[UPDATED] Giveaway - Tell me a Story

[Paleblood]

Added the poll. Sorry it took me so long, I was really sick this last week, I bearly left my bed.

Anyway, please vote for your favorite story. I had a hard time picking only 3 stories because I enjoyed all of them. Thanks for participating to everyone

I really liked @ab4h4r4k1's story for example but I figured since it was written for a different purpose I'd include it as an honorable mention.

 

I'll leave this poll up for at least 2 days and then we'll see. I won't promise anything though as I am still sick. But I think at the end of the week the winner should get his desireble reward.

Sorry for the short notice and the chaos. I'll go back to bed now, please vote for your favorite story.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ORIGINAL POST

 

You want to be like the cool kids with their fancy ass golden forum names?

Here's your chance.

 

''RULES''

If you want to take part in this just tell us a little story.

Can be about yourself, about a loved one, about the one that got away, about the one that got away (Platitum Trophy) or about some mystical fantasy land straight out of your imagination.

Doesn't have to be short, doesn't have to be long. Do what you think is necessary to get your point across.

If you're too shy to do this - Forget that crap! This is your world, you are a little Shakespear in the making.

Don't think too much about it, just type something. Have you seen my threads? It can't be worse than that.

 

 

DEADLINE

Submit your story until 17th of November 2017 18:00 (GMT+1)  (I am from Austria. My house, my rules ?)

After this I will do an open poll with the stories I liked the best.

 

NOTES:

• You can participate for someone else.
•  

 

If something is unclear don't hesitate to ask. I will edit this post with fruther Information if needed.

 

Good luck & have fun!

Edited November 26, 2017 by Joker

[ItsMeZack16]

Since I already have a premium account, if I win can you give away a premium account to my friend? Anyways here is my story. 

 

There once was an old man who lived in a box. The man loved that box. Then one day the box came to life and ate the man. The man become a robot box who ate other people and the box who made him a robot. Then another box killed the robot and everything was peaceful until one day until (Cue Dun, Dun, DUNN) The box came back to LIFE!!!! And made the world a living hell! Then everything started fucking up. The world was full of boxes eating people. Then everything went happily ever after or so they thought. 

 

I have a crazy mind. Lol

[Dreakon13]

There once was a man from Nantucket...

 

You can probably figure out the rest.

[German_Atheist]

Want some piefke stories? That's what you like, don't you? What about something regarding Córdoba 1978? 

Edited November 9, 2017 by Sargon

[MoneyShotxox]

One day not very long ago someone from Austria decided to do a giveaway for a fancy premium account on a website.

On that day a young hunk from the UK called MoneyShotxox enter that compition.

A few days later on the 17th of November (gmt+1), to his surprise he won that compition. 

 

[scarishbal]

Alrighty. . .

 

So back in middle school I went on this ski trip to a resort of some sort (it wasn't fancy). Keep in mind I have never been skiing or snowboarding plus none of my friends were going.  So I don't remember why I signed up.  So when the chaperones let us loose - I start with skis and completely skip any lessons and go straight to the bunny hill.  I go tired of that and I traded my skis for a snowboard. I go down the bunny hill once and I decide that I can handle the bigger hill (I think it was their main attraction).  I go down it and I start freaking out that I don't know how to stop and I don't want to hit anyone.  So maybe 10 seconds later I go in for a crash landing where I just kept spinning but the board wasn't spinning fast enough to keep up with my body.  

 

So I get up and unclip my board. I walk up the hill and proceed to go to the lodge where the chaperones were sitting. I sit there talking with them and I get bored and I decide to check out the gift shop.  As all of this is happening, my knee is on fire and I start limping but nothing noticeable. I got myself a Wiggles coloring book, crayons, and hand warmers.  Fast forward maybe 2 or 3 hours, and we finally go home.  After we get home at around 10, my mom is there to pick me up and the first thing I told her was I needed to go to emergency care.  Before that we went to White Castle (which was a huge mistake but it was the only thing open) to grab some food and then we headed over.

 

I found out I tore my knee cartilage and I needed surgery.  I even had to wait a week to get an MRI because my insurance company took a holiday off that not even the government or schools took off.  But I was out of school for about a week and a half then when I came back I sat out of PE for a couple months. 

 

Edited November 9, 2017 by scarishbal

[Juzota]

Once upon a time, there was the end.

[VelaXityyyy]

Jimmy decided to go to the shop and buy some donuts. Homer Simpson came along and stole those donuts, but it turns out the donuts Jimmy bought in the shop and Homer stole were actually stolen from the shop who stole them off McDonalds. McDonalds then came along and took Homer in the truck for theft of the donuts, but Batman came along and saved Homer. But McDonalds called the police on Batman, Homer and Jimmy and they all escaped on the batmobile to Homer's house. When they entered the house they encountered Arnold Schwarzenegger who said he would be back. Turns out the police followed them back to the house and they got captain price from call of duty to fight batman while Jimmy and Homer escaped. Captain Price killed batman and chased them until Godzilla came from the sky and stomped on Captain Price. Then Optimus Prime came and fought Godzilla while every single superhero came and cornered Jimmy and Homer, but then Arnold came back and brought every single character he has played in the movies and killed the superheroes except superman who flew away and got shot down by batman who turned out he escaped. Tell me, do you bleed? Jimmy, Homer and the Arnolds ate the donuts in peace and tranquility. The end.

[wackt1]

.

 

When Webmd meme holds up to the meme. Back in last December (true story), I had this persisting bump behind my ear; I had thought I could have some fun as well as be informed by finding out what it was and how to treat it. I know now that it was a pimple but (I had little medical knowledge) webmd (which was the first link) said it was too; however it also listed a ton of over possible diseases. The ones that worried me and were listed were; AIDS, syphilis, measles, chicken pox, a benign tumor, and of course cancer. 

[Lorajet]

We were bored on a Friday night.  We had already been to the beach, stopped in a few clubs, and just hung around friends until they wandered back to their homes.  In our town, there is a very steep hill that ends at PCH (Pacific Coast Highway).  At the top of the hill, is a gas station that sells, among other things, tires, all sizes.  Some of the tires are wrapped in colored foil, why I don't know, but very attractive.  Of course, they caught our eye.  One of the biggest tires was a tractor tire, which to us, was simply amazing. It took 4 of us to get it upright and rolling without falling over and flattening us. We were going to set it in the middle of the street to see the excitement, but that didn't create any interest, probably because it was 2:00 AM.  So we uprighted the tire, but due to laughter, alcohol, or the combination of the two, the tire crept away from us and started down the hill.  We did the only sensible thing, we laughed until we cried, rolling around on the ground.  By now, the tire was picking up speed, and amazingly, it was on a pretty straight course for PCH.  Well, it WAS on a straight course until the last 50 feet, when it veered to the left and clipped a nice little white picket fence.  The entire fence fell over, in slow motion, and the tire came to rest in the middle of the street.  of course, we laughed even harder. I smile every time I see a colored, foil wrapped tire!

[Condemned09]

I have a story

[Lagoon Aris]

To follow @scarishbals example of telling a story about how to fuck up... I have a lot such stories. Most of them contain me and my family, spending the easter holidays in France at a river called Ardèche. It's a beautiful place to spend time. You can canoe on the river with a lot of cataracts? (the part of rivers mostly after big rocks or curves where water is really wild and fast). The whole river flows through a big gorge through which you can climb and explore thousand-years-old caverns or stroll through the old and small towns around there. With that description, it sounds like a wonderful resort away from school, home and whatever stress waits there for your return. Well, being a member of my family, I can assure you, there is no relaxing holiday at the Ardèche.

 

One of the best stories about the many adventures we had there - which could deserve a comedy movie like RV with Robin Williams - is how my parents, my cousin and I decided to explore some caves. To do that, we rode our canoes a bit upriver. And then we had to climb a tourist path up to some caves. Those caves were small and dark. And since they were high above ground it was quite dangerous because the caves contained holes made by water through the years. One wrong step and you fell down to your certain death into the unknown abyss. Quite a lot of fun for a ten-year-old!

Now, the caves aren't the main focus in this story. The focus lies on the way to the caves. Or more so on the way back. To return to our canoes, we had to backtrack the small and winding path back down. It took about half an hour to get back from up where the caves were down to the river and ultimately to our canoes. My mum, my cousin and I all wanted to be on the safe side and walked this path down. My father however - later being given the nickname of "Indy" Indiana Jones because of his way of making an adventure out of everything - wanted to explore some other cave he had seen which wasn't reachable by a safe path. So he decided what every reasonable man would do: Trying to walk the totally unsafe, slippery and almost vertical wall of rocks and stones and bushes. That however, we didn't knew at that point of the story.

 

We all reached our canoes by the time my father made this wonderful decision. And not long after this decision we heard a loud scream reverberate through the whole gorge. My mother, of course, recognised the voice. So she cried back at the rocks. "Honey? Did something happen?"

We waited. Then a faint cry. "No!"

My mother continued the conversation: "Do I have to pick you up?"

Again "No!"

My mother: "Can you walk?"

Again "No!"

My mother sighed. "Then I do have to pick you up..." she grumbled to herself. She didn't go - simply because she didn't want to leave us kids alone.

 

About half an hour later my father returned to us. Limping, his pants torn apart and his leg bleeding. He told us, how he had slipped and how he would have died, hadn't his foot got stuck between a root to abruptly stop his fall. Still recovering from the shock, he wanted to roll a cigarette. He reached for his pocket - and couldn't find his tobacco case! After nearly dying, this was by far his biggest shock. He didn't want to accept the loss of this case. So what did he do? Of course, he climbed back up to that damn cave! Still limping, still bleeding, he climbed up there and searched for the case for another two hours. We had to accept our fate of waiting for his return. He didn't. Not until my mother send us all up there to convince him, that we had to leave the gorge before sunset. With utter resignation my father gave up that case and returned with us back to the camping place.

About a week later, when we were back at home, my father went to the doctor. Apparently, he had his ankle slightly broken from the fall. He didn't care though...

 

And that, my dear readers who put up with this wall of text, is how most of my holidays were spent. We being in France. My dad trying to make it exciting and screwing stuff up for everyone, especially himself. More of that in the next episode of "RV reloaded!" (haha, Joke. probably no one wants to hear more of those stories )

[Beyondthegrave07]

Yeah, @Joker. Can we gift it to someone else? I'd love to give it to my brother, @Starrk_01

 

Anyways, this story is 100% true.

 

When I was in high school, my friends and I decided to go to a rundown theatre that had unlimited popcorn on Tuesdays to see a movie. I mean, the movie theatre was absolutely garbage. It had cockroaches in the urinals, mold on the ceiling, the occasional bat and went out of business a year later, but that's beside the point.

 

Anyways, we all buy our tickets and I decide to to go to the bathroom (by myself, I'm 16. I can do this...) and I take the urinal on the far side of the restroom. As I begin using the restroom, another GROWN MAN takes the urinal right next to me, pulls his khakis and his underwear down to his ankles, let's it ALL hang out, and uses the restroom.

 

I didn't notice it at first; I was just looking down and playing God with a cockroach as I drown him in a pool of urine. But then, he started talking to me asking, "Hey, what movie are you seeing?" I glanced over and saw it all. Embarrassed, shocked, and confused, I immediately began focusing on the cockroach again. "She's Out of Your League." I choked up. "Ah, sweet. The girl in that movie is SUPER HOT." He yells. "Uh...Yeah." I whispered back.

 

At this point, I'm frozen in place, and I just keep staring at the cockroach getting his second wind as he tries to reclaim his throne at the top of the urinal until the nut job finally pulls his pants up and leave. I wait for a couple more minutes to just comprehend what just happened, and I wash my hands and leave.

 

Now, if you thought it was pretty weird. It gets worse. When I go and get my popcorn. The exact same man who was with me in the restroom minutes ago talking about hot women while his genitals hang out... was the man serving me popcorn! At that moment, I tried to recollect whether he washed his hands or not, but I just couldn't remember. I skipped out of popcorn and just watched the movie.

 

Looking back on it, I don't even remember much of the movie at all. The only thing I can remember was the awkward conversation with a half-naked movie theatre worker in the restroom.

 

The end.

[AffectatiousDonk]

Playstation please you know it's always been you,

there have been a few,

but past is past and now I'm stuck fast.

We're in to deep to split ,

especially now you're so fit.

Besides besides you would cleanup, what with no, with no pre nup.

But from time to time when the itch arrives, you let me Switch, and never bitch.

You know my game, I'll be back,

guiding my disc, rather brisk,

caught within your thin tight slot.

For none remain content for long,

with cartridge in hand, merely an ampersand.

Beware the internal limitations of a mannequin hand.

 

But let's not jest there are hidden unknowns.

Like my shiny new box, quieter than a fox.

It's stylish and slick, can withstand a prick.

Strong and bold it's what you most fear, my triple X sneer.

You flirt, you tease, 

my XboX one X.

My fingers will dance across the sleeve of your box,

lightly teasing where X marks the spot.

But for now move on there is nothing to see, the line is skirt.

Any further and this flirt,

dare become a removed marker from one Parker.

 

So now to turn to content known,

a few more words to augment this drone.

 

Guerrilla has shown they have no shame, 

stacking poor Ubi with a new name.

Game of the year they doth proclaim,

as the sheep roll past rather fast.

Horizon they claim as they flee,

a mad New Zealander full of glee.

One must not judge the story was there,

a mechanical dinosaur full of flair.

Aloy the Brave,  a few old bags.

I'll beat my donkey, rather honkey and grab that bronze in lieu of bonnes.

 

As all things do flow, an origin precedes, then Ubi decrees.

" We will take your mechanics but avoid any panic,

we have created an RPG developed in secrecy, worthy of the KGB." 

Low and behold we know your lost, Minerva, Juno, and your trust, 

It was always a stretch, a vanity plea.

Now with rebirth, the cycle anew, we assassinate the creed to succeed.

Game of the year, a murmur begins,

what a surprising little, income turner.

Watchout Horizon, time to take a stand,

but if only you had a frozen wasteland.

 

And now to close out I must shoutout, 

congrats to Turn 10 on their first Playstation Port,

Forza 3 now named GT Sport.

4 years in the making and half a game short,

this pillars declined,

Now but a nod to the poor man's Forza is clearly inclined. 

 

So if you did but tipple in this wandering prose,

acknowledging its pros then deem it worthy for its flow.

Smash the like or simply don't.

Life will continue like a boat.

But if a reward is mistakenly placed,

then I must behest,

that you invest,

upon clearing my one true irk.

Reward @MrUnknown625, and don't postpone, a lifetime membership so he is known.

 

 

 

Cj ?

[Avatar_Of_Battle]

Just sit right back
And you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip, 
That started from this tropic port, 
Aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailin' man, 
The Skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day, 
For a three hour tour, 
A three hour tour.

The weather started getting rough, 
But the tiny ship was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
The Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow would be lost.

The ship set aground on the shore
Of this uncharted desert isle
With Gilligan, 
The Skipper too.
A millionaire and his wife, 
A movie star, 
The professor and Mary Ann, 
Here on Gilligan's Isle.

(Ending verse)

So this is the tale of our castaways, 
They're here for a long, long time.
They'll have to make the best of things, 
It's an uphill climb.

The first mate and his Skipper, too, 
Will do their very best, 
To make the others comfortable
In the tropic island nest.

No phone, no lights, no motor car, 
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It's primitive as can be.

So join us here each week my friends, 
You're sure to get a smile, 
From seven stranded castaways
Here on Gilligan's Isle!

[Avalynch]

Back in elementary school, during recess, in the winter I was playing sword-fighting... with sticks! Because that's what kids do, and stuff! Was fighting this kid a year younger than me. The bell rang, and we were still fighting, as he was taking a swing at me his older brother bumped into me due to the ice. Dropped my stick, was hit, and got a serious gash right above my eye.

 

Guess I had adrenaline, or something, didn't feel any pain, or notice that I had blood pouring down the right side of my face. Wondered why everyone was staring at me when I entered the building, walked into my classroom, and was immediately escorted out, and into the nurse's office. ?

[Paleblood]

16 hours ago, ItsMeZack16 said:

Since I already have a premium account, if I win can you give away a premium account to my friend?

 

14 hours ago, Beyondthegrave07 said:

Yeah, @Joker. Can we gift it to someone else? I'd love to give it to my brother

.

 

Yes and yes, of course

Edited November 10, 2017 by Joker

[Martain2]

There once was a little sausage called Baldrick...and it lived happily ever after.

It's a short story.

[Paleblood]

17 hours ago, ItsMeZack16 said:

There once was an old man who lived in a box. The man loved that box. Then one day the box came to life and ate the man.

So, he was practically still a man in a box? ?

 

16 hours ago, lagoonaris said:

 More of that in the next episode of "RV reloaded!" (haha, Joke. probably no one wants to hear more of those stories )

I'd love to!

 

4 hours ago, Avatar_Of_Battle said:

Just sit right back
And you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip, 

I don't know if copy+pasting a theme song is what I call telling a story.

 

16 hours ago, Beyondthegrave07 said:

At this point, I'm frozen in place, and I just keep staring at the cockroach getting his second wind as he tries to reclaim his throne at the top of the urinal until the nut job finally pulls his pants up and leave. I wait for a couple more minutes to just comprehend what just happened, and I wash my hands and leave.

 

Now, if you thought it was pretty weird. It gets worse. When I go and get my popcorn. The exact same man who was with me in the restroom minutes ago talking about hot women while his genitals hang out... was the man serving me popcorn! At that moment, I tried to recollect whether he washed his hands or not, but I just couldn't remember. I skipped out of popcorn and just watched the movie.

I was laughing so hard at this part ^^. Well told!

 

@scarishbal, @Lorajet, @CjShai, @Avalynch

I have nothing smart to say but I wanted to thank you guys for taking the time and submittig your stories!

[Tesla_Rules]

23 hours ago, Lorajet said:

We were bored on a Friday night.  

Excellent!  Laughed so hard I pissed my pants.  ?  To bad you don't have a vid of the whole thing.

[Avatar_Of_Battle]

On 11/10/2017 at 5:47 AM, Joker said:

I don't know if copy+pasting a theme song is what I call telling a story.

 

It was mainly a joke.  

[butteryknees]

Once there was an ugly barnacle.
He was so ugly that everyone died.
The end.

[B1rvine]

We were on a road trip to Winnipeg, Canada.  This was before everybody in the United States was trying to flee because of the election, during the ancient times known as 2012.  In any case, as we were leaving the country, my friend, who we'll call Mr. Green wanted to document everything with his smartphone.  Not the best move you can make near a checkpoint.  A female federal agent, who we'll call Enchilada, assumed Mr. Green was taking a picture of her, to ogle at, or sell to terrorists, who knows?  Apparently its against the law to photograph federal agents, even by accident.  Soooo, we were all sent off to a detention center.  Mr. Green was heavily interrogated about why we were leaving the country by Enchilada.  He innocently answered like a noob all the things on our checklist.  The Casino, a Mint, some National Park...  Man I was bored.  I suddenly screamed, "HELP, I'M BEING SMUGGLED", so Enchilada got real serious with me.  I yelled at them for wasting our time and said I was going to waste their time as payback.  After finally letting us go, we were told we'd have watchdogs on us for our trip.  Well, I'm never going back to Canada after that.  

True story, mostly, but you all probably wouldn't believe what REALLY happened...

The End.

 

 

Edited November 11, 2017 by B1rvine

[BlackSquirrell1]

Did our weekend camping trip, complete with tent, 4x4 and the dog.  Decided on a site by Ojai, which is NW of Los Angeles, and was out in the sticks.  Settled in with a couple of beers, was pretty desolate where we were, when a guy approached us.  Said his friend's truck slid off the road, flipped, and could we help him with our winch.  Okay, why not.  It had rained pretty heavily in the previous week, so the roads were torn up and muddy.  We followed him and started down a long muddy grade. Halfway down, we noticed 5 guys standing at the bottom of the grade with a couple of trucks, no sight of the flipped truck.  We got very uneasy, so did a tight u-turn on the grade. What a mistake, our off road tires started spinning, couldn't get a grip and as our tires spun, we came dangerously close to the edge of the road, with a 100' drop.  By this time the guys at the bottom of the grade realized we were leaving and started up the grade, and they had guns.  By chance, full out on the throttle, the tires caught and we were able to make our way back up the hill. Got to our campsite, grabbed what we could and lit the hell out of there. Later found out that the hot springs that Charles Manson used to party at was at the bottom of the grade.  Hard for me to think about that day even now.

[reckscollie]

Do you wanna know the difference
Between a weak burger
And a burger that has strength?
A burger that has strength

A weak burger, you can chew and still talk
A burger with strength, you chew
And the meat just absorbs all the space
And all the air possible all in your throat
To the point that if you wanted to start talkin'
Nothin' but mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm
Is comin' out
Word

Skimmalarinky dinky dink
Skimmalarinky doo
I love you, you-you, you
(Oh my dayum)