70% of men aged 20-34 aren't married. 50% never will

[TheNxKeDMan]

Standing ovation for the men in our country smartening up.

The comments for the article are awesome. http://m.cnsnews.com...are-not-married

I have some thoughts on this topic

Being married isn't innately better than being single flat out, just like being single isn't better than being married. It's all up to personal choice, experiences so far in life, all that kind of stuff. However, companionship is pretty damn important for people. We are social creatures, and some of that social bonding needs to come from somebody that's closer than a simple friend. Somebody that you can share yourself entirely with. Somebody that you can be completely open and honest with and will continue to accept you regardless of what's found out (different than accepting and allowing abuse, whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual). Accepting somebody for who they are isn't about letting them walk all over you or simply giving in to any demands or negative things that they may want. Accepting somebody is seeing what their past is, who they are inside (sappy as all hell, but still), what they do, and giving them a shot. It's about liking them enough as a person, seeing the potential in them, and partnering up for the mutual benefit of both parties.Marriage can be a very good thing, or it can be a very bad thing. It makes me sad that more people seem to be seeing it as a bad thing, and I don't know why it's happening, who is responsible (if indeed somebody is), or what the repercussions for the future will be. Maybe I'm weird, but I find it sad that there are less and less people that seem to be able to find someone willing to become a better person with them. Or even somebody that they can be happy with. I do not, however, think that having such a broad age range in a study like this is a good idea. Just from personal experience, I only know of two couples that are married and are less than 24 years old. My friends that are over 24 are, for the most part, all getting married and having children. College-aged kids are in a completely different spot in their lives than their 25-32 year old cohorts. Still being in college, it makes it unlikely that they will have either the money or desire to get married or have kids. Once somebody gets past a certain point, though, in this case being a couple years after college graduation, they have more money at their disposal, a college degree to get a good job, and a desire to settle down.

[-Dark Mark-]

I agree with you 100%.

[Boooda]

Well theres a reason divorce rates are so high, its stupid people comitting to something when they've never comitted to anything in their entire lives. My parents had me young, really young, and they are no longer together (shocking). Its how it goes sometimes. Most people I know have divorced parents and if they aren't divorced they sure as hell didnt get married in their early 20's.

 

Not to say its impossible to marry young and be happy, its just that the odds are against you. It's good that marrying young seems to be changing though, its not healthy for kids to grow up in broken homes. Granted, just because people aren't married doesn't mean they don't have kids, I wonder what the data on that is like.

EDIT: Your hyperlink isn't working for me, it just brings me back to this page. 

Edited April 16, 2015 by Boooda

[Yami]

That's actually a damn high number Didn't expect that really.

I agree with you man, it really is rather sad.

 

I'm a guy in college and I do hope to get married, that is if I meet "the one"... So you can't count me in

[Saltyie]

Lol it's too late and that wall of text is too long, I ain't reading that. My first thought is that those statistics are made up.

[PleaseHoldOn]

Not surprising.  The idea/purpose of marriage is becoming increasingly outdated.

 

I'd be curious to see the % of men 20-34 that are not just not married... but single, and see the same statistics for women.  Just to see if there's any credence to certain theories I subscribe to.

Edited April 16, 2015 by PleaseHoldOn

[Dav9834]

I would like to see the data from a more trusted source than that lol. Because I'm not sure I believe that to be true, at least the 50% never will part. Decades change the times too quickly, and with it the data. It would be very difficult to make a prediction like that. I'll take a published scientific paper any day, but even then it needs to be scrutinized, that's how science works!  

[ExHaseo]

The link isn't working, but I found the article.

It's funny to me that the article blames men, and talks about how these statistics will make women less happy, without even taking into account men's feelings or happiness. It also doesn't take into account that many women in that age group are pushing the whole, "big is beautiful," and, "love your body the way it is," types of things. Which us all well and good for them, but then they expect men to be attracted to these unhealthy looking women who don't care about their appearance. How are men supposed to want to commit to a woman if they don't even find the woman attractive? Especially when there's so many negative things that come along with a relationship. To many, it's just not worth it.

So, I'm sure there are many other reasons for these statistics, like the garbage economy, but I can definitely see why it's happening.

[Masamune]

I don't have any plans to ever get married, the only point of it is if you ever split-up, you lose half your stuff. My brother is actually getting married in a month or two & honestly, I think it's a mistake (although I'd never tell him that).

[SuperLlamaLord]

 How are men supposed to want to commit to a woman if they don't even find the woman attractive? Especially when there's so many negative things that come along with a relationship. To many, it's just not worth it.

This is very harsh, and a lot of people would disagree. But, I fully understand this from a logical standpoint. It is a common mind-set given from a white-washed feminist to believe that men should be treated unequally when based on attraction, and that there is more reason to judge a man based off his health, fitness, and attractiveness than a woman. This may not be true everywhere, but I see this quite often in the United States.

[PleaseHoldOn]

Which us all well and good for them, but then they expect men to be attracted to these unhealthy looking women who don't care about their appearance. 

 

I'm not sure what life is like over there in Washington, but where I live, you see disgusting pigs walking around with guys hanging on to them pretty much everywhere you go.  I can think of a few instances where these fat messes actually broke up with friends of mine.  Because they actually had other prospects lined up.  I don't think unhealthy looking women are having any trouble whatsoever.

 

Men with mild social anxiety on the other hand...

Edited April 17, 2015 by PleaseHoldOn

[Parker]

There is a lot more to a woman than just her physical appearance. Don't get me wrong, physical attraction is something that is needed in a long lasting and healthy relationship but I wouldn't be judging any of these guys who are with "disgusting pigs" because you have no idea what they're going through. Hell, whoever they're with could've just had a kid, going through a bad depression and gained a lot of weight or who knows what else. If my wife gained a lot of weight I wouldn't leave her because of it, I have a lot more respect for her (and myself) than that. 

 

Marriage isn't for everyone, I think many people just assume that they're going to get married when they grow up because that is the norm these days. I was 16 years old when I started dating my now wife, she was 15. We were in high school (I was a Junior, she a Sophomore) and I honestly knew within a year that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. There was absolutely no outside influence, we never talked about marriage but I just couldn't imagine myself going through life without her. We have a 4 year old son now (turns 5 on the 28th!) and while things haven't been perfect (as you can imagine when having a child that young) I still can't imagine waking up without her next to me. 

 

Most 20 year olds aren't ready or mature enough for marriage. They want to fuck anything with a pulse and some tits, they generally don't have a career and they certainly don't want the responsibility of a relationship. None of that is necessarily a bad thing, but it shouldn't be surprising to learn that most of them aren't married. 

 

I'm also curious to see the sources for the claims though. The vast majority of people I know who are in their late twenties or thirties are married, if those numbers are true the low twenty years olds have to be bringing the overall average down. 

 

 

Parker

[PleaseHoldOn]

I wouldn't be judging any of these guys who are with "disgusting pigs"

 

Don't worry, I'm not judging the guys.

Edited April 17, 2015 by PleaseHoldOn

[StrickenBiged]

I'm approaching my first anniversary with my wife. All I'll say is that I never saw the point in getting married when I was younger but I knew it was important to my girlfriend and I thought "well, if it means a lot to her and it's no skin off my nose either way, as long as we're together, then why the hell not?"

But as soon as we had done it, a quick civil service with no frills and a playlist cribbed from the love songs in Fallout 3, I realised that standing up in a room and making that commitment had changed me. Yeah, marriage is a cultural phenomenon not universally practiced (some Amazonian tribes, for example, have sex with whoever they feel like and share communal responsibility for raising the kids) and which probably dates back to patriarchal ownership of women, but it changed my view of our relationship a great deal. It's hard to describe, but I sort of feel like it's made me a better person, particularly towards my wife.

Is it for everyone? Maybe not. But I didn't think it was for me either until I had done it.

[BlindMango]

I'd say most people in their 20's these days aren't near ready or mature enough to be married by a longshot, look at your Twitter or Facebook feeds and look at some of the facepalm things people in their 20's are saying/doing and really ask yourselves, do you really think these people can actually keep an actual real relationship for more than a few months? Haha nah, not really.

 

It takes a lot longer for this generation to mature with specific things like relationships in my opinion, it seems like late 20's/early 30's is when most of them are more ready for that kind of stuff. That being said, these numbers really to seem ridiculously high to me, I would personally think it maybe 50% aren't currently married and maybe 25% never will.

 

In my honest opinion, it's probably best to wait until your late 20's/early 30's to marry anyway, you're done with college, you should have a pretty stable job by then, you're not doing dumb stuff anymore, you've learned a good number of valuable lessons by that time, and you're likely able to maintain a long-term relationship with someone.

Edited April 17, 2015 by BlindMango

[damon8r351]

Just another example of the cultural shift toward putting off growing up and becoming a responsible productive adult for as long as possible in my opinion.

Edited April 17, 2015 by damon8r351

[siuilarun]

The link didn't work for me, but I can BS my way through with out it.

 

I'm 29 and I'm not especially interested being a husband, but I imagine that if I met the right partner, I would... Marriage to me would be more of a means than an end, but in a good (IMO) way. Some of that may have to do with the fact that I was very nearly a husband and father, not so long ago... Maybe because it almost happened, I'm not in a rush to be on that particular precipice again, or maybe I'm just a joyless bastard. Either way, I don't really see this trend as a good thing OR a bad thing, regardless of the legitimacy of the article. Most of the marriages I've watched grow from the ground up around here begin with a lot of external pressure, religiosity, societal norms, and surprise pregnancies. Rarely is "love" the impetus, as opposed to something ret-conned in later. That may be because this is a lower-income area, and not something that is true of the country as a whole... at least I hope.

 

As far as blaming the growing trends of body acceptance, I don't think that argument holds weight (bud-doom-tsst). Most women that catch my eye are heavier... Not like "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" big, where it's a severe health issue and even reflects poorly of one's mental state, but it's not like you're either THAT big or you're skinny... It is a wide, delicious spectrum. Besides which, even a mustached hunchback can find a partner if she wants to throw her clubbed foot behind her gingivitis-riddled head for a lifetime of hideous sex.  Appearances seem to matter much more in theory than in practice if you just observe people out in public, let alone a WalMart. Come to think of it, I would imagine people who were less secure in their appearance would be MORE eager to commit, but that's not based on anything more than speculation.

 

My brother and sister are both married, and I like the people they married, and don't imagine they will be getting divorced anytime soon, and even my parents are still together. So, I have seen good examples of marriage... but it's there compatibility that makes them good, not a legal document. What a marriage represents is more important than the marriage itself.

 

In summation, big girls = yay, marriage = meh.

[Beyondthegrave07]

I hope I don't end up in the 50% that never do.

I want to get married between 25-29. I want a little time to save up money, travel, and get well established in my professional career. I'm sure other college students think the same.

Of course, I completely neglected the part where I actually find my lifelong female companion!

[KratosTheMighty]

I dunno man. I had a girl I was with on and off for like 5 years, I really loved her.... like in my mind I wanted to marry her... but I grew up without a father for the most part, from the time I was 7 I barely saw my father... He was an alcoholic, and my mother and him always fought, and still do. At one point in time they loved eachother, I can't remember when... as I had to been quite young, but I know they did... at some point their relationship turned sour...and in turn would effect my brother, sister, and I. I saw what it was like to be torn between parents... To be caught in the middle of people who were supposed to love eachother, and almost always exuded hate instead.

 

Anyway, our relationship began to turn... We fought more than ever... and I realized, I couldn't be with her long term... I couldn't be a father to her children... because in the end... the cycle would begin.... I would become my father in a way..... So after things ended, I didn't pursue her again... though I loved her, more than anyone.... I didn't want to see our relationship progress into something so horrible...

 

Fast forward a few years, I'm still single... and I'm not sure I'll get married anymore.

[Z1MZUM]

[CasaDeBen]

Ive been engaged for 4 years. The only reason we havent gotten married is we ended up having a child a year after I proposed and we just stopped planning it. I was 23. She was 22. I think its true when they say when you know you know. Every one has arguements in life but i could not picture life without this woman

[DaRe]

Considering that my parents got married in their early-mid 30's, and over 20 years later they're still together and going strong (to my surprise), I think marriage is something you have to be mature enough to commit, not so much old enough. Early 20's may not be the age most men are mature enough to get married (I'm turning 20 next year, so far I sure as hell don't want to get married yet!), but overtime, it all boils down to personal choice and being willing to commit. 

 

There can be other factors to this. Compatiability is one of them. Maybe some men are mature for a young age to get married, but they didn't choose the right woman, or maybe they didn't learn enough about the woman they're spending time with before engaging. Then you also have the men who aren't into women in general.

 

Also, I didn't read the article, because the link doesn't actually direct me to the article, just back to this page.

[Super-Fly Spider-Guy]

Reading these comments and learning a little bit about certain people who's names I often see popping up on here was entertaining, here's Dylan's two cents.

 

The idea of finding someone you love and spending your life with them is great. If you find that person, then good for you, that's swell and I genuinely couldn't be happier for you. But why does it need to go any further than that? Move in, share a bed, have kids, change your names if you want to, I don't care, but why get married? What's it benefit? You're partners either way, why go for some outdated bullshit to say something that's already obvious?

 

At the time of posting, I've been living with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now, and I love her, but like, I would never want to get married, to her or anyone else. It seems so ridiculously ridiculous to me. Want a ceremony? Let's hire out a hall and have a rager with friends, sure. That sounds quite fun, but beyond that, what's the point? 80% of the time she's holding my hand down the street, it's painfully obvious to anyone passing by that we're together, why does anything else ever need to happen?

 

I hate all religion as a whole more than anything else in the world and that's where my distaste of marriage probably comes from, but my parents were married over ten years and that didn't stop them from splitting up, how does two rings and a document change anything? I understand the symbolism, you're effectively signing your life over to the other person, but nothing stops people from breaking their promises, so why make such huge and unnecisary promises in the first place? I love my girlfriend, I have since like a month into our relationship, there's nothing I wouldn't do for this girl, I'd gladly waste my life away with her's, with any luck, we will...why in this day and age should marriage mean anything on top of that? We love eachother, we're happy, we're good.

 

I personally think spending your life with someone without contractual obligation actually enhances the sencerity of the actions, because there's no obligation, you're doing it solely because you want to. I think that's a lot better. If one day she changed her surname to mine, or we both changed our surnames to something cooler (my surname isn't the greatest thing in the world to be called) that'd be fine, that would, in my eyes, do every. single. thing. a certificate of marriage would for our relationship. So, in short, getting married to me, is just an expensive and dragged out name changer. Big whoop.

 

Also though, just a heads up, to all y'all who are married, I still respect your commitment and aren't against your choices or opinions in anyway, it's awesome that you're in a position where you have someone you can do that with, it's just not for me.

[Z1MZUM]

My Parents are still together after 30+ years, it really surprises me since I can remember them fighting more than anything as a kid, it's not financial reasons. However they did spend their 1st decade traveling around Europe so I guess they couldn't re-live that. I guess it just works for some but being a latchkey kid I grew up with plenty of independence and I wouldn't want it any other way. My family now only exists with the four of us, the rest are gone. This horrifies my work mates but I couldn't be any happier, I have my friends who are close to me. I honestly think that if you think it's right and it feels right, go for it.

[DaRe]

Reading these comments and learning a little bit about certain people who's names I often see popping up on here was entertaining, here's Dylan's two cents.

 

The idea of finding someone you love and spending your life with them is great. If you find that person, then good for you, that's swell and I genuinely couldn't be happier for you. But why does it need to go any further than that? Move in, share a bed, have kids, change your names if you want to, I don't care, but why get married? What's it benefit? You're partners either way, why go for some outdated bullshit to say something that's already obvious?

 

At the time of posting, I've been living with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now, and I love her, but like, I would never want to get married, to her or anyone else. It seems so ridiculously ridiculous to me. Want a ceremony? Let's hire out a hall and have a rager with friends, sure. That sounds quite fun, but beyond that, what's the point? 80% of the time she's holding my hand down the street, it's painfully obvious to anyone passing by that we're together, why does anything else ever need to happen?

 

I hate all religion as a whole more than anything else in the world and that's where my distaste of marriage probably comes from, but my parents were married over ten years and that didn't stop them from splitting up, how does two rings and a document change anything? I understand the symbolism, you're effectively signing your life over to the other person, but nothing stops people from breaking their promises, so why make such huge and unnecisary promises in the first place? I love my girlfriend, I have since like a month into our relationship, there's nothing I wouldn't do for this girl, I'd gladly waste my life away with her's, with any luck, we will...why in this day and age should marriage mean anything on top of that? We love eachother, we're happy, we're good.

 

I personally think spending your life with someone without contractual obligation actually enhances the sencerity of the actions, because there's no obligation, you're doing it solely because you want to. I think that's a lot better. If one day she changed her surname to mine, or we both changed our surnames to something cooler (my surname isn't the greatest thing in the world to be called) that'd be fine, that would, in my eyes, do every. single. thing. a certificate of marriage would for our relationship. So, in short, getting married to me, is just an expensive and dragged out name changer. Big whoop.

 

Also though, just a heads up, to all y'all who are married, I still respect your commitment and aren't against your choices or opinions in anyway, it's awesome that you're in a position where you have someone you can do that with, it's just not for me.

 

You know, that's some really nice input. Never really thought about marriage in that way. I always thought of it to make it "official" in a sense, but never really thought about why that's necessary until I started reading this. I guess no one actually has to get married to be in love with each for life, but it feels a little more 'for sure' for it to be official by marriage. As long as it works out, right?