelle had this amazing landscape and I just slathered on some green paint and ruined a whole corner of the canvas. It's actually the exact opposite issue I had with The Witch and the Hundred Knight, where the character models were phenomenal and the environments looked like somebody vomited all over the screen. I don't know if it's the same people doing all of the artwork or if the teams aren't communicating, but there's definitely a disconnect here. Same with the enemies you see on screen. They're so bland that it almost detracts from the pretty environments.

 

And then there's the writing. My God. I'm going to start with a positive and say AT LEAST Alesta is a decently-written character. The developers chose a 16-year-old girl as their protagonist and did not make her an insufferable spoiled brat. That deserves some praise. You know what doesn't deserve praise? Whoever thought Voronikha is an acceptable name. I have never in my life been so triggered before. The alphabet soup that the writers use for character names is so bad that it's nearly impossible to keep track of the storyline. If a character is a mentioned and they're not on screen at the time, there is absolutely no way you're going to remember who they're referring to.

 

And if you're wondering -- yes, this is a game that takes itself seriously, so there are some long-winded conversations that might as well be two characters farting at each other for as much information as you're going to be able to glean.

 

I'm also physically annoyed that they passed up calling this game Catsylvania, but that's neither here nor there.

 

The last thing I wanted to discuss is the difficulty. It really does feel poorly balanced. There are numerous checkpoints in the game, which is nice, and you're mainly just looking to keep from dying as you move from one to another. This is made tricky due to the number of enemies and obstacles standing in your way. Often, it feels you're better off just damage boosting through certain sections of the game because you're very likely to take multiple hits if you stay back. The boss fights were probably the thing I liked least because there are very few places to stand. You're usually just given flat ground and maybe a single floating platform or two, while the boss randomly selects one of three attacks to unleash.

 

Also, what's up with the ice physics? Every gamer instinct I have tells me to expect my character to slide when I land on an ice block. You know what Alesta does? She sticks to it, like it's made out of honey. It makes the snow region the easiest section in the game to platform across, which might be a first for a video game.

 

This review probably seems mostly negative, but it's a component enough Metroidvania. It's short overall and you're never sent very far back if you die. I just think it's a little too basic and there were some questionable decisions that went into making this. If you can get this for a few dollars, it might be worth playing. It retails at $9.99, which is a respectable price for what you're getting.

Edited August 1, 2023 by Cassylvania

[Cassylvania]

It was a quiet morning at the Kame House. I was relaxing on the couch, Ajna was cooking, and Meredith was tending to RNGeta's umbrella-up-the-assitis with coconut soup in bed. It had only been a couple days since our last adventure, but I was itching to get back out there again. My prayers were soon answered as I heard a familiar voice calling out. I rushed to the window to see a giant turtle barreling straight towards our tiny little island. On his back was a man I knew all too well. I yelled to Ajna excitedly, but she must not have not heard me because she didn't immediately break down the front door like I did. I got to the beach just in time to see the old man disembark from the turtle. I'll never forget the first thing he said to me.

 

"Why is there a giant hole in the side of my house!?"

 

"Master Roshi!" I cried. "You're back. I didn't think they'd let you out so soon."

 

"I can see into my bedroom! And there's a STRANGE MAN in my bed. And a woman is spooning food into his mouth!" Master Roshi went off into one of his mumbling tirades again. "Usually I have to pay for that..." He was always such a character!

 

I followed Master Roshi into his bedroom, where the others were already waiting. I was amazed at Ajna's ability to hold in her excitement.

 

"You owe us six months for utility bills," Ajna said, clearly trying to maintain her composure. She knew just as well as I did that Master Roshi was the greatest sensei to ever live and we were blessed to be allowed to stay in his house and cover his expenses while he was in prison for alleged crimes. "Do you have any idea how expensive it is to run electricity to a remote island?"

 

"It's good to see you all too," Master Roshi said, setting down his cane on the bed. He didn't ask about the umbrella sticking out of RNGeta's behind, but I could tell it got his mind racing. "Unfortunately, this isn't a social visit. I came to warn you all about the curse."

 

"The c-c-curse?" RNGeta gulped. He pulled the sheets up to his chin. What a coward. Ever since he got his comeuppance, he was afraid of everything.

 

"Yes. The curse that turns everybody into a furry." Master Roshi lowered his sunglasses and looked directly at me. "I see one of you has already been affected."

 

Ajna shook her head. "No, he just turns into this stuff randomly. Plus, slugcats are really, really not furry."

 

"Eh? Slugcat? What kind of weirdness have you two been up to in my absence?"

 

I wanted to tell Master Roshi all about our grand adventure to Rain World and how I single-handedly wiped out an entire ecosystem, but now didn't seem like the right time. I wanted to hear more about this curse!

 

"Tell us more, Master Roshi," I pleaded.

 

"It started at the mainland. Some freak in a jester hat began running around and turning everybody into a wild animal. That turtle I rode here on? My lawyer. This tuna sandwich I brought for lunch? The guy guarding my prison cell. I barely escaped with my life!"

 

"That sounds really bizarre and we want no part in it," Ajna said. I could tell she was lying. She was just as excited as me about the prospect of another epic quest.

 

I could tell Meredith was on board too. "That's terrible news," she said. "We can't just allow some clown to eliminate the human population!"

 

Apparently she forgot RNGeta tried to do that all the time.

 

"She's right," I said. "How can we stop him, Master Roshi?"

 

"Stop him? You're crazy if you think I'm going back there!" Master Roshi exchanged his orange jumpsuit for an orange button-down shirt and slipped into some sandals. "I didn't get to live to be three hundred years old by throwing myself headfirst into danger at every opportunity! I did it through diet and exercise. And hanky-panky. LOTS of hanky-panky." He winked at Ajna behind his sunglasses.

 

I was too busy scribbling down notes to respond. It wasn't every day that you got such sage advice!

 

"If you youngins really want to go after the jester, there may be a way." He took out the manual for something called Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom and began skimming the pages. "But it will require gathering the SEVEN -- I mean, five -- mystical DRAGON BALLS -- I mean, animal orbs. With these, you can summon a powerful ancient genie who will grant you one wish. Use this wish to turn everybody back into a human! That is the only way to break the curse."

 

"We're not fetching your balls, old man," RNGeta said.

 

"You're welcome to stay here with me. I need help putting lotion on my back."

 

You wouldn't believe how quickly everybody piled into the mail truck. Meredith took the wheel, Ajna took the passenger seat, and RNGeta was forced to lay down with the packages in the back. I rode on the dashboard. We waved goodbye to Master Roshi and then Meredith turned on the ignition and drove us into the ocean. Next stop: THE CURSED KINGDOM. OoOOooOOoOOooOo...

 

"Stop making spooky ghost sounds," Ajna said to me.

 

"Sorry."

 

Master Roshi watched us leave and then looked at the giant turtle and scratched his bald head. "Who were those weirdos anyway...?"

Edited August 1, 2023 by Cassylvania

[Taruta13]

On 7/31/2023 at 8:51 PM, Cassylvania said:

It's Persona 5 all over again. I might have to ban it from this year's awards or it'll sweep every category. (There's even an argument to be made that it'll slide into my favorite games of all time list, which has very few games that came out within the past ten years.)

I find this very ironic considering you made a whole bunch of writing essays showing how much you suffered.

On 7/31/2023 at 8:51 PM, Cassylvania said:

Oh, you'll be getting more of those. The challenge for me will be figuring out how to tie each new game into it. Fortunately, I've had a lot of time to think about it.

This is going to be fun considering the whole premise of the game's story. It'll be interesting seeing Anju suffering in a world of a game I really really enjoyed.
I already enjoy the whole thing about Master Roshi warning about Nanu. I can't wait to read more.

 

Might even play the game on my funsie because I really really enjoyed the music in that game.

 

Quote

umbrella-up-the-assitis

 

Yeah, that describes what I am going have to suffer through eventually... my first colonoscopy. (Yes, if you want to know, I turned 50 last December. )

Edited August 3, 2023 by Taruta13

[Cassylvania]

On 8/2/2023 at 2:59 PM, Taruta13 said:

Might even play the game on my funsie because I really really enjoyed the music in that game.

 

Yeah, the music is pretty catchy. I guess I should discuss some of my early impressions of the game.

 

It does remind me a lot of Shantae, which is a good thing. You're constantly swapping between different animal forms because they each have a unique set of abilities that help with transversal, puzzle-solving, or fighting enemies. Otherwise than that, it seems to be a basic 2D platformer. There are actually a couple unique movement mechanics that threw me for a loop, though. The first is that you get a ground pound ability that doesn't immediately send your character plunging straight down. You're actually able to make minor adjustments to your horizontal trajectory before the attack, which is something I don't think I've ever seen before. I think it was even necessary in one section to get across a gap. The other weird thing with the movement in this game is that your character automatically grabs onto hanging vines. I see that a lot with moving objects, but it's strange to see it applied to stationary ones. I keep pressing up when I get to one of those just of habit. Then I freak out a little because Rain World has taught me that any climbable object has the chance to be a monster in disguise. (Way scarier than treasure chest mimics.)

 

I'm a little curious how long the game is. I already have two of the five orbs, but I've only put in a few hours. I'm wondering if this is one of those, "Oh, you found all the McGuiffns -- now something bad is going to happen and you'll have to deal with the REAL danger" because I have a hard time believing I'm almost halfway done.

 

Also, I hate the word "McGuffin" and always have. I'm just going to call objects you have to seek out for plot-related reasons "Egg McMuffins" from now on. It's funnier.

 

Don't sue me, McDonald's.

 

On 8/2/2023 at 2:59 PM, Taruta13 said:

Yeah, that describes what I am going have to suffer through eventually... my first colonoscopy. (Yes, if you want to know, I turned 50 last December. )

 

Speaking of colonoscopies, I should really start the DOOM: Eternal DLCs...

Edited August 4, 2023 by Cassylvania

[Cassylvania]

Philadelphia was an even bigger shithole than I remembered. As we drove through the city, Meredith, RNGeta, Ajna, and I were all rocking out to "What is Love?" by Haddaway. Well, three of the four of us were. Ajna looked like she was debating which one of us to murder first. My money was on RNGeta.

 

We were banging our heads back and forth as Meredith pulled up to a stop sign. There was mass looting on our left and a carjacking on our right. Just up ahead, a guy wearing a Philadelphia Eagles jersey ran past us and directly into a telephone pole. We watched two people in ski masks rob an old lady at gunpoint and then throw a Molotov cocktail into a nearby police car. We were still banging our heads as they made a break across the crosswalk in front of us. We waved, but they looked to be in a hurry.

 

"Nothing unusual here," Meredith said, circling the block for the second time.

 

"We can't cover the whole city in a mail truck," RNGeta growled. He hadn't stopped whining since we left. "Just let me scout things out from the air! I'll find that jester and TEAR HIM APART LIMB FROM LIMB!"

 

"We can't attract attention," I reminded him. "If people realize we have superpowers, they'll want our autograph and that'll hinder our operation!"

 

"Damn you and your plot-relevant logic, Cassarot!"

 

"You know what the problem is?" Meredith asked. "We're hungry. 'Can't track down an arch villain on an empty stomach,' Mo always says!" I wasn't going to argue as she pulled into the nearest McDonald's. She cranked up the music while we waited in the drive-thru line. "NO, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE NOT THERE. I GIVE YOU MY LOVE, BUT YOU DON'T CARE. SO WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG? GIVE ME A SIGN." Our heads continued bobbing as the chorus kicked in. RNGeta had to grab the back of Ajna's head to get it to move.

 

We were on the eighth repeat of the track by the time they were ready to take our order. We had plenty of time to memorize the menu by that point.

 

"I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda," Meredith said. Then she turned to us. "You guys want anything?"

 

"Jesus Christ," Ajna said.

 

"I don't think they have that, but I'll ask."

 

"Ask if they have Dragon Balls!" I said.

 

Meredith did as I asked, leading to some static on the other end. "...Sorry, can you repeat that?"

 

"Dragon Balls. Do you have any Dragon Balls?" More static. Meredith leaned out the window. "DRAG-ON-BALLS!" The car behind us began blaring its horn, leading to Meredith flipping them off.

 

"...Ma'am, this is a McDonald's."

 

"They must be out," Meredith said. I guess it was worth a shot.

 

The rest of us placed our orders and we blasted the music again while we waited to get to the pay window or whatever you call it. I put my hand in my pocket and I couldn't believe there was no wallet!

 

Oh, wait. I was a slugcat. Why would I have pockets or a wallet anyway?

 

The lady at the window was like, "Well, well, well. That will be five hundred eighty two."

 

I turned around to Ajna and asked, "How much have you got on you?"

 

She just rolled her eyes and said, "I'll pay for this, I guess." So she reaches into her purse and pulls out the PlayStation Store gift card.

 

She handed it to Meredith, who handed it to the lady, and she said, "Oh, dear. It's gotta be cash only. We don't take video game credit here."

 

Meredith took back the card and I said, "Gee, really? Well, that sucks." And that's when I found out Ajna was only carrying three bucks.

 

Fortunately, those robbers from before had waited until just that moment to rob the store. As they began emptying the cash register and the lady at the window was desperately trying to call 9-1-1, we pulled up to the next window and Meredith reached inside to grab our food. She began passing it out as customers poured out the front door.

 

I got an Egg McMuffin that was bigger than me, RNGeta got a Happy Meal, and Ajna had ordered the plainest salad you've ever seen. She opened a tiny packet of ranch dressing and put a single dollop on the center.

 

"I'm going to DESTROY THESE HOTCAKES!" RNGeta shouted as he dug in.

 

We ate while were still in line because all the cars behind us had peeled away. As we did, we began discussing our next move. It would have been nice if Master Roshi had given us some more detailed instructions, but I understood the value was in the journey, not the destination. That's when I caught a glance of a shadowy figure passing out balloons to children in front of the McDonald's.

 

"That must be the dastardly villain we're looking for!" I said, pressing my face against the windshield to get a better look.

 

"That's Ronald McDonald," Ajna started to say, but the rest of us were already advancing on the wig-touting terrorist. Meredith and I flanked him from the side while RNGeta swooped down from behind.

"Well, hi there!" the fiendish jester said. "My, the three of you are a quite big for children. Well, except for you, little one. Are you some sort of slug or cat?"

 

"Enough of your jokes, clown," I said. "We heard you've been turning everybody in the city into furries!"

 

"Is that what happened to you? Whoa-ho-ho!" He honked his stupid nose at me, which could have easily been the triggering device for a bomb!

 

"We don't need Dragon Balls to take this fool down!" RNGeta said. "ONE GOOD PUNCH OUGHT TO DO IT!"

Ronald McDonald never saw it coming. RNGeta blasted him so hard that he flew into the air and turned the McDonald's arch from an M to an I. As the clown plummeted to the ground, Meredith grabbed him by the wig and struggled to unmask him. That's when Ajna showed up and ruined everything.

 

"Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry," she said, helping the heinous harlequin to his feet. "Please, don't sue us. My friends are insane. They don't know what they're doing."

 

"My nothe ith bwothen" the clown wept, fondling his crimson-colored proboscis.

 

"We can pay for any damages," she said, before remembering the contents of her purse. She slipped him three dollars and hoped that was enough.

 

It wasn't. He got the rest of Ajna's purse and Meredith's ridiculous order and RNGeta's "U MAD BRO?" t-shirt. I was just glad I didn't have to give up any of my possessions. Ajna apologized again to the clown and we piled back into the mail truck and pulled out of the McDonald's parking lot. Ajna didn't speak to any of us for the rest of the trip.

 

As the clown watched us leave, he threw down his fake nose and stomped it flat with his size 16 shoes.

 

"They're on to me," he hissed. "No matter. By the time I'm done with this city, everybody will be an animal and there will be no one left to mock me! I spent too long in art school to be ridiculed. They will all see me for the genius I am! HAHAHAHAHA!"

 

"Uh, sir. Can we get a balloon for my little boy?"

 

"ZAP! YOU'RE A FROG NOW!"

 

"Huh? What?" The man who had asked the question began croaking and felt his tongue getting longer and longer. Suddenly, he was hopping around on all fours. Ronald McDonald began laughing hysterically and aimed his wand at the stunned little boy standing next to him.

 

"Like father, like son."

Edited August 4, 2023 by Cassylvania

[Cassylvania]

Does anybody else accidentally hit the trigger buttons when you don't mean to? I notice I do it a lot in games where L2 or R2 bring up a menu. Kinda annoying.

 

Anyway, maybe I was wrong about Monster Boy. I've doubled my playtime and still haven't found the third orb. I guess they're just not evenly spaced out.

 

I have two complaints so far with this game. First, it's actually surprisingly difficult. Or, rather, it's very easy to die and have to redo some sections from the last checkpoint. I guess those aren't the same thing. I have seven hearts on my health bar, so naturally I'm thinking, "Oh, I can take seven hits before I die," but it feels like some enemies take off three hearts just by making eye contact with them. The checkpoints...also aren't evenly spaced out. Like the pirate ship. I had to do that whole ship multiple times because the developers never thought to be a checkpoint there, even though they'll happily place two checkpoints within spitting distance of each other in other areas. That's not my second complaint.

 

My second complaint is that the game straight-up trolls you. Like, I'm in a volcano right now, and I reached this room where there's a puzzle with a fairly obvious solution. Only it's impossible if you didn't talk to an NPC in the room before. So, I'm literally banging my head against the wall trying to fit into this tiny opening, but I didn't realize the game wanted me to get the NPC to fit into that opening. I'm also confused on how to solve some puzzles because the game allows you to go to areas that you can't even fully transverse, so you're never sure you're going the right way. Combine that with the above complaint and much of the game is backtracking. Still fun, though.

 

I feel like starting a second new game this month, but I'm not sure what.

[AihaLoveleaf]

15 minutes ago, Cassylvania said:

Does anybody else accidentally hit the trigger buttons when you don't mean to? I notice I do it a lot in games where L2 or R2 bring up a menu. Kinda annoying.

I made the rookie mistake once of setting down the controller while facing Stockpile Thomas in Demon's Souls. Learned a lot that day.