Smevin's Regular, Every Day, Normal Ass Gamer Attempts at Trophy Hunting

[Platinum_Vice]

1 hour ago, YaManSmevz said:

However, in all fairness I still have Red Dead Redemption in my backlog

 

...wut.

 

Dood. You need to play. That. Game. 

 

Stat.

[YaManSmevz]

7 hours ago, DrBloodmoney said:

If I recall correctly, the right wing press were still reeling from having been stung already - there was a fake vidogame that one of the magazines has done a "preview" of for April Fools, with 'realistic' graphics, where you just stalked and killed innocent people in suburbia (basically, that shitty PC game Hatred, but First-Person, fake, and obviously a goof) that the Daily Mail had thought was real, and had written a slew of "Oh, God, think of the Children!!1!" articles about before they got made to look like tits - so they were desperate for anything real to go after.

 

I didn't hear about that! I do know that here in the states there were several protests outside of Rockstar's New York offices, if memory serves on two different occasions, when the game was announced and when it was released. They had a list of demands, with stuff like "apologize for misleading the children with violent games and also for driving up our car insurance premiums!!1!one!!" I just don't understand this place sometimes. It Takes Two is good for children, and Bully is bad for teenagers. Figure that one out!

 

8 hours ago, DrBloodmoney said:

That might be true - to be honest, at this point, I'd probably like it better if they gave that IP to someone who makes narrative games but gameplay-forward-style - a Monolith or a Remedy or someone like that, maybe?

 

 

Red Dead is still a great game - though I never ended up getting RDR2 after a dude I know who loved the first one even more than me was crushed after playing it, and basically told me to steer clear!

 

Ooh, I'd be down with that! Plus they'd make plenty of money in the sale - seems to be all they care about these days, so why not?

 

Dang. I'ma say 'ouch' for RDR2! I will get to that one in probably 2023 or so, but it's mad intimidating. Was he crushed by the scope of it, or was the story uh.. notable for the wrong reasons?

 

6 hours ago, GonzoWARgasm said:

 

...wut.

 

Dood. You need to play. That. Game. 

 

Stat.

 

Thankfully, it was in a handful of games I bought with that PS3 back when we thought you wouldn't be able to buy those games anymore? once I get through a lot of these games I wanna wrap up, I plan on having a PS3 marathon. Plus, that one's set up in another room, so I won't have to take turns with that TV!

[starcrunch061]

8 hours ago, DrBloodmoney said:

If I recall correctly, the right wing press were still reeling from having been stung already - there was a fake vidogame that one of the magazines has done a "preview" of for April Fools, with 'realistic' graphics, where you just stalked and killed innocent people in suburbia (basically, that shitty PC game Hatred, but First-Person, fake, and obviously a goof) that the Daily Mail had thought was real, and had written a slew of "Oh, God, think of the Children!!1!" articles about before they got made to look like tits - so they were desperate for anything real to go after.

 

Daily Mail is right wing?

 

Serious question, BTW - we get this awful TV version of Daily Mail here, but there's nothing particularly right-wing about it. It's just really bad.

[DrBloodmoney]

14 minutes ago, YaManSmevz said:

Dang. I'ma say 'ouch' for RDR2! I will get to that one in probably 2023 or so, but it's mad intimidating. Was he crushed by the scope of it, or was the story uh.. notable for the wrong reasons?

 

Well, I'm certainly not any kind of authority, and I don't want to bash a game I haven't played, but his quote was along the lines of

"There isn't any game here, it's just animation masturbation!"

...basically, he thought there was a good story and fun gameplay, but there was no respect for the payers time, and everything took so long and had such a painstaking amount of detailed animations that he felt like a 4 hour play session had like 20 minutes of actual action in it.

 

I should actually ask him what he thinks now, looking back actually - (that was while it was still new, and I think he did finish the story)... but it did legit put me off, since he's not even a platinums & completion kind of guy... and I know I am.

If he was bored of it, not even thinking about platinums or S-Ranks or needing to do everything, I could only imagine what it would do to someone with my kind of mentality!

 

 

6 minutes ago, starcrunch061 said:

 

Daily Mail is right wing?

 

Serious question, BTW - we get this awful TV version of Daily Mail here, but there's nothing particularly right-wing about it. It's just really bad.

 

Oh, absolutely... over here, the Daily Mail is synonymous with a particular Right Wing, Brexiteer, "think of the children", angry-all-the-time Tory reader. 

 

Technically, they may well seem less right-wing on the online version, in the sense that they are also massively hypocritical (there will be an article about how too much sexual content in marketing is terrible for kids... then have a 50-photo spread of paparazzi shots of "Kim Kardashian Flaunting her Ample Assets while Grocery Shopping"... but the actual political content is as right wing as it is factually incorrect... and it's factually incorrect a LOT ?

 

It's all relative I suppose though - both US parties, Democrat and republican would be considered right and centre-right by european standards, but I'd say the DM newspaper division is probably still right-wing, even by US standards.

Edited December 9, 2021 by DrBloodmoney

[YaManSmevz]

17 minutes ago, DrBloodmoney said:

 

Well, I'm certainly not any kind of authority, and I don't want to bash a game I haven't played, but his quote was along the lines of

"There isn't any game here, it's just animation masturbation!"

...basically, he thought there was a good story and fun gameplay, but there was no respect for the payers time, and everything took so long and had such a painstaking amount of detailed animations that he felt like a 4 hour play session had like 20 minutes of actual action in it.

 

I should actually ask him what he thinks now, looking back actually - (that was while it was still new, and I think he did finish the story)... but it did legit put me off, since he's not even a platinums & completion kind of guy... and I know I am.

If he was bored of it, not even thinking about platinums or S-Ranks or needing to do everything, I could only imagine what it would do to someone with my kind of mentality!

 

Oof. The Metal Gear Solid 4 approach, eh? I could very much see that being a thing. That's the same reason I've been hesitant to tackle it... I've no doubt that it's masterfully made, and a genuinely good time, but who wants a woefully incomplete game on their track record - to be clear, fuck the 17% or whatever on PSNprofiles, I mean the knowledge that you've barely scratched the surface of a game and you're already tappin out!

 

22 minutes ago, DrBloodmoney said:

It's all relative I suppose though - both US parties, Democrat and republican would be considered right and centre-right by european standards, but I'd say the DM newspaper division is probably still right-wing, even by US standards.

 

Yeah... I'm not proud of our politics?

[rjkclarke]

I need to stop turning up late to parties man!

 

All the good stuff has already been said....... Nevermind, I guess I can still throw a few things out into the world.

 

I'm used to doing that at this point anyway haha ?

 

On 27/11/2021 at 0:13 AM, YaManSmevz said:

Hundo #10: Red Dead Revolver

 

They're whispering his name through this disappearing land, but hidden in his coat is a red right hand

 

 

 

You really have got to stop making me need to go into the PS Store and purchase many of these Rockstar hundo's....... I've never actually finished Read Dead Revolver, I did play it a bit when I was younger, but it never quite resonated with me all that much.

 

To tell you the truth, I played Gun first - which is a game I'd love to see get a remaster, and that was kind of my fill for western themed video games until Red Dead Redemption (which as Gonzo pointed out, you should tackle when you go onto your PS3-athon,) you've definitely made me want to go and tackle this at some point though.

 

Especially as you know I like having games from a series/connected games, or games from the same developer finished - so that's another incentive too. Plus there's the fact that your awesome review of it exposed a few areas of Red Dead Revolver that would have washed over me in my younger years, and wouldn't have been something I'd have appreciated either way. So I think viewing it with adult eyes could potentially be a pretty fun time.

 

 

On 03/12/2021 at 9:06 AM, YaManSmevz said:

Hundo #1: The Warriors

 

Crews be actin like they gangs anyway/Be like "Warriors, come out and play-eee-yay"

 

I love The Warriors.

 

 

I loved reading this one, a hell of a lot  - I never had any doubt I'd purchase this at some point, I just hadn't gotten around to it yet.

 

Like you, I love the film, and I really loved the game too.

 

It really is a fantastic example of adding to the source material in a positive and organic way, instead of just feeling like an unnecessary bolt on. For as much as I liked Scarface: The World is Yours, and I do very much, it really didn't need to be an actual sequel to the film, and the fact it is, makes so much less sense, because of how that film ended. Well - that, and the whole BALLS thing.

 

It's nice to see that of all of the Rockstar games you've been reviewing, which have been absolute joy to read by the way, it's great to see that time seems to have been one of the kindest to The Warriors - I don't mind a bit of jank on occasion (actually I love it ?,) but it is undeniable how tinted your memory of certain things can be.

 

I played a little of Fallout 3 recently, on a PS3 (terrible idea, but I gave my 360 copy to one of my friends,) and I was sitting there thinking, I'm sure I don't remember so many of these characters looking and sounding the same. But they do - and Oblivion is even worse in that regard (but I still like it more than Skyrim)...... Still wish Oblivion would get at least one remaster with trophies, instead of Bethesda milking the Skyrim cow so dry it's poor cow nip-nips are probably so stretched they look like stilts by now. 

 

Awesome review though man - that's definitely bumped it up the list of things I want to get to sooner to relive this awesome game.

 

 

11 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Platinum #4: Bully

 

I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record

 

 

 

 

I'm really happy that you did bring up the obvious preconceived idea most of us had going into it - that it might end up just being a teenage GTA Clone.

 

I'm so glad that it isn't though - it really is its own thing.

 

I've also liked the fact that Jimmy is not actually inherently evil - in @DrBloodmoney's neck of the woods Jimmy would probably just be referred to as a NED...... Or I guess in a pretty extreme case a C**t.....

 

I think that helps a lot to be honest, a lot of GTA protagonists, are just inherently evil, disgusting people. Claude being the worst of the bunch probably, that guy is such a snake, and the things he does are horrendous and I think the fact he's silent sort of glosses over what he's doing a lot of the time, as you find yourself not really stopping to think about the fact you play every gang off against one another, betraying people at every turn, all for the highest price.

 

Jimmy on the other hand - sure he can be a bit of a knobhead - but he does know the difference between right and wrong..... I like the fact that he sticks up for the nerds, instead of just joining in with picking on them. The game might be called Bully - or not if you live where I do, but that isn't really Jimmy. So it's an interesting twist on the kind of characters you often see from Rockstar, and to be honest what you probably would expect from them.

 

I love the fact that you gave Brick a shoutout too - fantastic film, that was my first exposure to Rian Johnson as a film-maker, I knew from that point he was one to keep an eye on. Shame he got a mobbing from some of the Star Wars fans who wouldn't know a good film-maker if they smacked them in the face with a wok.

 

10 hours ago, DrBloodmoney said:

It was such a load of tosh - like the Brass Eye Paedo-geddon episode

 

I literally rewatched that on Sunday!

 

"YOU ARE A SLOT BADGER, YOU'RE A TWO-PIN DIN PLUG, YOU'RE A FENCE FOAL, YOU'RE A CHIMNEY BOTTLER, YOU'RE A SHRUB ROCKETEER"

 

Back onto Bully though - one of the things I really loved about it, was the fact that isn't too long or too expansive. None of it is, and you alluded to that perfectly, nothing ever feels like too much of arduous task, it's Rockstar having lots do, but very little of it actually feels like a waste of your time, and I love that. The smaller map means that you don't feel overwhelmed by how big everything is either. I think there's a lot to be said about, scaling a game down for an all round more enjoyable experience - I think that's why a lot of people took to Horizon: Zero Dawn the way they did, it's not overboard in its scope. It is just about the right size I'd say.

 

Another fantastic Rockstar revisit with this one, these were all such a joy to read!

 

 

Edited December 9, 2021 by rjkclarke

[YaManSmevz]

1 hour ago, rjkclarke said:

I need to stop turning up late to parties man!

 

Bro, I feel your pain!

 

1 hour ago, rjkclarke said:

You really have got to stop making me need to go into the PS Store and purchase many of these Rockstar hundo's....... I've never actually finished Read Dead Revolver, I did play it a bit when I was younger, but it never quite resonated with me all that much.

 

To tell you the truth, I played Gun first - which is a game I'd love to see get a remaster, and that was kind of my fill for western themed video games until Red Dead Redemption (which as Gonzo pointed out, you should tackle when you go onto your PS3-athon,) you've definitely made me want to go and tackle this at some point though.

 

Especially as you know I like having games from a series/connected games, or games from the same developer finished - so that's another incentive too. Plus there's the fact that your awesome review of it exposed a few areas of Red Dead Revolver that would have washed over me in my younger years, and wouldn't have been something I'd have appreciated either way. So I think viewing it with adult eyes could potentially be a pretty fun time.

 

Full disclosure, although I haven't played it myself, by all accounts that I've heard Gun is the better of the two games. I can say, however, that it's definitely worth a visit. Especially if that means you'll be treating us to a series of Red Dead reviews...

 

 

1 hour ago, rjkclarke said:

Like you, I love the film, and I really loved the game too.

 

It really is a fantastic example of adding to the source material in a positive and organic way, instead of just feeling like an unnecessary bolt on. For as much as I liked Scarface: The World is Yours, and I do very much, it really didn't need to be an actual sequel to the film, and the fact it is, makes so much less sense, because of how that film ended. Well - that, and the whole BALLS thing.

 

It's nice to see that of all of the Rockstar games you've been reviewing, which have been absolute joy to read by the way, it's great to see that time seems to have been one of the kindest to The Warriors - I don't mind a bit of jank on occasion (actually I love it ?,) but it is undeniable how tinted your memory of certain things can be.

 

YES. I failed to mention this in the review, but with The Godfather your character is just randomly thrown into significant moments in the film, which at first is cool but after a while is just kind of silly - like Aldo just happened to be in the background all this time, get the fuck out of here!

 

The Warriors brilliantly bypasses that altogether and includes you in a truly genuine way - you aren't just in the gang, you are the gang. Time has most definitely been the most kind to this game, at least to me, and I think it's because most ambitious games are going for something that can become dated eventually - size, graphics, gameplay - whereas The Warriors just wanted to expand on a story that we already loved, and make you feel like a part of it. Fuck man, I wanna play it again now!

 

1 hour ago, rjkclarke said:

I played a little of Fallout 3 recently, on a PS3 (terrible idea, but I gave my 360 copy to one of my friends,) and I was sitting there thinking, I'm sure I don't remember so many of these characters looking and sounding the same. But they do - and Oblivion is even worse in that regard (but I still like it more than Skyrim)...... Still wish Oblivion would get at least one remaster with trophies, instead of Bethesda milking the Skyrim cow so dry it's poor cow nip-nips are probably so stretched they look like stilts by now.

 

I actually have a 360 copy of Fallout 3 somewhere, and like Vesperia, it was sadly never played. Well, by me anyway! FO3 and New Vegas will probably always be games I felt I truly missed out on.

 

Dude I see how Skyrim seems to be like Bethesda's GTA V..

 

Artist's rendition

 

It's a damn shame, all I can say really.

 

1 hour ago, rjkclarke said:

I'm really happy that you did bring up the obvious preconceived idea most of us had going into it - that it might end up just being a teenage GTA Clone.

 

I'm so glad that it isn't though - it really is its own thing.

 

I've also liked the fact that Jimmy is not actually inherently evil - in @DrBloodmoney's neck of the woods Jimmy would probably just be referred to as a NED...... Or I guess in a pretty extreme case a C**t.....

 

I think that helps a lot to be honest, a lot of GTA protagonists, are just inherently evil, disgusting people. Claude being the worst of the bunch probably, that guy is such a snake, and the things he does are horrendous and I think the fact he's silent sort of glosses over what he's doing a lot of the time, as you find yourself not really stopping to think about the fact you play every gang off against one another, betraying people at every turn, all for the highest price.

 

Jimmy on the other hand - sure he can be a bit of a knobhead - but he does know the difference between right and wrong..... I like the fact that he sticks up for the nerds, instead of just joining in with picking on them. The game might be called Bully - or not if you live where I do, but that isn't really Jimmy. So it's an interesting twist on the kind of characters you often see from Rockstar, and to be honest what you probably would expect from them.

 

It's funny because I remember so strongly hearing about that, developing the idea in my own mind and then expecting it, but then when Bully proved to be its own unique beast, I was overjoyed. I plowed through that game so quickly, legit could not get enough of it.

 

Jimmy was definitely one of few Rockstar protagonists who weren't bad so much as in a bad situation and trying to make the best of it. Definitely had his heart in the right place in spite of his flaws - perhaps this was the birth of a new trope, The Douche with a Heart of Gold!

 

You make a great point, I never really thought about it but Claude absolutely is a cold hearted bastard who'll kill anybody, with his lack of personality kind of softening the blow. He started out in 2001 too... he might be #46?

 

2 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I love the fact that you gave Brick a shoutout too - fantastic film, that was my first exposure to Rian Johnson as a film-maker, I knew from that point he was one to keep an eye on. Shame he got a mobbing from some of the Star Wars fans who wouldn't know a good film-maker if they smacked them in the face with a wok.

 

Such a good movie! That was when I was first starting to get into more indie movies, and that one really cemented it for me. A pretty large chunk of my collection is indie flicks of the '00s!

 

2 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

Back onto Bully though - one of the things I really loved about it, was the fact that isn't too long or too expansive. None of it is, and you alluded to that perfectly, nothing ever feels like too much of arduous task, it's Rockstar having lots do, but very little of it actually feels like a waste of your time, and I love that. The smaller map means that you don't feel overwhelmed by how big everything is either. I think there's a lot to be said about, scaling a game down for an all round more enjoyable experience - I think that's why a lot of people took to Horizon: Zero Dawn the way they did, it's not overboard in its scope. It is just about the right size I'd say.

 

Another fantastic Rockstar revisit with this one, these were all such a joy to read!

 

An excellent point, one I wish I had thought of when I was writing that review?

 

Bully is like if sandwich shops offered an 8" sandwich instead of only a half or full footlong (apologies to all you metric system folks, I don't know the equivalents off the top), it's just the right length and not too big!

 

No activities are too time consuming, everything clearly went through a long process before getting cleared for the game.

 

"Monkey poo arcade game trial #500, is it still fun? Okay good, it goes in!"

 

Yet again, you're gently pushing Horizon uo the priority list. And I'll allow it!

 

Thanks so much, dude! You guys are consistently posting such top quality stuff, I'm just happy to try and keep up with y'all?

[YaManSmevz]

Platinum #8: L.A. Noire

 

When the hills of Los Angeles are burning

 

Bonus Rockstar episode! Er... review installment...

 

Write-up?

 

....I'm an idiot.

 

Before indulging in Shark Cards and remasters that nobody wanted until they resembled Family Guy's rendition of Jake and the Fatman, Rockstar had a few mighty swings left in them. Naturally, the last of which was Red Dead Redemption 2, (which maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to talk about here one day) but to date the last truly unique game where it felt like they were trying something new was easily L.A. Noire.

 

Just as the GTA style sandbox served as a backdrop for Bully's teen experience rather than taking the forefront, here it melds itself with a 1940s classic film noir aesthetic to once again create something entirely new. L.A. Confidential is the most obvious influence, along with a heavy dash of the Black Dahlia murders and (even more impressively) several other actual events that happened in 1940s Los Angeles.

 

When I first caught wind of this game, I remember thinking "wait... we're the cop this time? Okay, that could be dope." But I quickly found out that it's so much more than that. Following protagonist Cole Phelps is fascinating, embarking on a meteoric rise in the LAPD under a grizzled Irish captain (what else did you expect, boyo) and the glitz and glamor of the city, with its dark, dangerous underbelly far more evident than romanticized re-tellings of its history would have you believe.

 

Each desk you land on comes with a new partner (some more charming than others) and in a sensible order. We're also treated to snippets of Cole's past in the military, as well as what became of his fellow servicemen - which is all great, but a lot of this part of the story comes in collectible form (more on that later) so it's very easy to miss a crucial tidbit and to spend the rest of the game confused as to why something's happening or when whatever person got involved and such. Your inner eagle eyed gamer who knows to run around everywhere tapping X repeatedly before continuing will definitely want to be on full alert!

 

Now, starting a little over halfway through the story a few questionable things transpire, which I will not be spoiling but are absolutely deserving of mention. The rising in the ranks stops dead in its tracks, we briefly get a new protagonist, and the ending is um... let's just say divisive. So while the story starts off very strong, and I think the twists are perfectly fine (except for the bit about previous cases), be prepared to scratch your head a bit throughout the second half.

 

The atmosphere is immaculate - the map is painstakingly detailed and resembles 1940s Los Angeles quite accurately - the famous letters in the hills even spell out their originally intended "Hollywoodland." From the attire to how people talk to the Hale brothers' incredible soundtrack (which nails the period so well that when you hear it you can smell the cigarette smoke), you have no problem believing that it's 1947. The radio helps a lot too - as usual, Rockstar puts forth their A game when it comes to compiling popular songs of the time, but on top of that we have actual shows and newsreels from that very year, and while the ads were not, but rather were made for the game, they're actually fairly convincing as well!

 

But of course, the star of L.A. Noire is its facial motion capture necessitated by having to read people's expressions and judge whether or not they're being honest with you. It's got its haters for sure, but it impressed the hell out of me. It did a great job of making me feel that much more in the detective role.

 

However, the haters aren't entirely wrong... with the reliance on this, it means that the actors are sometimes overselling to keep it a bit on the easier side. Bet you can't tell if Daniel Day-Lewis down here is telling the truth or not!

 

 

Even for a relatively low-skilled player like myself, the hand-holding is heavy here. When you arrive at a crime scene, you have time to investigate. There's a set amount of clues to find, and there are musical prompts for both when you approach a clue but also when you've found them all. For peeps who prefer that their games play them back a bit, this may be a turn off. There is a bit of trickiness to platforming and shooting from time to time, as those are very much secondary mechanics, but other than that L.A. Noire doesn't have much difficulty to speak of.

 

The story has its flaws, and the gameplay isn't perfect, but as the Arkham games give you those Batman feels, L.A. Noire gives you the detective feels. This thing is gorgeous, with an excellent environment and is a must play for fans of film noir from any decade.

 

THAT Trophy: Public Menace

 

Remember when i mentioned that there isnt too much difficulty to this guy? That's true, but there are a fuckton of collectibles, which can be a real drag! There are trophies for finding all film canisters, novels, records, and city landmarks, as well as driving every car in the game.

 

Then, there's the firefight where you have to shoot the drivers of a few cars with extremely well-timed shots, and as mentioned before, shooting is not this game's strong suit.

 

A close race no doubt, but the title ultimately goes to this trophy. Since you're a police officer, you can't drive around like a lunatic and run people over as you would in other certain Rockstar games. However, you can crash into anything that isn't a living, breathing thing, and they decided to make a trophy for it - if you can cause 47,000 dollars (where have I seen this number before...) in damages, the trophy is yours.

 

Sounds easy, and to be fair it is, but there is no way to actually count the damage you're causing as you go about your case. And cases each can take a solid hour to complete, so if you come up short, you not only missed out on the trophy but completely wrecked your rating for the case, and have to try again!

 

So yeah, great game overall. All that's left for my Rockstar reviews now is my beloved San Andreas, which I'm pretty close to finishing now. After that, luckily it will be impossible for me to complete Max Payne 3 now, but GTA IV and Red Dead 1+2 are still there... we'll see what happens to that!

 

Anyway, PSN CHECKLIST POSTER POWERS, ACTIVATE!

 

FORM OF - NON-RAMBLER!

 

*poof*

Edited November 10, 2022 by YaManSmevz

[DrBloodmoney]

3 hours ago, YaManSmevz said:

Platinum #8: L.A. Noire

 

When the hills of Los Angeles are burning

 

 

Ah, the Mad Men Hallowe'en Dress-Up Where's Waldo Game!

 

I think I fall in the same camp you do  -I really di the game a lot, but man, you really need to see some of the...

 

?

 

 

It's funny really - given that Cole is played by Aaron Stanton, and he brought over like every other actor from (greatest TV show-off all time) Mad Men... (when I played the remaster, MsBloodmoney watched, and took a sip every time she recognised someone we had seen in Mad Men... she got F-'d up!)...  along with a host of genuinely great character actors, I know for a fact that over-the-top suspicious facial stuff isn't their idea - they must have just been told by Team Bondi to keep amping up the visual cues to make it work, a-la:

 

 

 

Actually, it's funny that you place this as a Rockstar game - I know it was published by them, but I never really think of it as being one - it's always a Team Bondi game in my head... (though maybe that's some self-preservation on Vice City's part in my mind - if I count LA Noire as a Rockstar game, then Vice City doesn't even makes it into my top five Rockstar products!

(Bully, The Warriors, Red Dead Redemption, LA Noire, San Andreas... yup! ?)

 

 

On those collectible trophies - yeah - I must admit, I've been doing my "Way to Spoil it" award for trophy lists that really hurt the game experience, and if LA Noire had been in this year, those collectibles and the car trophies would be hot contenders for that!

 

The game story is, I think genuinely great. I know some people have an issue with the contrivance and convenience of that final reveal - but I think those people miss the point, that all great Noire cinema has those kind of deus-ex-machina plot reveals - The Big Sleep, The Maltese Falcon, The Long Goodbye... basically every Raymond Chandler Novel has some version of that strangely-convenient reveal of the master-plan to the protagonist in the final act, so I see that as a good aspect here, fitting the tone, and not a negative!

 

Great review anyways man - you’re powering through those Rockstar joints!

 

 

Edited December 16, 2021 by DrBloodmoney

[YaManSmevz]

6 minutes ago, DrBloodmoney said:

 

Ah, the Mad Men Hallowe'en Dress-Up Where's Waldo Game!

 

I think I fall in the same camp you do  -I really di the game a lot, but man, you really need to see some of the...

 

 

BRILLIANT!!!???

 

I'm oddly reminded of Isle of Sgail and that guy in the beginning with his over-the-top "AaaAAHH!!" that you get to hear twice in succession as you run past!

 

9 minutes ago, DrBloodmoney said:

It's funny really - given that Cole is played by Aaron Stanton, and he brought over like every other actor from (greatest TV show-off all time) Mad Men... (when I played the remaster, MsBloodmoney watched, and took a sip every time she recognised someone we had seen in Mad Men... she got F-'d up!)...  along with a host of genuinely great character actors, I know for a fact that over-the-top suspicious facial stuff isn't their idea - they must have just been told by Team Bondi to keep amping up the visual cues to make it work, a-la:

 

 

I KNEW I should have referenced Mad Men!!

 

And 100%, I've no doubt that they pushed them to be as obvious as possible. There were only a handful of times where they caught me slippin, and the piano sounds like it's trailing off, disgusted by your lack of intuition.

 

To this day, every time I'm unable to read someone I think of how ashamed the piano must be of me!

 

....okay, truth time: I made that last part up.

 

13 minutes ago, DrBloodmoney said:

Actually, it's funny that you place this as a Rockstar game - I know it was published by them, but I never really think of it as being one - it's always a Team Bondi game in my head... (though maybe that's some self-preservation on Vice City's part in my mind - if I count LA Noire as a Rockstar game, then Vice City doesn't even makes it into my top five Rockstar products!

(Bully, The Warriors, Red Dead Redemption, LA Noire, San Andreas... yup! )

 

I know they're all developed by other companies that simply got bought out and renamed with Rockstar and then whatever city the dart landed on (I kid), but back when I started following Rockstar I didn't have the same understanding that I do now, and just lumping all the games with that logo together just started makin sense to me, so I've just kinda stuck with that. I actually wasn't going to do this game with the rest, but I forgot how annoying Toreno's missions are, so since that review isn't gonna get started just yet, I figured why not?

 

18 minutes ago, DrBloodmoney said:

On those collectible trophies - yeah - I must admit, I've been doing my "Way to Spoil it" award for trophy lists that really hurt the game experience, and if LA Noire had been in this year, those collectibles and the car trophies would be hot contenders for that!

 

The game story is, I think genuinely great. I know some people have an issue with the contrivance and convenience of that final reveal - but I think those people miss the point, that all great Noire cinema has those kind of deus-ex-machina plot reveals - The Big Sleep, The Maltese Falcon, The Long Goodbye... basically every Raymond Chandler Novel has some version of that strangely-convenient reveal of the master-plan to the protagonist in the final act, so I see that as a good aspect here, fitting the tone, and not a negative!

 

Great review anyways man - your powering through those Rockstar joints!

 

 

 

I'm glad that this game ranks highly for you, or in company with Red Dead at least! Definitely agreed on the ending being faithful to a noir presentation and storytelling aspect (and everything else is quite faithful, I was so taken with that aspect), and I didn't have a problem with it really, but I'd be lying if I said my knee-jerk wasn't "...wait, what?"

 

Now I wanna watch The Big Sleep!

 

Yeah, I wonder of developers of games with large worlds like this think they're doing us a solid by forcing us to explore more extensively to find these collectibles. Or are selfishly being like "Look through this gigantic world I made!! LOOK THROUGH IT!!!"

 

Thanks a lot man, appreciated as always! Once San Andreas is done it's doubtful I'll do another Rockstar review any time soon so i may as well enjoy it now?

[rjkclarke]

On 16/12/2021 at 4:05 AM, YaManSmevz said:

Platinum #8: L.A. Noire

 

When the hills of Los Angeles are burning

 

 

Smevz! Dude, why were you ever worrying about the Baseball minigame in Yakuza 0?

 

When you're hitting so many damn home runs with these Rockstar reviews! Okay I'll leave the corny stuff at the door now.

 

I should have dropped a comment yesterday, but I had a brief window of time to actually get some gaming time in,so I thought I'd grab that - I thought you'd probably understand.

 

That was another super enjoyable read, to tell yo the truth I haven't thought about this game in quite a long time, I don't think I've played it since 2013. The things I do remember were really quite odd actually. I don't know if it got improved in the PS4 version, I only played the PS3 version so that's my only comparison point - but there's a weird issue in that version, where the Irish boss cop's head swivels about all over the place whilst he's talking. I remember like me and one of my friends had this weird running joke between us for ages where we'd impersonate that irish cop moving his head from side to side and saying "We'll be keeping a close eye on you Mr Phelps!"

 

Edit: I really should have mentioned that I really like this game, it was such a breath of fresh air when I initially played it, and although the facial motion capture was a little rough around the edges it did pave the way for it being implemented in plenty of future games.

 

Oh that and for a while after playing it, anytime someone said something bordering on bullshit, me and him would say " I think you're lying," in the best Cole voice that we can manage.

 

I had forgotten about the uneasiness and uncertainty that comes alongside that damn Public Menace trophy - man that was a real pain in the backside that one. I loved the games aesthetic too, all I needed to sell the game to me as a concept, was that you were essentially playing an interactive film noir, I didn't really care if Rockstar were involved or not - probably why I enjoyed Murdered: Soul Suspect too. Although strictly speaking that one is more of a neo-noir than truly film noir.

 

I love the collectibles in this game - and also really dislike them too, in almost equal measure. The little film obsessed twit in me loves being able to go around and find all of the film reels and be able to say " ahh man that film was awesome" or some such. But to be honest - they feel so tacked on and pointless, outside of being a cool Easter Egg, they add literally nothing, and the cars even more so. Just busy work - I can't think of many games that needed to be open world, or have open world elements less than this one did.

 

I'm glad you mentioned the hand-holding the game does. I was never a big fan of those little musical stings it gives you when you are near something, or the game gives you the "well done, have a treat" every time you find something. I'm a pretty big fan of the Frogwares Sherlock Holmes games, and if they did that as often as L.A Noire likes to whenever you find something important, I'd find it so distracting. I can live with it in L.A Noire, but it does kind of make it feel a little less special when you stumble across one of the clues that are actually fairly well hidden.

 

I haven't seen a single episode of Mad Men, so it was only after playing it that I looked at the cast and saw so many of them had been in that show, which I thought was quite funny really.

 

Another awesome review though as ever man!

 

On 16/12/2021 at 4:05 AM, YaManSmevz said:

Anyway, PSN CHECKLIST POSTER POWERS, ACTIVATE!

 

FORM OF - NON-RAMBLER!

 

 

??

 

I think I might need some lessons - Oh great one!

 

On 09/12/2021 at 9:14 PM, YaManSmevz said:

Full disclosure, although I haven't played it myself, by all accounts that I've heard Gun is the better of the two games. I can say, however, that it's definitely worth a visit. Especially if that means you'll be treating us to a series of Red Dead reviews..

 

Gun was great - at least how I remember it, it was, could be those rose tinted glasses finally kicking in though, as it's been at least twelve years since I played it last.I guess I have to at least review Red Dead Redemption at some point - so it would at least be better to do Red Dead Revolver first - and as about 60% of it is completely new to me, I'm kind of looking to that one the most. So I guess I should inflict that upon folk at some point.

 

On 09/12/2021 at 9:14 PM, YaManSmevz said:

I actually have a 360 copy of Fallout 3 somewhere, and like Vesperia, it was sadly never played. Well, by me anyway! FO3 and New Vegas will probably always be games I felt I truly missed out on.

 

You should totally get Vesperia for PS4!

 

I can't  in all good faith recommend that you go and get the Fallouts  for PS3 - I think I'll end up with a similar problem to Doc when reviewing them - where the fact that they run like absolute dirt on PS3 kind of hinders the experience a little too much.  I believe he has too from what I remember at least, played them on a superior version - a PC in his case I think, it's tough to really fight the corner of the Fallout titles on PS3. They just run so terribly, New Vegas especially so, the higher the size of your save file becomes the more likely it'll be that you'll start playing Fallout: New Vegas - Microsoft PowerPoint Edition 

 

If they ever get a PS4/PS5 remaster and they work fine - absolutely get them though, because they are great titles!

 

On 09/12/2021 at 9:14 PM, YaManSmevz said:

Bully is like if sandwich shops offered an 8" sandwich instead of only a half or full footlong (apologies to all you metric system folks, I don't know the equivalents off the top), it's just the right length and not too big!

 

That is so true!

 

Edited December 17, 2021 by rjkclarke

[Platinum_Vice]

4 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

Smevz! Dude, why were you ever worrying about the Baseball minigame in Yakuza 0?

 

When you're hitting so many damn home runs with these Rockstar reviews!

 

???

[YaManSmevz]

10 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

 

Smevz! Dude, why were you ever worrying about the Baseball minigame in Yakuza 0?

 

When you're hitting so many damn home runs with these Rockstar reviews! Okay I'll leave the corny stuff at the door now.

 

I should have dropped a comment yesterday, but I had a brief window of time to actually get some gaming time in,so I thought I'd grab that - I thought you'd probably understand.

 

Haha thank you man!

 

I totally understand! Beyond the fact that you're under no obligation, you've gotta get in all the gaming you can - we are in a challenge after all!

 

10 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

That was another super enjoyable read, to tell yo the truth I haven't thought about this game in quite a long time, I don't think I've played it since 2013. The things I do remember were really quite odd actually. I don't know if it got improved in the PS4 version, I only played the PS3 version so that's my only comparison point - but there's a weird issue in that version, where the Irish boss cop's head swivels about all over the place whilst he's talking. I remember like me and one of my friends had this weird running joke between us for ages where we'd impersonate that irish cop moving his head from side to side and saying "We'll be keeping a close eye on you Mr Phelps!"

 

Edit: I really should have mentioned that I really like this game, it was such a breath of fresh air when I initially played it, and although the facial motion capture was a little rough around the edges it did pave the way for it being implemented in plenty of future games.

 

Oh that and for a while after playing it, anytime someone said something bordering on bullshit, me and him would say " I think you're lying," in the best Cole voice that we can manage.

 

Huh! I first played it on the 360 and don't recall running into any issues like that... perhaps it's another case of the dreaded Fallout 3 anomaly?

 

Yeah, I really liked this game too. Definitely something a little different, and the facial motion capture blew my mind! Also always liked how savage Cole could get, and then how he'd backtrack if you didn't have evidence (like how the suspect would always say some variant of "do you have any evidence to back up this claim of yours, my good man?") and start shrinking, and his little balls would shrink with him (thank you, Bullet Tooth Tony). Enjoyed more than a few playthroughs of just being a complete ass and making a mess of the cases?

 

10 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I loved the games aesthetic too, all I needed to sell the game to me as a concept, was that you were essentially playing an interactive film noir, I didn't really care if Rockstar were involved or not - probably why I enjoyed Murdered: Soul Suspect too. Although strictly speaking that one is more of a neo-noir than truly film noir.

 

I love the collectibles in this game - and also really dislike them too, in almost equal measure. The little film obsessed twit in me loves being able to go around and find all of the film reels and be able to say " ahh man that film was awesome" or some such. But to be honest - they feel so tacked on and pointless, outside of being a cool Easter Egg, they add literally nothing, and the cars even more so. Just busy work - I can't think of many games that needed to be open world, or have open world elements less than this one did.

 

Yo I've seen Murdered on sale a few times, and was always curious to take a stab at it but never bold enough to pull the trigger. If you're saying it is in fact a killer game, then I'd probably think it's to die for!

 

....sorry. Playing too much Hitman these days...

 

Seriously though, you may have just done for me with that game what Realm did for me with Beholder!

 

Damn you, Clarke!!

 

The collectibles were cool for the most part, but there was a definite drag after a while. As you said, the film reels were cool - not all that dissimilar to the ones you'd hunt down in The Godfather, for instance - but for me I really fucked with the landmarks. As a modern day Angeleno, it never failed to fascinate me to see what's still around, what used to be around, and what looks just a bit different.

 

The cars were the very definition of busy work!! Aw man. Plus so many look alike, and there's no way to keep track of what you've already driven. It's as if someone chimed in with "how about we take the GTA import/export side quest, but just make it infinitely worse?" and some head honcho was like "YES!! Give that brilliant man a bigger office!!" Blecchhh.

 

10 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I'm glad you mentioned the hand-holding the game does. I was never a big fan of those little musical stings it gives you when you are near something, or the game gives you the "well done, have a treat" every time you find something. I'm a pretty big fan of the Frogwares Sherlock Holmes games, and if they did that as often as L.A Noire likes to whenever you find something important, I'd find it so distracting. I can live with it in L.A Noire, but it does kind of make it feel a little less special when you stumble across one of the clues that are actually fairly well hidden.

 

I haven't seen a single episode of Mad Men, so it was only after playing it that I looked at the cast and saw so many of them had been in that show, which I thought was quite funny really.

 

Another awesome review though as ever man!

 

I didn't mind it too much, but figured that if even I noticed it, it was worthy of note. You hit the nail on the head, it could've been far more rewarding - for example if in that one traffic case, if you never find the knife in the trash, too bad, different ending. But even if you miss it, they still direct you back to find it. I'm 90% certain this was the case, and thought it was a missed opportunity - how dope would it have been if you could charge the wrong person or end up with no suspect at all, and actually lose?

 

Chapter 6: Convenience Store Blues

 

False arrests are tough... especially if they're all you seem capable of. And a guy who can't cut it as a cop anymore sometimes ends up testing the waters in a new seedy trade... like the 7/11 counter. Phelps, in his new cheap uniform and dumb hat, is struggling to perfect a frozen beverage for a guest. Maybe this is the time he gets it right....

 

The whole Mad Men parallel was a trip. You should try that show out! I fell off at some point in the third season, but that's just me having a bunch of crap I'm trying to keep up with rather than a comment on the shows quality, it's very well written and the presentation of the era couldn't possibly be more on point.

 

Thanks again, dude! Always make me happy when I can write something that entertains?

 

10 hours ago, rjkclarke said:

I think I might need some lessons - Oh great one!

 

 

Gun was great - at least how I remember it, it was, could be those rose tinted glasses finally kicking in though, as it's been at least twelve years since I played it last.I guess I have to at least review Red Dead Redemption at some point - so it would at least be better to do Red Dead Revolver first - and as about 60% of it is completely new to me, I'm kind of looking to that one the most. So I guess I should inflict that upon folk at some point.

 

 

You should totally get Vesperia for PS4!

 

Bro you and me both!

 

I should check the sales and see if Vesperia's still goin for ten bucks, it's happened a few times now and I feel I'll kick myself if I miss out. That's how I felt when I was too late capitalizing on the Dark Souls games, they were part of a sale and up for like ten apiece or something ridiculous, but it wasn't for the entirety of the sale and I felt like quite the dummy for now jumpin on it.

 

Revolver made me curious about Gun! And you absolutely should, I would love to read your thoughts on both that and Redemption. My PS3 backlog is small but fierce, with a mixed bag of games I'm super eager to play again like The Saboteur and Enslaved and games I know I will love once I get into or know I'll be super satisfied to complete like Redemption, GTA IV, and XCOM.

 

????

 

I get the backlog chills just thinkin about it!

Edited December 17, 2021 by YaManSmevz

[YaManSmevz]

Platinum #42: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

 

The state where you never find a dance floor empty

 

In 2004, I was in the throes of GTA withdrawal. I had played Vice City too many times to count, and III, which had been demoted to the role of a stand-in for VC, had been worn pretty thin as well. After a while, I legit found myself making up missions. I started replicating movie scenes like the Tech Noir and police station segments from The Terminator, assassinating Hyman Roth at the airport, doing the bank heist over and over pretending I was in Heat, and so on and so forth.

 

For anybody who remembers the gag from Who Shot Mr. Burns where Bart says "Look what he did to my best friend," just picture me clutching copies of the two games rather than a bag of Cheese Puffs, and instead of Mr. Burns it's Leslie Benzies.

 

After Vice City blew our collective mind by following up III's loose interpretation of New York City with a vividly vibrant visit to 1986 Miami, the speculation of where (and when) the next game would take place was non-stop. Los Angeles was the first big one, and after that San Francisco. Then when I heard Las Vegas I was like okay, I'm pretty sure y'all are makin shit up at this point. ...not that that stopped me from reading everything I could find, of course.

 

And then the grand reveal... to this day, I still remember reading in EGM when it was confirmed that it wasn't going to be Los Angeles (oh?) or San Francisco (huh..) or even Las Vegas (yeah, that one was kinda far-fetched), but rather all three in one gargantuan state (....WHAT).

 

And then in October, almost exactly three years after they started this whole mess with III, San Andreas joined one of the very few games I've ever bought on or before the day of release. For a good long while, I was only seen at work, and if I'd had a girlfriend at the time, that shit would've been over in a hurry. And from what I'm pretty sure was the first Fuck word I'd ever heard in a video game all the way to that fire truck chase finale, I was positively possessed.

 

Sadly, my latest playthrough had some sobering moments, and I thought it best to first go over what hasn't held up quite as well as I'd imagined, and the little quirks that I apparently chose to forget about over the years. This way, I can get the necessary criticisms taken care of early, and you'll have time to get some waterproof covers for your shoes... cuz I'm sorry y'all, but there will be drool.

 

San Andreas' ambition very much kneels at the feet of its limitations, and this is where nearly all of its flaws originate. So much of the good that's implemented massively improves the game, but simultaneously suffers (especially by today's standards) because they still had a foot stuck in the old way of doing things, either by choice or console constraints. They came so close to nailing so many things, but just fell short.

 

The shooting system is so much better than the last two games, but we're still stuck on that shooting-with-circle bullshit. The growing pains of the aiming are felt here as well - switching targets is such a breeze and a most welcome addition, not to mention the inspired feature of upgrading to head shots when you move in close! But unless you're facing exactly where the game wants you to, you're outta luck. The following happened more times than I would care to say...

 

Me: Shit, I'm getting shot at. Okay, I see where he's shooting from.. let's just lock on and-

 

San Andreas: What's that? You want to aim straight up into the sky and shoot absolutely nothing?? Sure thing, whatever you say!

 

Me: What?? No, I-

 

San Andreas: Aww too bad, your ass got WASTED! Oh well, we're at the hospital now. Fun! What do you want to do next??

 

Ugh.

 

The freedom with camera angles is vastly improved. They finally did away with that first person nonsense in favor of a dual stick approach. You can tell it's still a new feature though, as it isn't as smooth as it could be. Also, R3 to look behind you still? If you're running (tapping X), that shit requires some finger gymnastics, and more than a few times I resorted to using my chin to push in the analog stick?

 

The lighting is a bit much as well.. there are moments where it's so dark that you can't tell if you're shooting at the correct gang or what a character is doing in a cutscene, and of course there's the infamous orange we were treated to for in-game sunsets. I thought this was a cool idea, but... my guy. The tech ain't there yet, let it go!

 

Alright, now that that's over with...

 

Right off the bat, Carl (CJ) is by far the closest to a relatable protagonist we've had up to this point. He's flawed, he's got baggage, but he's doing his best, and as far as well-dressed maniacs go, he's surprisingly likable!

 

The characters on the whole are a big upgrade, even from the outstanding narrative of Vice City. You totally buy Ryder and Big Smoke havin been your homies from back in the day, Tenpenny is easily one of the best villains in the Rockstar universe (with Samuel L. Jackson's voice, this should surprise exactly nobody), Woozie is fun (they do lay on the slapstick a lil thick towards the end, but hey - no stereotypical Chinese voices, that's gotta count for somethin!), and Toreno and Zero manage to be hilarious even in spite of giving you the most infuriating missions this game has to offer!

 

Then there are the cities themselves. I've never been to Miami, so I can't speak to how well VC captures it. I can, however, attest that SA completely nails the feel of both 90s Los Angeles and Las Vegas, and now that I've been to San Francisco, I can happily report that they did a pretty solid job there as well!

 

While it can't quite stand up to the beautifully lit Vice City, San Andreas does more to make you feel like a part of its world. They finally address an issue with missions, namely those ones where nobody stands to gain anything but you're paid anyway, and you're like "who paid me to do that, exactly?" San Andreas overcomes this by simply not rewarding money by default for missions, and there's almost always a reason if you do end up getting paid. Granted, there are still missions where you find yourself wondering why you're doing something (the Jeffre- I'm sorry, OG Loc missions being a huge offender), but for the most part there's a more organic feel to it all.

 

....well, as organic as a gangbanger who sneaks into Area 51, steals military jets, and robs casinos can be. CJ is an accomplished dude, what can I say?

 

Like Vice City, I very much enjoyed the story. You return to the gang you abandoned after five years, and after seeing how conditions have worsened, want to stay and help. From there, you go from a gangland warlord to a pitiful police pawn to a government pawn to a casino owner and then back to a gangland warlord, but this time one who manages a famous rapper. It's a ride, man!

 

Also, San Andreas gives us a heaping helping of fan service - not of the 'peep dem ti-tays' variety, but rather the 'look at all these old characters you liked before' type. The familiar faces are charming, and are implemented well enough into the story so that they don't feel needlessly tacked on. Plus, it includes possibly my favorite callback to a previous game in a franchise: "Who the fuck is Tommy?"

 

After most story events, the DJs on the radio will make comment, which is a great touch - in fact, this game boasts the birth of a news radio show where you can hear all about your recent exploits, and how baffling many of them could come across.

 

Speaking of the radio... dear fucking lord.

 

So i failed to specify earlier, but the game takes place in 1992. And they pull yet another rabbit out of the proverbial hat, and put together a another stunning set of licensed music that reflect the era gloriously. The rise of the House, New Jack Swing, and Alternative Rock genres, the obsession with music from the 70s, the battle between old school and new school hip-hop, emphasis on the original funk, disco, and soul music sampled in the hip-hop of the era, and they even put together a country station I found myself enjoying!

 

Sidenote: originally I was going to section off bits for this review, and the music segment was going to be titled "EEEAALIGATORBAITINLOOWEEZIANABAYYOOUUUU."

 

Just as in Vice City, San Andreas represents its era with an excellent faithfulness. Obviously I was a bit older in '92 than '86, so I remember a lot more - I remember the music, the riots, and the fashion and movies referenced - you can spot popular characters Cuba Gooding Jr. and Sharon Stone played among the NPCs for instance. Oh, and speakin of recreating movie scenes, using Free Bird and a 4+ star rating to do the ending of Devil's Rejects????

 

Having said all that, do I think that San Andreas' soundtrack is able to top Vice City's?

 

No, I don't. But it's close, man. We're talking 98% and 99% ratings on Rotten Tomatoes, they're both stone cold classics, full stop.

 

Whew. We're almost done, hang in there!

 

Not only is the world astoundingly bigger (and diverse), but they somehow figured out how to do away with the loading screens. The RPG elements add quite a lot of variables, and between that and the impressive new system for customization includes a far more detailed clothing suite as well as haircuts and tattoos, so the possibilities are damn near endless. You can FINALLY SWIM. You can get a damn jetpack, and piloting has been expanded to include freakin FIGHTER JETS (bruh with a bit more polish to the controls, the flying would've been bad ass). You can gamble, you can stealth kill. You can participate in a triathlon or make yourself obscenely fat (which gets its own hilarious soundbites for CJ). You can engage in gang warfare, which I personally loved - it felt like playing Risk inside a GTA game, except you get like three moves for every one of theirs?

 

There's so much other stuff to do too, but.. I feel I've taken enough of your time as it is!

 

THAT Trophy: The End of the Line

 

It's funny, because without actually having to achieve 100% in the game itself (or reaching an equivalent of the infamous Godfather rating) there's not much to complain about trophy-wise. 

 

A Legitimate Business? Shit, I just drove around listening to the radio for an afternoon, I wasn't mad at that at all. The Los Santos Slayer? Nah fam. As previously mentioned, I adored the gang warfare aspect and happily took over everything on the map twice, so that shit came naturally for me. Even Bike or Biker, which to be fair was pretty annoying, doesn't result in a frustration that lasts beyond the short grind to achieve it.

 

I chose this because this mission is a perfect microcosm of something I didn’t mention before - some of the missions are just too damn long. With the checkpoints we get now, this mission would be a cinch, with just a few minor annoyances. But as a product of its time, it's just annoying. I remember playing this back in the day and wondering when the hell it was going to end! So many missions crammed as many diverse sections as possible, which varied wildly in difficulty and could be a bit of a pain.

 

Minor complaint though, and if anything it's me being a geezer lamenting about "how good you kids have it these days," or whatever.

 

So that's that on that! A damn shame you can't get this in original form for the foreseeable future, it's an absolute classic and everybody deserves to experience it. I think I may have broken a record on my longest review with this one... apologies for that, and props to everybody who powered through?

Edited November 10, 2022 by YaManSmevz
Cuz I'm dumb and said Sweet when I meant to say Big Smoke

[Platinum_Vice]

On 24/12/2021 at 6:50 PM, YaManSmevz said:

and more than a few times I resorted to using my chin to push in the analog stick

 

Oof. Been there only rarely in gaming history (brings back recollections of pausing YouTube with my nose if watching/pausing something alone with finger food).

 

 

 

Sooo I've not played the PS2 GTA games (yeees, I know, I know).

 

Now that the PS4 remasters have been pulled for the most recent clayface remasters, do you recommend buying them as PS2 originals or on PS5?

[YaManSmevz]

They are clayfaced?

 

If you have a PS2, yes. If the PS5 version of the Definitive Edition includes the original ports, then that should be cool. But if the original ports aren't included, I can't honestly recommend the DE.

 

I still think that was such a shitty move to pull the originals. As Tommy Vercetti would say, "DICKS. YOU'RE ALL DICKS."

[Platinum_Vice]

1 minute ago, YaManSmevz said:

They are clayfaced

 

If you have a PS2, yes. If the PS5 version of the Definitive Edition includes the original ports, then that should be cool. But if the original ports aren't included, I can't honestly recommend the DE.

 

I still think that was such a shitty move to pull the originals. As Tommy Vercetti would say, "DICKS. YOU'RE ALL DICKS."

 

PS2 classics it is!

 

All you had to do was modernise the controls, CJ!

[Copanele]

Man, what a nice San Andreas write-up!

Sorry for seeing it so late  but I can imagine how much of a hassle is to play that game with a controller. I only played San Andreas to absurd levels (100%ing the entire game) on PC and I somewhat managed to control it with a keyboard and mouse. Doing it with a controller...I can only imagine the horrors.

 

Still my favorite GTA to date (played all except GTA 5 on PC) there's something about it that no other GTA games managed to replicate. Big Smoke was right all along.

[YaManSmevz]

39 minutes ago, Copanele said:

Man, what a nice San Andreas write-up!

Sorry for seeing it so late  but I can imagine how much of a hassle is to play that game with a controller. I only played San Andreas to absurd levels (100%ing the entire game) on PC and I somewhat managed to control it with a keyboard and mouse. Doing it with a controller...I can only imagine the horrors.

 

Thanks a lot dude, I appreciate it! I have the exact opposite impression and cannot fathom mastering it on PC, but in all fairness I operate those like Chuck Noblet uses calculators..

 

 

The horror indeed!

 

47 minutes ago, Copanele said:

Still my favorite GTA to date (played all except GTA 5 on PC) there's something about it that no other GTA games managed to replicate. Big Smoke was right all along.

 

In memory of BIG SMO-BLAAUUGGGHHH.

 

Reminds me of Samuel L. Jackson's half wheezed read of "weed," that shit kills me every time?

 

Agreed pretty hard on that man, as great as Vice City was and as much as I love IV, San Andreas is just built different!

[Shrooba]

Great writeup on San Andreas! It's a damn shame the OG PS4 version is gone in place of a playdoh-looking "remaster", I would've loved to have played the original. San Andreas' radio compared to Vice City is like comparing John Wick and Neo, they're both awesome! ? When you mentioned those minor issues with the control-scheme and lighting, I figured the new versions would be a good opportunity to improve, but we know how it turned out! Good to see that these classic games will always stand the test of time.

[DrBloodmoney]

Great San Andreas review there bro!

 

I pretty much am in lock step with you on all points, so I'm not gonna quote a bunch of different points and turn this into a circle-jerk ?... but suffice to say - that game has som mush silliness, yet just comes together so damned well!

 

The one aspect that stood out just how much I agree is on the soundtrack -

 

On 24/12/2021 at 10:50 AM, YaManSmevz said:

Speaking of the radio... dear fucking lord.

 

So i failed to specify earlier, but the game takes place in 1992. And they pull yet another rabbit out of the proverbial hat, and put together a another stunning set of licensed music that reflect the era gloriously. The rise of the House, New Jack Swing, and Alternative Rock genres, the obsession with music from the 70s, the battle between old school and new school hip-hop, emphasis on the original funk, disco, and soul music sampled in the hip-hop of the era, and they even put together a country station I found myself enjoying!

 

Sidenote: originally I was going to section off bits for this review, and the music segment was going to be titled "EEEAALIGATORBAITINLOOWEEZIANABAYYOOUUUU."

 

Just as in Vice City, San Andreas represents its era with an excellent faithfulness. Obviously I was a bit older in '92 than '86, so I remember a lot more - I remember the music, the riots, and the fashion and movies referenced - you can spot popular characters Cuba Gooding Jr. and Sharon Stone played among the NPCs for instance. Oh, and speakin of recreating movie scenes, using Free Bird and a 4+ star rating to do the ending of Devil's Rejects?

 

Having said all that, do I think that San Andreas' soundtrack is able to top Vice City's?

 

No, I don't. But it's close, man. We're talking 98% and 99% ratings on Rotten Tomatoes, they're both stone cold classics, full stop.

 

 

I totally know what you mean - I don't think there is ever a moment quite on par with driving from one island to another in Vice City at sunset as Atomic by Blondie is playing, in terms of pure music to visual bliss... but the sheer volume of awesome music in San Andreas is second to none.

 

I actually forked out for that 8-CD box set soundtrack for the game, and that was an absolute staple in my house - the KJah, Master Sounds and the PlayBack radio CDs in particular! (I'm not even close to a reggae guy, but man, that KJah CD is the closest I ever got to becoming one!)

 

I do think, for all that (other) folks love GTAIV, and even more folks (me included this time) love GTAV - there is something that has been lost in the modern setting - the iconic nature of the music. Both GTAIV and GTAV have good curated soundtracks, but I think it takes some distance from an iconic era to really be able to curate a soundtrack that is uniquely "of that time" and, where every track just feels like a looking at that bygone era through a different facet of the diamond.... Like... listening to Midlife Crisis while driving through San Fierro is a totally different flavour to it than listening to Slick Rick while cursing Los Santos in a lowrider, but it all coalesces into such a love letter to a time and place - it manages to make me - a kid from Scotland, feel notalgia for a time in LA that I really only know about via the OJ trial, NWA and Tupac Lyrics and watching Boyz in the Hood!

 

[rjkclarke]

On 24/12/2021 at 10:50 AM, YaManSmevz said:

Platinum #42: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

 

The state where you never find a dance floor empty

 

 

You nailed it!

 

Another fantastic Rockstar themed review..... Get and play Red Dead so we can have some more!!!!!! Nah don't bow to my selfish need to read more awesome Smevz flavoured Rockstar content.

 

I'm kind of in the same boat with Doc here (aside from liking GTA V, I'm really not very fond of that,)  where I pretty much agree with almost every point you've made, so I don't really feel like I need to pull apart every single thing you've said and quote it back to you verbatim.

 

Talking of the soundtrack funnily enough..... Have you ever had the idle animation where CJ is standing around and starts singing Love Rollercoaster by the Chilli's? I remember when a friend and I were playing that way back in the day the old "swapping a controller back and forth" kind of thing, and we left the game on to either look at something on my PC, or just grab a drink or something, and we heard that, and had to do a double take, as we didn't think it was real for a minute. I love that that was included in the game.

 

I'll pick a few out though to quote though. 

 

On 24/12/2021 at 10:50 AM, YaManSmevz said:

Also, San Andreas gives us a heaping helping of fan service - not of the 'peep dem ti-tays' variety, but rather the 'look at all these old characters you liked before' type. The familiar faces are charming, and are implemented well enough into the story so that they don't feel needlessly tacked on.

 

Yeah I loved this element too - and I agree it doesn't feel tacked on, even though it probably should. The one that caught me off guard the most I think is that Maria from GTA III makes an appearance in this game too, as she works at Caligula's, but she's only in the briefest of scenes, so she really is a blink and you miss it cameo. Yet it also kind of shows how she ended up meeting Salvatore.

 

I couldn't complain about older characters returning anyway, because one of my favourite missions in San Andreas is the one with Kent Paul and Maccer and the conversation they have in the car on the way back from the desert. That cracks me up so much every time I play it.

 

On 24/12/2021 at 10:50 AM, YaManSmevz said:

The lighting is a bit much as well.. there are moments where it's so dark that you can't tell if you're shooting at the correct gang or what a character is doing in a cutscene, and of course there's the infamous orange we were treated to for in-game sunsets. I thought this was a cool idea, but... my guy. The tech ain't there yet, let it go!

 

It still isn't by the looks of it - all of the interior sections in Definitive Edition are basically pitch black, so it seems more than fifteen years later we still haven't gotten the tech to actually nail that..... Well - there's that and the fact, that Definitive Edition might possibly have been made by armless Gibbons with their legs tied together, so the only way they could write the code was with their noses. 

 

I'm telling ya, if that was the approach they should have gone with Proboscis Monkeys

 

 

That chap has a nose you could write code with! I had an Uncle that had a nose like that too.....

 

 

Ahem...... erm....... back to San Andreas?

 

5 hours ago, Copanele said:

I only played San Andreas to absurd levels (100%ing the entire game) on PC and I somewhat managed to control it with a keyboard and mouse.

 

Damn dude! That's really impressive....... That's a pretty involved process! I've always wanted to get the 100% in San Andreas, but there's so many things in it that I don't want to do that's always stopped me, like finding every single Oyster or the Horse Shoes that are in the oddest of places!

 

On 24/12/2021 at 10:50 AM, YaManSmevz said:

the speculation of where (and when) the next game would take place was non-stop. Los Angeles was the first big one, and after that San Francisco. Then when I heard Las Vegas I was like okay, I'm pretty sure y'all are makin shit up at this point. ...not that that stopped me from reading everything I could find, of course.

 

And then the grand reveal... to this day, I still remember reading in EGM when it was confirmed that it wasn't going to be Los Angeles (oh?) or San Francisco (huh..) or even Las Vegas (yeah, that one was kinda far-fetched), but rather all three in one gargantuan state (....WHAT).

 

That was my feeling too - I remember the discussions in school about how the game would end up being multiple discs like the Final Fantasy games on the PS1, and so I thought..... Nah, it won't be all of those things in one game......

 

When I realised it actually was...... My only appropriate response was this!

 

 

 

On 24/12/2021 at 10:50 AM, YaManSmevz said:

There's so much other stuff to do too

 

This has always been one of my favourite things about San Andreas - there is just so much there, and very little of it really feels like filler. Or like you have to do it if you don't want to.

 

Like the brown streak Train missions you can do, you can completely avoid them, but the fact you can do them is pretty interesting. Same with like the Tanker Missions that you can complete, or the ones at Quarry, it's fascinating really the amount of detail that went into all of these things, that you could just completely miss if you didn't go out of your way to do them. It's a balance that not a whole lot of games tend to get right, but I think for the most part San Andreas absolutely nailed.

 

Again, what a cracking review - like I said, I'm hoping you jump into another Rockstar game at some point in the future, just so we can get at least one more Rockstar review....

 

Also....

 

On 17/12/2021 at 10:14 PM, YaManSmevz said:

Beyond the fact that you're under no obligation, you've gotta get in all the gaming you can - we are in a challenge after all!

 

Don't worry - reading your reviews or giving you feedback, will NEVER feel like an obligation, it's absolutely something I want to do.  It's just I'm a little crap at doing it promptly, so sometimes I worry I've left it too long, but I guess I can make a New Years resolution or something about that for 2022, to actually make an effort to respond sooner or something like that!

Edited December 26, 2021 by rjkclarke

[Wild-Arms-R]

9 hours ago, Shrooba said:

Great writeup on San Andreas! It's a damn shame the OG PS4 version is gone in place of a playdoh-looking "remaster", I would've loved to have played the original. San Andreas' radio compared to Vice City is like comparing John Wick and Neo, they're both awesome! When you mentioned those minor issues with the control-scheme and lighting, I figured the new versions would be a good opportunity to improve, but we know how it turned out! Good to see that these classic games will always stand the test of time.

Holy shit dude, you legit just completely hit the nali on the head with that statement.

This is honestly the best way to describe the GTA “Definitive” Edition.

Shit looks straight up like playdoh or maybe something out of those old stop motion Christmas films(not like the good ones like Nightmare Before Christmas)

Edited December 26, 2021 by Wild-Arms-R

[YaManSmevz]

Aayyyy thanks y'all!

 

On 12/26/2021 at 2:40 AM, Shrooba said:

Great writeup on San Andreas! It's a damn shame the OG PS4 version is gone in place of a playdoh-looking "remaster", I would've loved to have played the original. San Andreas' radio compared to Vice City is like comparing John Wick and Neo, they're both awesome! When you mentioned those minor issues with the control-scheme and lighting, I figured the new versions would be a good opportunity to improve, but we know how it turned out! Good to see that these classic games will always stand the test of time.

 

Thanks dude! Yeahmann, fuck those remasters. You and everybody who hasn't played the originals got straight up robbed, I still am baffled by that move. Hopefully they'll put them back at some point if people bug them about it enough... well, provided they can hear us while they're swimming around in the Rockstar money bin like a game developer equivalent of Scrooge McDuck.

 

I can already see it in the documentary for the Definitive Edition: "So we took the models that you see in the smartphone port of the original games, and we coated everybody with a liberal covering of play-doh. Everybody was really impressed, and agreed that this merited a sixty dollar pricetag. Cuz, y'know, that play-doh ain't free."

 

On 12/26/2021 at 3:42 AM, DrBloodmoney said:

Great San Andreas review there bro!

 

I pretty much am in lock step with you on all points, so I'm not gonna quote a bunch of different points and turn this into a circle-jerk  

 

Thanks man!

 

Hahaha after finishing up the critique section, I briefly considered bein like "okay, now for the rest of the review" and adding that emoji face simulating a blowjob, but decided against it. Probably for the best?

 

On 12/26/2021 at 3:42 AM, DrBloodmoney said:

I totally know what you mean - I don't think there is ever a moment quite on par with driving from one island to another in Vice City at sunset as Atomic by Blondie is playing, in terms of pure music to visual bliss... but the sheer volume of awesome music in San Andreas is second to none.

 

EXACTLY??

 

On 12/26/2021 at 3:42 AM, DrBloodmoney said:

I actually forked out for that 8-CD box set soundtrack for the game, and that was an absolute staple in my house - the KJah, Master Sounds and the PlayBack radio CDs in particular! (I'm not even close to a reggae guy, but man, that KJah CD is the closest I ever got to becoming one!)

 

Dude before that K-Jah station I pretty much only knew Bob Marley, but that shit really opened me up to the genre. I don't have dreads or speak in Jamaican patois or anything but I'm get a lot more enjoyment out of reggae than I ever did before. YES to PlayBack and Master Sounds too - aw man, I was gutted when I realized they took out the James Brown joints... but they still played Funky President in the Four Dragons, so HAH!

 

Cross the Tracks, The Payback, and Hot Pants should always be included whenever this genre is used - just ask Guy Ritchie!

 

On 12/26/2021 at 3:42 AM, DrBloodmoney said:

I do think, for all that (other) folks love GTAIV, and even more folks (me included this time) love GTAV - there is something that has been lost in the modern setting - the iconic nature of the music. Both GTAIV and GTAV have good curated soundtracks, but I think it takes some distance from an iconic era to really be able to curate a soundtrack that is uniquely "of that time" and, where every track just feels like a looking at that bygone era through a different facet of the diamond.... Like... listening to Midlife Crisis while driving through San Fierro is a totally different flavour to it than listening to Slick Rick while cursing Los Santos in a lowrider, but it all coalesces into such a love letter to a time and place - it manages to make me - a kid from Scotland, feel notalgia for a time in LA that I really only know about via the OJ trial, NWA and Tupac Lyrics and watching Boyz in the Hood!

 

Agreed - George Carlin said it best, "how can you possibly be nostalgic about a concept like a little while ago?" I loved the soundtrack for IV, but if they made a game set in 2008 today, the soundtrack I imagine would be largely different, and the overall feel much more cohesive and the era more fully realized. Speaking of which, it's funny how 2008 now is about as long ago as '92 was when San Andreas came out... damn man, time flies...

 

Haha you're definitely more knowledgeable about 90s Los Angeles than I am about 90s Scotland! If there was a game based in that place and time, beyond Trainspotting and Belle and Sebastian I'd be pretty lost?

 

On 12/26/2021 at 5:34 AM, rjkclarke said:

You nailed it!

 

Another fantastic Rockstar themed review..... Get and play Red Dead so we can have some more!!!!!! Nah don't bow to my selfish need to read more awesome Smevz flavoured Rockstar content.

 

Thanks dude! I'm just glad y'all dug the reviews... but you're definitely not the first to suggest that a dive into RDR might not be the worst idea!

 

On 12/26/2021 at 5:34 AM, rjkclarke said:

Talking of the soundtrack funnily enough..... Have you ever had the idle animation where CJ is standing around and starts singing Love Rollercoaster by the Chilli's? I remember when a friend and I were playing that way back in the day the old "swapping a controller back and forth" kind of thing, and we left the game on to either look at something on my PC, or just grab a drink or something, and we heard that, and had to do a double take, as we didn't think it was real for a minute. I love that that was included in the game.

 

Yes! I got him doing "Nuthin But a G Thang" a lot too, and I remember an NPC walking past once or twice blurting out the melody for that song like "NEE NEE NEE NEE NEEENEEEE NEE NEEENEENEEEEEEEE" and same as you, I did a total double take?

 

On 12/26/2021 at 5:34 AM, rjkclarke said:

Yeah I loved this element too - and I agree it doesn't feel tacked on, even though it probably should. The one that caught me off guard the most I think is that Maria from GTA III makes an appearance in this game too, as she works at Caligula's, but she's only in the briefest of scenes, so she really is a blink and you miss it cameo. Yet it also kind of shows how she ended up meeting Salvatore.

 

I couldn't complain about older characters returning anyway, because one of my favourite missions in San Andreas is the one with Kent Paul and Maccer and the conversation they have in the car on the way back from the desert. That cracks me up so much every time I play it.

 

I remember you talking about that segment before! Yes sir, it definitely makes the drive a lot smoother. The Catalina and Claude thing definitely had the potential to be a bit much, but they never took it too seriously, so it never felt anything other than fun. Another testament to both the writing and the faithfulness to the brand, because in lesser hands this could've been far too silly, and not in a good way!

 

On 12/26/2021 at 5:34 AM, rjkclarke said:

It still isn't by the looks of it - all of the interior sections in Definitive Edition are basically pitch black, so it seems more than fifteen years later we still haven't gotten the tech to actually nail that..... Well - there's that and the fact, that Definitive Edition might possibly have been made by armless Gibbons with their legs tied together, so the only way they could write the code was with their noses. 

 

I'm telling ya, if that was the approach they should have gone with Proboscis Monkeys

 

 

That chap has a nose you could write code with! I had an Uncle that had a nose like that too.....

 

Hahahaha is Mr. Burns leading them??

 

"This is a thousand Proboscis Monkeys at a thousand computers. Soon, they will create the greatest video game known to man. ....hmm, 'Rollercoaster... of DOVE???!!' YOU STUPID MONKEY!!"

 

So glad I didn't drink the kool-aid with that edition, man... still think it's so fucked up that now that's all we have available to us if we wanna play those games. I will probably never uninstall those games out of fear that I won't be able to get them back, and they'll be like BUT HAVE U TRYED THE REMASTER BROH??!

 

??

 

On 12/26/2021 at 5:34 AM, rjkclarke said:

 

Damn dude! That's really impressive....... That's a pretty involved process! I've always wanted to get the 100% in San Andreas, but there's so many things in it that I don't want to do that's always stopped me, like finding every single Oyster or the Horse Shoes that are in the oddest of places!

 

I might still go back and get that hundo again.. the horse shoes aren't so bad with the jetpack and the oysters were a great thing to do while building up your lung capacity.

 

On 12/26/2021 at 5:34 AM, rjkclarke said:

Like the brown streak Train missions you can do, you can completely avoid them, but the fact you can do them is pretty interesting. Same with like the Tanker Missions that you can complete, or the ones at Quarry, it's fascinating really the amount of detail that went into all of these things, that you could just completely miss if you didn't go out of your way to do them. It's a balance that not a whole lot of games tend to get right, but I think for the most part San Andreas absolutely nailed.

 

I actually remember hating the trucker missions, particularly the ones where you've got like three stars or something and the cops keep detaching the cab from the cargo. That shit was infuriating! But 100% agreed, the fact that they're there is cool, and that they even bother to set it up organically is really nice.

 

Did you ever play the multiplayer? I did that with my sister a few times... super primitive, but a LOT of fun! Just another testament to all the shit they set you up with in the game. Like they knew what a gigantic playground they gave us and wanted to make sure we had plenty of toys!

 

On 12/26/2021 at 5:34 AM, rjkclarke said:

Again, what a cracking review - like I said, I'm hoping you jump into another Rockstar game at some point in the future, just so we can get at least one more Rockstar review....

 

Also....

 

 

Don't worry - reading your reviews or giving you feedback, will NEVER feel like an obligation, it's absolutely something I want to do.  It's just I'm a little crap at doing it promptly, so sometimes I worry I've left it too long, but I guess I can make a New Years resolution or something about that for 2022, to actually make an effort to respond sooner or something like that!

 

Thanks a lot man, as always it's really appreciated, and the feeling is quite mutual, my dude. I'm in the same boat as you man, while I genuinely enjoy it very much (especially here), keeping up with correspondence is absolutely NOT my strong suit. Maybe I'll have to do the same for next year?

[YaManSmevz]

Yearly Beloved, 2021

 

What up, what up?

 

Originally, I wasn't going to do one of these. I didn't think I'd completed enough games to make it very interesting, and I wanted to do something a bit different instead. But after some perusing, I ended up sippin the kool-aid, and caught year-end awards fever - so in the "hey, me too!" spirit, I decided to indulge as well.

 

BUT FIRST!

 

I still want to do that something different I mentioned, as I think it's more important than a fake awards ceremony. I've had my checklist for about six months now, and since this is my first excuse to have some year-end extravaganza post (and you only get one chance a year to do one of these), I figured why not share the spotlight?

 

There's quite a few peeps who never fail to make me feel at home here, and I wanted to make some quick shouts. I'll also be including images of what I assume y'all look like for kicks? Digital daps and hugs for everybody, of course! So, without further ado...

 

@Copanele

 

Hilarious dude, awesome reviewer, monstrous gamer, and Hitman extraordinaire. Have not been following him for long but will be from here on out!

 

@Shrooba

 

Always with a kind, supportive word on deck, Shrooba never pops into threads with anything less than a pleasant, positive attitude. But underneath all that kindness is a killer... I seen what kinda gaming you been up to bruh, you a bad man!

 

@realm722

 

Shout out to my fellow latino! One of the most entertaining checklists around, complete with a staggering rec game. And yeah, I know Stanton hasn't been a Marlin for four or five years, but for whatever reason he was the first thing that popped up in my head?

 

@Heather342

 

Such a nice, supportive gal (when she isn't mercilessly slaying aliens, of course) that she followed my checklist without even having one herself - although she very much should have one, because she be knockin out games left and right. Also, a huge thanks for helping me take care of the Hitman 2 multiplayer trophies, that was a blast!

 

@KindaSabbath

 

Straight beast, man. Such an impressive individual, handling gaming and real life alike with the same indefatigable determination. If you read through homie's checklist and don't walk away inspired, you probably weren't reading very closely!

 

@DrunkenEngineer

 

A fun dude, solid gamer (he S ranked GTA V, people - just because he could!), dope reviewer, and excellent booster. Very much lookin forward to choppin it up with him again in the new year!

 

@GonzoWARgasm

 

This mafucka cracks me up, and I'll always be grateful for his patient ear as I trudged through The Witness! Love his checklist, love his comments, can't say enough good about the guy. Granted, he had that arsonist phase, but I believe everybody deserves a second chance!

 

@DrBloodmoney

 

Ah yes, a gentleman who needs no introduction. An endlessly entertaining fella who graciously became my first follow (and if memory serves, his checklist may have been the first one I followed). Always to be found with a refreshing attitude, ready for a good chat, and... wait... what's this about him being a scientist? First I've heard of it...

 

@rjkclarke

 

You could probably fill a novel with the conversations I've had with this dude. One of the first people I really hit it off with right away in these forums, Mr. Clarke is just one of those pleasant, lovable people where you just wanna smack somebody upside the head if they mess up his day! From E.T. to troll Aunt Mays, there's always a fun convo to be had.

 

Okay, now that I'm done fellating half of the site, time for the awards!

 

Bear in mind, I don't have a terribly impressive array of completed games under my belt for the year, but I found there were a lot more interesting competitions to be had than I realized! Wrote an awards ceremony about it, wanna hear it? Here it go!

 

Most addicting gameplay
Hitman 2

Hotline Miami

Mark of the Ninja

Overcooked 2

Rocket League

 

Kicking us off is easily the most important aspect of a game - how fun it is to play. Overcooked 2's frantic back and forth was a blast even in its most frustrating moments, Mark of the Ninja somehow made stealth feel like an even more fun genre with its snappy, gadget-heavy gameplay, and Hitman 2 is just a fuckin work of art. Ultimately though it comes down to Hotline Miami and Rocket League, two games that have mastered the "alright, just one more game" technique. It's close, because I could pick up either right now and be addicted all over again, but... I'm gonna give it to the drug-and-violence addled Hotline Miami.

 

Best music

Afterparty

Cuphead

Hotline Miami

Manhunt

Rocket League

 

An impressive variety! Hotline and Rocket League are in consideration again with their throbbing, fist pumping bangers, both of which I've rocked out to before work more than a few times. Afterparty narrowly beats Oxenfree for a nod with its fun 90s industrial-inspired fare, Cuphead positively shimmers with its lively 30s big band jams, and Manhunt utterly terrifies with its menacing dark ambient score. They're all soo good for such different reasons, but if I strictly go with the one that's stayed with me for the longest, I've gotta go with Rocket League!

 

Best graphics

Cuphead

Final Fantasy VII Remake

Hitman 2

Resident Evil 2

The Witness

 

Cuphead and The Witness were not your standard jaw-dropping graphical showcases, but both are absolutely gorgeous in their own right. I've been in love with Cuphead's golden age of animation look since it's first E3 presentation way back in 2014, and the island in The Witness is stunningly vibrant. Resident Evil 2 was one of my very first PS4 games, which in all fairness could be the main reason why it's here, but both it and Final Fantasy VII bring their classic counterparts to life in ways that are beyond my wildest imagination. Then there's Hitman 2, which somehow makes the missions from the excellent Hitman 2016 look even better. Another toughie, but as far as what truly stunned me the most, I think my fanboy-ism is gonna guide me with this one - I'm goin Final Fantasy VII Remake.

 

Best voice acting

Afterparty

Back to the Future: The Game

Final Fantasy VII The Remake

Manhunt

Resident Evil 2

 

Once again, Afterparty just edges out Oxenfree with its entertaining entourage of a supporting cast. The actors in Remake did a remarkable job with the unenviable task of bringing to life beloved characters who haven't had real voices for over twenty years of existence (no, Advent Children doesn't count). Similarly, Resident Evil 2's frightening scenario finally has the realism it deserves, and it's in no small part thanks to Leon and Claire's believable acting. Manhunt, to be perfectly honest, is only here because of Brian Cox's brilliant turn as the Director, and Back to the Future because of A.J. Locascio's outstanding Michael J Fox impression. But the win goes to what I feel is the most unique and freely idiosyncratic nominee here - Afterparty!

 

Best playable character

Agent 47 from Hitman 2

Carl "CJ" Johnson from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

Lola from Afterparty

Sir Douchebag from South Park: The Stick of Truth

Tifa from Final Fantasy VII Remake

 

To be clear, I love Aerith - but Team Tifa all DAY, son. As a fighter, she just wrecks everybody, and is such a joy to use in battle. Similarly bad ass is Agent 47, a freakishly capable dude who always gives you the confidence of The Usual Suspects' McManus ("There's nothing that can't be done"). The deadpan and cautiously vulnerable Lola does a lot of the heavy lifting for Afterparty's main duo I felt, and CJ takes us on a grandiose journey, never failing to keep it engaging along the way. Finally, probably the oddest nom, Sir Douchebag finally fulfilled something I've wanted since playing those crappy South Park games from the PS1/N64 era - actually feeling like a part of a South Park episode. Not an easy one, but this goes to mah gurl Tifa!

 

Best WHATATWIST moment

A Way Out

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons

Final Fantasy VII Remake

The Suicide of Rachel Foster

The Witness

 

A Way Out, for its overly formulaic story and hackneyed dialogue, went in a really neat direction for its conclusion gameplay-wise that I personally didn't see coming. Brothers boasts a similarly unexpected gameplay-related ending,  with a hell of an emotional kick to it, and Remake's liberties with the original story resulted in one particularly shocking moment late in the game that got an audible "NO.." out of me. Suicide of Rachel Foster's twist is complicated - part of it is what soured the experience for me, but I can't deny that it was technically well-implemented, especially with the harrowing atmosphere leading up to it. That leaves The Witness, which blew my mind multiple times, genuinely shattering the image I had of exactly what game it was that I was playing. This is the easiest one yet, The Witness wins it quite handily.
 
Most satisfying completion

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare

Cuphead

Resident Evil 2

The Witness

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune

 

It's a bit of a stretch to include The Witness, as I'll likely never actually complete that game, but getting to the point I'm at is something I wear with pride - the bizarre jungle puzzles, the brain-breaking mountain puzzles, and of course the infamous Challenge. Resident Evil 2 could be fairly difficult in places, but the real reason it's here is the Hell of a Sheriff trophy, with the same being said for Uncharted's absurd Brutal difficulty. Modern Warfare was a ridiculous series of instant deaths, inching my way through the game (although it helped me understand how people get so good at multi-player), and of course many of you are familiar with how close I got to letting Cuphead break me. Proud of all of these, but Cuphead wins out.

 

Best game I been sleepin on

Manhunt

Mark of the Ninja

Parappa the Rapper

Red Dead Revolver

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune

 

Manhunt and Red Dead Revolver, to this day, I don't know why I passed up when they came out, given what a Rockstar fanboy I was in those days. Manhunt is an amazing experience, and I wish I'd played it back when it was new. Parappa the Rapper was something I really, really wanted to play back in its era, but better late than never - in spite of its questionable rhythm and odd freestyle mechanic, it's a blast to play even today. Mark of the Ninja and Uncharted I wanted to play for yeeeeaaars, and both appropriately blew me away when I finally got around to it. Of all five nominees though, there's only one I have literally not a single critique on - Mark of the Ninja takes it!

 

Most charming indie
Beholder

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons

Gris

Oxenfree

What Remains of Edith Finch

 

Aw man, I been dreading this one. Oxenfree finally takes its rightful place as the superior Night School game, Gris, Edith Finch, and Brothers caught me in the feels like nobody's business, and Beholder brings such a bold originality to the table - I've never played anything quite like it, doubt I ever will, and it only helps its case how damn fun it is! This is the toughest one yet, could easily go to any if these guys... but in a legit photo finish, I gotta go with What Remains of Edith Finch!

 

Least best game

A Way Out

Back to the Future

Control

Red Dead Revolver

Trover Saves the Universe

 

Our penultimate category - and thankfully, one of the easier ones for me. Now to be clear, these are not bad games - the category's name isn't just trying to be nice, these just weren't able to stand up to all the other awesomeness I played this year. Control is, to be fair, a much better game than my experience allowed for - I had some rough gamer fatigue and it resulted in a kind of bad attitude while playing it. Let this be a lesson - if you feel like you need a break, don't force the next game - take the break! A Way Out, Back to the Future, and Red Dead Revolver were all delightful in their own ways, albeit flawed to varying degrees. Trover was a game I was really excited to play, and while perfectly decent, it sadly turns out that listening to Justin Roiland goof off in a recording booth for ten hours wasn't quite as good a time as I'd hoped - Trover Saves the Universe it is!

 

Most best game
Final Fantasy VII Remake

Hitman 2

Hotline Miami

Mark of the Ninja

The Witness

 

And here we are! What was the best game I played this year? Fucked if I know, let's have a look!

 

Final Fantasy VII Remake and Hitman 2 were givens - revisiting Midgar was such a treat, and haters can hate all they'd like, I thought they did an excellent job with the remake. Meanwhile, Hitman 2 was phenomenal, offering a staggering amount of freedom and variety that even its immediate predecessor couldn't quite touch. The Witness is the biggest surprise - I am decidedly not a puzzle game person, but that game is truly somethin else. Lastly, there was a three-way tie for the last two spots - but Mark of the Ninja's astute mastery of stealth and Hotline Miami's relentless fast-paced gameplay proved to be too much for Cuphead.

 

So... our winner? This may well be a case of recency bias, but it's got to be Hitman 2!

 

Alright, that's a wrap on that! I tried not to let it run too long, but you know how these types of attempts go? Thanks for reading and thanks for engaging, writing this checklist has been a real treat for me, and I can't wait to have a full year of it under my belt this time in 2022! Peace out y'all?

Edited March 2, 2022 by YaManSmevz